Monday, February 24, 2003

We're Trying To Run A Civilization Here

This one's going out to all the women out there. You might not like what I have to say but it needs to be said. You need to work out your public transaction etiquette. What am I speaking of?

Today on the way to work I stopped off at an outlet of the evil corporate globalist oppressors Starbucks for my morning java fix. All I wanted was my usual drip coffee of the day. Total time for me to complete transaction from the time of order to the receipt of my change (paid in cash) and coffee: around two minutes tops. Total time for the woman in front of me to complete multiple transactions paying for each one separately: pushing fifteen minutes. She probably was picking up coffee for the gals down at the office and each one had given her money for their purchase. Rather than just ordering the whole batch and paying for it all at once she ordered and paid for each one individually. "Okay now I need a low fat mocha java with sprinkles. How much? (cashier rings it up takes her money and gives her change) Now I need a double espresso shot...." I was behind her fuming. Then in an act that unknowingly brought her perilously close to bodily harm she wrote a check for her portion of the order. A check? Here's an idea, write a frickin' check for the whole frickin' order and then have your girlfriends pay you. Yes, one of you might not get that frickin' seventeen cents in change that you have coming but so frickin' what?

If this had been an isolated incident I might be able to let it pass but this is the second time this has happened to me at a coffee shop lately and I've also experienced the same thing at Target a couple of times. One such occasion I was on my way home from work feeling like hell from a bad cold and I stopped by Target for some cold medicine.That's all I wanted. Get in, get out, go home and crash. I swear that this older woman in front of required three separate transactions for the five items she was buying. And one of em' totaled $1.29. I damn near threw two dollars in her face and shouted, "Here's your frickin' money! Now get the hell out of my way and take that Carmex that you're buying for Marge with you!"

So here's the deal ladies. If you insist on shopping for your friends (the entire concept is foreign to men; the question "Hey Fred how about picking up some duct tape for me when you're at Menards?" would be quickly met by "Hey a-hole pick up your own frickin' duct tape.") can you at least have the common courtesy to limit it to one transaction? There's this rather amazing tool available called a receipt which shows you the exact cost for each item that you purchase which allows you to determine how much each person owes. Believe it or not there are other people waiting behind you who have better things to do with their lives.

While we're on the subject one more bit of advice for woman. Carry some cash. Writing checks at McDonalds and Taco Bell is not cute. It's stupid. Cash machines are everywhere these days so there is no excuse not to have cash on hand for the small daily transactions. The impatient men of the world thank you.

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