Some Serious Gourmet Stuff

JB Doubtless writes:

What about Starbucks? I've met plenty of people who insist their coffee is undrinkable. Fine. But that doesn't mean that the millions of people who enjoy it every day are wrong, or stupid. Starbucks success is all the evidence you need that they have a good product.

I have another theory. The September edition of a popular men's magazine included a pictorial featuring "The Women of Starbucks". As Quentin Tarantino's Jimmie might say: "What's on my mind at this moment ain't the coffee in my Starbucks, it's the drop-dead gorgeous woman behind the counter."

Seriously, though, I only pick it up to read the articles. Seriously.

Posted by Atomizer--Link

The Sign Does Say "Public" Television

It appears that two more Fraters will be infiltrating Jesse Ventura's MSNBC program this Friday. Last week, the advance team of the Elder and myself scoured the studio for signs of suspicious activity and, having found none aside from a shifty eyed audience member that we pegged as Mitch Berg's evil twin, have deemed that the coast is clear for the arrival of Saint Paul and JB Doubtless.

I just have some suggestions for the gents to make their visit more enjoyable. Ask the Twin Cities Public Television receptionist if you can use the bathroom. Better yet, ask to use her phone. Or, if you're feeling really bold, use the Emmy statuette that is sitting on her desk as a back scratcher. That ought to make her head explode.

Posted by Atomizer--Link

500,000,000 Fans Can't Be Wrong

I've received some interesting email about the chain restaurants and there sucking/non-sucking status. One thoughtful writer, Cathy, told of numerous bad experiences at Applebee's in numerous cities across this great country. I've no doubt (so to speak) of those experiences and I also have no doubt James has had bad experiences at the jernt as well.

But, if those situations were the rule rather than the exception then very simply Applebee's would be out of business. Boarded up. Closed down. Marge would never again be able to remark "An alligator with sunglasses? Now I've seen everything!" People don't keep going back for bad food and bad service--even people in fly-over country who drive trucks and shop at Walmart. The only way the logic of the Applebee's Sucks Crowd can work is to state that Applebee's food indeed is crap, but the hicks don't know no better.

Cathy said people tell her that in some places there aren't as many choices, so they HAVE to go to Applebee's. To which I say where? Every trip I make to the burbs shows chain restaurant after chain restaurant competing head-to-head for the lunch and dinner business of those who watch at least one prime time network television show (for me it's King Of Queens).

Now, if there were evidence that Applebee's as a corporation were floundering, then the Applebee's Sucks Crowd's argument would have more credibility. But I don't think it is. And it's not some personal favorite of mine by any means (but I've always had decent food there). The proof of Applebee's being a "Good" restaurant is not in my experience or in Cathy's or in James'--it's in the market. And the market she don't lie.

It's kind of like Britney Spears. I'm not a huge fan and I don't buy her CD's, but people don't buy stuff that they think sucks. It may not be your (or my) idea of "talent" but the evidence of millions of records sold is evidence enough of talent--be it dancing talent, singing talent or production talent. I've never understood people that insist that pop divas have no "talent".

What about Starbucks? I've met plenty of people who insist their coffee is undrinkable. Fine. But that doesn't mean that the millions of people who enjoy it every day are wrong, or stupid. Starbucks success is all the evidence you need that they have a good product.


Posted by JB--Link

Such A Lovely Audience

Last Friday, as I mentioned a couple of times previously, Atomizer and myself pulled ourselves away from our places of gainful employment to attend a taping of 'Jesse Ventura's America'. Although the show airs on MSNBC (Saturdays 6pm CST) it is taped in St. Paul at the posh studios of Twin Cities Public Television (TPT).

I arrived a bit early and entered the glass-enclosed lobby of TPT. The receptionist rather curtly informed me that I was to wait outside in the hallway with the rest of the rabble. She didn't actually say "rest of the rabble" but her tone strongly suggested it. There were two of St. Paul's finest seated at a table in the hallway and I asked them if there was a restroom nearby that I might use. They directed me back into the TPT lobby.

The receptionist was clearly annoyed when I approached her a second time and was almost apoplectic when I asked her where the sanitary facilities were located.

"Why, um, you can't just come in here and use the bathrooms. One of the policemen has to accompany you.", she sputtered indignantly.

"Well the funny thing is, one of the policemen told me to come in here.", I replied as sweetly as possible under the circumstances.

"Oh, uh, fine. Go ahead then.", she fumed and pointed at the men's room around the corner no more than fifteen feet from her desk.

