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Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Sherman Had The Right Idea
Is there anyone in America, other than frontrunning Atlantians (and maybe bitter White Sox fans), who wouldn't love to see the Cubbies slash and burn their way through the Braves? Your money can buy a lot of division titles Ted but it can't buy more than one World Series crown. For that your teams need heart.
Did You Hear The One About The President & The 16 Rabbis?
Power Line has the details of the amazing meeting with President Bush that St. Paul Rabbi Jonathan Ginsburg attended on Monday: I was just stunned to be sitting across the table from the most powerful person in the world, a man of true humility and belief in one God, who spent much of this hour and a quarter, speaking from the depth of his heart about his concern about anti-Semitism and his understanding of Israel's predicament. I know many disagree with policies of his. I'm sure every rabbi there had some disagreements. But there was no denying the moment, the genuineness, the power of the experience. It felt surreal.
The Body Goes
Ventura's show to debut this weekend in that coveted 7pm EST Saturday night time slot. If an ex-governor fails and no one's there to watch it, does he make a sound?
Cheer For The Minnesota Twins Today!
Despite a heart attack inducing finish (someone get the paddles going on Atomizer) by reliever Eddie Guardado, the Twins hang on and down the hated Yanks 3-1. One down, two to go.
This past weekend my wife and I journeyed to La Crosse, Wisconsin to meet up with some friends at what is billed as "Oktoberfest USA". Having attended Oktoberfest in Munich the year before we were curious to see how the La Crosse version compared to the real thing.
At the risk of sounding like one of those smug Euro-loving weenies, to whom the way they do things "over there" is inherently so much superior to the way that Americans do them, I dare say I was not impressed with "Oktoberfest USA". Basically it was just an excuse for cheeseheads to get together, eat brats, and drink untold gallons of Miller Lite ("your beer tastes like swill to us"). Sort of like a Packers tail gate party extended over eight days. Oh sure they had a parade. But whereas the Munich parade features horse drawn wagons (sponsored by local breweries) decorated with flowers, and people wearing traditional Bavarian attire the highlight of the La Crosse edition was a cow. Granted it was a rather large cow (you'll note the impressive udders) but still it's only a cow. While it was a very appropriate representation of Wisconsin it doesn't really say Oktoberfest. And yes, they had food in La Crosse. Most of which was either brats or some brat based byproduct. We had breakfast Saturday morning at a Country Kitchen and their special was brat omelets. Yes, brat omelets. Before you laugh consider that two of my friends who hail from Green Bay ordered said special. Apparently Wisconsin's idea of German food begins and ends with the bratwurst. Interestingly enough when we were in Munich brats (or any other sausages for that matter) were hardly the most popular food item. Roasted chicken was ubiquitous and quite delicious. Radishes were also quite prevalent, although they are not exactly what I hanker for after a couple of brews. I'm sure if you looked at brat consumption the state of Wisconsin would dwarf Germany, at least on a per capita basis. So to summarize. In Munich you have good beer served in one liter glasses, accompanied by roasted chicken, with traditional German music in the background. In La Crosse you have Miller Lite served in plastic cups, accompanied by brats, with crappy rock and roll in the background. Lest you think that my well known anti-Wisconsin sympathies are clouding my opinions, one of my friends who used to live in the Twin Cities and now resides in Green Bay (poor bastage) stated that the Gastof Zur Gemutlichkeit, a German restaurant in Nordeast Minneapolis, provided a much better Oktoberfest environment than did La Crosse. UPDATE: Long time reader and frequent e-mail contributor James Phillips picked up a hint of disrespect regarding the comparison with the Gastof Zur Gemutlichkeit. None was intended. The Gastof is a hell of a fun place to celebrate Oktoberfest or any Germanic festival for that matter. Many a time have I passed the boot in the cellar of the Gastof and I have always thoroughly enjoyed myself. Ein Prosit! Labels: Beer
Say It Ain't So Gordo
Rick Reed has entered the game with the Twins leading 1-0 going into the bottom of the fifth. Apparently Santana has sustained an injury of some sort. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Gotta Have It
I just popped for the ten bucks required to access live internet broadcasts of all the MLB playoff games. AM reception at my workplace is shaky at best. Right now I'm listening to the game on the Yankees broadcast network and the sound is crystal clear. Yes the Yankees broadcast network. And yes I did have a choice. Sorry Gordo but between you and Charlie Steiner it's not much of a contest. By the way through three it's Twins Uno Bronx Bombers Nada.
Monday, September 29, 2003
the sensation your hopeful taste buds have been anticipating
To research my post on martinis last week I pulled a book off the shelf behind my bar called the Official Mixer's Manual . It was originally published in 1934 and I found the publisher's introduction fascinating. Keep in mind that this is an intro to what is essentially a cocktail recipe book. Today it would be so dumbed down to the reading level of the intended audience that it would be meaningless. But it was written at a time when it was assumed that readers could not only understand it, but that they would appreciate it as well. The sentences are lengthy and chock full of descriptive phrases and ten-dollar words. Ninety percent of the writers for the Minneapolis Star Tribune could not craft such a piece today, and even if they did an editor would slice and dice it until it was unrecognizable. Enjoy this glimpse of what is an increasingly lost art. It has seemed to us that since the return of legal liquor, there has been a very genuine and widely felt need for a standard book on drinks, a book that could be relied on in any bibulous contingency both by the ambitious amateur and by the seasoned professional bartender. It is not only that once again good liquor is available, but also various ingredients that have been merely myth and legend to the younger generation of celebrants, such as Chartreuse or Amer Picon, have returned to the enjoyment of that respect and appreciation that was formerly accorded them by an unshackled public. It is trite, but it is nonetheless accurate, to say that conditions have changed greatly in the last fifteen years. Good roads and good automobiles have made us almost a nomadic people. The evening frequently finds us two hundred or more miles from where we woke up in the morning. Nevertheless, although in the stay-at-home era a Bacardi cocktail was a Barcadi cocktail whether you drank it in Schenectady or Memphis, we have, under the pressure of circumstance and the necessity for make-shift and compromise, lost that much-to-be-desired homogeneity. This book is published, therefore, in the hope that it will contribute at least a little to the standardization of drinks and to the promotion of that happy state of affairs where, when you order your favorite cocktail, you will get exactly the sensation your hopeful taste buds have been anticipating, no matter what corner of this bright and beautiful land you happen to be inhabiting. We consider ourselves extremely fortunate in having secured for this purpose the services of Patrick Gavin Duffy, one of the most colorful figures and celebrated bartenders of the halcyon days. In conclusion, we can only say that, as a devout gesture to a glorious tradition, we submit the Official Mixer's Manual to all bartenders of America, both experienced and experimental; and hope that they will join with us in drinking a Patrick Gavin Duffy Punch in honor of the distinguished author. After the publisher's introduction the honorable Mr. Duffy has a forward with some advice that today's generation of bartenders would do well to heed: Bartending is an old and honorable trade. It is not a profession and I have no sympathy with those who try to make it anything but what it was. The idea of calling a bartender a professor or mixologist is nonsense. In the many years that I have tended bar, I have learned a few lessons that may be of some benefit to bartenders of the near future. The barkeeper should be neatly shaved, and his hands and nails should be immaculately clean. A good bartender wears a fresh white linen coat, and I personally fancy a carnation. I hope, in the better bars, to see the old tradition of the trade revived. At the Ashland House, for instance, where I had charge twelve years, four barmen in spotless white, wearing carnations in their lapels, were ranged in their appointed stations behind the long, highly-polished bar. When a customer approached, a little napkin of Irish linen was placed on the counter in front of him. A gleaming glass, suitable for the drink he ordered, was set before him, and the bartender than rapidly mixed the drink. I cannot too much deplore the custom, which has become prevalent of late of free and general conversation between bartenders and patrons. The bartender should answer civilly and briefly every reasonable question that is put to him, but he should not enter into protracted conversation with the customers. Mr. Brockway, the proprietor of the Ashland House had one of the most distinguished bars of the old days, and he was in the habit of discharging immediately any barkeeper whom he found indulging in unnecessary conversation across the counter. Amen to that brother. One of the truly sad things about the closing of local brewpub Sherlock's Home last year was losing the quality staff of bartenders who served there for many a year. They wore white shirts and bow ties and were consummate professionals unlike so many of their bartending brethren these days.
About that litany...
Gary Larson nails the Star Tribune once again and also tackles the Pioneer Press in this piece at CNS News: Near the Twin Cities, where I live, a rabid left-wing newspaper editorially assaults Bush daily, and never mind the truth. The other daily in this rare two-paper market, not taking sides at first, now edges closer to the partisan savagery of its larger, more leftist counterpart. Alas, both Twin Cities' dailies now reveal a myopic bias found usually in only wild-eyed party organs. How do you spell A-G-E-N-D-A? McClatchy's left-wing Star Tribune of Minneapolis reflexively calls Bush, and all in his administration, liars. Editorial cartoons depict him as a Dr. Frankenstein, a Dr. Jekell, always the Ultimate Jerk. Bush is 'cowboy' (snotty for reckless), 'gunslinger' (ditto), 'Lone Ranger ('unilateral,' and from Texas). On its front page, Bush is called 'fund-raiser-in-chief.' Can you imagine Clinton being called prevaricator-in-chief, or uncharged suspected rapist? In Knight-Ridder's once moderate St. Paul Pioneer Press , a contemptuous editorial (9/9) insists the Iraq war is a 'cowboy war,' a Bush 'adventure,' marked by 'unsustainable unilateralism.' Yeah, like the Brits suffered no casualties? Note how 'cowboy' is chic in snippy, juvenile put-downs. Have these people no creativity? 'Bush never told us,' insisted the Star Tribune ( 8/20), that the war was, in part, to 'free the Iraqi people.' Oh, really? Then why in hell did he call it Operation Iraqi Freedom?
Guns In Schools
Reader K.S. e-mails on Maple Grove's "zero-tolerance" weapons policy: I read your post about the kid who got suspended from Maple Grove for the cap gun in his car. I graduated from MGSH in 2000. I participated in the school musical my senior year, which that year was Annie Get Your Gun. Of course they did use "look-alike weapons" in the show - even fired them! And on a side note the honor guard in the marching band carries fake rifles (granted they are those hunks of wood that don't look much like rifles, but they do represent fire arms). That school district has always had trouble with their look-alike weapon zero tolerance policy. Note to potential advertisers: Yet another example of the demographic that reads Fraters. We're big with that 18-34 year old sweet spot.
The Momentum of a Runaway Freight Train
National talk radio host Dennis Prager has just endorsed Ahnold for governor on his show, justifying his decision by explaining that he lives in the real world, not a fantasy land. Prager joins fellow nationally syndicated talk radio hosts Michael Medved and the Lord of the Dance Hugh Hewitt in supporting Ahnold's candidacy. Now if Ahnold can only get Dave Thompson on board there'll be no stopping him.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Dinner At Atomizer's
I hope you were all amused by my battle with breakfast this past Monday. In retrospect, I was too, but the story doesn't end there. Undaunted by my failure to prepare the easiest of the three prescribed daily meals, I returned home from work that same day with an indescribable desire to try my hand at cooking dinner. I dug deep into my pantry and emerged with a one pound package of orecchiette pasta (the ones shaped like a little ear). "Even I can cook pasta", I said to myself, and then got to cogitating on what to prepare it with. I quickly located a bottle of parmesan garlic pasta sauce and then found some frozen chicken breasts hiding behind the half gallon bottle of Bombay Sapphire in my freezer. An immediate problem struck me. I needed to defrost this chicken, and fast if I wanted to eat before the sun set. I had always been told that, to be safe, chicken should be defrosted slowly in the refrigerator overnight. Having no time for such formality, I fired up the hot water on the kitchen faucet and stuck two breasts beneath the torrent. With the pasta on the boil and the sauce simmering, I was well on my way to dinner. Soon, I felt like Emeril as I was pan frying those chicken breasts. Garlic salt...Bam! Lemon pepper...Bam! Lawry's Seasoned Salt and Mrs. Dash...Bam, Bam! I was shuckin' and jivin' around that kitchen like there was no tomorrow. Before I knew it, I was sitting down to a wonderful chicken and pasta meal and it tasted so good because I had made it myself. Afterwards, I thought to myself that the mishap with breakfast earlier that day must have been just an anomaly. I'm a good cook...I really am. Then came Tuesday. I just didn't feel right at work. My stomach was churning from the moment I got out of bed. By noon, I had made three mad dashes to the bathroom feeling certain every time that I was about to set a new record for projectile vomiting...both volume and distance. Each time had been a false alarm, but that fact was not reassuring as the pain in me gulliver only grew with each passing minute. By 1:00, I had suffered enough and excused myself from the office only to make it home just in time to...well, I think you know the rest. I spent the rest of the day either in motionless pain on the couch or in rapid motion pain on my way to the bathroom. What did I learn from the day's events, you ask? Never, and I mean never, dig any deeper in your freezer than your bottle of Bombay. Not for chicken, not for ground beef, not even for those tasty little Flav-O-Ice popsicles. Hangovers are manageable. Bacterial infections aren't. Don't say I didn't warn you.
He's Still Got It
In December, the Excel Energy Center is hosting the Minnesota Tennis Challenge. The featured match is between John McEnroe and James Blake. If your interest is piqued by watching a guy 15 years past his prime play a guy whose prime consists of getting bounced in the second round of the Kroger-St. Jude Memphis Open, then this might be the event for you. Despite my cynicism, the promotion of the match continues. Earlier this week there was a conference call between the local press and McEnroe, which ended as follows (as reported in the Pioneer Press): ...moderators had to end the conference call abruptly when a local columnist's question about the advantages of graphite rackets touched off a verbal sparring session, culminating in McEnroe called the columnist a "freaking loser." Let me guess ... Barreiro? If they could get James Blake to call Sid Hartman a "freaking mouthpiece for management" or maybe a "freaking apologist for Bobby Knight" perhaps we'd have the making of a little grudge match here. Now that might sell some tickets.
Lessons From the Masters of Death
It is not a lengthy or overly complicated book but Masters of Death: The SS-Einsatzgruppen and the Invention of the Holocaust by Richard Rhodes, is not one that you breeze through. The subject matter was at times so disturbing and the scale (1.5 million killed) so overwhelming that I had to limit my reading to short bursts. The book concerns the actions of the Einsatzgruppen or "special action groups", specially selected mobile extermination squads who followed the German Wehrmacht into the East and liquidated Jews, Soviet POWs, partisans, and other "undesirables" in Poland, the Baltic republics, the Ukraine, and Byelorussia. They began the dirty work that was to become the "Final Solution". And dirty work it was. As unimaginably horrific as the industrialized slaughter of the death camps was, the early actions of the Einsatzgruppen were, in ways, even more ghastly. Herding men, women, and children into chosen areas with pre-dug pits waiting, either machining gunning them or administering the genickschuss (a single shot in the back of the neck), and covering their bodies with lime before filling the pits was gruesome duty. One of the main reasons that the Nazis ending up using gas (after experimentation with various other methods) was that they were concerned about the psychological state of those men carrying out the executions. It was not an easy book to read and it's hard for me to recommend it for your reading pleasure. But I do recommend it because it's history that you should know and I believe there are valuable lessons that can be drawn from it: -Don't Casually Call Someone a Nazi A true appreciation of the scale and scope of the horrors perpetrated by the Nazis should give pause to those who label Bush 'Hitler' and call Ashcroft a Nazi. I believe that it is insulting to the memories of the victims of the Nazi regime to use those labels with so little thought. If Bush were like Hitler, post 9/11 events would have unfolded quite a bit differently. Muslims would have been beaten in the streets of the US, some to death. Mosques would have burned. Muslim shops would have been looted. Legislation would have been passed stripping Muslims of all rights and within months camps would have been built. Muslim men, women, and children would begin to disappear into them never to be seen again. The Democratic party would have been outlawed along with all other political parties and most of its leaders killed or sent to camps. The media would be taken over and run by the state and any attempts at dissent ruthlessly crushed. Michael Moore would not be writing books. He would have been strangled with piano wire and left hanging from a meat hook (a heavy duty, reinforced meat hook to be sure). A vicious war would have been waged against all Muslim nations. Kabul, Tehran, Baghdad, Damascus, and Riyadh (for starters) would have been turned to sand. All oil fields in the Middle East would have been occupied. Citizens in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and Afghanistan would be bombed, brutalized, driven from their homes, and eventually killed to make room for the repopulation of those regions by Texans (Bush's volk). I could go on and on with this but you get my the point. -Evil Does Exist No such thing as evil you say? Explain the actions of the Einsatzgruppen please. Read the reports of the killing like this that showed the "progress" they were making: 2,007 Jews, 2,290 Jewesses, 4,273 Jewish children (mopping up ghetto of superfluous Jews) These were evil SOBs, following orders from evil superiors, and conducting evil acts. There ain't no two ways about it. -Sometimes War Is The Answer Perhaps the most frightening aspect of the Nazi's was not what they did but what they planned to do . Once the USSR was defeated and the Jews and other undesirables were liquidated in the Ostland , the Nazis planned to "relocate" most of the native populations of Poland, Ukraine, Byelorussia, and the western areas of Russia proper to Siberia. This would have involved millions upon millions of people and given the Nazis previous actions, it's not hard to imagine that millions would have died as a result. They then wanted to resettle the Ostland with native Germans who would become soldier- farmers guarding the Reich from the Asiatic hordes. There was even a fantastic plan to relocate German-Americans to this area once the United States had been beaten. There was no amount of diplomatic nicety that would have deterred their plans. Economic sanctions would have done nothing. An international criminal court could not have issued an injunction causing them to cease and desist. Their armies had to be defeated. Their country had to be occupied. Their leaders had to be killed. War was the only thing that could have solved the problem and it did. -Guns Can Be Good Rhodes briefly examines one of the lingering questions of the Holocaust: Why did the Jews not put up more resistance? He comes up with a number of answers including the fact that Jewish communities in Eastern Europe had sought to not make trouble in the past and so had a mentality of passiveness, the non-violent family structure that most Jews were raised in at the time, and their lack of gun ownership. The culture did not typically involve guns and in some areas Jews were actually forbidden to possess them. He's not saying (and neither am I) that the Holocaust could have been prevented if more Jews had guns but it certainly would have allowed them to better resist and perhaps, just perhaps it could have saved some lives. The value of gun ownership goes beyond simply their use as a weapon. A culture where the citizens own guns is a cultural where people are likely to be more easily moved to fight back and resist oppression. Those who say that it's silly to think that Americans would ever be in a similar situation where their guns could protect them, would do well to consider that if you told a German Jew in 1912 that in thirty years time his race would be targeted for extinction by the German government he would have thought you ridiculous as well. Read the book.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Lambert Gets Religion
I have to laugh at the tone of the recent column by Pioneer Press entertainment columnist Brian Lambert on the departure of Jason Lewis at KSTP. Now that Jason is officially off the air, never to return to KSTP, Lambert admits he was a talented guy, with much to be admired. Leaving aside for the moment the fact I'm habituated to disagreeing with every position he takes and everything he says, Lewis was/is excellent radio. This coming from the guy who in the past used to promote Jason Lewis's competition on sports-oriented KFAN as the place to turn to, for not just sports, but also general coverage of news and current events. I interpreted this, I think correctly, as Lambert's attempts to turn the general audience for political oriented programming away from Jason Lewis (who was then dominating the ratings), toward a show more in line with his own political views. But now two days after Lewis goes off the air, we hear Lewis was "excellent"? Classic Lambert, subjugating the facts (and this time, his honest opinion) to his political ideology. Now that Jason Lewis is no longer a threat to influence public opinion in the Twin Cities, Lambert is free to tell everyone what a great show he had. Of course Lambert doesn't hesitate to continue to castigate the remaining talk radio hosts in town, the medium itself, and the audience. A few selected barbs: [Lewis] understood the show-biz shtick part of modern, hyper-political talk radio. He understands the game enough to treat it like a game. You get in the ring. You each take your shots. You make your points. Since it's his show, he always gets to "win." Afterwards, you laugh and shake hands. While Lewis no doubt understood a radio show needs to be entertaining, with appropriate attention paid to the "show" aspect, Lambert woefully underemphasizes the substance of the Lewis show. His distinguishing characteristic was hard core economic and political policy analysis, properly articulated for a non graduate student audience. His comments increased the understanding of issues among the audience, and helped it develop it's own critical thinking abilities. This sounds to me more like a true educational experience, rather than some shtick or a game. I dare say the long promised liberal radio network, now in development, will attempt to emulate this model. That is attracting an audience with some entertaining show biz, then enduring and prospering based on the substance provided. Will Brian Lambert be describing the forthcoming Al Franken/Jeanine Garafolo show as a "game" or "hyper political shtick"? We shall see, but I suspect he'll instead just concentrate on the "excellence" of their program. There was another quintessential Lambert moment in his recent column, again commenting on the remaining talk radio hosts in town: In stark contrast to a lot of other struttin' little howler monkeys clogging the local dial, Lewis actually has talent. Struttin' little howler monkeys? Who is he talking about? If his column wasn't an ode to Jason Lewis, one would have to assume that's who he was talking about. (Since even when he was making good points, Lewis was a shouter and screecher, really the only one in this market.) And in previous Lambert columns, when he would resort to blanket slurs like this, that's who I assumed he was talking about. But now we see that's not the case (I think). So who is it? Joe Soucheray? Bob Davis? Mark O'Connell? Dave Thompson? To my ears, none of their styles can be described as arrogantly simian. Maybe he's not making a political point and he's referring to some lefties instead. Is he calling Don Shelby a struttin' little howler monkey? Chad Hartman? Bob Yates? Tom Mischke? Ruth Koscielak? Gary Eichten? Lambert also says the local dial is "clogged" with struttin' little howler monkeys. That means a lot of people, right? So, is it all of these people? All of these people and more? A guessing game, that's what we're left with when Lambert decides to throw around unsubstantiated slurs and hide behind blanket insults. Is that the point of media criticism? Or is it more appropriate for a gossip column? Remember, Lambert is the only TV/radio critic for the dominant newspaper in St. Paul. As such, if he feels some radio hosts are descending to an incoherent primate level, why doesn't he name them? Why doesn't the newspaper's editorial standards insist on this, instead of allowing generalized innuendo? Maybe they're content to wait until these hosts in question leave town, then we can hear what Brian Lambert really feels about them. For a dissenting view on this column, check out our Northern Alliance brother Mitch Berg, who feels Lambert's writing is "excellent." Who ever said conservatives have to agree on everything? (Actually, I think it was the Elder.)
Friday, September 26, 2003
"The Bush Wars" is the charming name of the City Pages' lead blog. I think it's intended to be the vehicle for the newspaper's editor, Steve Perry, to engage in the type of immediate, informal journalism to which blogging is best suited. I say "I think" that's the intent, since Steve Perry shows the same commitment to blogging as the rest of the City Pages staff. They average one, maybe two posts a month, with several of them going more than a month at a time without any new content. Now this may be the appropriate frequency for a blog called "The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Dayton," but when you're covering the broader national political scene, a little more commitment seems to be in order.
