Saturday, January 04, 2003

Five Things That Real Hockey Players Hate

1. Excessive protective equipment: Facemasks are acceptable but unless you're a goalie I don't want to see you wearing a fargin' throat protector.

2. Stick bags: It ain't a violin, it's a hockey stick. Used to smack pucks around, and slash, spear, and hook opposing players. Are you afraid that's it going to break if you drop it on the way to the rink?

3. Valuable ice used for purposes other than hockey: This would include figure skating, ice dancing, ringette, and ESPECIALLY broomball. Broomball is to hockey what softball is to baseball. A dumbed down, easy to play sport designed to allow uncoordinated oafs to participate and drink beer.

4. Guys who want to play boot hockey when the ice outside is good: Just because you can't skate don't drag me down to your level of incompetence on the ice. If the ice is crappy then we can play boot but if it's halfway decent we're lacing em' up.

5. People who live in Minnesota and think rainy thirty five degree weather in January is "nice": I'm glad that the three minute walk to your car at work is easier on you but weather like this is good for NOTHING. Give me twenty degrees and clear sunshine any day. That's winter. If you don't like it move to Missoura.

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