As I sauntered towards the bathroom to do my business I wondered what exactly was so special about the TPT offices and studios that required an "outsider" like myself to have a police escort.

Did they fear that I might pinch one of Eric Eskola's prize scarves?

Or walk in on Cathy Wurzer being made up?

Perhaps I would interrupt Mary Lahammer in the midst of writing her weekly blog paragraph?

I managed to accomplish my mission without the long arm of the law guiding me and strolled back through the lobby, dropping the perturbed receptionist a big smile on my way past her desk. She shook her head in disgust, appalled at the thought of one of the great unwashed soiling the pristine TPT lavatory.

My little unsupervised excursion apparently raised a bit of a Shiite storm within the TPT offices, for shortly afterward a female middle manager type emerged from the lobby and dismissively announced:

"If those of you waiting for the Jesse show need to use the restroom you'll have to go downstairs and across the skyway. The lobby in there? [she pointed behind herself] That is Tee Pee Tee only."

I guess the presence of all of these "Jesse people" so nearby had made the TPT staffers nervous and so she had been dispatched to lay down the law and make sure we understood our place.

The nerve of these pompous arseholes I thought to myself. Well, that does it. No more pledge money from me. No siree.

Oh, that's right. I've never given public television so much as a dime in my life. Voluntarily at least. I was tempted to march back into the lobby and blurt out:

"I watch your stupid station and never pledge anything. Ha ha ha! That's right. It's almost like I'm stealing from you. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!"

Atomizer showed up at just about that time. We checked in and signed some sort of release that neither of us bothered to read ("I further agree that under no circumstances shall I blog about my experiences on Jesse Ventura's America..."). After waiting around for a few minutes more and watching in disbelief as other audience members were escorted to the lobby bathrooms by the police, we were finally instructed to line up and proceed through a security check.

The two mustached, slightly overfed St. Paul police officers were now manning a metal detector similar to the sort they use at airports to screen passengers. Except this particular machine was tuned to pick up metal at the molecular level. Everyone who passed through set it to beeping no matter how thoroughly they had stripped themselves of metallic objects.

"Sorry ma'am you're going to have to wipe off that glittery eye shadow. The flecks of silver seem to be the problem."

It was ridiculous. And once you went through a couple of times and the officers could not determine the origin of the metal, they just waved you past. Atomizer asked what the point of this little exercise was and I explained that it was to provide the appearance of security with actually making anything safer. See Homeland Security, Department of.

We guessed that the security procedures were a requirement that Ventura demanded, since, despite their bathroom paranoia, it didn't seem to be a TPT policy. Unlike ex-presidents I don't believe ex-governors get lifetime security protection so Jesse has to look out for himself. Why he would be the target of choice for anybody is a bit mind boggling but let's not forget that he was in the terrorist crosshairs not that long ago.

After a little more monkeying around we finally were escorted into the studio to discover that there were two types of audience members. The miked up question askers and the applauding head bobbing drones. We were in the drone section with about twelve others while the specially selected "smart set" numbered nine. A rather small audience in a rather cozy setting.

Jesse's son Tyrell was on the set working in some capacity or another. A step above key grip but not the Big Kahuna. Associate producer perhaps? There were a few people milling around offering advise to us and it was difficult to determine their exact role. Producer? Director? Best boy?

We were instructed that when the show went to a break we were to applaud and keep applauding until signaled to stop. Applaud. Check. Don't chew gum. Check. Keep up your energy. Check. Now relax and have fun. Uhmm... check???

Before the taping began Jesse shot the bull with us. While he concentrated most of his attention on the "chosen people" who would be asking the questions, he also engaged us drones in friendly banter. He wearing jeans and a sports coat with an American flag pin. Which was almost exactly what I had on. Not the usual outfit of choice for me but when in Rome.

I've never been a big fan of Jesse's in the past, especially once he entered the political arena (I wrote this after his election in '98). But truth be told, he was affable and engaging throughout the taping. He displayed none of the arrogance or thin skinned sensitivity that often emerged during his stint as governor. He seemed low key and relaxed (despite the non-stop foot movements) most of the time although he was able to rise to the occasion and switch on the high powered persona that made him famous when it was called for ("Good energy Jess," Tyrell remarked after the opening monologue. Jess?) I suppose that stems from his days as a wrestler and later announcer. Overall I came away with a much better impression of Jesse the man than I had going in.