Given the fact that you get more frequent comment from them in the once a week print edition of the City Pages, one has to wonder why they even bother with setting up blogs for themselves. Perhaps this collection of self styled iconoclasts was forced to blog by their Big Media overseers at Village Voice Media, and their non participation is their way of passively resisting this intrusion. Righteously expressing dissent through self censorship? It's just a theory, but how else to explain a group of professional writers not writing? It sounds plausible (if asinine). I will say the "Bush Wars" does get updated quite a bit, but not by Steve Perry. Instead a gentleman named Mark Gisleson does the heavy lifting. And according to a recent scan of his production, to his credit, he gets a post up just about every day. I'm not sure how close he and Perry are in terms of their political philosophies. But I would have to imagine for continuity purposes alone, that their similarities are great. Which makes a recent post on "The Bush Wars" all the more interesting. Here's an excerpt, and if any of you moderate independents were undecided over which side to take in the "Bush Wars" here's an indication of what the other side has in mind: In my heart, I still believe in revolution. In my heart, I still think I have the 'nads to put my life on the line for a cause. In my gut I think this is the only way we'll ever achieve our goals of economic and social justice. But in my head, I want to win the next election so we don't have to have a revolution. Once again, this rhetoric appeared in the blog of the editor of one of the largest newspapers in Minnesota. A newspaper that sells advertisements to the likes of Volkswagen dealerships, the Mall of America, and the Excel Energy Center. I wonder how these businesses might fare after "the revolution"? Or maybe they're just praying George Bush loses the next election and we can postpone the carnage indefinitely. Maybe that can be the Mall of America's new ad slogan: "There's a place for revolution in your life - unless you vote for Dick Gephardt." Mark Gisleson used to do a blog called "Career News" where he offered advice to job seekers and those looking to improve their career prospects. As I recall, it was reasonably well done. But it was conventional, offering advice well within the rules of capitalist business traditions. Now that I know his true political desires, I think he may have missed his opportunity to really make some waves in the vocational guidance industry. A little client advice like this might just have sent his business through the roof: 1) Having trouble getting a response from that HR director at your dream employer? Consider attaching your resume to a Molotov cocktail. 2) No luck in getting a raise from your boss? Consider abducting him, his family, and all those who share his counter revolutionary views on increased compensation for your business unit. Then seize power and start your own accounts payable commune. 3) Frustrated that you're the only one who ever makes coffee at the office? Implement a forced re-education camp for known coffee drinkers and those suspected of drinking coffee. No one gets out until they admit they were delinquent in their responsibilities to their fellow employees, and until they agree to automatically deposit their future paychecks to the "coffee fund collective," the proceeds of which will be distributed at your discretion, "for the good of all." Labels: Media-Local (02-04)
Unbelievable
I have been rendered speechless after seeing this picture. (Link courtesy of Acidman at Gut Rumbles, a man who is rarely speechless.)
Stay Hungry
The Minnesota Music Awards were held last night at O'Gara's and as is their tradition, the major awards were swept by some guy I've never heard of. His name was Kurt Jorgenson. And I think it still is, unless sudden fame and success has caused an overnight Prince-like unpronounceable transformation on his part. But ol' Kurt shouldn't let this get to his head, since no matter how big he gets in the years to come, there's always going to be someone there to put things in the proper perspective. And last night that person was St. Paul mayor Randy Kelly, driving the stake into the hearts of new wave nostalgia freaks all over the Twin Cities. As reported in the Star Tribune: Minnesota Public Radio jazz specialist Leigh Kamman and '80s rock-wavers the Suburbs each received lifetime-achievement type awards. "I feel so historic," said Suburbs co-vocalist Chan Poling. Poling's group was not so historic as to be on the radar of St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly, who called them "the Suppers" when they won for best rock band.
Smoke Filled Rooms
Sorting my Simpson's figurines? I take offense at that. Besides WEDNESDAYs are the nights when I rearrange them. Sometimes by height. Sometimes by the characters first name. There are many variations. Simpleton. Last night I was unable to participate in trivia because I was off making the world safe for democracy by attending a meeting of the executive committee of the Republican party for my senate district. It's not exactly glamorous business. So while the boys were off downing pints of ale and chalking up yet another trivia triumph I was conducting the people's business and trying to figure out ways to cut your taxes, brutalize your criminals, and rule you like a king. And for that you're welcome.
One More Thursday Night
I'm getting a lot of email from people asking how trivia went last night. Well, we didn't have the Elder, as he was tied up with another one of his projects sorting his Simpsons figurines, but we did indeed win. By one point. We ran into a couple of knuckleheads at the bar who, while not playing themselves, decided it would be really funny to loudly announce the three answers they knew, thus helping anyone around them who couldn't help but hear the bellowing. We had to tell them to shut their traps, which apparently was the response they wanted. A holes. We had a mere 21 out of 25 with the Emmy Awards being responsible for most of our lost points. Who the hell ever saw some movie called Door To Door anyway?
If Only Only The Issues Mattered
Here's a quick quiz that will tell you who you would support in the California recall based solely on positions each of the candidates has taken on twelve issues. Not surprisingly I went with Tom on eight and Ahnold on four.
A Fine Line Between Clever & Stupid
Last month I brought up the disturbing appearance of FCUK products at Marshall Field's. Now a parents group in St. Paul is threatening to boycott Marshall Field's and Target over their promotion and sale of the clothing line and fragrance with the not so subtle sexual message. The St. Paul group is the latest to complain about the brand, which has offended sensibilities of parents and school leaders in other big cities from Chicago to New York to San Francisco. "When stores just exploit our families with things like this, we just stay away," said Colleen Perfect, president of Catholic Parents OnLine. "This isn't just a Catholic issue; it affects everyone." This is apparently just the latest example of "edgy" advertising designed to push the boundaries and appeal to younger consumers. But FCUK might have gone too far: But although the controversy over this latest shock campaign is having the desired effect -- producing attention and sales for FCUK products -- one marketing expert questions whether the shock strategy is wise in the long run. "It's pretty easy to do shock," said John Colasanti, president of the Minneapolis-based ad agency Carmichael Lynch. "It's one of the first things creative teams come up with in an assignment. But you get it out of your system and move on. "It's clever, but it isn't really smart," he said. "It's short-term gain, but at what expense? A brand wants to appeal to its target, but it shouldn't offend anybody. You never burn bridges. Why alienate people from the get-go?" Why is it considered clever? As Colasanti says it is easy to shock. And although it's getting less and less easy as we continually push the limits of what is considered acceptable why should companies that lamely resort to the "shock tactic" be praised for their cleverness? In case you're one of those people (like me) who doesn't really appreciate the "in your face", "hit you over the head" style of the FCUK approach just remember that it's not serious: Amy Glickman, a spokeswoman for French Connection, said the FCUK line is meant to be taken tongue in cheek. "It's bold, witty, intelligent, and demonstrates how French Connection has given real personality to its brand, a rare achievement in today's crowded market," she said in an e-mail. Bold? How about arrogant? Witty? Yeah, that's real witty the way you rearranged the letters of an obscenity like that. Color me impressed. Intelligent? Only a spokesperson could so abuse the meaning of a word. As to the "personality" of the brand I find the "I'm with stupid" t-shirt label to be much more appealing. And clever. From: The Elder To: French Connection United Kingdom Go FCUK yourselves.
Those Were The Days
In the wake of the school shooting this week in Cold Spring, Minnesota this might not be the most appropriate time to relate this tidbit but I was having lunch with my parents the other day and we were discussing the "zero tolerance" policy that many schools now have in relation to weapons. It was sparked by the story of the kid in Maple Grove, Minnesota who was suspended and threatened with expulsion for having a toy gun in his car. My Dad related that when he was in high school kids would bring shotguns to school and store them in their lockers so they could go hunting after school. Granted it was quite a while ago and it was in a small town in Wisconsin. But what a contrast with the hyper sensitivity of the schools today to a toy gun or even "ammo". I just can't shake the image of a couple of kids sauntering down the hallways, shotguns in hand, when a teacher suddenly stops them: "Hey Jimmy." "Yes, Mr. Simmons." "What do you have there? " "Why this is my Remington 870 Wingmaster pump action with a walnut stock." "That's a beautiful gun you've got there Jimmy. Be sure to take good care of it. Carry on boys."
The webhosting plan that we use for Fraters is pretty basic. In fact it's called the 'basic plan'. We get 50mb of storage and 5gb of transfer bandwidth for under ten bucks a month. A couple of months ago I noticed that we were dinged an extra $3.50 because we exceeded the bandwidth limits. Big fargin deal I thought.
Well I just received my latest statement. A combination of an all time record number of visitors in the last month and my posting many more pictures than usual, especially the State Fair photo gallery, caused us to blow our transfer bandwidth away to the tune of 22.6gb or over five times our limit. The price tag for this transgression? $122.50 Needless to say our future use of pictures will be judiciously monitored. Those of you waiting for a photo series on JB Doubtless gorging himself at the Thanksgiving dinner table are going to be disappointed. I am probably going to switch to a plan that allows at least 10gb of transfer and may opt for one that allows 20gb. Saint Paul has also promised to turn his wit and charm, which shine through so brilliantly in his writing, down a notch to help us reduce traffic to a more sustainable level. Now I know why Mr. Lileks was always griping about bandwidth charges. Labels: Fraters Inc
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Parting Shots
Jason Lewis's last show on KSTP was yesterday. It was originally supposed to be on Friday, but apparently station management didn't appreciate the constant parade of callers bemoaning the loss of Jason and predicting the station won't be able to find a replacement as good. I'm sure they also didn't appreciate Jason's recommending that listeners check out his Charlotte broadcasts via the Internet, or his speculation that maybe he'll be back on Twin Cities airwaves someday via syndication (presumably on a station other than KSTP). According to Jason yesterday, station management asked him to tone down these types of comments for the rest of the week. But since that would have created an uncomfortable situation for him and the callers (that is, avoiding the main topic they both wanted to discuss), both parties agreed to pull the plug early. That officially ends the Jason Lewis era in the Twin Cities. But I see that the Pioneer Press's entertainment columnist couldn't let it pass without a snide, disparaging comment. This appeared in the Raleigh-Durham Herald Sun (via the Associated Press): Brian Lambert, a media critic for the St. Paul Pioneer Press, said KSTP will have a tough time replacing Lewis. "Lewis is a very talented performer in that arena and has a very strong cult following," he said. " Cult following? This same article mentions that Jason Lewis had the second highest rated show in the Twin Cities during his time slot. (I presume number one was WCCO, with its hammerlock hold on the AARP crowd and with the Minnesota Twins broadcasts typically running during this time slot.) So second place is a significant accomplishment and it means a big audience, relatively speaking. I'm sure a damn sight bigger than what MPR gets. And more than the more liberally-oriented Dan Barreiro on KFAN manages to get. I wonder how Lambert would describe the miniscule followings of these programs? Using his model, let me suggest "fanatic adherents of a discredited, dying philosophy." (And that's just those tuning in for the Lynx games). Lambert went on to say this about KSTP's search for a replacement: "They can't grab just anybody. There are plenty of Rush (Limbaugh) wannabe's out there. He [Lewis] managed to avoid that, and carved out a very specific niche." I will say that Jason Lewis did have a different style than Rush, but there was definitely a philosophical confluence between the two. Apparently this is what Jason's new employers are promoting as well: From an article in the Charlotte Observer: [Lewis] will inherit the afternoon drive time slot following conservative host Rush Limbaugh, with whom Lewis shares resonant views, said Rick Jackson, vice president and general manager of WBT (1110 AM). "He's either right with Rush, or right of him," Jackson said. Jason Lewis has the opportunity to become very popular in Charlotte. My review of his new station's Web site reveals a dearth of local talent. Guys with resumes that show they may be qualified to read wire copy news stories at the top of the hour, but have no business running a personality driven show. In particular, I point out someone named Keith Larson, whose show is promoted as follows (any observers of Ian Punnit's meteoric descent and crash in the ratings at KSTP can guess how well this approach goes over with the listeners): Keith Larson opens a dailogue with his listeners each weekday form 9am-12noon on WBT. Keith is in touch with the community, and he uses his show to talk the issues that affect our lives today. There was a guy named Keith Larson doing fill-in duties on KSTP a couple of years ago. The few shows I heard him do were hilarious, but only because they were without question the worst radio I've ever heard. Absolute fiasco. He had a dreadfully dull personality, preferred to discuss "happy chat" topics like the weather and the funny things his kids do, and had no firm opinions on anything of substance. This might have gone over well on WCCO, but on KSTP it was met with silence from the audience. For segment after segment he got no callers, forcing him to improvise. Which was a disaster, since he was incredibly nervous, his voice shaking while he talked a mile-a-minute, getting faster and faster the longer he had to continue his unbroken monologue about nothing. The few who eventually did call in, clearly out of pity, were given a reception equivalent to that which lifeguards receive from drowning men. Thrashing about, furious grasping, desperate hanging on, attempts to pull them all under the surface along with him. You don't often hear callers telling a host "I need to go now," but that was the constant refrain of the Keith Larson show. Maybe that's a different guy than the one in Charlotte. Or maybe he's gotten better. But nevertheless I predict Jason Lewis becomes the main event down there within about 10 minutes of his arrival.
For Those Days When Doug Grow's Just Not Enough
Nick Coleman returning to Star Tribune: Nick Coleman, a high-profile general columnist for the St. Paul Pioneer Press, will return to the Star Tribune as a metro columnist, the paper announced Tuesday. "Nick started here," said Star Tribune Editor Anders Gyllenhaal. "When we saw the chance to bring him back, and bring readers with him, we jumped at it." They jumped. I just about lost my lunch. At least the Mrs. is staying in St. Paul: Coleman, 53, said he will begin his column in November, after his wife, Laura Billings, 36 -- the remaining Pioneer Press columnist in the family -- delivers their second baby. The Strib will now feature this dynamic duo of metro columnists: At the Star Tribune, Coleman will join Doug Grow, another newspaper veteran in his 50s who writes a general metro column. Both like to tether their columns to breaking news. Coleman will write on Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Their columns will alternate during the week and both will appear on Sundays, Gyllenhaal said. "They have similarities, but differences, too," Gyllenhaal said of Coleman and Grow. "Readers will appreciate both columns." I'm not sure if "appreciate" is exactly the word I would use.
Welcome To The Woe of California
After watching the California recall debate last night I could only come to one conclusion: Thank God I don't live in California. You can take your "But what about the children?" compassionate moderate Ahnold, your dull unelectable McClintock (it's called a personality Tom), your gluttonous Bustamante (he sounded like he'd exercise as much discipline and restraint with the budget as he does with the buffet table), you commie Camejo (earth to Green guy: The Soviet Union is kaput. The grand experiment failed. Give it a rest.) and your annoying nutbag Arianna (please take your Arianna!). None of these candidates are worthy to tie Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty's skate. Hell, they're not even worthy of carrying his jock (although something tells me Arianna would derive a perverse pleasure from it). You can take your beautiful weather. We'll have nice weather here again. But you won't have a decent, respectable governor for years, even after you get rid of Davis. It won't be long until we have our winter days in Minnesota again. But I won't be California dreamin'. Wake me when it's time for the next recall.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Stop Being So Mean!
John Hawkins at Right Wing News talks about the latest bit of tripe falling from the mouth of Tom Daschle. With Jabba The Senator taking center stage lately, I had almost forgotten about Puffy. It's good to know that he hasn't lost the ability to whine.
The Horses Are Out Of the Barn & The Train Has Left the Station
Lileks is concerned about looking like a nerd? Hah. Hah. As noted, they're great glasses, but they smudge like no other specs I've owned. But who cares? Not I! The glasses, you see, came with a lens-cleaning system. I got a bottle of cleaner and a nice soft cloth. Just a few minutes ago I used it for the first time, and as I refolded the cloth to return it to its plastic sleeve, I froze. I seized up in horror. My mind tumbled back 30 years to distant childhood, to a pal who also had the four-eyes badge. Good kid. Dear friend. But this guy's nerd-knob went to 11. And he was 110 percent classic nerd, too: metal mouth, slide rule, plastic pocket protector, little plastic pill box. Even if I hadn't liked him, I would have hung around with him, because next to him I was James Dean. He always carried a kit for repairing his glasses -- tiny tools, screws the size of fat atoms. And he always had a little cloth and a squeeze bottle of lens-cleaning fluid. It was one of those things that just shrieked NERD. And now here I was with the symbols of nerdhood in my hand. Unclean! Unclean! I shoved them in my satchel, and waited until I was back in my car, where I could use these nerdish tools in private, away from the scoffing eyes of the popular, glassless kids. Now I have a great deal of respect for James. He is a hell of a writer and a heck of nice guy to boot. But isn't it a little late for him to start worrying about the nerd thing now? I mean that's kind of a done deal no? His interest in sci-fi, comic books, computers, postcards, and Simpson's figures reeks of nerdishness. I'm not even going to play the Trek card. He's no Comic Book Guy (he is married after all) but he's not exactly a Ranier Wolfcastle alpha male either. Don't deny your nature James. We can't all be strapping, finely chiseled specimens that embody manhood like Atomizer. The world needs nerds. Recall the immortal words of Gilbert from Revenge of the Nerds : "I'm a nerd, and I'm pretty proud of it."
Laptops: The New Entitlement
From the AP: The Stillwater Board of Education approved a plan to give every junior high student in the district a laptop computer to use at home and school, despite requests from dozens of angry parents to delay the decision. Monday night's 4-2 vote allows the school district to continue negotiations with Apple Computer on the five-year, $2.85 million proposal. The laptops would go to about 2,270 students and 135 staff members at two junior high schools by next fall. Good lord. Apparently, the school board, which normally meets on Thursdays, called a last-minute meeting on Monday to try to ram this through. And although they were met with serious objections, through it went. Setting aside all of the unanswered questions about who will support these laptops, how much that will cost, why these snot-nosed brats need such technology, etc., what is scary is that this is the new entitlement. Once it happens in Stillwater, then Eden Prarie will have to get them to keep up, then Minnetonka, then Edina. Pretty soon the Minneapolis schools start to say "Hey it's not fair that all the rich schools should get laptops when we don't have them" so they'll get them too. Then the out-state schools will ask the legislature for dough to cover the cost of their laptops and the thing is completely out of control. Some right-thinking parents objected at the meeting: Several parents told the board that junior high students aren't responsible enough to handle such an expensive machine. Many said their students go through a $100 graphing calculator each year because they break or get stolen. Amy Graebner said during visits to college campuses, administrators recommended desktop computers rather than laptops for students because they tend to leave them at coffee shops and other places. ``These are college students,'' Graebner said. ``How can we expect these junior high students to handle it?'' Good question, that. Another scary proposition is that school administrators and union hacks could use the network and the laptops to entirely bypass parents by communicating straight to the students--something that is currently be done by putting notes in kids' backpacks that parents sometimes find inadvertently. Talk about a great vehicle for indoctrination. So even if you don't have kids of your own, or your kids are in private school (where they belong) watch out for this new entitlement and claim on your wallet.
Even Alpha Rockers Get The Blues
Decidedly non-geek rocker (but completely warshed up) David Lee Roth has canceled the remaining dates on his club tour after a "martial arts accident" during a recent performance. From this morning's Trombone: "It was an incident onstage where he was doing a kung fu maneuver and he got hit with a staff that he uses," spokesman Todd Brodginski said. "He was doing a very fast, complicated 15th-century samurai move." The former Van Halen frontman needed 21 stitches on his face because of the Sept. 17 accident in Philadelphia. He called off seven dates in the tour of clubs and theaters because of the injury. Two dates had been canceled because of Hurricane Isabel.
Where Da Partay At?
While we're on the subject of Mitch Berg and scantily clad women, I was wondering if there was any update to report on Mitch's long promised autumn bash? But it occurs to me that I need to do this. It's time to start planning my party, for this October. And I may just make it the first blog-centric decade-late housewarming in history - an occasion to meet the Twin Cities' small but pretty darn high-quality band of bloggers, among many others. Of course, it's all dependent on finding a job (and there've been some positive developments in the past week, although obviously one development short of where I'd like it to be) by then. And a girlfriend would be nice to have by that point, too, although I'm not going to set my sights too high... Granted the whole job thing hasn't come together for him quite yet but reliable reports indicate that Mitch has fulfilled the second requirement. One of out two ain't bad is it? Time is of the essence for planning purposes as Saint Paul's social calendar does tend to fill up quite rapidly what with all the charitable balls, soirees, premiers, and Catilians that a man of his standing in the community is obligated to attend. Throw in Taco Tuesday's at the Lamplighter and his schedule has very few openings. Get those invites out soon Mitch. A party's not really a party until you witness Saint Paul stumbling about with a lamp shade on his head, bellicosely reciting his favorite Walt Whitman verses. Good times. Good times.
Games By James Part II?
Hmmm...Jason Lewis is quitting. The Lord of a certain Tangletown manor has been appearing on radio once a week after giving it up years ago. Said gentleman has also been hinting that he wants to get back into the fray. Hmmm... So the question is...will Lileks be going mano-a-mano with High Priest Of The Cheeto Hugh Hewitt weekdays from 5-8 pm if he takes the KSTP job? My inside sources have told me that at the very least it is atwixed the sonorously-piped Tom Marsland, the getting better Bob Davis and our (once) own Dave Tommy-Gun Thompson. Is James in the mix?
Caffeinate Yourself
More evidence of the wonders of coffee: A new study suggests that caffeine reduces exercise-induced muscle pain. Researchers say pain-relieving effects of caffeine may actually help explain why caffeine has been shown to improve endurance.
Vive Vichy!
Now that Hugh Hewitt has been officially dubbed the Neville Chamberlain of the Blogosphere by Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, one has to wonder what other titles he will seek. Speculation is that next time Hugh has Governor Pawlenty on the air he will ask to be named the Marshall Petain of the Blogosphere as well.
Naked Ambition
In yesterday's Pioneer Press, Laura Billings reported on the attempts of a couple of entrepreneurs to open up a business that just might get some business in downtown St. Paul after hours. "an upscale establishment where the public can enjoy an adult beverage, dine from a limited menu and be approached by adult entertaining women" who just happen to be wearing very little clothing That's right, a strip joint in the heart of the Saintly City. But this wasn't going to be some sleazy flesh pit. Instead, they had plans to make it a sort of living history experience, an affectionate ode to Prohibition-era St. Paul: They envisioned a gentleman's club called "Boot-Leggers" ... their place would honor St. Paul's history as the one-time home of gangster-owned speakeasies and the risque women they ran with. According to these entrepreneurs, "We respect and recognize the current statutes and do not intend to create a place for men only to view naked women. We feel we will actually clean up the nastiness of the average gentleman's club.'' But their dream died an early death when the building owner rejected their proposal in the name of seeking a more conventional tenant. And it seems the two entrepreneurs who hatched this scheme are now somewhat embarrassed over their efforts. They went as far as asking Laura Billings to keep their names out of the newspaper - which she did. However, she did quote one of the gentlemen in question, and I think it may have inadvertently identified the man behind this plan: "I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't use our names,'' one of the two backers asked me on Monday. "It was just our shot in the dark to try to make some good money, and, well, c'est la vie ? '' (Emphasis added.) I applaud Mitch Berg's attempt to find an innovative way to bring some traffic to downtown St. Paul on non-Wild game nights. And I applaud his innovative attempts to create some revenue for himself, until he's able to secure permanent work in his chosen field. Although I agree with her conclusion, I must say that Laura Billings does mischaracterize my personal feelings on this matter: Yet the fact that St. Paul was not quite ready for a bikini bar should not deter those other dreamers out there with development plans of their own. Actually, I think I am ready (oh God, am I ready). In fact, I'm all for it, as long as they keep it out of my neighborhood. So Mitch, don't let one prudish landlord dissuade further attempts to realize your dream. The night your new joint opens, reserve a spot for me on blogger's row. (And don't rule out "Shot in the Dark" as the name for the place. Co-branding like this could really increase your traffic. Plus, it would look great in pink neon).