Jesse the talk show host is another matter. While Jesse was quick with the criticisms and complaints he very rarely offered any hint of solutions of even alternatives. One of his topics was the media and not surprisingly he railed against it from the get go. But he never discussed specific ways that the media could be improved. His guest on this subject asked him if he favored government involvement to regulate the media and Jesse quickly shot that idea down. His only response was that the media should behave properly and report objectively because it was the right thing to do.

In some respects his show appears to mirror his term as governor. He loves to discuss his pet issues and has very strong opinions about them. During his time as governor these included vehicle license fees and light rail. Now it's about trashing the media and his other peculiar interests. In fact he mentioned that during the month of November the show will be focusing on the 40th anniversary of the JFK assassination. This week he's having an author on who has written a book implicating LBJ in the assassination plot. It will be interesting to see if the rest of the country is as interested in this little obsession of Jesse's.

Speaking of the national audience, Jesse also brought up the fact that while the local papers had trumpeted the pitiful ratings his premier broadcast had garnered, they failed to follow up and report that the ratings for the second show had doubled. He has a point here as I was not heard the ratings improvement mentioned anywhere.

He compared his run at MSNBC with his race for governor of Minnesota, saying that he would once again come out of nowhere to emerge at the top. "I guarantee that in six months my show will be the highest rated show on MSNBC.", Ventura confidently predicted.

"Even higher than 'Scarborough Country'?", Atomizer whispered incredulously.

Just before the tape began to roll, Jesse asked if any of us in the audience were members of the media (I quickly slapped down Atomizer's hand).

"Good. 'Cause if you are you have to say so. Otherwise it's unethical. Although that probably wouldn't bother the media much these days anyways."

Not being a J school grad myself, I am unsure whether Jesse's statement on journalistic ethics was accurate or if he was simply confusing the media with undercover vice cops on prostitution stings.

Finally the real fun got underway as Jesse opened with a media bashing monologue. He bemoaned the sad state of reporting these days and complained that what he as taught in high school journalism class -straights news on the front page, opinions on the editorial page- wasn't practiced by the media anymore. It was a generic boilerplate rant but Jesse delivered it with fervor and heart and it was easy to see why he appeals to people. He doesn't mince words or worry about saying the wrong thing. You know what you're getting with Jesse. Intellectually it isn't a heck of a lot but this is a television show after all.

Jesse then brought out his first guest, Paul Levinson, a professor and department chair of communication and media studies at Fordham University. I found myself agreeing with most of his views on the media (although I tried to keep the Neanderthalic head nodding to a minimum), which boiled down to "the more the media the merrier". This included mainstream as well as alternative news sources. He also wished for as little governmental interference in media as possible.

He rebutted Jesse's suggestions that media bias is a relatively recent phenomenon, pointing that news reporting has always been colored to some extent throughout history. I suspect that Levinson would be in favor of a media environment where biases were acknowledged and open and the whole pretense of objectivity was dropped once and for all. Unfortunately, Jesse never bothered to ask him anything along these lines and so all I can do is speculate.

Jesse then interjected his personal experiences into the discussion (surprise, surprise) with this complaint about the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

I get slanderous things wrote about me about two or three times now, where I have to go to "The Minneapolis Star Tribune" newspaper and seek a retraction or a clarification or make it right. Well, they're not going to listen to you unless you walk in with a lawyer. So you have got to hire your lawyer to go in there. Then they write the retraction. They admit they were wrong.

But guess what? You have to pay your lawyer. So it costs you money, even though they do damage to you by writing something that you don't ask them to write, and it's wrong, it's a lie, because I just went through it with Bob von Sternburg (ph) wrote a thing in "The Star Tribune," which was a lie. And he knew it. And they agreed to make the retraction, or to fix it, the correction. But then they won't pay your lawyer fees. So it ends up costing you $750, $800 to clear your name, to clear your name for something they did.

Is that right? Do you think that's right? I think they should be required to pay your attorney fees. You know, because they're not going to listen to you unless you come in with a lawyer.

Without even getting a discussion on exactly how this whole thing about "paying your attorney fees" would be enforced, doesn't it sound like Jesse's really getting off pretty cheap here? $750-$800 in legal fees? I gotta think that as soon as you pick up the phone to call one of the gents from Powerline, you're already talking close to grand. Heck, if you're in the urinal next to Hindrocket and you talk about anything other than the weather you're walking out of the bathroom with a billing statement. Jesse's talking about hiring a lawyer to march down to the Strib offices to pound their fist on some editor's desk until they agree to a correction (what a scene that must be). $750-$800? Who does he have on retainer? 'I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!'? For someone who makes their living in the public eye as Jesse does, it doesn't seem like that high a price to pay to clear up your good name.