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Go Get 'Em, Boys
The Minnesota Twins are your 2003 American League Central Division champions. I must admit, I had my doubts as recently as a month ago (just ask this guy), but any team that can string together 10 consecutive wins in the heat of a playoff race is not one to be taken lightly. It was extra sweet to have clinched the division by beating the Chambermaid's beloved Cleveland Indians...two years in a row. Sorry about that Hugh. There's always next year. You also gotta love Brad Radke finding an appropriate use for Bud Light: 
I Hope I Never Get Dry Before I Get Old
Here's my two cents on the martini thing. I drink a lot of Bombay Sapphire. A lot. And when I drink it, I want to taste it. I prefer to keep the bottle in the freezer which eliminates the need for ice. Ice melts and I don't want water mixing with my gin. It's unseemly. Vermouth? Don't care for it. Perhaps it dates back to the time we ran out of booze on the last night of a fishing trip. All we had in the cabin was a bottle of dry vermouth. I did what had to be done and polished that sucker off. Since then, I've kinda developed a speech impediment. (Not really, but the taste of the stuff just turns me off.) These days, I simply whisper 'vermouth' over the edge of my martini glass and leave it at that. Shaken vs. stirred? Unnecessary for reasons given above. Olives are necessary, however, provided they are properly rinsed free of any excess olive juice and dried off before being introduced to the gin. Again, I prefer to taste the gin. The olive also gives you an extra treat after you've sipped the last drop. Ain't nothin' better than a gin soaked olive to whet your appetite for another round. As far as the best place to find this drink, that would be in my kitchen as no self respecting bartender would indulge a guy requesting a rinsed and dried olive. Can the drink I have described above be called a 'martini'? Probably not. It really isn't a mixed drink at all. But, to paraphrase the Stones: It's only a glass of gin with an olive, but I like it.
Cocktail Hour
If only I had an hour. Since my time is short I'll be brief and to the point on matters regarding martinis previously mentioned by the Soused Simians and our own alkalide Atomizer. 1. Shaken versus stirred? I've had plenty of both and honestly I don't believe it makes that much of a difference. But for presentation sake and pleasure of mixing I'll go with skaken. 2. Gin versus vodka? This is a non-issue. If it ain't gin it ain't a martini. 'Nuf said. 3. Dry or sweet? I like a splash of vermouth. I want to know it's there but it has to be subtle. Very subtle. 4. NFO. Period. What? No fargin' olives. I was introduced to this terminology by a mature coworker who always ordered his gin and tonics NFL. No fargin' limes. Except he didn't say fargin'. 5. Where to get the best martinis? I don't have a personal preference but if you go to a place that has a martini menu with 67 different kind of foo foo varieties the odds that they nail the classic are not good. Places that seek to emulate the Fifties supper club feel can be a good bet. I had a killer martini the other night at the Monte Carlo in Minneapolis. Extra points for leaving the shaker at the table so you can top off your drink. I'll close with this brief passage which summarizes the importance of this simple yet sublime libation: "In its rite, the martini exercises a communal function. The host or paterfamilias who mixes the drinks acts as priest, and families or friends are united as devotees of the cult." -Lowell Edmunds, The Silver Bullet
Philips on Stern on Ashcroft and Bryant
I just read an interesting comment over on the excellent James Philips from Folsom blog (which by the way isn't on the Internet, it typically resides only in my email inbox. This is great for me, but can't be doing much for his traffic totals). James uncovers a heretofore unknown member of the Get Ashcroft Crowd - NBA Commissioner David Stern. ____________________________________________________________________ This is a link to an Atlanta Journal-Constitution article (originally LA Times) about David Stern's comments on Kobe Bryant's pending charges. David Stern is, well, an *sshole. And an idiot: "Tarrytown, N.Y. -- NBA commissioner David Stern said Monday that Kobe Bryant should continue to play for the Los Angeles Lakers this season, even as Bryant faces a potential trial on a sexual assault charge in Colorado. "Absolutely," Stern said. "We don't have a patriot act in the NBA. That means that you're innocent until proven guilty." "We don't have a patriot act"??? God , what a jerk. And really, is any further comment necessary? David Stern, the Warden of the NBA, is lecturing everybody else on right and wrong? Yeah, right. ____________________________________________________________________ I had no clue Stern was a liberal either. I mean he's a successful business man after all. And he seems generally well adjusted and happy with his life. How does this happen? I guess he became addicted to all that corporate welfare via government subsidized stadiums and he turned to the dark side. Oh well, at least we still have Bud Selig on our side.
FRONT, TOWARD GEEKS
PBS on Saturday night was a showcase for the skinny, cynical, sneering geek music that seems to have taken over the planet. There was a live broadcast of not only Wilco, but also the much-heralded Sonic Youth. Being over 160 pounds, fairly popular in high school, a viewer of at least one prime time TV show and an avid sports fan, I had never heard a Sonic Youth song in it?s entirety. I had been reading and hearing about them in the geek press for years as the smartest, coolest whateverest band ever, so I knew they would blow, but I have to say I was taken aback at how exactly bad they were. The first song, an instrumental, lasted at least one hour with no discernible melody. It sounded like smart-ass teenagers doing a sarcastic tribute to the Allman Brothers. Uggh. Next, reject-rock diva Kim Gordon took the mic for one of the most bitter, sneering tunes I?ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. It was some kind of message to the Cheerleaders (?Plastic Sun?), that this smart, deep-feeling student did not like them (or their ?bitchy friends?) and the plastic world they lived in. See, she lives in the real world of suicide, drug abuse, VD, black clothing and nihilism--how could anyone not agree? This written and performed by a 45 year-old woman. A 45 year-old woman. Unless you actually are in high school and you fancy yourself one of the smart drama grrrls who hates the Cheerleaders, why on earth would you want to listen to this atonal garbage? Once in a while the camera would pan to the crowd and their reaction was instructive. How exactly does one react to this kind of crap? There were plenty of fellow-traveler geeks in attendance who would kind of bob their heads as if to say ?Yes, I get it. This is some of the smartest, most important music I?ve ever heard.? Apparently, feeling cool and thinking you Get It is what geek rock is all about. It?s almost as if they consciously say ?Here check out this quote-un-quote song--no melody, no structure, just some misfits with thrift store clothing thrashing about on Jazzmaster guitars with an angry attitude...I?d like to see the Frat Boys try to like this.? And when the Frat Boys don?t like it, then the geeks have achieved their own special little culture. I can see the conversation between a fan of misfit music and one of his not-so-geeky friends: Hey, how was that Sonic Youth show? It was really...smart Oh yeah? Yeah. And important. Right. But was it fun, you know, entertaining? I don?t look for my music to be entertaining. Right. I wouldn?t mind this music so much if it weren?t CONSTANTLY referenced, written about and heralded as the music of our generation. And this doesn?t just take place in the alternative press, but in most major urban dailies as well, as evidenced by our own Geek-In-Residence at the Star Tribune Chris Remenschnieder. The music nerds are have breached the compound and are attempting to take the firebase. Their sappers will keep coming until we open up the rhetorical .60 cals and detonate every Claymore we have.
Monday, September 22, 2003
A Post He Richly Deserves
I don't care what anybody says, I think Hugh Hewitt is right. Governor Pawlenty should appoint him Lord High Chambermaid of the Blogsphere at once. You might want to start with Saint Paul's bedpan Hugh. It's starting to get a bit ripe. And then there's the monkey cage that really needs a good cleaning too...
Exit Minnesota's Mr. Right
Just announced on KSTP, Jason Lewis is leaving the station. He's taken a job in Charlotte, North Carolina and his last show on KSTP is on Friday. I tuned in late so I didn't hear the official announcement. But in his later comments he was crediting the move to "looking out for his family" (read, more money). And also a more appreciative environment for a potential Jason Lewis candidacy for political office. I suspect the latter was a primary motivator, as he's made no secret of his desires to hold public office. But since he's alienated most of the Republican elites in Minnesota, his chances for getting a nomination were limited. Jason was more conservative than the local GOP establishment, and as was his style, disagreement turned into vitriol and burned bridges. Although Jason and I have had our rough moments over the years, and he is responsible for costing me everlasting marital bliss, I'll miss the guy. Over his ten year career in the Twin Cities, he was an influential force on this young conservative. He was smarter than Rush (though not nearly as good a broadcaster) and I learned a lot from him over the years. So farewell Jason, and I hope someday to turn on C-SPAN and see a certain freshman Congressman from Charlotte up in the well and raising hell about taxes. Not sure who KSTP will get to take over for Jason. I suggest their morning guy Bob Davis, who has been a nice surprise growing into the role of a featured personality during morning drive. In the spirt of Don Vogel, his more entertainment based persona would play better in the late afternoons. And such a move would of course leave morning drive wide open for my man Dave Thompson. But regardless of what KSTP does, Jason's departure removes the final impediment for Hugh Hewitt's domination of the local airwaves from 5 - 8 PM. Minnesota political junkies get ready for the move to AM1280. And prepare yourself to make the likes of Peter Bienart, Joshua Micah Marshall, and Irwin Chemerinsky members of your extended radio family. (Members of your extended radio Manson Family anyway).
Significant Quarters
Dorothy Rabinowitz homers in today's WSJ with this piece. Lest we forget there is a cultural war afoot: ...we are in a time never before seen in this country--a time produced in part by what remains of the politics and values of the 1960s, but only in part. For even in the '60s, we did not see what we do today--namely significant quarters of the culture, elite and popular, sympathetic to the views of those home and abroad most hostile to this nation. A time when talk of American "swagger" and "bullying" comes tripping from the tongue.
Generally Speaking
In the interests of helping voters decide if they would support General Wesley Clark I thought I'd help clarify some of the General's positions for you. This is the first in what will become a regular series of posts: Wesley Clark on Abortion: Q: Would you sign the partial-birth abortion bill, which is about to be passed by Congress? CLARK: I don't know whether I'd sign that bill or not. I'm not into that detail on partial-birth abortion. In general, I'm pro-life--excuse me, I'm pro-abortion rights. Source: CNN, Crossfire Aug 1, 2003 Got that? I do have to give Clark some credit for being honest enough to say he's "pro-abortion" rather than claiming the mealy mouthed meaningless "pro-choice" label. I'm sure his handlers will make sure he doesn't make that mistake again now that his campaign has officially kicked off. Perhaps when Wes has a free moment or two he can catch up on the "detail" of partial birth abortion to help him make up his mind.
Gonna Harden My Heart
Okay maybe the trip was worthwhile after all: U.S. Sen. Norm Coleman, a Republican from Minnesota, is reportedly hardening his position on Cuba just 24 hours into a visit to the Communist-run nation, a source in his four-member delegation told Reuters on Saturday. Coleman has in the past favored easing the more than four-decade-old U.S. embargo on Cuba, even though President Bush strongly supports the sanctions. "The senator is hardening his position and now wants to see movement on human rights before a further loosening of sanctions," said a member of Coleman's delegation who asked not to be named.
Separated At Birth?
Current Twins chucker with an amazing knack for pitching well past his prime Jesse Orosco and... Deceased comic thespian with an amazing knack for acting well past his prime Norman Fell? Courtesy of long time Fraters reader PH.
A Far And Wide Influence
From Lilek's Bleat today: If I may boast: I can speak Italian. Sounds like he's been reading too much Berg again.
NRO Tops the List
Yet another poll from John Hawkins at Right Wing News. This time a select group of bloggers (and us) was asked to pick our favorite political websites. Not surprisingly National Review Online finished first. I was a bit surprised that Rachel Lucas didn't make the list. I guess she just doesn't use the term "asshat" frequently enough to rate. I was also sursprised the see Mr. Lileks on the list. As much as I enjoy the Bleat, it's not the first place I turn for hard hitting political commentary (that would be Spitbull). Besides James hardly ever says "asshat" or "assclown". How can you expect to run a top flight political blog without employing those clever adjectives?
Breakfast At Atomizer's
I rarely eat breakfast. It's not that I'm not hungry in the morning, but I'd rather spend those precious morning hours sleeping and I take pride in the fact that I can go from blissful slumber in my bed to agitated anxiety at my desk in about 50 minutes. From the moment that my alarm clock jolts me out of bed, I am on a strict schedule. No time for dalliance. It's shave, shower, dress and bolt out the door with nary a second to spare for such frivolities as nutrition. Then there are days like today. I was up late last night trying out the Rhapsody digital music service. After encountering some maddening downloading problems, I felt compelled to suck down a few heaters just to retain my sanity. In deference to my non-smoking landlord I usually smoke outside on the deck but this time, needing to be near the computer to monitor the 'quick and easy' music download, I reverted to simply opening a few windows. I eventually completed this laborious process sometime after midnight and headed off to bed forgetting to close the fargin' windows and, at 6:30 this morning, awoke in what felt like the back corner of a meat locker. Regaining the ability to sleep was out of the question at this point so I went about my typical morning routine and, of course, found myself with a half hour to spare. "Why not scare up a bit of breakfast?" I asked myself. Being a cheerful sort in the morning, I answered myself with "Capital idea!" and proceeded to the kitchen to see what I had. I started with coffee. I got a little over one scoop out of the open bag of coffee and, needing more to make a full pot, opened a fresh pouch. Pretty straightforward, one would think, but this particular pouch was so crammed full of coffee grounds that once it was opened, the contents leapt for freedom. I held the package carefully while I groped for the Ziploc bag I had just tossed. Spill coffee on counter, curse, spill coffee on floor, curse, spill coffee all over cooktop while filling Ziploc bag, curse. I eventually managed to get the filter full of coffee and moved on to the next step, filling the coffee maker with water. Pretty straightforward, one would think, but as soon as I started pouring water into the top, it started coming out of the bottom. Since I was filling the cursed appliance with the very vessel that was supposed to collect the brewed result, there was nothing below to catch the offending liquid. Curse Mr. Coffee, grab for paper towel, curse again after remembering I ran out of paper towels two days ago, grab oven mitt, remember that oven mitts lack absorbency, curse while pushing pool of water into crevice between refrigerator and cabinet. I eventually triumphed and had the coffee brewing. Next, find some food. I looked for bread...none. I had some English muffins once...gone. Oatmeal...over a year old and as unappealing as ever. Eggs! A-ha! Now that's a breakfast food! Now, how to cook them. Having little patience for preparation work at this point, I decided to go for sunny side up. Pretty straightforward, one would think. I dropped two eggs into the pan and left the kitchen briefly to check the morning news. Upon my return to the stove, I saw the edges of the eggs turning brown. I guess I had the heat up too high...no problem. I like my eggs crunchy. Look for spatula, remember that roommate had taken spatula when he moved to California, curse, look for fork, realize that all forks were in the dishwasher, curse, smell burning eggs, remove pan from heat, tilt pan towards plate, curse at motionless eggs, remember previous roommate had scraped non-stick coating off pan with the spatula that now lives in California, curse, grab spoon, scrape eggs from pan onto plate, look at steaming pile of burnt egg whites and sloppy uncooked yolks and ask myself why I had wanted to eat these things in the first place. Being a crabby sort in the morning, I told myself to shut the hell up and ate my pile of egg goo. Tonight, I'm smoking on the deck.
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Will Run For Beer
 The weather for Saturday's 2003 James Page Blubber Run could not have been better. Crystal clear blue skies with temps in the mid-sixties. Perfect running weather. And drinking weather too. The race began at 10:00am with a shotgun start (although the loud report sounded more like a howitzer being fired). One of of the first sites of interest we passed was Downtown Jay-goo-R, where I caught a glimpse of a few of the premier vehicles that we did not get our promised ride in. Thanks Hugh. Next we crossed the Hennepin Avenue Bridge , which spans the Mississippi River and connects Downtown with Nordeast. Just a bit further on at River Place, many of the runners stopped for a cold one. We resisted the siren's call and made the turn to go back across the river, this time on the historic Stone Arch Bridge. Soon we were making our way down the home stretch and the finish line beckoned with the promise of a cessation of our running as well as a couple, two three hard earned beers. The post race festivities were held at Peavey Plaza which is a beautiful open space in Downtown Minneapolis, right next to Orchestra Hall (the building on the right of the photo). The Plaza is also bordered by modern skyscrapers as well as older, less imposing structures. In the summer it features a large pool and fountain but by this time of year the pool has been drained and the Blubber Run (as well as the homeless) take advantage of the extra space. Musical entertainment was provided by Tina formerly of the modestly successful local group Tina and the B-Sides. The Blubber Run is not a real serious racing affair and far more attention is paid to the costumes of the runners than the racing times they turn in. This year's event was one of the hardest to judge and there were many worthy finalists. I'm happy to report that the two 70's tennis stars took the top spot with the peanuts finishing a close second. Afterward one of the peanut gals tried to ease her pain with the deliciously sinful combination of tobacco and beer. No comment as yet from Planters on the inappropriate behavior of one of their role models. You gotta be careful when good legumes go bad.
George Stephanopolous's Politics Machine
This morning I caught the last 45 minutes of the revamped version of "This Week with George Stephanopolous." Big changes were apparent since the last time I checked in with the program some weeks ago. They've got a different set, different format, different pacing. It all looks OK. But they do have the same host, which largely negates any other improvements made. I think Stephanopolous is a smart guy, genial, and effective as a political strategist and communicator (as the movie "The War Room" attests). But for whatever reason, he's a lousy TV presenter. I find it hard to describe exactly what his problem is, but he comes off in a childish manner. His tone is that of the smartest 13-year-old in his class, showing off in front of the teacher. His delivery is flawless, but he relies too heavily on scripted comments and you never get the sense he's engaged with his interview subjects, beyond what was written in advance. He doesn't project any command or control of the show, which is a problem since it's designed to be driven by his personality. But it lumbers along on of its own, often times sluggish, momentum. If Stephanopolous were to be removed from the program and replaced with any of the many generic face men on the ABC News roster, the show would not appreciably change (with the possible exception of getting better). It's clear that ABC realized these problems, since many of the format changes seem to be designed to give Stephanopolous a greater appearance of command. No longer is he allowed to sit with multiple strong personalities in a free form conversational environment. During these times, Stephanopolous as host was relegated to mostly silence and traffic directing, butting in to change topics according to the script and throwing it to commercials on time. They've now gone to almost exclusively one-on-one interviews and even these are supplemented with video features, never allowing for too much interaction where Stephanopolous can be overshadowed. This is unfortunate since the hallmark of the old "This Week" (when the hosts were Brinkley, Donaldson, and Roberts) was the lively panel discussion. I also noticed Stephanopolous is now given the appearance of controlling when the video features are run. He's got a high tech touch pad in front of him and after he reads the introduction for one of these video presentations, he makes a deliberate turn to the keypad and a demonstrative button pushing gesture. But it's all a facade, since the timing is out of synch. Sometimes the video starts to run in the background before he pushes the button. Other times the video runs without him pushing anything. Strange that they'd go through all the trouble of setting up this routine, then blow the choreography and continuity. Especially strange since everything else is so tightly scripted. The whole thing reminds of a program called "George Michael's Sports Machine." It was a nationally syndicated sports highlight program that ran on Sunday nights (and apparently still does in many markets, but I haven't seen it in probably ten years). George Michael was a local sports anchor from an LA station, not the Wham! singer (although that might have made a more compelling program, since this other George Michael had all the stage presence of Andrew Ridgely). Part of their schtick was something called the "Sports Machine" that George Michael would rev up to play the video clips of the great plays of the week. In concept the Sports Machine was nothing more than a VCR, but they made it out to be some huge UNIVAC looking computer with colored blinking lights and reel to reel tapes whirring frantically. And yes, it was all supposedly controlled by George Michael who, when it was time to run the video, would make a deliberate turn to the keypad and a demonstrative button pushing gesture. Hard to believe ABC News is deliberately copying some hack sports show from years past. But then again, it's hard to believe they've turned over what was once the premiere political analysis show on television to some overmatched and chronically flailing TV neophyte like George Stephanopolous, so anything's possible. There was one moment of the broadcast that worked. Near the end of the show, they presented the best of the late night comics political humor for the week and there was this from Conan O'Brien: Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark had a campaign event the other day at the end of which as a promotional gesture he handed out Clark Bars to all in attendance. That's right Clark Bars. This prompted fellow Democratic candidate for president Dick Gephardt to change his name to Dick Butterfingers. I'm paraphrasing that since I can't find a direct citation on the net. But I did find the NBC sight that runs Conan O'Brien's quotables from weeks past. They're about a month behind on their posting schedule, so it may be a while until the recent stuff is up. In the mean time, here's a few other O'Brien jokes that bear repeating: "This week, at an auction, a pair of boxer shorts once worn by President John F. Kennedy sold for $5,000. Also going for $5,000 was a bra once worn by Ted Kennedy." "Earlier today in Africa, a man was arrested after he snuck onto President Bush's press plane by posing as a journalist. It turns out it was Geraldo." "In her book coming out next week, Hillary Clinton says that when President Clinton confessed about his affair with Monica, she wanted to, quote, "wring his neck.' Hillary decided against it, when she realized choking Bill would only enhance his orgasm." "The Justice Department has barred a group of gay employees from holding their annual gay pride event at the department's headquarters. The move was part of Attorney General John Ashcroft's new 'Don't Ask, Don't Be Gay' policy."
When Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura visited Cuba on a trade mission in 2002 I was not pleased. Jesse allegedly traveled to Havana to explore opportunities to open the Cuban markets for Minnesota products, particularly agriculture. Since Cuba is essentially broke I was skeptical about the trade prospects and criticized Ventura for meeting with Castro.