The professor also mentioned that he felt that the internet was a positive development for the media, as it opened up so many diverse news sources for consumers.

That comment got Jesse's pulse racing and he promised us that he would relate a story about his experience with the internet after the break. He delivered with a Bill O'Reilly like take on "The Internet":

The Internet, I'll tell you how bad they are. Last February, I was down playing golf at the Jack Nicklaus Golf Course down in Los Cabos, Mexico, when the Internet reported I had a blood clot, was hospitalized and in critical condition. Well, it went all over the media. Wolf Blitzer finally at 5:00 in the afternoon, came out and said it was a lie. Never happened. My wife had to go through all the calls, my agents, everybody I worked with, they were all in a panic, because this "Drudge Report," this character, writes this and sends it out over the Internet. So really, don't think you're going to get facts on the Internet either.

Shares of The Internet Inc. were down 3/4 today on news of Ventura's comments. How bad "they" are? Who is "they"? The Internet reported? That's like saying "The Paper reported" without clarifying whether you're talking about the National Inquirer or the New York Times (insert Jason Blair joke here). I realize that the internet is still a relatively recent addition to the media but come on. Even Jesse has got to be aware of the broad spectrum of news sources on the internet. You can't paint the whole internet with a broad brush and claim it can't be trusted because of a story that Drudge sites. By the way if Jesse really wanted to get into it he might have looked into where Drudge received his information. He's typically just passing on news from other sources, many of which are in fact the "mainstream media".

Before the show I had thought that if I had a chance, I would try to ask a question about blogs and their place in the media today but such a question clearly would have been met with nothing but a blank stare from Jesse. And of course since I was in the non-question asking portion of the audience I would not have had an opportunity to do so anyway. Instead we were treated to insipid, irrelevant queries from those deemed worthy of wearing a microphone.

Everyone is probably familiar with the famous advice usually attributed to either Mark Twain or Abraham Lincoln:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

My modification would be:

"Better to remain silent and maintain a thread of credibility than to speak out and have it vanish completely."

The first question (really more of statement) to arise from the "elite" portion of the audience was from a gentleman (I use the term very loosely) in a bright orange shirt whose credibility disappeared faster than a snowball in Dante's Inferno:

First of all, the corporate media in this country, for just as a prime example, sold us some (UNINTELLIGIBLE) Iraq war.

Credibility melting away.

We were sold a bill of goods on the Iraq war. We were given no opportunities to speak out against the war.

Faster.

The people in the peace movement were actually shut out of the debate on the Gulf War.

Almost entirely gone.

We are now paying the consequences of the voices of the anti-war movement being shut out of the media by the corporate media.

Nothing left but a puddle.

Atomizer and I exchanged glances that said, "Did that guy really just say that?". Let me get this straight. You didn't have an opportunity to speak out against the war? The peace movement was shut out of the debate on the war? Are you serious?

Maybe my recollection is a little foggy but I seem to remember the "corporate media" telling us about each and every time twenty or more scraggly anti-war demonstrators got together to block traffic, get naked, or whatever the hell they were doing to let us know they were against the war. Did anyone not know about these demonstrations?

As to the debate on the war, I don't believe that any war in history has been analyzed, argued, and agonized over as the war with Iraq both before AND afterward. No debate? At the risk of sounding like a jack booted dissent stifler, I almost would say there was too much debate. In the nearly year long run up everyone had a chance to make his or her point and if people were paying attention at all they understood the pros and the cons of the war. Just because most people didn't come to support your position does not mean that you were "shut out".

Unfortunately, Mr. Orange was not the only audience member with an agenda to push. While the talk on the media continued a woman unloaded this beaut:

When you were in office, there were four stadium bills. Nobody wanted public subsidy for stadium bills. There was another bill, cleaning up coal plants? More people die from pollution related to coal-burning plants than die from homicide, drunk driving. And yet they're focusing on stadium bills that nobody wants. Why?

Gee do you think she walked in the door with her talking points? Just waiting for a chance to slip in that coal plant pollution line. Whether it was relevant to the discussion at hand or not. Just for the record honey, Atomizer did want a stadium bill so there.