Now Republican Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman is in Cuba to explore future trade possibilities and meet with human rights activists. While I do give Coleman credit for making human rights part of his visit I still don't like the whole idea of the trip. At least he's probably not going to ask Castro about the Kennedy assassination, something that Ventura proudly reported doing on his visit. Labels: Cuba
Saturday, September 20, 2003
The Reports of His Resurrection Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
Way, way, way back in January, the Elder commented on a Star Tribune report that Mark Dayton was preparing to come out of his shell and start raisin? hell on behalf of his constituents. According to the paper, only two years after he was elected, Dayton was going to make his voice heard. Based on their use of terms such as Dayton ?unshackled? and Dayton quotes such as ... ?I?m no shrinking violet, I wouldn?t have got here if I didn?t have something to say. I?m just getting started.? ... Minnesotans eagerly awaited Hurricane Dayton?s arrival in Washington and the damage he promised to visit upon entrenched special interests. And eight long months later .... we?re still waiting. Waiting for him to do anything substantial on matters of importance. As Minnesotans have come to expect, it?s been pretty quiet over at the Dayton camp since January. He votes in lockstep with the liberal wing of the Democratic party, occasionally chimes in with distracted and vague criticisms of the President, proposes legislation on such things as telemarketing, and threatens to shut the government down if federally subsidized soundproofing of houses around the MSP airport doesn?t continue. But that?s about it. When you?re not laughing at his record of accomplishment, you?re yawning at it. But before you write Dayton off too quickly as an ineffectual backbencher, disrespected even among elites of his own party, I have one request. Put your ear to the ground and listen. Hear that low rumble? It just might be the long promised arrival of the runaway freight train of political power that is Mark Dayton. At least that?s what the local alternative weekly newspaper might have you believe. In this week?s issue of the City Pages, the title of the article says it all: ?Dayton: Back from the Dead?? Author David Schimke claims to have picked up a few signs that maybe, just maybe, Mark Dayton really is finally getting ready to let him self loose on the body politic. Or as he puts it: ?There is evidence though, that Dayton, heretofore known as a quiet legislator, has finally decided to make some noise in an outside of the Senate chambers.? The evidence? A churlish, ill mannered performance during a debate with Sen. Norm Coleman at the State Fair. And Dayton?s hiring of a new communications director, whose prime qualifications include ?enough juice to warrant a wedding write up in the New York Times last November.? According to Schimke, Dayton seemed ?downright defiant? toward Coleman at the State Fair debate. Including the uttering of statements that had the hearts of liberals like Schimke racing: "You can?t say you?re for spending cuts when you?re doubling the budget in Iraq and Afghanistan,? an audibly agitated Dayton argued, opening up the throttle 20 minutes into the hour long program." Wow. Vroom vroom indeed. Hard to deny that logic. Unless you understand (or admit you understand) the simple concept that cutting domestic spending programs considered to be wasteful, inefficient, and ultimately deleterious to the recipients has no relationship to foreign policy expenditures made to further the national interest in an on going war against terrorism. But Dayton can?t make this concession as he went on to say: ?That?s not fiscal restraint, that?s talking out of both sides of your mouth.? Schimke further illustrated Dayton?s newfound political prowess by this exchange: "[Coleman?s rhetoric] was plucky stuff, delivered with the eager smile and can-do cadence that still haunts St. Paul?s credit rating. Dayton, who at one point angrily repeated the phrase ?it?s a lie? three times, was in no mood for politics as usual, though, and left his unsuspecting opponent bloodied.? I?m sure that went over well in front of a midday, weekday State Fair audience of geriatrics and families. It makes me wonder if Dayton hired the same consultants who advised Al Gore to make exasperated sighs during George W.?s plucky, can-do rhetoric in that notorious debate of a few years ago. As was the case back in January, it seems the press is guilty of reporting their own hopes and aspirations as facts. And I suspect Dayton is no closer to becoming an effective advocate for anything than he was in January. To Schimke?s credit he does include in the article a dissenting view of Dayton?s abilities as an effective communicator. It?s from none other than Paul Wellstone?s former political consultant Bill Hillsman, who seems to know Dayton better than Dayton does: ?As Minneapolis-based political consultant Bill Hillsman sees it, though, expecting Dayton to save the day for Minnesota liberals is neither fair nor particularly realistic. "Perceptually, the Democrats put themselves in a big hole last fall. After Paul's plane went down, it was Coleman and [Tim] Pawlenty campaigning around the state for the Republicans. For the Dems it was [Roger] Moe and Mondale; now, for all the great things those two have done for the state over the years, the perception was that you had two young, dynamic politicians campaigning against two dinosaurs. "That's the image that people have of the Democrats in this state, and if you're expecting Mark Dayton to turn that around, that's asking a lot. It doesn't play to his strengths, and it's not a problem of his making."
Friday, September 19, 2003
The Taking Of Keegan's 1-2-3
As Saint Paul has already mentioned Team Fraters won an overwhelming (and I believe unprecedented) victory last night at Keegan?s inaugural Thursday night trivia. It wasn't just that we crushed the opposition, we obliterated them in a manner that left the publican wondering if anyone would even bother to show up next week knowing the merciless juggernaut that will await them. How bad was it? In baseball terms it would be comparable to a team going 136-26 with their closest pursuers finishing 91-71. That's a forty five game margin for you mathematically challenged readers out there (have Torii explain it to you Denny). In the NHL a team would have to collect 138 points while the next best finished with 92. We didn't even have to work up a sweat to win this one. It was almost not fair. But it was fun. Meanwhile reports are that Team K struggled mightily on the Tuesday night trivia session (a.k.a. The Geriatric Bowl) eeking out a victory with a miserable score of 13 out of 25. Clearly their team has seen better days. And better competition. Tuesday trivia has become the equivalent of the Senior's Tour in golf. Rumors are that Team K has petitioned the owner of Keegan's to start the Tuesday trivia at 4:30pm so they can sneak in dinner beforehand and still get home in time to catch that evening's 'Matlock' rerun before turning in at 8pm. I fear that soon it will become nothing more than a glorified bingo session. Thursday nights is where it's at these days and Team Fraters has its eye on the prize and we're ready to grab the brass ring. Last night as we basked in the afterglow of our triumph, the proprietor of Keegan's wondered if we might be able to repeat for four or five consecutive weeks. "Four or five weeks?," JB Doubtless asked incredulously "This is the start of a six year run baby." Forget the free drink coupons, t-shirts, and Renaissance tickets (please forget the Renaissance tickets!). We're hunting bigger game now. We want the deed.
Can't Touch This
If it's a Friday it must mean there's a excellent VDH piece at National Review Online: In a newspaper this week, I scanned news on Iraq and then flipped to a column written for the American homeowner. It really was a humane and thoughtful piece about saving toads ? and why pool owners must leave floating objects in their chlorinated water to ensure that any unfortunate toad that scrambled in for a late-night drink might find a life raft and thus not drown in such an antiseptic soup. Such concern at a time of war for garden amphibians perhaps reflects well on our morality, but right now primordial and vicious al Qaedists, Baathists, and Islamic-fascists are not worrying about the drowning of toads in their suburban swimming pools.
Realpolitik West Coast Style
Long time F.O.F. JP checks in from Folsom, CA with what is probably the most honest and straight forward apprasial of the choice faced by conservatives in the California recall that I've yet come across: I would like to be a Tombot because I have always liked his fiscal good sense. Unfortunately, Senator McClintock has as much a chance of winning as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. I also think the luster is starting to come off his conservative credentials by virtue of his stubborn insistence on staying in the race. And speaking of Laura Ingraham, if you were listening to her Monday or Tuesday, you would have heard hear ask Tom McClintock about the Injuns donating casino money to Cruz Bustamante. McClintock, served up a nice hanging curve on a red-meat issue, jumped to the defense of Indian gaming and the casinos. I was absolutely stunned. He started talking about the historical mistreatment of the Indians, their sovereignty, etc.. At the time, I was surprised, and did not understand why, until I heard on Hugh Hewitt that the casinos are running Tombot commercials. At that point I wondered (in an e-mail to HH) whether Tom is naive for accepting their money, or cynically corrupt in selling out in exchange for the money. If the later, then he is still to naive to think that the Injuns really think he can win, and naive for thinking he can win. It has now, sadly, moved beyond principles. The problem with "Ahnold" is I have yet to hear one damn thing that I agree with, other than his constant refrain about "Califoynians" being over-taxed. That sounds good, in theory, but to date there's no meat on the bones. I remain troubled by him, but I won't throw my vote away just to prove that I have principles. Ultimately, it is about winning, and I think that only Ahnold can win. The decision is Ahnold vs. Cruz. Period. Nothing more. Unfortunately, there are a lot of "right-wing crazies" (Ahnold's term) who are still cheering for Tom and would prefer losing an election to sacrificing their principles. With thousands of absentee ballots already cast, HH may be correct in saying it may be too late. So I am for Ahnold, but I am not happy about it. I like Tom, but am terribly troubled by his taking money from the Tribes, and he may lose my support in any future effort. In the end, we are going to have to govern this State through the Initiative process, as even with a nominally Republican governor, the Democrats in the assembly and senate are absolutely nuts. You have no idea how crazy those bastards are. Hang in there JP. Don't let the bastards drag you down.
Insert Fork. They Are Done. (And This Time I Mean It)
The White Sox are toast. Yesterday's Twins victory keyed by Jacques Jones pair of two-run homers , completed a sweep of the not-so mighty Whities and put the Twins 3 1/2 games up. As Lileks might say, "C'est finis." The Twins triumph also means we are witness to a rare phenomena. It doesn't happen often. In fact the next scheduled occurrence is June 9, 2016. Live it up now 'cause it won't happen again any time soon. Yes, the Elder was wrong. (Gasps from the crowd. Women faint away.) I thought the Twins had let the Central Division crown slip from their grasp after their uninspired play in mid-August when they dropped three out of four to the hated Clevelanders. I am now happy to admit that, yes, I was wrong. But I also believe it was my calling the team out and ripping them and the fans that really woke them up and turned the season around. You're welcome. From viewing our traffic logs I know for a fact that three, maybe four Twins players read the site daily. Someone must then explain it (very slowly) to Denny Hocking since his reading comprehension skills never advanced past the Dick & Jane primers. Anyway it's nice to know that we've made a difference. The situation definitely calls for music. My first thought was that the haunting voice of the Orb singing It's Over would be a nice serenade to the broken hearted Sox fans. Then I recalled that the South Siders had a favorite ballad that was perfect for the occasion. Please rise and join with me in singing (and waving) this stirring tribute to the gallant White Sox and their fans: Na na na na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye na na na na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye...
Conservatively Speaking
Mitch Berg of late has been involved in a discussion over which political party has the momentum at this point in the election cycle. Mitch has made some persuasive points, although even he admits the evidence is inconclusive that either party has captured the imagination of the undecided populace in the middle who will decide the victor in ?04. Last night while surfing the cable channels, I picked up a few more data points to show that just maybe big mo' is swinging the right way. After Fraters Libertas laid waste to the field at Keegan?s new Thursday night trivia, I came home, settled in for some late night TV, and ran across a couple of unlikely spokesmen for the conservative cause. First, Robert Smith, the former Minnesota Vikings running back. He was on Fox Sports Best Damn Sports Show. Amid his typically articulate and well considered comments, Smith threw out a couple of observations that indicate where his political sympathies may reside. While commenting on Randy Moss, he said that he thought Moss could become a real leader on the Vikings team. Regarding Moss?s past indiscretions, Smith said that was due to the typical immaturity of youth. He then said something to the effect of ?we?re all immature when we?re that age and do things we regret. Look at me, I voted for Clinton twice.? Later, Smith was asked to comment on Maurice Claret, the troubled running back at Smith?s old school Ohio State (which, as Smith corrected one of the hosts, is not Smith?s alma mater, since he has yet to graduate). He again brought up the issue of immaturity saying (and I?m paraphrasing here) ?you have to understand, this is a guy who has Jim Brown advising him on his personal life.? When challenged by one of the hosts at this perceived heresy of the jockocracy (and activist liberals), Smith said ?I?m just saying when you have Jim Brown advising you, you?re probably not making the best decisions.? Over on NBC, Jay Leno had Dana Carvey on. He was hilarious, making me wonder why this guy?s career has been dead since leaving SNL, what 10 years ago? At the very least, Carvey needs a weekly TV venue to showcase his George W. Bush impression. It?s dead on accurate, and Carvey knows how and when to exaggerate it for satirical affect, something Will Farrel never figured out. (And if not TV, how about a weekly radio spot? Hugh Hewitt, Generalissimo - get on this, it's a million dollar idea. I'd have to think his appearances would go at least as well an an interview with Michael Caine.) When asked about politics, between the jokes, all of Carvey?s comments were conservative in nature. He strongly supports Schwarzenegger in the California recall, saying something about how it?s time to have someone fresh, with new ideas, in office, instead of another Orville Redenbacher look alike. Then Carvey went off on Gray Davis, even referring to him as ?Gay? Davis two times. Simple name calling like that was uncharacteristic for Carvey, but strangely it did draw big laughs from the audience both times. Carvey went on to say a few other generally supportive things about George W. and his efforts to battle terrorism. Just a few years ago it would have seemed unthinkable for a prominent minority athlete and a member of the Hollywood entertainment establishment to come out and support (even obliquely) conservative positions on national television. But in a one hour period on a Thursday night, I saw both. Which leads me to the conclusion, if Robert Smith and Dana Carvey be for us, who could be against us?
Black Gold?Idaho Tea
Forbes magazine recently published their annual list of the 400 richest Americans. While perusing this list, I came across the following entry: 76. Simplot, John Richard and family, 94, $2.4 billion, Boise, Idaho, potatoes, microchips I can see Ma and Pa Simplot about thirty years ago sitting around the kitchen table: ?Ma,? says John, ?these here potatoes have done us right good in the past. But we needs ourselves something to do in this next comin? twenty first century. I hears that the microchip is what them youngun?s is all worked up about. Hows abouts we grow ourselves a mess of ?em?? And the rest is history.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Run, Elder, Run
No, my fantasy of the masses gathering in the streets under my balcony, chanting, pumping their fists in the air, demanding that I throw my hat into the political ring has not become a reality. Yet. Actually I'm training for the annual James Page Blubber Run a.k.a. The Frank Pastore Classic, which will take place this Saturday in downtown Minneapolis. Training is probably not really the right word for it since we're only talking about a 5k here, but if you run as often as I do it seems like a grueling regime. Last week I strapped on the sneakers and hit the road for the first time in nearly two years. I keep in pretty decent shape by playing hockey, biking, roller blading, and almost daily walks but running is a different animal. The first couple of times I go out are usually brutal as I struggle to discover a sustainable pace and feel pain in areas that I'm not accustomed to. For me it's the knees. For whatever reason running seems to bring out the worst in my knees at least when I first take it up again. After getting out twice last week, I've managed to sneak in three jaunts so far this week and I'm feeling progressively better with each run. The knees are becoming a little less painful each time and I'm finding it easier to get into my "zone". Every time I start running again after an extended break I despise it initially and wonder why the hell I'm punishing my body. But after I reach the point where I can hit the zone and put it on cruise control I really enjoy it. I've also found that what you listen to while you run can help or hinder you. Talk radio is okay. When it's good you can lose yourself in the discussion and time and the miles fly by. Commercials are a big distraction though and I don't like listening to stations that always have to tell you what time it is. When I run I want to know what time it is when I start and when I finish. In between I don't want to know. Too much to think about. The less I'm actually thinking about running itself, the better I run. Music is better. And the best music for me is classical and jazz. Long songs that draw you in slowly and hold your attention. Yesterday I was cruising along listening to a little Ludwig van interspersed with some classic Miles Davis. I was living in the zone. The advantage to the lengthier tracks is that you don't consciously track your time as you tend to do with shorter ones. If I listen to a collection of three plus minute songs I am too aware of how many I've heard or what point I'm at on the album and thus I know how long I've been running. Which, as I've mentioned before is not a good thing. It remains to be seen whether I'll be able to recapture these all too fleeting moments of running Zen on Saturday. I'll be with friends and so there will be no music for me to zone on. And the large crowd and short race will make pacing difficult at best. Finally the most critical question to the success of a Blubber Run has yet to be answered: Are we stopping and having a beer at the halfway point?
That's Gotta Hurt
It can get pretty cold here in the winter but I don't recall ever hearing about this particularly painful way to fall victim to the elements before. German Panzer Group commander Heinz Guderian on the conditions in Russia in 1941 from Masters of Death: The SS-Einsatzgruppen and the Invention of the Holocaust: A few days later Guderian recorded an outside temperature of -63F; "many men died while performing their natural functions," he wrote gruesomely, "as a result of the congelation of the anus."
Roosevelt Lied, Private Ryan Died!
Lileks lights up the Star Tribune for a lengthy editorial that appeared yesterday on the "lies" that lead us into war. I could not bring myself to read the editorial when I opened the paper yesterday, knowing full well the sort of specious drivel that saturated it. I wanted to enjoy my breakfast and although you might think it difficult to spoil two pieces of toast and a glass of OJ, the Strib editorial writers have proven adept and doing just that in the past. The sad truth of the matter is that you could pick a Star Tribune editorial on a daily basis and take it apart. In fact between Power Line, Mitch Berg, Lileks, and us not a week goes by when at least one (usually more) of their pieces doesn't get put through the wood chipper. Today there is an editorial that actually supports the Ninth Circuit Court's recall decision, an opinion shared by very few nationwide regardless of political affiliation. Even the Strib's ideological brethren, the LA Times, came out out against it. But for the Strib editorialistas the court's decision is the proper one because it's "fair": From the outset, the California recall has been an appalling spectacle -- a mean-spirited abuse of process, masked as citizen initiative. This alone is reason to wish it be done with, and quickly. But even an election as farcical as this one must be fair. Note the condescending tone. The recall is a "spectacle" and "farcical". Apparently a million Californians signing petitions is a "mean spirited abuse of process". Exactly how delaying the election would makes things more "fair" is never really explained in the editorial nor are the difficulties that will arise if the decision is not reversed, but why the let the facts get in the way of writing an editorial that makes you feel good about yourself? It hasn't stopped the Strib in the past and I'm afraid it won't in the future. I foresee a lot more spoiled breakfasts ahead of me.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
What Did She Just Say?!
Anyone who is in the mood for some mindless fun (you're reading this, aren't you?) should check out this text-to-speech site provided by AT&T. It has a limit of 36 words so forget about inputting that Risk Management textbook you've been struggling to read. Keep it short and, for God's sake, keep it clean! If you have trouble coming up with something to input, try having the British Audrey voice say "Atomizer has the strength of twenty men and is more brilliant than a thousand suns." It sounds like a sneak preview of the BBC documentary that will someday undoubtedly be made about me.
The Politics Of Failure Have Failed
While we're visiting the subject of space aliens impersonating people check out this portion of Wesley Clark's speech today that I've spliced with Kodo's speech as Clinton from Treehouse of Horror VII and see if you can tell where the Kodos rhetoric comes in: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. For the first time since the Cold War, many Americans no longer feel safe at their homes and workplaces. These are historic times. And we?re going to run a campaign that?s worthy of the historic times in which we live. We?re going to run a campaign that will move this country forward, not back, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. If you said the Kodos portion began with "upward not forward" you are a winner. Okay I cheated. The first two lines are also from Kodos but don't tell me you couldn't see Clark saying them. I picked up the transcript of Clark's speech from the oddly named Wesley Clark Weblog . I say oddly named since it's written by two guys named Eric and Dave and it cleary states that is is not affiliated with the 'Americans For Clark' campaign in any manner.
You Say Tomato, I Say 12 Gauge Shotgun
Chucking stuff at cars. A time-honored tradition where I come from. The Elder and I (along with a neighbor) raised quite a bit of hell by throwing "Dirt bombs" (which were actually hard clay packed into golf ball-sized trajectiles) at vehicles for years. Usually we made them a day or two ahead and stored them in caches along a trail through the woods so there was always a proper supply. We?d head out at around dusk, often donning dark clothing to avoid detection. We would walk the trail which lead to an overlook on a fairly busy thoroughfare. This way we could thrown down on the unsuspecting cars and high tail it before they had a chance to figure out what happened. We aimed for hubcaps which, when hit made a distinctive ping that seemingly could be heard for blocks. Most people stopped for a second, then moved along thinking they were hearing things. If they actually saw the dirt bombs hit their car they would often stop and yell, but that was about it. But, once in a while we would hit the wrong car. We hit a 1975 Vega one night and in a heartbeat the car was stopped and teenagers were running up the hill to ?kick our asses?. Like wily VC we knew the trails better and managed to get away, but they put a good scare into us. Buses were the ultimate target. Three kids could hit an MTC bus at least 6 times as it lumbered by. They must have been the ones who called the cops one night. As I stood next to our neighbor in the woods I said ?Hey look, there?s the Elder over there. Why does he have a flashlight?? I then looked to my other side where the Elder himself was standing. We ran like hell, the Elder hiding under a duck boat and myself and our neighbor hightailing it to our garage. As we looked onto the street, we spotted 3 police cars canvassing the neighborhood. What a blast. So, I was completely shocked to see this story in the news today. Can't people do anything anymore?
More Right Slights
Although none of the following descriptions of the Democratic presidential candidates are concise or pithy, they are undeniably disparaging. And funny, showing why Jonah Goldberg is one of the best, even when (especially when?) he?s slinging mud. Or as we fans of comedic mud slinging like to call it, engaging in satire. From today?s NRO Corner It's hard not to make fun of Sharpton, Kucinich, and Braun. Lieberman looks like a rodeo clown who hasn't had his foundation make-up removed yet. Edwards is a trial lawyer who would still be a trial lawyer if he looked like Kucinich. I think I've said this before, but Dean's the sort of arrogant liberal who yells at you for buying the wrong book at his used book store. John Kerry looks like some suction-cup-fingered demon sucked-out his soul through his temples. Graham thinks he's doing history some great favor by recording his bowel movements on notepads. But what am I supposed to say about Wesley Clark? He's too neat? I'm sure we'll find something, but for now it's vexing. Jonah needs vex no longer, as the readers have found something and the Corner is now filling up with ways to send up Clark. Here?s the best so far: Gene Healy, who compared Dean and Clark thusly : "Dean, unlike Clark, is able to blink and doesn't have a creepy thousand-yard stare that makes him look like he's ready to either burst out incongruously into giggles or stab you in the eye with a pen."
What!?! No Molly Ivins?
Time for another poll by John Hawkins at Right Wing News. This time a group of worthy bloggers (and your's truly) was asked to select our favorite editorial columnists . Most of my choices placed in the top twenty although I had Lileks breaking into the top ten.
Worst Band Ever?
If I had a million dollars, I'd give it all to the Barenaked Ladies if they'd only promise to NEVER RECORD ANOTHER NOTE AGAIN!!! I believe another attack on the office stereo system is long overdue.
The Slight is Right!
Dustbury, a distinguished, elder statesman of the blogosphere, chimes in with an endorsement of my advice to a young blogger from Saturday. In particular, he supports rule number 7 about lying as a means to gain respect. That rule once again is: 7) Devote lots of posts to shameless boasting about your own accomplishments and meaningful experiences. If necessary, feel free to exaggerate, misrepresent, and outright lie. You're the expert on you and it's very hard to get Fisked based on a post about the gourmet dinner you prepared last night for your drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Don't be afraid of appearing arrogant. Readers want to be associated with the best and brightest. Who do you think they'd rather tell their friends is their favorite blogger, some guy who can analyze Howard Dean's position on health care reform, or some guy some guy who can analyze Howard Dean's position on health care reform AND is the undisputed master of the pan flute? And Dustbury illustrates how this is done, with a first hand report from his recent dinner party. So far as I can tell, he wants Dick Cheney to pay everyone's medical bills," Zamfir sniffed, and under the table, Sophia kicked me in the shins for inviting the guy in the first place on a night when she was hoping for something more, um, one on one, if you know what I mean. Regarding coining a pithy disparaging word for your political enemies (rule #3), Dustbury reminds us that both: "asshat" and "idiotarian" are so two years ago. He's quite correct. Surprisingly, my young protege himself, Spit Bull, came up with what may be the hateful slur of the next generation: RE NUMBER 3: HOW ABOUT "CRETINISTAS"? I like it. Not only does it call into question the intelligence of the Left while associating them with their pro-Communist sympathies of the past, it also subtly skewers the elitist privilege of Mac-Groveland private schooling. But since the understanding of this latter meaning is limited to the 5 square block area surrounding Cretin High School in St. Paul, I fear the name won't be widely appreciated. That's why I turn to you dear readers. I'd like to hear YOUR suggestions for the next great zinger of the blogosphere. A concise combination of words that encapsulate everything that's wrong with the Left, while at the same time being highly insulting, vicious, and mildly obscene. Since that's the tone of the emails I typically get anyway, I predict no shortage of great suggestions. (But please, this time leave my mother out of this). You know what I'm talking about, something that really hits people where they live, like "schlong-noscenti" or the "doofeoisie." So send your email my way, the winner is guaranteed a HUGE prize. That's right - a 'Deserve Victory!' bumper sticker. (PS - If I never write about this again, all your suggestions sucked. Good luck).
Maybe That Shakespeare Guy Is On To Something...
Last night professor David Allen White of the US Naval Academy was on the Hugh Hewitt show discussing some of the theories that abound about Shakespeare, including the notions that he did not write all of his plays and even that he did not actually exist. Professor White pooh poohed these claims as nonsensical attempts by "experts" to gain attention for themselves. He then jokingly claimed that his own pet conspiracy theory was that Hugh didn't actually broadcast his own show, but rather that Paul Harvey really did. At first I laughed along with the rest of the national audience but then I began to have second thoughts and decided to do a little research. After finding no reports or pictures of Hewitt and Harvey ever appearing together at the same time my suspicions grew. Now I ask you to judge for yourself. Are these two actually the same man? Paul Harvey  and Hugh Hewitt  Granted Hugh's hair is much grayer and he does look older. His forehead is also a bit bigger than Paul Harvey's but I believe it could all be cosmetics. It certainly would explain a lot. We're through the looking glass here people. (Note: Tonight on his radio show Hugh will likely claim that we are launching attacks on him for no cause. That is a lie. Just like his attempt to claim that American Pie was one of Lileks' favorite tunes. Last night he disrespected us on the national airwaves along with the honorable gentlemen from Infinite Monkeys. It was an unprovoked, uncalled for slandering of both of our good names and to maintain our rep and street cred within the blogosphere we cannot let it go without a response. We've been through this before with Hugh and have learned that turning the other cheek or attempting nuanced diplomacy with him will get you nowhere. In some ways he is the blogosphere's neighborhood bully and will keep smacking you until you stand up for yourself and smack him back. Some of the other kids like the candy that Hugh dishes out so much that they have turtled and taken his abuse without fighting back. We don't appease bullies or negotiate with them. We fight back.)
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
It All Depends On Whose Elite Is Being Gored
Conservative talk radio hostess Laura Ingraham has a new book out called Shut Up and Sing: How Elites from Hollywood, Politics, and the UN are Subverting America and it's doing quite well (#6 on Amazon's list today). Amazon describes the book thusly: From environmentalists to Hollywood celebrities to media yuppies, no American elite is safe from the astutely critical eye of Laura Ingraham. In this refreshing book Ingraham probes the condescending elitism of liberals in politics and entertainment. She shows how their lack of national pride, their distaste for religion, and their disregard of American ideals are undermining traditions and values across the country. And her criticisms go deeper than just the elites in the Democratic Party; she even zeroes in on elite enclaves in the GOP. Obviously all of these "elites" are deserving of their share of criticism and Ingraham is cleverly tapping into a long standing American distaste for what is perceived as the looking down your nose snobbery of the elite classes. She seeks to distinguish between these elites and what she calls "average Americans", a group she includes herself in. Now I have nothing against Ingraham personally, in fact I listen to her show on a somewhat regular basis, but attempts like this to play the populist card tend to rub me the wrong way. What Ingraham is trying to do with her book is similar to, but not in as egregious a manner as, Bill O'Reilly when he talks about how he stands up for "the folks". Yeah Bill you're just one of the "folks" aren't you? For Ingraham, whether she wants to admit it or not, is a member of an elite as well. A media elite. Oh it might not be the same media elite as Katie Couric, Dan Rather, Christiane Amanpour, Ray Suarez, Maureen Dowd, and Joe Klein but you damn well better believe she belongs to a media elite. This morning on her show she talked about how she had gone on Sean Hannity's radio show as well as Hannity and Colmes on Fox News yesterday to shill her new book. She also had Chris Matthews on the air and lobbed a few softball questions at him before mentioning that she would be on Hardball later this week. If you look at her web site you'll see that she's appearing on Greta Van Susteren's show tonight and on MSNBC's Scarborough Country on Wednesday. I'm sure she'll be on O'Reilly before the week is out. Not bad for an "average American". I don't have a problem with this sort of "I scratch your back and you scratch mine" exchange of favors and I understand that Ingraham is probably personally acquainted with many of her fellow media personalities and they see it as nothing more than helping a friend out. But do you think that a true "average American" would have a chance in hell of getting this kind of pub for a book that they had written? By all means go ahead and skewer the liberal elites Laura, but please don't try to sell us on the notion that you're just another Joe Sixpack or Sally Housecoat. Us average Americans ain't buying it.
?Fumble, you baaastards!?
Leon Jaroff writes in Time on how he won the Michigan-Minnesota football game.
Giant Size Quandary
2 bucks for a Giant Size Beef. Not a bad coupon, I thought to myself. I shall head to Arby's and I shall enjoy a bargain Giant Size Beef. 2:15, good time to go since I'll miss the lunch rush. Hop in car and cheerfully head down Snelling. I get there and notice no line in the drive-thru (btw, when did it become a "thru" versus a "through"? if there is anyone who knows such arcania please let me know. I'll bet that grade school english teachers rue the day "thru" became the norm). I get to the speaker "Yeah, I got a coupon for a Giant Size Beef for 1.99" I dopely say, suddenly realizing how stupid it sounds. "Okay, that'll be $2.45" says the voice. Hmm...$2.45, that doesn't sound right. Is there some special Giant Size Beef Tax that the city of St. Paul has enacted without a vote of the people? I mean, it's really not fair that one sandwich is a Giant Size Beef and the other is merely a Regular. Surely something could be done to even this out a little. I get to the window. "$2.45" says the young man. "I don't think so" says the hungry Doubtless. He looks at me, only a little perplexed and then says "$1.06". "I don't think that's right either" I retort. He then explains "Oh it's not. I just don't want to get the manager's key to do a void, so it's easier this way. Just feelin' lazy today I guess." I smile foolishly as if to say "I hear ya brother, some days it just don't matter". So I hand over the $1.06 and he smiles widely as the transaction concludes. He has the look of satisfaction on his face that two dudes who are On The Take often get, even though he UNDER charged me, I don't know him and I had no idea what the hell he was doing. I guess I should have given him $2.06 and let him handle the moral quandary, but the thought of only spending $1.06 for an entire Giant Size Beef was just too much. When I go to confession this week, I'll discuss this with my priest, but I'm pretty sure I sinned today. But damn was that a good sandwich and knowing how much it cost made it taste just a little better.
Exhuming 'Exhuming McCarthy'
Tonight R.E.M. will play at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul with ticket prices ranging from $34 to $74. They are still cranking out albums from a 1996 contract that they inked with Warner Bros. that pays them a cool $80 mil. But apparently it's not easy being green according to guitarist Peter Buck: There are also two new songs on the hits CD, 'In Time: 1988-2003,' which comes out Oct 14. One of the tunes, the wry rocker 'Bad Day,' takes lyrical jabs at conservative politics and "what the media is feeding us," Buck said. Fans can expect more topical material on next year's album, Buck said, suggesting it might hark back to many of R.E.M.'s Reagan-era releases. "It's a very trying time being in America right now and seeing what the government is doing in our name," he said. "That's reflected in our lyrics, but not directly. Michael always writes from a personal level, and he has very personal feelings about what's going on." Yes, it must be very "trying" to be a member of one of the most successful rock bands around. I feel your pain Pete. And Michael's too. The events of the day must cause him to suffer unbearably since he's such a sensitive, contemplative soul. Lighten up boys. To borrow a page from Laura Ingraham's latest book, would you please just "Shut Up and Sing"?
Just In Case This Whole Recall Thing Ever Does Take Place...
Tom or Arnold? The debates continues at National Review Online between Peter Robinson and some talk radio host from California. Is it too late to suggest Tom Arnold as a compromise candidate?
Communications Breakdown
How bad was yesterday's decision to postpone the California recall? Even the LA Times has come out against it in an editorial today. (Warning: registration required.) When will newspapers figure out how many potential online readers they turn away by forcing registration? Hugh Hewitt mentioned the Star Tribune's registration requirements yesterday (which I wrote about in June when they were implemented) as well as the poor search function and overall difficulty in navigating their web site. Why is it so difficult to understand a simple concept? If you want people to read your site make it as easy as possible for them. Maybe they do need a guy like Mitch to help out.
If You Pay It They Will Come
A depressing look at why Medicare is a trainwreck waiting to happen and what occurs when you allow people to have unlimited access to health care without any cost consequences (hint: they become hypochondriacs): Doctor visits have become a social activity in this place of palm trees and gated retirement communities. Many patients have eight, 10 or 12 specialists and visit one or more of them most days of the week. They bring their spouses and plan their days around their appointments, going out to eat or shop while they are in the area. They know what they want; they choose specialists for every body part. And every visit, every procedure is covered by Medicare. Boca Raton, researchers agree, is a case study of what happens when people are given free rein to have all the medical care they could ever imagine. It is also a cautionary tale, they say -- timely as Medicare's fate is being debated in Congress -- for it demonstrates that what the program covers, and how much it pays, determines what goes on in a doctor's office and why it is so hard to control costs. South Florida has all the ingredients for lavish use of medical services, health care researchers say, with its large population of affluent, educated older people and the doctors to accommodate them. As a result, Dr. Elliott Fisher, a health services researcher at Dartmouth Medical School, said patients have more office visits, see more specialists and have more diagnostic tests than almost anywhere else in the country. Medicare spends more per person in South Florida than almost anywhere else -- twice as much as in Minneapolis, for example. But there is no apparent medical benefit, Fisher said, adding, "In our research, Medicare enrollees in high-intensity regions have 2 to 5 percent higher mortality rates than similar patients in the more conservative regions of the country.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Try Not To Drool Quite So Much On The End Of It
This is why you should buy your weed from guys with names like Toker who hang out at high school parties, wear Body Glove apparel (despite being 1,200 miles from the nearest ocean) and say things like ?Dude, let?s get some ?za!?.
Let's Make A Deal
With the release last week of the latest cost estimate for the post war reconstruction in Iraq and Afghanistan, critics of the Bush administration have jumped all over the President for his budgetary policies. Regrettably, in this case at least, they have a point. Bush is attempting to pursue three expensive objectives in the midst of a soft economy and as a result his budget is beginning to look like Elvis in 1977. Bloated and headed for disaster. Spending on the military and homeland security is obviously a priority given the on going war on terror and it has increased significantly since 9/11. In order to spark the economy, the President has also pushed various tax cuts through Congress in the last few years. Finally federal spending on areas outside of defense and homeland security has also increased under Bush. These three factors, combined with the sluggish economy have resulted in record deficits (at least in terms of raw dollars) that are only projected to get worse in the decade ahead. During the 80's Ronald Reagan increased military spending in order to win the Cold War and cut taxes to help the economy at the same time. But he also cut the non-defense related portion of the budget. Even so his actions lead to large deficits. In time revenues increased as the economy boomed, thanks in part to the tax cuts. The deficits became smaller and smaller. In the 90's we actually saw a budget surplus thanks mostly to a strong economy, reduced defense spending as a result of the end of the Cold War, and a Congress that exercised at least a modicum of spending restraint. It was Clinton's surplus because he was in office at the time but it was Reagan who laid the foundation, without which it would never have occurred. With the situation that exists in the nation today there is no way that President Bush can continue to: a) fund the war on terror b) cut taxes c) increase non-defense spending You can certainly do one of the three. You can maybe even do two. But you cannot possibly hope to continue to pursue all three. Something has to give. And plenty of liberals know just what that should something should be. Yesterday an editorial in the Minneapolis Star Tribune called on the President to not make permanent the temporary tax cuts previously passed: The obvious answer is that Bush should withdraw his proposal for permanent extensions of the various temporary tax cuts that he has sent to Congress these last three years. In Washington there is much debate about why the government has plunged back into deficit spending after four years of surpluses starting in the late 1990's. Any honest answer is that recession, war and tax cuts each made some contribution. Only one of those contributors is controllable, the tax cuts. One thing is plain from the latest projections of the Congressional Budget Office, a nonpartisan and trusted scorekeeper. If the temporary tax cuts expire as scheduled, starting in 2006, the nation will move back toward balanced budgets by the end of this decade. If the tax cuts become permanent, they will cost the Treasury more than $100 billion annually by mid-decade, doom the government to essentially permanent deficits and impose a huge debt on the next generation of taxpayers. It's actually a sign of progress that the Strib editorial board now acknowledges the war on terror and the struggling economy as contributing factors to the deficits. Until recently they liked to lay the blame on the Bush "tax cuts for the rich". However, they do fail to mention that the increased levels of non-defense spending have also played a role. It's also encouraging to note that they recognize that spending to fight terrorism and win the war is not optional. They are asking us to make sacrifices to support the war effort and tax cuts are the first thing they want tossed on the pyre. And I agree. There is nothing more critical to the future of our country than our success in the war on terror. Nothing. And I'm willing to give up "my" tax cuts to do it. (While recognizing of course the negative impact this would have on the economy.) However, I think it's only fair that the burden be shared. Therefore I propose that in addition to shelving the tax cuts we also cut non-defense/homeland security related spending. By the same amount (dollar for dollar) that the tax cuts would have been worth had they been made permanent. Sounds like that would be about a hundred billion by 2005 if the Strib stats are correct. After all we're all in this together and we all need to make sacrifices. Right?
That Sounds Like Somethin' You'd Say
What Star Tribune music critic Chris Riemenschneider said in yesterday's paper: Whatever you believe to be the degree of destitution at Minneapolis' most legendary nightclub, nobody with a sense of culture beyond Fox-TV, Clear Channel radio and Applebee's restaurants wants to see the financially challenged venue close. What our own JB Doubtless said in an August post calling for the closure of First Avenue: I was discussing the eventual and long-overdue closing of First Avenue with someone the other day and after we both had a good laugh that it needed to happen, I proposed that ALL area live music clubs be shut down for a period ten years. I can see a young couple going over the City Pages deciding on what to do on a Saturday night: ?Well? one says ?We could head down to the Entry where a band called the Against are playing.? ?I?ve never heard of them, what are they like?? ?The paper says they are Emo-core, but with a Punkabilly soul and a smattering of ska? ?Umm, let?s just go to Bennigan?s and then catch a movie.? When Bennigan?s announces that it may have to close it?s doors because no one eats there, we can go over the reasons all chain restaurants should be shuttered. Hmmmm...
Boogie Fever
The Minnesota Wild have began training camp last week and given the team?s appearance in the Stanley Cup Semi-finals last year, local interest is sky high this year. It?s going to be difficult for the team to live up to the raised expectations of the casual fans (like me) of at least equaling their playoff run of last year. Even if they play up to their abilities, merely gaining a playoff birth may be all one could reasonably expect. But there is one way to keep those like me happy, no matter what the on ice results are. Get a goon with some personality. A story from yesterday?s Star Tribune suggests that perhaps they have their man: With a meaty left hand, 6-7, 261-pound Derek Boogaard ended the ban on fighting Saturday morning. Boogaard, a seventh-round pick in 2001, ripped the helmet off Nick Greenough, spiked it, then traded punches with the overmatched 6-4, 225-pound defenseman. "I don't like hitting the helmet," Boogaard said. "The helmet is a lot harder on the hand than the melon. Plus, they usually fall when you hit them in the head." Bluntly put, but undeniably true. Turns out Boogaard, or ?The Boogey Man? as he?s known, is already a folk hero among those obsessive, fixated fans of the hockey underground (for directions to their subterranean lair, see the Elder ). He also makes regular interview appearances on a Web site known as Wild Enforcers. See below for just a hint of what we Minnesotans may be enjoying all winter long: Q: How do you approach most of your fight partners? Call them out doing a face off, tug at their sweater during play, just make eye contact? A: A combination of all of them. Sometimes I just smack them with my stick on the way by. Q: You renewed an old rivalry with Mike Lee the other night, how did it feel to square off with him after a few years (and get a little payback)? A: I fought him year after he broke my jaw, and I beat him up pretty good, so it really didn?t matter. Q: ...your fights and checks have earned you a reputation as someone to watch out for, does that bother you or do you like hearing that? A: No, it doesn't bother me. It's a confidence booster to have player's watching over their shoulder looking out for me. It keeps them in check so they don't take liberties with our skilled players.
Worst Song Ever?
In my book it ranks right up there and I'm not alone: That song meant a lot to me the first 834 times I heard it. Then it began to grate. You'll have to follow the link to find out what the song is but if I know a certain talk radio host as well as I think I do, you'll likely hear it on his show tonight.
The Face Of The Enemy
Very interesting story in yesterday's St. Paul Pioneer Press on interviews with Iraqi guerrillas conducted by Hannah Allam, a writer for the paper: The first interview, with an Iraqi who identified himself as Abu Mohammed, took place in an abandoned building in Mansour, Baghdad's most exclusive neighborhood. The second, with a Jordanian who called himself Abu Abdullah, was at the encampment near Baquba. The two cell leaders said their fighters primarily were former Iraqi army officers and young Iraqis who had joined because they were angry over the deaths or arrests of family members during U.S. raids in the hunt for Saddam Hussein and his supporters. The group also shelters remnants of a non-Iraqi Arab unit of Saddam's elite Fedayeen militia force as well as foreigners who slipped across the country's long and porous borders to battle American troops, they said. Abu Abdullah, who directs the camp near Baquba, said he came to Iraq shortly before the United States invaded it last spring. This seems to confirm that assessment that the insurgents are a combination of Iraqis and foreigners. They also are receiving support from some interesting places: The anti-American forces appear to be more organized than some U.S. intelligence and military officials thought. Cells receive orders and intelligence from Diyala, which lies within the northern "Sunni Triangle" of danger. According to the fighters, the Diyala leadership oversees about 100 guerrillas, including an all-women's unit, and is backed by private donations as well as Syrian funding, according to the two cell leaders. Both said they had been told by superiors not to contact members of other cells for fear of infiltrators. And the big dog still appears to be playing a role: Abu Mohammed seemed confident that Saddam is directing at least some of the activity. He said he'd heard that leaders many levels above him had met recently with the fallen Iraqi leader. "We love Saddam Hussein for one thing - he has a big mind," Abu Mohammed said. "He knows how to think and how to plan. He made our hearts as strong as steel." It is difficult to determine the accuracy of many of the claims made by these guerrillas but if what they say is even partially true it would reinforce the notion that this insurgency is not going to be put down any time soon.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Do You Have Anything Smaller?
I think all convenience store clerks in Roanoke Rapids, NC should be on the lookout for a 77 year old Cuban gentleman wearing guerilla fatigues who is trying to buy a pack of gum using a $1,000,000,000,000 bill with Harry Truman's picture on it. They seem to have a problem catching this one.
It Depends On What The Definition Of ?A? Is
When former President Clinton wasn?t bashing current President Bush at Sen. Tom Harkin's annual steak fry Saturday at Indianola, Iowa, he was letting the country know how much he and Hil suffered during their eight year tenure on Pennsylvania Avenue: The former president told activists that he has become rich since leaving the White House, largely based on a big book contract: "I never had a nickel until I left the White House. Here is a year by year list of the Clinton family's adjusted gross income while they occupied the White House as reported on their tax forms (courtesy of The Tax History Project): 1992: $291,000 (5,820,000 nickels) 1993: $294,000 (5,880,000 nickels) 1994: $264,000 (5,280,000 nickels) 1995: $316,000 (6,320,000 nickels) 1996: $1,065,000 (21,300,000 nickels) 1997: $570,000 (11,400,000 nickels) 1998: $504,000 (10,080,000 nickels) 1999: $416,000 (8,320,000 nickels) So, I guess Ol? Bill wasn?t really telling a lie. He never did have ?a? nickel until he left his little White House gig. He had 74,400,000 of them.
Not Ready For Prime Time Playa
We were gratified to see that talk radio maven Hugh Hewitt noticed our post introducing the newest blog on the block Spitbull, run by the brother of our very own Atomizer. Hugh has done a tremendous job promoting blogs in the past and the very mention of Spitbull on Hugh?s site portends nothing but good things for its future. But with all due deference to the titular head of the Northern Alliance we also feel that Hugh was a bit hasty extending an invitation for Spitbull to join the prestigious association. A weeks worth of posts does not a successful blog make. As current head of the Northern Alliance admissions committee we would like to monitor Spitbull for some months before deeming it worthy of consideration. This time would be a probationary period for the blog when it must demonstrate its merits and prove that it deserves inclusion into the august body. Another reason to be a bit hesitant about Spitbull is the family connection between its proprietor and Atomizer. Giving one family, especially one with the reputation that this one has, that much power could be a dangerous thing. Granted Atomizer does not exercise much influence here at Fraters yet. He?s still basically an intern around the office making coffee, picking up our dry cleaning, delivering the voluminous amounts of fan mail we receive (Saint Paul is quite popular with the ladies. The ladies in maximum security that is. He?s still waiting for a jail break and some of that oh so hot fugitive sex.), as well as serving as JB?s personal assistant. If you?ve ever seen the movie Swimming with Sharks you?ll have an idea of how that relationship works. Only JB is a more demanding and less sensitive boss. So we wish to extend a warm welcome to the blogsphere to Spitbull. But to become a member of the Northern Alliance it takes more than just a catchy title. < John Houseman voice > You must earn it. < /John Houseman voice >
Spreading The Joys of Toys
Local talk radio host Ian Punnent has been running the 2003 Kid 2 Kid Fun Drive for Iraq since the beginning of the summer working with the American Refugee Committee. So far they've raised nearly 15 grand and the money has already been used to provide soccer balls, coloring books, and crayons to children in Al-Amara. They've also built playgrounds and purchased books and school supplies there.  If you're looking for a way to help the people of Iraq this is a great opportunity.
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Separated at Birth?
Yale educated and professionally made up/blown-dried CNN anchorman Anderson Cooper and The Kid from Deliverance An even closer likeness exists between Anderson Cooper and Martin Short playing the Kid from Deliverance on SCTV. But as far as I can tell, the Internet does not include an image of the latter. If any out there can find one, send me the link and there?s a huge bonus in it for you. (That?s right - a ?Deserve Victory!? bumper sticker).
Letters to a Young Blogger
Word has recently reached us that our young, upstart contributor the Atomizer has a young brother who now has his very own blog. It's called Spit Bull. We're thrilled to welcome this young whippersnapper to the world of amateur Internet editorializing. We consider this is our first spin off blog. Truth be told, the opinions of Spit Bull never graced the pages of Fraters Libertas. So it's a strange kind of spin off. Imagine if you will, Richie Cunningham's oft referenced but never seen older brother Chuck from Happy Days getting his own prime time variety show. That's exactly what's going on over at Spit Bull. Given our close affiliation with him, we feel personally vested in his success. We'd like to see him gain as many readers as possible, as quickly as possible. Sure, we understand he's technically the competition and that any page views he gets may be coming directly out of our logs. But it doesn't matter, we like to give and give and give. The consequences be damned! In this spirit, we offer him the following roadmap to the express highway of blogging success. 1) In the tag line/mission statement to your blog, make sure to use the term "rant." Everyone will get the self deprecating context, because of course, we all know your work is much more than that. 2) The first couple months of posts should be devoted to outlining your philosophy of blogging. In minute detail, tell us exactly what motivates you and why. Make sure to express the fact you think you're one heck of an interesting person and that the world deserves to be let in our your wondrous observations. 3) Coin a disparaging, pithy word for your political enemies, one that people can rally around. (FYI - "asshats" and "idiotarians" have already been taken). 4) When considering a topic to post about, make sure you have something incredibly important to say about it and make sure you can express it with supreme articulation. If you're not 100% sure, don't even bother to start writing. By the way - you must post something substantial at least twice a day. Ideally five times a day. 5) In those rare times you can't find something important and articulate to say, tell us about it. Do long detailed posts about how you can't think of anything to write about. 6) Promote your inactivity in advance. If you're going to take the day off, tell us on the blog. The farther out you can tell us the better. For example, "Due to upcoming prostate surgery, I'm probably not going to post for the next 2 weeks. Unless there's breaking news about Cruz Bustamante." 7) Devote lots of posts to shameless boasting about your own accomplishments and meaningful experiences. If necessary, feel free to exaggerate, misrepresent, and outright lie. You're the expert on you and it's very hard to get Fisked based on a post about the gourmet dinner you prepared last night for your drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Don't be afraid of appearing arrogant. Readers want to be associated with the best and brightest. Who do you think they'd rather tell their friends is their favorite blogger, some guy who can analyze Howard Dean's position on health care reform, or some guy some guy who can analyze Howard Dean's position on health care reform AND is the undisputed master of the pan flute? Follow these tips faithfully Spit Bull and you should have 50,000 hits by Halloween. Upon achieving this level, feel free to send me your application to the Northern Alliance Young Bloggers Development Program, along with your $1,000 (non-refundable) application fee.