Next Jesse welcomed Richard Marcinko a former SEAL, now an author and talk radio host to talk about homeland security and the fight against terrorism. Marcinko knows a thing or two about terrorism, having led a SEAL team that specialized in counter-terrorism. And he has some strong opinions on how to fight it:

VENTURA: Let me ask you this. Why haven't they hit us, in your opinion? I mean, it seems to me, OK, we've gone after them in Afghanistan. We've nailed the al Qaeda hard there. We went after Saddam in Iraq, although I still haven't quite figured that one out. Why Iraq?

MARCINKO: It's like this.

VENTURA: OK. Well, I don't know, to me and us laymen, it's like the attack on Pearl Harbor, then you attack Korea.

Or Germany I wanted to scream out.

MARCINKO: Well, this administration certainly looks at going into Iraq as a strategic way of fighting terrorism over there so you don't fight it here.

Right on Dick.

After Marcinko explained that he believed that he could find Bin Laden in three months if given the proper resources and free reign he described the fate that he wished to see him come to:

I mean, there are bandits out there that we can buy off, and you know, the issue of when you get a bin Laden or Saddam Hussein, do you take them to trial? My answer is not only no, but hell no. They're figureheads. Sure, the operation goes on. But I want to take off their head. I want to wrap them in pigskin and I want to pour pig blood on them, just to let the rest of the other ones know, I know how to fight their kind of war. And he's not going to go see Allah. I'll take care of it in a way they know it. And that's what's missing. You have got to think like the enemy. You have to be worse than the enemy.

Not pretty but probably quite effective. Marcinko's approach did draw criticism from the audience including questions whether we have a right to know what our Special Forces are doing in the name of our country. Marcinko's answer: No. His attitude is, tell me what you want done and then don't ask questions. And he raised the damned if you do-damned if you don't conundrum:

I have a mission to do, and it's better to kill them over there than-the people that will bitch about me killing him that way will be the same people hounding my cheeks when they say, well, why didn't you get them over there, how come they are here?

Please. Let's leave the cheek hounding to the guys over at Sully Watch. While Marcinko's on air performance was pretty good, he really excelled when he came over to the miked up audience members and entertained questions from them after his stint with Jesse was done. He dispatched with their arguments in the same manner that he has dispatched enemy combatants in the past. Swiftly, ruthlessly, and effectively. They didn't stand a chance.

Jesse finished off the show with his Hero and Dork of the Week segment. The less said about this the better. It's easily the weakest part of the show and really adds nothing to it whatsoever. Expect some retooling here.

At last we were done. Well not quite done. The show was over but they needed some more audience shots so we were instructed to follow one of the camera man as he moved around the set.

"Nod like you really like what someone said."

"Now laugh."

"Act like you've just heard something you've never thought of before."

"Now shake your head."

"Act like someone just told you you're getting a pay cut."

Atomizer and myself tried to minimize our reactions during these shots for fear that our vigorous head nodding would be spliced right behind Mr. Orange's ridiculous comments. Depending on the editing it would be quite easy to completely misrepresent the way the audience reacted to a particular segment. As someone in the group remarked, "Talk about media manipulation."

Now we were done. I volunteered to return for a future show as a member of the privileged speaking audience. Now I just need to brush up on my JFK assassination conspiracy theories. I also stopped to chat with Richard Marcinko for a moment and specifically ask him for his thoughts on the General Boykin controversy. He knows the General quite well, as evidenced by the fact that he said "oh you mean Jerry?" when I asked about Boykin, and said it was a shame that he was being pilloried for his views but that it came with the territory. When I asked him for clarification he said, "The irony is that those who are out there on the front lines defending democracy and freedom of speech are often not able to exercise these rights themselves."

Postmortem: On Saturday night Saint Paul and JB came over to my abode to catch my national television debut. And with all due modesty I must say that the camera loves me. Well, it loves my crotch at least. While my face flickered on the screen for a few seconds here and there, my crotch basked in the limelight. I happened to be seated directly behind the podium-like structure where Professor Levinson was standing. So every shot of him included my feet, legs, and crotch. Saint Paul suggested that I should have strategically positioned a reference to FratersLibertas.com to take advantage of the "exposure". Talk about product placement.

The most interesting observation from watching the show on the air after witnessing the taping, was that almost everything that was shot was aired. The cutting room floor must have been spotless. Now this tells me that either the whole show was so compelling that not a minute could be trimmed or that they shoot just enough to fill what they need for time regardless of the quality. After spending two hours at the studio watching it be taped and then an hour seeing it air on Saturday night, my money is on the latter.


Posted by Chad--Link