Friday, September 12, 2003
The Breck Girl And The Berg Boy
Medved just referred to John F. Kerry as "cold, unlikeable and weird". I like that. And now Kerry fancies himself some kind of Mitch Berg with his performance on guitar with Moby? Now granted, he's not the master of literally dozens of instruments like Our Mitch (including as he recently pointed out in a post classical cello, honky-tonk trombone, ska violin, emo-core harmonica and R&B Timpani) but does Kerry think this will make him hip?
I?m Gonna Sit On My Porch And Pick On My Old Guitar
Johnny Cash. Is there anyone who doesn?t like Johnny Cash? I?ve not encountered one. He is one of the very few people that there seems to be universal agreement on--he was The Man. When I tell people I like country music they usually say something like ?I don?t like country, but I like Johnny Cash.? Along with Hank Williams and Patsy Cline, his CDs are the most likely country titles you?ll find in most rock-heavy collections. Part of this is the instrumentation--no steel guitars or fiddles that so many find corny or grating (personally I love ?em). Part of this is cool cache--Johnny adds instant hipness to your collection in a way that another REM or U2 record just can?t. But I think the biggest reason is simply that the songs stand up so well after all these years. Let?s take a look at his career and his songs to get some understanding what made this man so great (props to the All Music Guide To Country, which I used for reference). Johnny got his start at the legendary Sun Records in Memphis. Legend has it that he approached Sun founder Sam Phillips in 1955 as a gospel singer but was turned away. Phillips wanted something more commercial, so Johnny came back with Hey Porter and he was off. The Sun records were marked by a distinctive, sparse, chukka-chukka sound comprising of Johnny on acoustic, Luther Perkins on electric and Marshall Grant on bass. No drums were needed to propel a groove that strong. JR was writing most of his own material during this period and the songs were topnotch: Cry, Cry, Cry, Folsum Prison Blues, I Walk The Line, Big River (including the memorable line ?I met her accidentally in St. Paul Minnesota?). His first number one came from this list, I Walk The Line in ?56. He also recorded the biggest hit of his career during this era, Ballad Of A Teenage Queen, a Jack Clement composition that was number one for ten weeks in the winter of 1958. Also in ?58 Johnny left Sun for Columbia where he remained for almost 30 years. During the early to mid-sixties Johnny had another strong crop of hit songs: Ring Of Fire, The Ballad of Ira Hayes, Orange Blossom Special, Jackson (with June Carter) and the stinging Understand Your Man, a number one in ?64 (and a melody and general idea that Dylan borrowed for Don?t Think Twice...?): Don?t call my name out your window, I?m leavin? -- I won?t even turn my head. Don?t sent your kinfolk to give me no talkin? -- I?ll be gone, like I said. You?d just say the same old things That you be sayin? all along, Just lay there in your bed and keep your mouth shut, Till I?m gone. Don?t give me that old familiar cry and fuss and moan -- Understand your man. Can you imagine someone having a number one hit with a song like that now? Unfortunately, also during this time JR developed a nasty amphetamine habit, got divorced, was arrested for starting a wild fire, arrested for smuggling speed and kicked off the Grand Ole Opry for kicking out their footlights after they wouldn?t let him perform. Enter June Carter, member of country music originators the Carter Family and former wife of honky tonker Carl Smith. She was able to get Johnny off drugs and converted him to Christianity. They were married in 1968. He also released one of his most popular records during that year, Live At Folsum Prison, and had a rash of number one songs over the next two years: Folsum Prison Blues (Live), Daddy Sang Bass, A Boy Named Sue, Sunday Morning Coming Down and Flesh And Blood. Johnny?s popularity probably reached it?s apex during this era. He had his own TV show, he played for Nixon, acted in movies and was active in politics and religious issues. Once you?ve reached that level of success in music, it?s hard to sustain it and Johnny?s hits got fewer and fewer during the rest of the decade. Standouts include Oney (?72), the story of a browbeaten blue collar worker who kicks his bosses ass the day he retires, and One Piece At A Time (?76), a hilarious tale of an auto worker who builds his own car by sneaking out parts in his lunch box over a period of years. In 1980, Cash was the youngest inductee to the Country Music Hall of Fame, but he did not have many hits during the decade. In ?85 he formed the Highwaymen with Kris Kristofferson (writer of Sunday Morning Coming Down), Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson. They recorded two moderately successful records. in 1993 Johnny?s career got an unexpected boost when rap and rock producer Rick Rubin produced his American Recordings album, a critical success but not commercially. The record really turned a whole new generation of rock hipsters on to JR. The amazing thing is that his popularity, while still no where near the peak he enjoyed in 1970 was still amazingly high. He has recorded a few more of the sparse, acoustic records over the past ten years or so, but they aint my style. And Johnny doing Nine Inch Nails was simply too much for this country fan and watching him in the Hurt video was, well, painful. I guess I don?t want him remembered that way. I?d rather remember him as the Man In Black, on stage, holding his guitar sideways, and growling out a tune in that unmistakable baritone. To say he was influential is perhaps the understatement of the year. An amazing writer, singer, star and man. God Bless Johnny Cash. A few Cash stats from Joel Whitburn?s Top Country Singles. He had: --135 hits --104 Top 40 hits -- 52 Top Ten hits -- 69 weeks at the #1 position -- 52 crossover hits Johnny Cash?s Top Hits (in order) 1. Ballad Of A Teenage Queen 2. Guess Things Happen That Way 3. Ring Of Fire 4. Walk The Line 5. Understand Your Man The Doubtless Top Ten JRC Songs in no order: 1. Big River 2. Guess Things Happen That Way 3. I Still Miss Someone 4. Jackson 5. The Ballad of Ira Hayes 6. Flesh And Blood 7. One Piece At A Time 8. Understand Your Man 9. Sunday Morning Coming Down 10. I?m Going To Sit On The Porch And Pick On My Old Guitar Recommended Listening: The essential collection. 3 CDs spanning 1955-1983. 75 songs. All killer no filler. Dressed In Black, a tremendous tribute album. Featuring songs by Robbie Fulks, Rodney Crowell, Dale Watson, Chuck Mead and a stunningly beautiful version of I Guess Things Happen That Way by Raul Malo. RIP
I Guess Things Happen That Way
The passing of Johnny Cash today means that Jerry Lee Lewis is the only surviving member of Sam Phillips? Million Dollar Quartet as well as The Class of ?55. This is akin to Ringo someday being the only surviving Beatle. Now, I don?t mean to diminish the careers of Jerry Lee (or Ringo, for that matter), but let?s be honest. When placed beside the enormous talents of Johnny Cash and Elvis, Jerry Lee just doesn?t measure up. Put together a triple bill of JLL, Roy Orbison and Carl Perkins in their prime and the most revved up performance would have, without a doubt, come from Jerry Lee. But, take into account each one?s musical contributions over the course of their careers and I?d put Jerry Lee a distant third. His career was stunted by a few, shall we say, personal problems. He did his best to recover, but he never recaptured the magic that once made him the biggest threat to dethrone The King. That being said, The Killer is still pounding those ivories at the young age of 67. You just can?t knock the man?s perseverance.
It hasn't rained here in nearly two months. There have been several teasers. The way the sky looked, the way the air felt, the way the wind was blowing you were certain rain was imminent. But it wasn't. Until last night.
My wife and I headed down to the Linden Hills 911 Tribute at the Lake Harriet Bandshell. Events commenced at 7pm so we arrived just before 6pm to get in a walk around the lake. It began raining right about the time we started walking and by the time we settled into seats for the tribute we were drenched. Despite the rain there was a decent crowd on hand (if I was an anti-war protester I would tell the media 20,000-in reality there were probably 300) and the tribute itself was well done. I had reservations beforehand given the political inclinations of the neighborhood but my fears of a kumbaya singing, diversity praising, visualizing world peace gathering were put to rest immediately as a color guard presented the flag and the crowd joined in to sing the national anthem. The Pledge of Allegiance was recited and America the Beautiful and God Bless America were performed as well. The rest of the program consisted of a variety of musical styles including folk, Dixieland jazz, classical, and even a John Philip Sousa march all performed by the volunteer tribute orchestra. It was a well conceived mix of patriotic songs interspersed with somber reflective pieces including Christine's Lullaby dedicated to Christine Lee Hanson, the youngest victim of the 9/11 attacks. The Minnesota Pipes and Drums bagpipers (I didn't see Mitch) performed Amazing Grace which brings a lump in the throat to even the most hardened of men.  Lake Harriet is in the flight path for the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport and hearing and seeing the planes overhead, along with the pouring rain helped set the right atmosphere for the event. Airliners were the story of 9/11 so it was fitting that they were part of the tribute as well. My only quibble was with the finish. After the crowd joined in to sing God Bless America there was a short pyrotechnics display. It just wasn't right. 9/11 isn't the Fourth of July. There isn't anything to celebrate about it. It's hard to blame the organizers though, since it seems like many of us have a hard time getting a handle on what the day means and how we should behave on it. My emotions ran the gamut yesterday and I was never quite sure how I would or should feel five minutes later. It was (and will be) a tough day and in the late afternoon I came to same conclusion that Lileks did about it: At some point you just tire of putting it all in solemn, respectful terms, and you think: this day just sucks and it's always going to suck. Labels: 9/11
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Jonah Goldberg on 9/11 at National Review Online:
I should also say that measured against what some of the president's critics have recommended, I don't see any huge errors in judgment based on the facts as we knew them. Even in hindsight, the Dennis Kucinich plan, for example, certainly doesn't look any better now than it did a year or two ago. (I'm fuzzy on the details, but I seem to recall it involved something along the lines of having the entire U.S. military bend over and say, "Thank you, Sir, May I have another!" after every terrorist attack. There was also something about a bake sale at the Pentagon.) Labels: 9/11
A Song For Today
Although it wasn't a big commercial or critical success I liked 2002's The Rising by Bruce Springsteen. Granted he's no Norah Jones (oddly enough Amazon packages The Rising with Come Away With Me) but it's a very solid effort. There are several songs which could be interpreted as referring to 9/11. None more so than You're Missing which is, in my humble opinion, the best track on the album: Shirts in the closet, shoes in the hall Mama's in the kitchen, baby and all Everything is everything Everything is everything But you're missing Coffee cups on the counter, jackets on the chair Papers on the doorstep, but you're not there Everything is everything Everything is everything But you're missing Pictures on the nightstand, TV's on in the den Your house is waiting, your house is waiting For you to walk in, for you to walk in But you're missing, when I shut out the lights You're missing, when I close my eyes You're missing, when I see the sun rise You're missing Children are asking if it's alright Will you be in our arms tonight? Morning is morning, the evening falls I got Too much room in my bed, too many phone calls How's everything, everything? Everything, everything You're missing, you're missing God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops Tomorrow you can back to cranking the marching music for the war on terror by a real American Bad Ass.
VDH on the 9/11 anniversary:
It will require an economist, politician, historian, philosopher, and artist to make sense of the world turned upside down after September 11, which unlike Y2K really did prove to be the abyss between the millennia. Until then, we would do better to think simply of the dead, and to pledge both that we shall never forget them and in our lifetimes and, according to our efforts and station, we shall not allow it to happen again to any others on these shores ? so help us, God. Labels: 9/11
NO BLOOD FOR OLIVE OIL
This is simply brilliant: One Senate staffer said, in apparent frustration, "...the administration doesn't seem to have a focused plan and, as many of us feared at the time, it continues to divert valuable resources from the war on Shinto bombers. We were attacked by the Japanese in Hawaii. What in the world were we doing landing in Italy three months ago? And we still don't know what happened to Yamamoto. The Japanese claim that he was killed in battle, but how can we be sure without his body?" Via the Insta one.
So Young, Yet So Bitter
It appears that The Elder is as contemptuous in defeat as he is in victory. All I have to say is that a man who doesn?t step up when the integrity of his family is impugned is no man. And as for Thursday night trivia, if my help's not appreciated, lotsa luck gentlemen.
"Mommy Can I Play Trivia Too?"
The time has come to out Atomizer. No, I'm not referring to the incident between him and Doubtless a few weeks ago in a camping trailer in Wisconsin. What goes on in the camper stays in the camper. I am referring to his role on the Team K trivia team who once again regained their title as champions last Tuesday. First a quick note about our second place finish. We were missing an integral component of our squad as Saint Paul was fulfilling his civic duty (or perhaps still working off some of those community service hours in relation to the whole O'Gara's waitress stalking unpleasantness) by working as an election judge. In his place we brought in a friend of mine, much to JB's consternation. "He's a hockey player of 100% Irish descent? This is trivia, not a drinking contest for Chrissakes." But we still did quite well and by finishing second we scored free drink tickets which is the same prize as the winning team received. Now that we proved all we needed to prove about our ability to finish in the money at will at Tuesday night trivia we are moving on to other challenges. Unlike certain other teams we refuse to remain in our safety zone and are willing to push the envelope and explore new horizons. I guess youth does have its advantages after all. Back to the subject at hand. Now playing trivia with your parents might not be such a bad thing (yeah right) but to claim credit for success that you have little or nothing to do with is inexcusable. I don't mind taking the needle from Ma or Pa K (although truth be told I'm not sure if the ol' man is much more of a factor than his son) but when Atomizer chimes in I have to draw the line. It's like the Bucs water boy trash talking after Warren Sapp makes a sack. It just ain't right. He's been riding the apron strings of Mommy for too long. It's bad enough that she helps him write all his pieces for our blog (you should see his rough drafts-not pretty) and still makes his lunch everyday. The little notes that say "I wuv you" are a nice touch but it's time for the bird to leave the nest and fly on his own. Which he actually is threatening to do. After we announced that we would be moving on to conquer Thursday nights Atomizer volunteered to join our team. My reaction was about as enthusiastic as when I heard horrible Twins announcer John Gordon breathlessly intone: "The Twins have runners on second and third with nobody out. And Denny Hocking's comin' up!" Woo-frickin'-hoo.
Is This Any Way to Run a Democracy?
There was a primary election in the city of St. Paul on Tuesday and once again I played a critical role in preserving our cherished traditions of representative, consensual government. I of course can?t go into my specific duties, but let?s just say that not a single precinct in my ward lacked for black ink pens, spare light bulbs, or ?I Voted ? stickers. My rough notes on the day: 1) It was slow. At times, agonizingly slow. This was about as low profile an election as there is, with the only two races on the entire ballot. One being the city-wide school board election and the other the ward-specific City Council race. I don?t know specific turn out rates, but in terms of overall votes among the 16 precincts I worked with, the high total was around 200, the low around 50. On average, about 125 voters per precinct. That?s over a 13 hour period. The typical allotment of judges per precinct was 4. Meaning, the ratio of voters to judges per hour was 2.4. Zzzzzzz. One of the funnier scenes that played out over and over was the sheepish entrance of some typically mousy, civic minded Minnesotan just hoping to get in and out without making fuss, only to have the white hot spotlight of undivided attention focused on them. Upon their entrance they?d be besieged by four election judges, desperate to do the job they?ve been trained for, and after 8 hours, craving any new human interaction. Needless to say, there was no waiting. Except by the election judges. There were numerous reports that many got more reading done in one sitting yesterday than at any other time in their adult lives. That was among those who had enough foresight to bring a book. Those that didn?t had to amuse themselves by listening to their 80 year old coworkers orate upon every imaginable detail about their grandchildren?s educational/career prospects or by simply sitting and staring into space. I witnessed people doing both and the latter group seemed much more at peace with the universe (there?s just something about polite nodding while grinding one?s teeth into a fine powder that evokes discord). 2) As God is my witness, I didn?t know retarded people were allowed to vote. And no, this isn?t the set up for a joke about the continued electoral success of Jay Benanav. I personally witnessed two folks voting who where clearly mentally handicapped (based on their facial gestures, vocalizations, and motor control problems). They were legally registered, with no restrictions based on guardianship status. A non-retarded man who came in with them assisted them with the procedures (as is any citizen?s right, for up to three other voters), while avoiding instructing them on who to vote for. It all went reasonably smoothly and all quite correctly, legally speaking. And I must say I didn?t see bigger smiles all day than on the two of them as they proudly walked out post franchise exercise. It was a genuinely heart warming scene. But practically speaking, is this a good idea - having retarded people vote? What?s the point? I suspect it was this ?heart warming? factor that allows for this to happen in the first place. And I doubt it?s politically feasible for any politician to run on the position of ?taking away the votes of our most vulnerable citizens? as I?m sure the Star Tribune would editorialize. Since the proportion of retarded citizens in the general population is negligible, I?m not going to sweat the implications. But I still would like to see the crosstab results on this group. (Exit polling organizations - get on this!). Perhaps old Jay?s silence on this matter really does have something to do with a certain expected landslide among this segment? Hmmmm? (Weasely Pioneer Press political reporters - get on this!) 3) The quote of the day came from some older-than-dirt guy, who announced his entrance into the polling place by shouting ?Where do I vote ?no!? Let?s throw these bastards out!? He then confidently strolled in, with a gait I can best describe as arthritically spry, wearing a tan, wrinkled silk dress shirt with two buttons undone, brown polyester pants with no belt, and unlaced ASICS Tiger tennis shoes. He was bald on top, with greasy, thin gray hair hanging down past the nape of his neck. His eyes were ablaze with passion at first, but then dilating down to a twinkle that let every one know he was just joking. During his 5 minute stay, he talked up everyone in the place, flirting with the women, razzing the guys. His words, his look, his manner - an American classic. One that earned a round of applause from all assembled upon his departure. 4) Seeing the words ?Molly O?Gara? written on a piece of paper is enough to send my head a-spinin? and my heart a- thumpin? . Reviewing some materials on my way to one of the precincts, I came across this name and for the first time I noticed I fetishize Irish names on women. Thinking back now, it?s clear I have, unconsciously, for a long time. Maybe it?s a muffled longing from my own Hibernian heritage or just the memory of all the beautiful, curvey, fiery, dynamic Irish women I?ve known over the years. But as I sat there in my car heading down Snelling Ave., I realized at this point the sight or sound of their names alone can blind me with desire. Which isn?t exactly the image you want to project as an election official. But ultimately I settled down. Luckily for the Republic, I didn?t encounter any Erin Gallaghers, Meg Naughtins, Bridget Murphys, Tara Lanes, Constance Swillings, or Floozy O?Boozes for the rest of the day. Because if I did, it could have been ugly. Or beautiful, depending on your tolerance for public nudity.
As you regular readers know, there has been somewhat of a civil war among the members our august society. The Elder, JB Doubtless and Saint Paul consider themselves quite the trivia buffs and attempt to prove it every Tuesday night at Keegan's Pub in northeast Minneapolis. Unfortunately, they are forced to go up against the juggernaut that is Team Atomizer (a.k.a. Team K) and their dreams of glory are consistently brutally shattered.
How good is Team K, you ask? The 1972 Miami Dolphins had the only perfect season in the history of the NFL. The New York Yankees have been crowned baseball's World Series champions 26 times. The Montreal Canadiens won Lord Stanley's Cup five years in a row in the 1950's and four years in a row in the 1970's. These were all good teams. Team K is a great team. Three weeks ago, we left Keegan's with our fourth consecutive victory. We heard the whining coming from my colleagues as they were dealt another bitter defeat and felt smugly satisfied that we had, again, proven our mastery over them. We also felt a slight tinge of pity. They had always fought so valiantly and had the eagerness and, dare I say, moxie, that reminded us of so many of the teams that we had destroyed in the past. We thought back to how these teams that had been so hopeful in the beginning were now empty shells staring blankly at their scorecards muttering arcane answers to past questions in a vain attempt to achieve lost glory. We didn't want this to happen to my friends, so we decided to take a few weeks off and let the boys get a taste of victory. And they did. In our absence, they won two consecutive titles. But then, they got cocky. After only their second win, their gloating was insufferable. They used our graciousness against us and questioned our superiority and our integrity. Saint Paul wrote: The few in Keegan's who do remember Team K's reign of terror now openly wonder why they were ever thought to be so fearsome. In fact, one prominent patron was overheard describing Team K as "a proud, but cowardly people." Their insolence could not stand. This past Tuesday, we returned to the battleground. The Elder and JB Doubtless looked pale with fear as game time approached. Saint Paul was nowhere to be found (I believe he was out, um...polling the electorate). The patrons of Keegan's, who had watched us take our seats with reverential awe, now looked at the boys with understanding pity. They knew the result of the contest even before it began. So, I presume, did my fellow scribes. The conquest is now complete. Team K has crushed the very life out of yet another once proud competitor. Will this dynasty ever end? No one can say. But I can say that The Elder, JB Doubtless and Saint Paul will not be there to witness it. They have officially retired from Tuesday night trivia to pursue the less lofty goal of winning Keegan's new Thursday night trivia, where their skills may be more aptly applied. Labels: Trivial Pursuits
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
To the Scholars, All Our Best
We congratulate Northern Alliance members SCSU Scholars on the one year anniversary of their fine blog. It?s hard to believe they?ve been covering the education/culture beat of St. Cloud, MN for an entire year. If only because we find it hard to believe there is any education/culture in St. Cloud, let alone enough material to write about for an entire year. But it turns out there is and the Scholars have consistently provided interesting and amusing commentary. Earlier, King wondered whether or not we forgot about their anniverary. I assure him that?s not the case. Our grand celebration in your honor is proceeding as we speak (the fireworks portion of which apparently startled our jittery neighbors in the surrounding neighborhoods). I was going to wait until after the raucous midnight countdown to send your our official compliments, but since you can?t wait, I'll jump the gun and offer you our warmest personal regards at this time. Way to go Scholars. Maybe someday you?ll explain to us what?s up with that plural form of ?Scholar? in your title. Seems to me only one person ever posts anything. Perhaps King has a team of graduate students doing all his posts and in lieu of payment, that?s how he chooses to acknowledge them. Or maybe ?King? is actually some abstract Betty Crocker-like creation of an advertising agency, focus group tested to appeal to their target market (35 - 55 year old economics professors). Whatever the case, it?s clearly working. Keep it up gentlemen (or ladies, for all I know).
Just Remember
As we approach the second anniversary of the 2001 September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, Christopher Hitchens hopes that we will not wallow in mourning while we still have a monumental task ahead of us: The time to commemorate the fallen is, or always has been, after the war is over. This war has barely begun. The printing of crayon daubs by upset schoolchildren and the tussle over who gets what from the compensation slush fund are strictly irrelevant and possibly distracting. Dry your eyes, sister. You, too, brother. Stiffen up. His point about the need for stoic steadfastness is well taken. But I fear that the choice for many Americans is neither introspective grieving nor carrying on with purposeful intent. It appears that people just want to put 9/11 behind them and "move on": There's a desire to move on from that horrific day and a kind of compassion fatigue that has come to afflict many Americans. The shift to a lower-key remembrance has caused bruised feelings among some survivors and victims' families, but popular culture scholar Karal Ann Marling said the change is perfectly understandable. "There's only so long you can mourn," said Marling, an art history professor at the University of Minnesota. "We've got a lot of other stuff on our plate to worry about -- the ongoing threats the government keeps telling us about, the terrible economy, too many other distractions. It's probably smart to keep things low-key." (Channeling a bit of Lilikian outrage-too bad the writing talent doesn't come along with it) Note: We don't like to use needless profanity here but if you'll pardon my freedom for a moment, FUCK THAT! "Too many other distractions?" Such as? The tough job market? The California recall election? Whether TV cameras will be allowed in the courtroom when the Kobe circus starts? Madonna playing kissy face with women half her age? Dennis Kucinich's ridiculous rug? Granted these are all important concerns but lest we forget people, we are at war. And although the war began before 9/11, that was the day when we were awakened from our comfortable slumber and faced with a whole new reality. It wasn't just the World Trade Center and the Pentagon that was attacked. America was attacked. And for Americans 9/11 is an important day. A day we should remember. A day we HAVE to remember. Maybe my reaction to the second anniversary is a little skewed because I wasn't in the US on the first anniversary. I was vacationing in Germany last year. The German response was simple and reserved. Churches in Frankfurt held memorial services (a flyer for one such service is on the top left of this page) and most Germans were politely sympathetic. Truth be told, it was probably much easier for me to deal with it overseas then to face the overwhelming crush of remembrance that went on here. I'm not saying that we have to take the day off work on Thursday and roam the streets wailing and rending our clothes. But we should all do something to remember. Attend a tribute if you can (local events are planned for Midway Stadium in St. Paul and the Lake Harriet Bandshell in Minneapolis ). Wear a pin. Fly your flag (at half mast if possible). Turn off the pilot episode of 'The Mullets' (yes I'm looking at you JB) and switch on the news or a documentary on 9/11. Watch the footage of the attacks again. I know it's not pleasant but it isn't supposed to be. Most of all just take a moment (or moments) and remember. Remember the people who went to work at the WTC and the Pentagon that day or who just boarded an airplane and never came home. Remember that it could have been you. Remember the firefighters and cops who lost their lives trying to save others. Remember the families of those who were killed. Remember that they will never be the same again. Remember the smoke, the dust, and the falling bodies. Remember where you were two years ago and how you felt. Remember the fear. Remember the rage. Remember the sorrow. Remember that night trying to sleep not knowing what was going to happen next. Remember the military jets being the only planes in the sky for days afterwards. Remember the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan today who are getting shot at by some of the same people who committed the 9/11 attacks. Remember that the reason the troops are there is to prevent it from happening again. And if nothing else remember the words that Mario Cuomo spoke in New York: A Documentary Film , which recently aired on PBS (I only caught the last half hour and thought it was decent-an opinion not shared by everyone): 9/11, how can you possibly use it for good purpose? You think about it. You'd think, as was suggested before, you'd think about: Look, what this reminds you of is the importance of your own life, and making the most of it, because you can lose it in a flash. And if that's all you learned from 9/11, that's all you remembered, that: My God, you could extinguish life so suddenly, so unexpectedly, and it could happen to me, and therefore I should think harder about the way I spend my life instead of just wasting it. Now, it's not going to teach you what to do with your life, but it will teach you to do with your life, and to do it more and quicker and better. And that can be extremely valuable. I -- It's had that effect on me. Remember. Even if it's just for one day. Remember.
Fissures Appear in Traditional Alliance
Does this mean that my dreams for a Northern Alliance band (JB on geetar, Lileks on keyboards, Atomizer on triangle, and Mitch on everything else) are dead? I wonder if it's too late to return my 'Colonel' outfit.
And Now For Something Completely Different...
We are proud to present for the first time ever, the complete collection of JB's memorable Separated At Birth series. Enjoy.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
And He Thought O'Reilly Embarassed Him?
Al Franken. Tomorrow. On Medved. To say that he will be shredded like a carnitas burrito is an understatement. Medved is going to mop the room with the putz. If you saw the entire video from the book conference where Franken attacked O'Reilly then you know that Franken is a very thin-skinned, juvenile wuss. O'Reilly doesn't have a fraction of the intelligence of Medved and he was able to completely embarass him and make him look like the school nerd who hates the jock and was trying to convince the student body that they should hate him too. Tomorrow's battle will be nerdo a nerdo, but one is completely comfortable with intellectual battle and the other thinks that by smirking and calling names he is accomplishing something. It will radio not to be missed.
The mantra currently being knocked around that we need more troops in Iraq to control the situation strikes me as a bit silly. I'm not saying that we don't in fact actually need more troops, it's just a stretch for me to accept that the politicians, pundits, and wonks over here are so clearly able to diagnosis the problem and the solution to it, while the military commanders on the ground in Iraq apparently can't. If US commanders in Iraq believe they require more troops to complete the mission then we have a problem that needs to be solved. Until then let's not get our undies all knotted up over it.
I still don't think I've read or heard one clear explanation of exactly what these additional troops would do that our current forces can't. No matter how many troops we send we can't protect all the potential targets that the insurgents could hit. And I for one don't want US forces being used to pull guard duty anyway. If we're going to send more troops over there to stand around and guard fixed targets all we're doing is increasing the chances of US casualties. Instead of more US troops the best solution seems to be getting more Iraqi units up and running to help out, which would allow our current forces in Iraq to be able to do what they're best trained to do. If it's not clear to me that we need more troops at this point, it is clear that we need more talks like Sunday night's speech. The President's talk about why we were in Iraq and how it was connected to the wider war on terror was long overdue. While I support most of the administration's actions since 9/11, I believe one of their striking failures has been an inability to communicate their larger goals and objectives in the war, to continually reinforce them, and to ask the American people to support them. I don't know if they fear possible negative political fallout or if they don't trust the citizenry to understand and embrace the challenges. In the run up to war with Iraq they probably (especially in hindsight) overplayed their hand by putting so much emphasis on the immediate threat posed by Saddam. Again, maybe this was necessary to garner the required political support but it has allowed the administration's opponents an opening to question the legitimacy of the military action. Combined with what seems to have become a pattern of the administration of drifting off message between major actions or policy speeches it leads to a lose of initiative. Now, I don't think that the damage from these lapses is long lasting and the President's speech on Sunday is likely to be the first in a series of steps that shores up his support and quiets the critics. In fact it has been speculated (and I have in the past have had similar suspicions) that this is part of a clever strategy to lay low for periods of time, allow the opponents to air all their arguments, and then cut them off at the legs. And, if that indeed has been their strategy in the past, it has proven effective for the administration. But the stakes are just too high to keep playing games. I think the administration has to sell the message about what they plan to do to win the war on terror and why it is important. I don't think it's a complex message and I believe that if presented properly it would be supported by anywhere from 60%-70% of American citizens. Bush has stated various parts of the message at different times but it needs to become a drumbeat: We are at war. We were attacked on 9/11. There is no going back to pre 9/11. We need to prevent more attacks which could be many times worse than 9/11. We will not allow countries to support individuals or groups that threaten us with such attacks and will act to stop them from doing so. We need to protect not only our country today but our future. This means that we need to not only eliminate the immediate threats we need to eliminate future threats from developing. That is why we are in Iraq. We are going to try to change the political landscape of that region which has threatened our country and the world with instability for years. It will not be easy. It will not be quick. It will not be cheap in terms or treasure or lives. We may fail. But if we don't attempt to succeed we will not have peace or security nor will our children or our children's children. That is a simple version of my understanding of the "Bush Doctrine" . The speech Sunday hit on some of these points and overall I was impressed by it. But I don't want to wait until the State of the Union to hear it all spelled out again. I want State of the War speeches, probably once every three months or so, that update us on progress in the war and remind us why we fight. Don't worry about us Mr. President. We can take it. Labels: Iraq
Poor Poor Pitiful Zevon
I?ve been reading quite a bit in the last few days about the death of Warren Zevon and What His Music Meant. As we all know, he was diagnosed with cancer last summer and told he had two months to live. Knowing his time was almost up, he made a memorable appearance on Late Night where Letterman gave him the entire hour. He then gathered his friends and made one last record, finishing it just months ago. Now he?s dead, proving that doctors don?t really always know what?s going on. To be sure, he was a gifted musician and songwriter, but I don?t like what is says about our culture when someone this dark, this nihilistic is hailed as a musical saint. But Doubtless, you say, how can you write such things about such a great man? Hey, I Iike the guy too, but this idea of Artist As Suffering Soul has to be defeated and I?m just the guy to do it. Writing in this morning?s WSJ, Jim Fusilli jumps right on the Dark Genius bandwagon: Mr. Zevon?s songs paid tribute to murderers, mercenaries, drug dealers, werewolves and assorted other miscreants. Violence, death and suicide were frequent themes, as was love among the desperate and downtrodden. Sounds great, don?t it? I?m afraid Zevon suffered from one of the great conceits of his generation; the assumption that there are two groups of people in the world--the squares: suburban, gainfully employed, happy-go-lucky, and the realists: artists, drunks, people that would rather feel pain than what they thought the squares were feeling (nothing). And they felt it was their job as the feeling artists to let the squares know How It REALLY Was. Zevon says as much in the song Aint That Pretty At All: Well, I've seen all there is to see And I've heard all they have to say I've done everything I wanted to do . . . I've done that too And it ain't that pretty at all Ain't that pretty at all So I'm going to hurl myself against the wall Cause I'd rather feel bad than not feel anything at all Fusilli goes on to make the point about dark music I?ve heard dozens of times but I still don?t understand: Like one of his literary heroes, Ross Macdonald, Mr. Zevon saw the dark side of life on the outskirts of Los Angeles and, chronicling it, revealed universal themes that transcend time and geography. How? This is never explained. How. How does writing about murder, suicide and wretchedness reveal universal themes? Does jumping into a latrine help one to understand shit? Does sleeping with the homeless help you understand alcoholism and mental illness? And what are the universal themes? Original sin? Hatred? To me, there?s way more than enough darkness in the world. I don?t need it in my pop records, books, movies or personalities. Declaring those who toiled their entire lives in this darkness to be geniuses steers our culture toward a path that is dangerous for our souls.
I Aint Honked A Rant Since I Don't Know When
Summer is singing it?s swan song. It?s another perfect day with radiant sun, blue skies and a soothing gentle breeze. So I?ll be outside today trying to enjoy it while it lasts and trying to create one more memory of a perfect summer day to sustain me in about mid-February. However, the one thing I won?t miss is the juvenile a-holes revving their fuggin? HARLEYS UP AND DOWN SYNDICATE AVENUE AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND NIGHT! You petulant, angry losers. Look at me! I?ve got a cycle that can be heard in Madison! I?m shaking up this neighborhood! When I roll down the street people are going to know it, by God! It is exactly the way teens act at a mall. Talking as loud as they can, aggressively clowning around, staring at people, basically making the adults as uncomfortable as they can. The dilemma of being marginalized someone might call it--biting back at a society they don?t understand and that they don?t fit into. But the difference, Harley Dudes, is that these people are children, dig? Children. You are adults and lord knows you probably feel marginalized yourself with the decline of masculinity, layoffs, divorce, etc. but can you do me a favor? Can you just grow the hell up and deal with it instead of taking it out on the rest of us? Thanks.
Monday, September 08, 2003
Today?s Stupid Criminal
From the Minneapolis Star Tribune: AUSTIN, Minn. -- Two teens accused of searching for a marijuana dealer dialed the ultimate wrong number - they called the Mower County Sheriff's cell phone. Sheriff Terese Amazi's cell phone rang around noon on Friday. The caller said she wanted a bag of marijuana. After Amazi said she was the sheriff, the caller said, ``I'm sorry,'' and hung up. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. This time, Amazi let a deputy answer. The caller again asked for a bag of marijuana, and the deputy - who called himself ``Dupe'' on the phone - arranged for a meeting at a convenience store an hour later. ``Apparently, they didn't know the meaning of 'Dupe' as in 'duped' either,'' Amazi said. ``It's incredible.'' The girls, ages 15 and 17, were arrested at the scene. Police said they found cash for the marijuana and drug paraphernalia on both girls. One was released to her parent and the other was turned over to a probation officer. What is amazing about this story is not that these little chuckleheads called the wrong number, but they called it AGAIN after being told they had reached the Sheriff?s office. I weep for today?s youth.
This Tiger Has Teeth
The President's speech last night was not masterful rhetoric by any means. But it was solid and accomplished what it needed to do. I was quite satisfied with Bush's performance and the way he tied the current situation in Iraq into the broader war on terror especially when he used the term 'Iraqi Theater'. Now where did I hear that before? Unsurprisingly, the Star Tribune editorial staff was not impressed: But in the president's speech, which seemed oddly fashioned to be a combination of preanniversary reassurances and a defense of what is happening in Iraq, he offered nothing new in the war against those who carried out that attack. Indeed, he offered very little that was new at all. It was spin, spin, spin. They still don't quite get it do they? They can't understand why the President would seek to combine the upcoming anniversary of the September 11th attacks with the continuing conflict in Iraq. After all they're completely different events right? Maybe someday the fog will clear from their eyes but I'm not holding my breath. Meanwhile how about all that spin? The terrorists became convinced that free nations were decadent and weak. And they grew bolder, believing that history was on their side. Since America put out the fires of September the 11th, and mourned our dead, and went to war, history has taken a different turn. We have carried the fight to the enemy. We are rolling back the terrorist threat to civilization, not on the fringes of its influence, but at the heart of its power. Nothing but spin. In Iraq, we are helping the long suffering people of that country to build a decent and democratic society at the center of the Middle East. Together we are transforming a place of torture chambers and mass graves into a nation of laws and free institutions. This undertaking is difficult and costly -- yet worthy of our country, and critical to our security. Shameless spin. The Middle East will either become a place of progress and peace, or it will be an exporter of violence and terror that takes more lives in America and in other free nations. The triumph of democracy and tolerance in Iraq, in Afghanistan and beyond would be a grave setback for international terrorism. The terrorists thrive on the support of tyrants and the resentments of oppressed peoples. When tyrants fall, and resentment gives way to hope, men and women in every culture reject the ideologies of terror, and turn to the pursuits of peace. Everywhere that freedom takes hold, terror will retreat. I'm getting dizzy from all this spinning. Enemies of freedom are making a desperate stand there -- and there they must be defeated. This will take time and require sacrifice. Yet we will do what is necessary, we will spend what is necessary, to achieve this essential victory in the war on terror, to promote freedom and to make our own nation more secure. Does the man do anything but spin? We have learned that terrorist attacks are not caused by the use of strength; they are invited by the perception of weakness. And the surest way to avoid attacks on our own people is to engage the enemy where he lives and plans. We are fighting that enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan today so that we do not meet him again on our own streets, in our own cities. Please stop the spinsanity! Again I'm not trying to say this was a great speech by any means and it will likely not go down in history as particularly memorable but I have a hard time understanding how it was "spin". It was the President of the US talking about an ongoing war. Imagine if the Strib editorial board had been around at other moments in history. The Gettysburg Address? Long winded, empty spin. "We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."? Inflammatory spin. "A day that will live in infamy."? Exaggerated spin. The editorial continues on with the usual blather suggesting that if we could just get past all those silly concerns about national sovereignty and let Kofi's Kommandos run the show in Iraq everything would be hunky dory. (Whenever I read about how great it would be if only the UN was involved I am always reminded of Stalin's dismissive quote about the influence of the Pope asking how many divisions he had. The UN? How many divisions does Kofi have?) It ends with one of the silliest claims ever made in a Strib editorial. And yes, that is saying an awful lot. Indeed, it badly needs to put an end to the rising perception that the United States is a paper tiger. PAPER TIGER?!? Yeah I bet that's what the remnants of the Taliban, the ones not already buried under tons of rock, are thinking right now as they get hammered once again last week by Afghan government forces backed by US troops and air power. PAPER TIGER?!? That was probably exactly what the five Al Qaeda operatives were talking about as they drove through the Yemeni desert last year right before they were incinerated by a hellfire missile. PAPER TIGER?!? I'm sure that what Saddam says as he furtively switches houses four times a day with his pitiful entourage trying to stay one step ahead of the boot steps that he knows are coming after him. PAPER TIGER?!? Yup that's the take of the Iranians and Syrians who now can look across their border and see 130, 000 US troops camped next door. PAPER TIGER?!? That must explain why the North Koreans are, however reluctantly, agreeing to talks about the stability of the Korean peninsula. This is the same paper that has ripped Bush for months for being a war mongering, shoot first ask questions later, unilateral cowboy. And now they're concerned that we're viewed as a PAPER TIGER?!? The tiger ain't paper. The days of the real paper tiger, the days of cutting and running in Somalia, the days of not responding to the Khobar Tower bombings, the days of lobbing cruise missiles at empty camps and aspirin factories, the days of watching the USS Cole limp out of harbor and wringing our hands; those days are over. These days the tiger has teeth and claws and is still a little bit pissed off.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
It's Such A Perfect Day
Ninety degrees and sunny in Minneapolis on September 7th. The Vikings step onto the hallowed turf of Lambeau Field and kick the snot out of the Packers on opening day as Randy Moss toys with Mike Mckenzie and his ridiculous hair by grabbing seven for a buck fifty and a TD. Who said he was afraid to go over the middle again? The Twins go to extra frames to beat Texas to remain tied for the Central Division lead. The POTUS delivers a long overdue speech on the war on terror and why Iraqi is a critical front in it. He nails just about every point I was hoping to hear and seems ready to take back some of the momentum that has slipped away over the summer. Does it get much better?
Friday, September 05, 2003
Which Party Is Out Of Touch On the Economy?
There has been an ongoing worry among Republican faithful that the current President Bush would follow the same missteps that cut short his father's administration after one term. While the first President Bush enjoyed a spectacular foreign policy success with the first Gulf War he was viewed as being out of touch on the economy. The impression that he didn't "feel your pain" was one of the key factors that cost him the 1992 election. Clearly W has recognized the political importance of the economy and has taken a number of steps (most of them either meaningless or actually counterproductive i.e.. appointing a manufacturing "tsar", imposing steel tariffs, agreeing to extend unemployment benefits, etc.) to show that he is concerned about it. He does not intend to have his father's fate befall him. The Democratic hopefuls meanwhile have been wailing and gnashing their teeth over the sorry state of the economy and doing their best to hype the current economic difficulties. They see a poor economy or even the impression of a poor economy as their ticket to the White House and they're determined to get it punched. From Kerry's insincere sobbing on hearing the travails of an unemployed woman to Gephardt calling Bush's management of the economy a "miserable failure" (a phrase that he apparently has become so fond of he will use to describe anything he doesn't like: "that soggy breakfast cereal was a miserable failure", "Kucinich's hair piece is a miserable failure") the Dems are trying to portray the economy as one step away from the next Great Depression. The trouble for them is that things are getting better on the economic front. Most indicators continue to show that a steady, albeit slow, recovery is underway and picking up momentum. The one critical economic measure that has remained stubbornly unchanged is the unemployment rate. And although the rate itself dropped slightly in August job losses continued. Usually at this point in a recovery the employment situation would be expected to have improved. This time around however it appears to a markedly lagging indicator of a turnaround. But it won't be lagging for too much longer. Within six months I expect an noticeable improvement in the unemployment figures. During the most recent downturn many companies cut to the bone in terms of staffing. This has lead to increases in productivity as firms are discovering that they can do "more with less". And after the excesses of the late 90's boom it should not have been unexpected. When the times were good businesses, even the most well managed, had a tendency to become bloated. When the economy went south they discovered that to stay competitive they had to get lean (some might add mean). And in the last couple of years they shed jobs like a nervous cat sheds hair to do just that. However, now most companies are probably about as lean as they can get. They're getting the job done with the staff they have but they don't have much excess capacity. With the economy continuing to recover and grow they won't be able to maintain current staffing levels much longer. I work for a manufacturing company and we are actually quite concerned about our suppliers ability to react and keep up with our demands as the economy improves. Our orders are picking up as are orders for the manufacturing sector as a whole. This means that our material requirements will continue to increase and we fear that they will have a limited capability to respond rapidly enough. Because so many firms are operating so lean they have little or no excess capacity and will find their resources sorely taxed as they try to meet demands. Up to this point companies have been hesitant to expand their workforce. They don't want to get burned if the recovery turns out to be illusory or short lived. But if the economy continues to improve, as most signs now indicate, they will not be able to hold off indefinitely. The same competitive pressures that forced them to let people go will now force them to hire people. The market, acting through their customers, will not allow otherwise. So where does this put the Dems? If they continue with their rhetoric about the horrible economic conditions in the midst of a recovery and eventual reduction in unemployment, they will increasingly be seen as the ones out of touch with the economy, which will not bode well for their chances in 2004. Just ask Papa Bush.
All Hate All The Time
Those fans of right wing talk radio in the Minneapolis-St. Paul metro area can take heart in the fact that, in addition to the daily dose of nationally syndicated shows on AM 1280 - The Patriot, The Patriot's sister station AM1570 now has the same lineup at different times: Program Line-up on AM1570: 5A-8A Hugh Hewitt 8A-11A Mike Gallagher 11A - 2P Laura Ingraham 2P-5P Dennis Prager 5P - 8P Michael Medved 8P - 11 P Hugh Hewitt 11P- 2A Laura Ingraham 2A - 5A. Mike Gallagher These means if you happen to miss one of the shows on the Patriot you can catch it at 1570 a bit later in the day. Or if one of the shows is particularly impressive you can listen to it again. I for one will be tuning in to catch each and every priceless moment of Frank Pastore a.k.a. the Grandmaster of Gluttony a.k.a. Mr. Scientology? while he is filling in for Hugh Hewitt for the next week or so. And speaking of filling in I understand that the studio where Hugh broadcasts his show from, usually a bit messy with the remnants of Doritos, Cheetos, Diet Coke cans, and popcorn grease left by Hugh, has now been officially qualified as a hazardous waste site by the EPA. Fast food wrappers, chicken bones, pizza boxes, ice cream containers (gallon size), half eaten legs of lamb, and a few animal carcasses that cannot be positively identified form a pile of refuse already two feet deep. And Frank's guest hosting duties have only begun! As Generalissimo Duane was overheard saying, "It's getting deep in here."
Another One For The Shelf
This book has already been widely praised and for good reason. It came out before the invasion of Iraq but contains many lessons that are very relevant today. For example Boot shows that is possible to defeat an insurgency and in fact the United States has done so a number of times in the past. But it requires a commitment in terms of time (years) and a willingness to work with the people down to the village level. With all the talk about the need for more troops in Iraq going on it is also interesting to note that the successful counterinsurgency campaigns conducted previously by the US did not involve large number of soldiers but rather the right type of troops. The Marines in particular have a rather distinguished history in this area. Boot also examines how the war in Vietnam was conducted and theorizes that if the military had fought a "small war" rather than attempting a "large war" it might have been possible to keep South Vietnam free. It is a "must read" book and deserves a place of honor on the shelves of The Fraters Library.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
More Egregious Liberal Bias
Do we need any more evidence of the blatant liberal bias in the news than the headline for this piece that reads ?Fox Attacks Girl In Her Bedroom?? Just once, I?d like to see a headline read ?CNN Bludgeons Couple While They Eat Dinner? when describing yet another tiresome edition of Crossfire or ?CBS Pile Drives Unsuspecting Viewer? after Dan Rather describes the many ways that the Bush White House has failed to safeguard the United States against Hurricane Fabian. Instead, we have to endure yet another attack on Fox News. Rumor has it that Bill O?Reilly is already preparing a lawsuit against the little girl. When asked if the suit will be problematic for O?Reilly?s already overworked legal team, lead counsel Jackie Chiles said ?Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This is a clear violation of Bill?s rights as a commentator. It's an infringement on his constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.?
Tomorrow morning at 6:00, I will be heading up to Lake Vermilion in northern Minnesota for two days to hunt the elusive muskellunge with 5 other men, three boats, several bottles of Powers Irish Whiskey, a half gallon of Bombay Sapphire, about 8 cases of beer, some vodka and an arsenal of bottle rockets and Black Cats (for boat to boat combat).
For those of you unlucky enough to be in the vicinity of Everett Bay Lodge this weekend, consider this to be your only warning. And now, the obligatory Simpsons reference: Homer rents a boat from a man in a booth, who hands him a key. Man: There you go. And I assume you've read the boat safety manual. Homer: Oh, yeah. Couldn't put it down. Come on, boy, let's get me a six-pack! Man: Uh, sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol. Homer: Oh, that sounds like a wager to me! Labels: Drinking
But Was It Really A Bargain Afterall?
Lately I've been watching my pennies more and more. Strangely enough, it seems that extended unemployment is not good for one's bank account (who knew?). So to say I was thrilled to see that Rainbow was actually offering some real bargains for a change is an understatement. Like some kind of dutiful housewife, I gathered the circular, made my list and headed to Roseville for some cheap grocery shopping. It wasn't long ago that I refused to use a cart. Too cool you see (not really, you reply). It just didn?t feel right. It seemed sexier and cooler to grab one of them baskets and quickly whisk through the store. Well, when there?s bargains afoot, a mere basket will not do--I had to cart. And as a matter of fact, at one point I was worried that I might have to get a second cart--creating one of those push-pull cart situations you see mothers of 7 occasionally engaging in. I started with the Pepsi products. Five 12 packs for 10 bucks. Hard to beat. I loaded them into the bottom part of the cart and continued. Next came the cereal. 8 boxes of Kellogg products for 10 bucks. I went with two Frosted Flakes, two Fruit Loops, a Raisin Bran, a Rice Krispies, and two Corn Pops. That ought to last a while. Then the Aquafina. A buck for a six pack. I loaded ten in the cart. Then I spied the score of the year. Red Baron Pizzas. Five for 10 bucks. Feeling a little (but only a little) embarrassed I loaded ten into the cart, but then noticed that there was a limit of five per customer. I grudgingly accepted the five but at this point there was basically no room so I was forced to balance them above the rim of the cart precariously. As I started toward my next bargain the inevitable happened. The pizzas came crashing down like sheets of plywood off a third story roof. A moment before I had noticed a trio of young lovelies, college roommates I reckoned, who were doing a little shopping of their own. All three of them turned from reading the fat content on whatever products they were checking out and had a good old chuckle as I scrambled about, trying to pick up the pizzas and the remains of my self-respect. I?m sure they noted the kids cereals I was buying as well. I smiled a wan smile, as if to say ?He he, pizza. Cheap. I like pizza.? Not wanting to risk another disaster I made my way to the check out line. As I was unloading the score, the cashier, a woman in her mid fifties remarked ?Boy, your kids are going to be eating cereal for a long time.? ?I don?t have kids,? I said ?I just shop like I do.? So was it worth it? My self-respect for some good food deals? Absolutely. I've given my dignity for less. At least this way I'll get a little satisfaction (however fleeting) out of the deal. Hell, that's more than I can say about my last relationship.
vox populi
Recently there has been a bit of controversy about our name, Fraters Libertas. According to a noted Latin expert, the title is not a "proper" usage of the language. A noted talk radio host has picked up on this alleged erroneous use of the Latin tongue and hyped it to imply that when it comes to gray matter, we ain't all that. While two weeks of unchallenged trivia supremacy should be more than enough to erase any doubts about our intellectual prowess, I will also endeavor to explain the roots of our moniker and dispel any notions that it somehow is not correct. To those schooled in traditional Latin, the name Fraters Libertas would indeed appear to be improper. However, that is due to their limited exposure with the language. These elitist wags in their ivory towers are quite knowledgeable about the Latin that they were taught in their haughty private academies. What they are less familiar with is Latin slang. You might call it "street Latin" or more appropriately for our purposes here "guttural Latin". Yes, in ancient Rome there was a dialect, much like the lingo that emanates from our urban streets today, used by the masses that was separate but very much equal to the proper Latin spoken by the pointy haired plutocrats. Since most of these common folk were not literate very few records of the vernacular survive today. But suffice it to say that we have it on very good authority that a popular slang expression for a group of freemen who liked to don togas, have a few It would be a disservice to those who have gone before it we were to abandon it now. That's our name and we're sticking to it.
Another Incident of Looting, Chaos
Last week we got a call from the local chapter of the ARC asking if we wished to have a pickup scheduled at our house to donate household items. It just happened that we were looking to dispose of our lunky ancient microwave which hailed from 1977 and weighed about sixty pounds. But it still worked and ARC said they would take it so we arranged for a truck to stop by this week. Yesterday morning, thinking that the ARC truck would be by shortly, I lugged the monster microwave out to the curb along with six bags of other items including a pair of roller blades, a dozen pairs of women's shoes, books, baskets, clothes, hockey gloves, hockey skates, and a phone. Somewhere along the line my wires got crossed and when I got home from work I found the collection of giveaways still sitting on the curb in front of our house. A voice mail message from ARC said they'd be stopping by today after 8am. Oh well we're just a day early I thought. No harm in that. Later in the evening about 7:30pm my wife and I headed out on a stroll. When we returned to the house about forty five minutes later our front curb was clear. No microwave. No bags. No nothing. Someone had stopped by and poached it all. There were no signs on any of the items saying "free take me" and we had in fact marked the bags with the letters ARC to indicate their destination. This wasn't "walk off" stuff either. The perp had to have a car. My wife was able to scavenge around and scrape up another three bags worth of items so that when the ARC truck showed up today they weren't left empty handed. Expect further reports on the breakdown of order in my neighborhood as events warrant.
The Unbearable Evilness of Beer
Yesterday there was this pleasant story in the St. Paul Pioneer Press (thanks to Rick for the tip off): Coming soon to the Land of Sky Blue Waters: a monument to the Hamm's Bear, an advertising icon whose cartoon exploits helped burnish Minnesota's image as an unspoiled natural paradise. The Hamm's Club, a Minneapolis-based group that unabashedly celebrates the bear and his beer, plans to donate a 6-foot-tall granite monument to the city of St. Paul, where the Theo. Hamm Brewing Co. started making its namesake product in 1865. City officials intend to install the monument next year in Como Park, near a waterfall named after former brewing company President William Hamm Sr. The City Council votes today on whether to accept the gift. About time that the Hamm's Bear gets a place in the sun. Maybe the world isn't such a bad place after all. Today the news was not so cheery: The St. Paul City Council said thanks, but no thanks, on Wednesday to a club that wanted to erect a monument to the Hamm's Bear in Como Park. The St. Paul Parks and Recreation Commission had approved the plan to install the monument in Como Park, near a waterfall fountain donated in the 1960s by the Hamm family. At the request of city officials, the Hamm's Club did not include the word "beer" in the monument plans. But several council members said Wednesday that a public park wasn't the place to commemorate a beer icon. "It's neat and it's nice, but it's not great art," said Council Member Chris Coleman as the panel voted unanimously to delay action on the matter. "I think there's a place for it in the city of St. Paul. I just don't think it's Como Park." Council Member Jay Benanav said the Hamm's Bear is a purely commercial symbol. He distinguished the advertising bear from the "Peanuts" sculptures that have been displayed in public spaces in St. Paul for the past four summers. "I don't think Snoopy drank a lot of beer," he said. Well you thought wrong Mr. Benanav. He might not have been drinking Hamm's but Snoopy would often go over to his old war buddy's (Bill if I'm not mistaken) house and quaff a couple of root beers. Thank God the residents of St. Paul have the City Council looking out for them to decide what is "great art" and what is not. And God forbid anyone would try to connect beer with a park. Watch out. Before you know it people might start having FUN. And we wouldn't want to allow that would we?
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
Sometime tomorrow a plane will touch down somewhere in Arizona and Brad Jones from Infinite Monkeys will emerge, triumphantly waving a piece of paper in his hand and proclaiming that he has secured "peace in our time". He will of course quickly lower his voice, put the paper in his pocket, and furtively steal away once the TSA agents notice him and begin to close in. But he has apparently succeeded in his role as peace emissary and the dispute between talk radio host Hugh Hewitt and the humble (growing increasingly less humble as the trivia titles continue to mount) gang of bloggers here at Fraters Libertas has been settled amicably. Brad had been dispatched to Southern California to attempt to talk Hugh down from the arrogant perch of absolute power that he recently ascended to. He managed to infiltrate the sprawling compound where Hugh broadcasts from and was even brought on the air a couple of times to discuss pressing issues of the day with Hugh, mainly focusing on the fracas with Fraters as well as some kind of "recall" thing going on in California. Brad did a masterful job with Hugh by giving him a graceful out so as not to lose face. You see (wink wink) Hugh was never serious about attempting to wrest control of our site away from us, rather it was merely a test of our mettle (wink wink). Now that we have passed the "test" with flying colors Hugh has reaffirmed our good standing in the formidable Northern Alliance of blogs. I don't know what this says about certain other members of the Alliance whose toadying behavior during the conflict was far from honorable. The outbreak of peace is, of course, welcome and allows us to avoid unpleasantries that would have resulted if hostilities had continued. For example if Brad had not been able to reason with Hugh and bring him back from the brink, he had instructions to unleash a wave of sabotage at the studio which included spilling Diet Coke, Cheetos, Doritos, and popcorn grease all over Hugh's desk. Employees at the studio would think that a common raccoon had rampaged through the area. Either that or Hugh had been working late again. It also stops us from once again raising our settlement demands from Hugh. The latest wrinkle was a guaranteed weekly appearance on his show called 'Five Minutes With Fraters: A Segment About Nothing'. Listeners across the country are now breathing a deep sigh of relief. And I won't have to link to this rather unusual picture of Hugh found at the Chapman University web site. Was that surfer dude bleached blonde really the color of Hugh's hair at one point or was he hitting the Alberto V05 hard in the midst of some sort of mid-life crisis? Finally we have learned many a valuable lesson from our most recent bout with the powerful, dangerous, and unpredictable Hewitt Empire. Perhaps the most important can be boiled down to "if you want peace, prepare for war". We shall be prepared.
On Achieving Glory
Occasional victory can be gratifying. Consistent victory can be intoxicating. But then again, so can free drinks. Which means I?m not sure what the root cause of my current state of bleary-eyed bliss is. Both victory and the accompanying free Wexford Cream Ales have been ours for the past two weeks after the trivia challenge at Keegan?s Pub. And in this state of high celebration I find it difficult to back track on the exact linear progression of causation. What I will say is that the Fraters Libertas team emerged victorious again last night. This time dominating the field, which many observers felt was among the strongest ever assembled in the long, august history of Twin Cities trivia. Despite the diabolically clever nature of the questions and the far ranging scope of expertise covered, we scored 19 of 25 correct. Fully 12.5% better than the next highest competitor. The remarkable extent of this victory was emphasized by the gasps of wonder and prolonged, worshipful glances we received upon our score being announced (and that was just from each other). Not that the game was without controversy. A question about ?which beverage includes the ingredient sassafras? was ultimately judged to have one answer and one answer only: root beer. Team Fraters divined this specific answer immediately. But we realized that another beverage, sarsaparilla, also contained this ingredient. (To quote internationally known sassafras expert Anthony of Anthony?s Root Beer Barrel.com: ?sarsaparilla came from sassafras trees and root beer came from one or more of many different trees, most often the sassafras tree.?) Knowing the quiz master?s predilection for anachronism, we went with sarsaparilla. And upon the final tally, we were greeted with a terse, check marked rebuke of ?incorrect.? But, as the motto for Keegan?s Trivia so correctly states, there is no whining in trivia (TINWIT). More to the point is our personal motto, there is no whining in winning (TINWIW). And since we did, no formal complaint was filed. If we would have lost, believe me the the Keegans would have heard about it. Since there is a distinct difference between whining and the dispassionate and articulate presentation of irrefutable evidence that they are dead wrong, we would have been well within the rules. Needless to say, the the former champions, the Atomizer?s Team K, are rapidly fading into distant bar room memory. Rumors were that they were in Keegan's last night, although they didn?t present themselves publicly. I assume they simply accepted their defeat in silent torment, followed by a hasty, unannounced, red-faced departure. The few in Keegan's who do remember Team K?s reign of terror now openly wonder why they were ever thought to be so fearsome. In fact, one prominent patron was overheard describing Team K as ?a proud, but cowardly people.?? (For a summary of what this period of distant history was like, click here.) I?m not sure about that characterization. But what I do know is that a new era has dawned at Keegan?s on Tuesday nights. One which the regulars are starting to call ?The Era of Good Feelings.? And I presume the reason they're saying this isn?t just because they're chronic inebriates. Rather, it?s based on our dashing good looks, warm personalities, gregarious demeanors, and our habit of buying a round for the house after each victory. (For any of you who were in attendance the past two weeks and don?t remember any such thing, I can only accuse you of being in the bathroom at the critical juncture.) As long as we can maintain our team chemistry, a reasonable level of sobriety, and continue to have the inspiration provided by the beautiful and charming waitress Jessica, there's no reason we can't continue this unyielding series of victories. Someday, like all good things, I suppose this must come to an end and we will lose. But until that day Twin Cities, let's all enjoy these golden times.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Low Flow Has Gotta Go
Local blogger Tim from Consolidated Diversions offers some common sense advice on dealing with low flow shower head problems: I had the same thing happen many moons ago. I cut out the restrictor. Use a sharp knife and deal that mofo a death blow in the name of good showering. Presently you won't find a low-flow gadget in my house. Both showers and my kitchen sink now flow as much water as they can so I can make the decision how much is enough. Stupid low-flow devices. I ranted this on my blog a while back. I find it funny that industry consumes 1/2 of the water in this nation and the people have to put up with "low flow" showers and toilets. What a bunch of BS.
Note To Friends: Don't Do Me Any Favors
I just finished a fairly interesting (and fairly depressing) book recently sent to me by the Elder. It?s called Journal of the Dead, by Jason Kersten a senior editor at Maxim. The story is about two friends, Raffi Kodikian and David Coughlin who set out to drive to California from Boston in 1999 as a sort of last hurrah before Coughlin started graduate school. As they went from town-to-town they realized they were a few days ahead of schedule and decided to camp in the Carlsbad Caverns National Park in New Mexico for a night. Being fairly typical east coast-types, they did not take adequate supplies of water or food with them, thinking it would only be one night and nothing could happen in one night. After hiking a mile or so into a canyon and camping for the night, they promptly got very lost the next day as they tried to find their way out. One night stretched into two, then three. They were completely out of water and completely lost. Eating prickly cactus fruit provided some sustenance and water, but after three days in the desert without water they were desperate. Making a suicide pact, they both decided to kill themselves rather than die the excruciating death that dehydration brings and to spare them from the buzzards, which had been their constant companions. But, the suicides never took place. Each made slight efforts at cutting their own wrists with a knife, but neither had the gumption to go deep enough to draw blood. At that point, Kodikian said that Coughlin told him to put an end to his suffering by driving a knife through his heart. And that is exactly what he did. Raffi Kodikian took the knife and stabbed his best friend twice in the heart, killing him. He then buried him with rocks in a cowboy grave. A day later, Kodikian was rescued as he lay dying in his tent by a Park Ranger. When asked where his companion was, he pointed to the grave and said ?Over there...I killed him.? At 229 pages, the book breezes by a little too quickly and could be properly accused of being simply an extended magazine article (a shorter rendition of the story appeared in Maxim). But, it is nothing if not a compelling read. I got through in two sittings and couldn?t wait to find out what happened to Kodikian (I won?t ruin it for you.) As good as it is, however, it is not as compelling as a similar book by Jon Krakauer called Into the Wild, the story of a young, idealistic loner who wanders into the Alaskan bush and never makes it out alive. If you?re a glutton for depressing tales of young men dying in the wild, read both.
If I don't have a good shower I am not myself. I feel weak and ineffectual.
Over the Labor Day weekend one of the projects I undertook was to fix our shower. The problem was that after you were finished showering and the water was shut off it continued to drip out of the bath spigot. Over time the dripping increased incrementally and I was finally forced to take action. Long after my wife would have wished me to but after all I'm a busy man and can't afford to allow petty distractions to divert my attention from what's really important. Like watching the Twins game on TV. Anyway after a bit of monkeying around I replaced the stems in both handles and the leaking problem was solved. While we were focused on the shower my wife decided that we should replace the shower head as well. I didn't have a problem with that as our existing shower head was becoming rusty and its performance was really nothing to brag about. Yes, a new shower head, capital idea that. On Monday my wife picked out an acceptable replacement and it was installed shortly thereafter. The bright, gleaming stainless steel fixture looked quite impressive and we were both pleased with the result. Until I took a shower later that day. I got into the shower ready to be blasted, exfoliated, and thoroughly cleansed by the rejuvenating waters of life. Instead I was greeted by an weak stream of water gently cascading onto my body. While such a stream might be appropriate in a landscape designed to promote tranquility it is not what I want in my shower. I don't want to be caressed in the shower, I want to be slapped around a bit. I like it rough. When I get out I want to know that I've been in a shower. With this new shower head I might as well be taking a bath. A frickin' bath! After my initial shock wore off I desperately tried to adjust the shower head to improve the situation. No luck. That's when I noticed the markings on the side of the head: 'No more than 2.5 GPM'. Low flow? I don't like the sound of that. Low flow? D'oh! A couple of things about this really infuriate me. First I live in Minnesota. That's right Minnesota. Land of 10,000 lakes. And while it has been a dry summer we're not running out of water any time soon. You people in Arizona should have the low flow shower heads. We have to survive winter. We should at least be able to enjoy a decent shower. Second is the approach to the problem (if in fact a water shortage problem even actually exists). Water is really a commodity (or it should be). We're billed for our water use by the city we live in. We pay for how much water we use. So if I decide that I want to have a shower that uses a lot of water I am paying for that privilege. Water is scarce? Charge more for it. If I don't want to pay so much each month I'll use less water. I'll take shorter showers. I'll choose to install a low flow shower head. But don't make every shower head low flow just because we want to conserve water. Same thing goes for toilets. If I want a toilet with enough flushing torque action to blast a small dog through the pipes then I should be able to get one. When it uses more water charge me for it. But let me make the choice. This crazy thing called the market has been in play for a long time and its record is pretty damned good. This will not be allowed to stand. I'm now in the market for a Commando 450. I hear the Serbs are fanatic about their showers.
To Hugh From Fraters: Nuts!
Actually our response to the offer (read ultimatum) presented to us by Mr. Hewitt on Friday will be a bit more expansive than the succinct yet comprehensive rebuttal from General Anthony McAuliffe, commander of the 101st Airborne, to the German request to surrender at Bastogne. And so we say: "audendus iura nostra defendere" Which according to our erstwhile Latin consultant translates as, "We dare defend our rights." While we very much want to remain friends and allies of the powerful Hewitt Empire, we cannot surrender our independence. Hugh will have to content himself with receiving tribute from one of his other willing vassels. Meanwhile posters depicting the true nature of Hugh?s regime will be distributed to peasants throughout Minnesota alerting them to the danger posed by allowing him to remain in power: 
Que, Sera, Sera
A story like this could cause worldwide panic and mayhem. Perhaps the wisdom of Homer Simpson, when faced with a similar situation, will help to assuage the fear: Homer: What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet-- big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere and whatever is left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head. Bart: Wow, Dad, maybe you're right. Homer: Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow.
End the Era of the Tsars
This is quite simply stupid political showmanship that will have no impact whatsover: Bush wants manufacturing czar / He says plan is to boost economy, bring 'better days' to factory workers I work for a manufacturing company. Having a manufacturing "czar" in Washington will mean absolutely nothing to us. While we're at it maybe we can also get a manufacturing fairy who can sprinkle pixie dust in the air and create orders for US companies. How'd that whole drug "czar" thing work out anyway?
Monday, September 01, 2003
Lies, Damn Lies and Political Platforms
While perusing potential Presidential candidate Howard Dean?s website, I stumbled across this promise: ...we'll give a leg up to working families struggling to afford health insurance. Adults earning up to 185% of the poverty level -- $16,613 -- will be eligible for coverage through the already existing Children [sic] Health Insurance Program. Using my superlative math skills, this puts the poverty level at $8,980. Further research into this matter led me to this site from which I gleaned that the Department of Health and Human Services agrees with Dean that the ?poverty guideline? is indeed $8,980, but only for a family of (1). Now, I?m not one to nitpick, but how in the hell could a family of (1) adult be eligible for anything called the Children's Health Insurance Program? Is this an outright lie? Maybe...but it's misleading at the very least. Perhaps you should ask Howard for a clarification.
Tell Me Where The Hate Is Coming From Again?
Mention Jesus Christ in your comic strip (as Johnny Hart of the strip 'B.C.' is apt to do now and again) and you stir up a Shiite storm of controversy. Some newspapers refuse to run your strip, other that do publish it receive a horde of letters from outraged readers. But call Republicans Nazis? (It's the September 1st strip) No problem. That after all is funny. Right? The comic strip that perpatrated this latest slanderous outrage is called 'La Cucaracha' and appeared for the first time in the Minneapolis Star Tribune about six months ago. I read it for one week and then dropped it from my daily comic scan. Why? I disagreed with the politics and it wasn't funny. The same reasons I no longer read 'Doonesbury'. 'The Boondocks' can be infuriating politically at times but it also delivers a laugh now and again and so it remains in my rotation. The only reason I was aware of the nonsense spewed in 'La Cucaracha' today was that my wife happened to read it. I understand that the creator of the strip, Lalo Alcaraz, thought he was being quite witty and oh so clever with his jab at Republicans. But perhaps he should take a moment to appreciate the connection he is making. I'm currently reading the book Masters of Death: The SS-Einsatzgruppen and the Invention of the Holocaust and I suggest that Mr. Alcarez and others on the left who pop off with the term Nazi at the drop of a hat, familiarize themselves with the true horrors of the regime before they so casually bandy the label about.
Mounting Death Toll
Our cat is getting along in years. We're not sure exactly how old she is but we figure she's at least seen thirteen or fourteen summers in her days. She doesn't have front claws and this year she's been suffering from a variety of ailments that she's been medicated for. Our modest home is in a high density first ring suburb and our yard is quite small. There is a chain link fence that borders the back yard and that is the only area we allow her to be outside in. All of which makes her hunting stats for the summer all the more remarkable. As of today, when a chipmunk was left on our side steps with its head cleaved open and its brains scooped out (mmmm...chipmunk brains), she has now claimed four chipmunks, two birds, and a baby rabbit over the course of the summer. Not bad for an aging feline. There is a certain amount of ritual involved in the slaying as the bodies are always left near the door to present them to us. As if to say, "Look what I did." One of the chipmunk's initially showed up only as a decapitated head. Two days later the headless body appeared. Not sure exactly what message that was intended to send. I almost feel like a guily accomplice when I have to dispose of the bodies. I bury them furtively in the back yard hoping the neighbor's prying eyes don't witness my attempt to cover up the killings. Now if we could only get her to go after those pesky squirrels...
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TALK O' THE TOWN 
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