It All Depends On Whose Culture Is Being Gored

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a half day seminar sponsored in part by my employer, called Accommodating Change: Understanding Somali Culture and Values. I presently don't work directly with anyone who hails from Somalia (although many Somalis are employed by the company I work for) but I elected to attend, thinking that it would be a good learning experience. And indeed it was.

The seminar began with a one hour speech on Somali culture and values delivered by one Dr. Ali Khalif Galaydh. A few years ago Dr. Galaydh was the prime minister of Somalia, now he is a professor at the University of Minnesota. He is a bright, engaging, and very articulate man. After his talk there was a panel discussion with Dr. Galaydh and four other representatives from the Somali community in Minnesota, on particular cultural issues that arise at work and school for Somalis.

There were roughly around one hundred and twenty attendees at the seminar. Most of the audience was made up of educators, diversity trainers, and human resources people. There were a few operations/manufacturing folks such as myself scattered about, but we were clearly in the minority.

My political views would not have been shared by most of the other attendees either. There were a lot of short haired, forty-fifty-somethingish women in the crowd, competing with each other to show who was the most open, accommodating, and accepting of diversity. The parking lot was probably full of Subarus replete with rainbow window decals and green Wellstone! bumper stickers.

As I mentioned earlier it was a very educational experience. I learned a great deal about Somali values and culture including:

- Somalis are very independent and individualistic with a strong work ethic.

- Many Somalis don't trust government institutions or banks.

- Somalis are deeply religious and very committed to their faith.

- Somalis are family orientated and support traditional family structures. .

- Somalis do not believe in or engage in pre-marital sex. (It was mentioned that AIDs is almost non-existent in the Somali community because of this)

- Somalis do not believe in indulging in alcohol or mind altering drugs.

- Somali parents are concerned about passing on their traditional values to their children.

- Somali parents are also concerned about the opportunities for their children to pray at school.

And this diversity sensitive audience was all in favor of respecting and accommodating these aspects of Somali culture as much as possible. They lapped it up. They nodded approvingly as the Somali panel described the various aspects of their culture, and almost to a person they affirmed the "rights" of the Somalis to observe their beliefs and values in all arenas of life.

"I just don't understand what's so hard about allowing these kids to pray in school", one woman puzzled.

The funny thing (at least to me) was that none of them seemed to appreciate the irony of their positions. Let me just say for the record that I concur with their desire to respect the Somali culture and values, and make reasonable accommodations when possible, at work and in schools. But I couldn't help but wondering how these open-minded, culturally sensitive, caring people would have reacted if the panel would not have consisted of Somalis but another group with strong religious and cultural values.

Say evangelical Christians?

For good measure, how about white evangelical Christians?

I'll go out on a limb here and speculate that the concept of religious and cultural diversity that this particular crowd was interested in encouraging, would not encompass followers of the cross. Just a hunch of mine.

By the way, as I was learning about Somali values and culture I could not get one persistent thought out of my head:

Somalis are natural Republicans.

Paging Karl Rove.


Posted by Chad--Link

Paula Zahn's Got Nothing On This

Great CMA awards last night. For those of you who own Velvet Underground records, it stands for the Country Music Association's award show. Once again, Vince Gill was incredibly entertaining and funny, quipping at one point that he had not eaten since September in order to look good for the cameras. Then during one segment he was snacking on a burrito.

Johnny Cash won big, which was more of a lifetime achievement thing than recognition of what he did during the year. When his children took the stage to accept his first award I first thought that the once-lovely Roseanne Cash had disintegrated horribly. I later found out it was her sister Kathy. Phew. Roseanne Cash in her Seven Year Ache era was one of the world's most beautiful women. John Carter Cash was noble with his comments and no doubt several tears were shed in the auditorium as he spoke of his father.

Perhaps the weirdest scene played out when the country boy band Rascal Flatts (which I often refer to as the Flat Rascals) won the award for Best Vocal Performance. As they took the mike to give their thanks, Joe Don (Joe is their leader) said "I want to give this award to the guys that made us want to do this" and pointed at Alabama, who had also been nominated.

The Alabama dudes looked pissed. "Come on up here!" said the pretty boy to guys who have been making successful country records for over twenty years. Randy Owens sat speechless in his chair looking like he wanted to kick the crap out of Joe Don. After realizing there was no way out of this situation than to deal with it, he and another 'bama went up to the stage.

Joe Don tried to give him the award, but he would not take it. The producers then quickly cut to a commercial. What the hell were these new upstart punks thinking? It was incredibly patronizing to offer this award to a band that has won plenty of their own, sold tens of millons of records and basically kicked country ass for years. It was as if Rascal Flatts were saying "Hey, old guys you can have a little of our success, since you don't have any of your own any more". The Rascals should hold on to that statue. They may not win another.

But, the best event of the night took place on the red carpet before the event.

More excitement was generated before the show on the red carpet, when Crow grabbed Twain's posterior. "Don't forget the other cheek," Twain quipped, further accentuating the evening's conciliatory tone.

Hot damn! Sheryl Crow grabbing Shania's considerable backside? I don't know if this was captured on TV, but one could almost hear the Paula Zahn sound effects reverberating around the nation.


Posted by JB--Link

No Longer The Big Cheese

A short story in Tuesday's Star Tribune reported that, by 2005, California will pass Wisconsin in cheese production. Wisconsinites will have to console themselves with the knowledge that, even if they lose the cheese race, they still will best California in the one area that really matters to the residents of the Badger State. Per capita alcohol consumption. Your average cheesehead can easily drink a Chablis swilling lightweight from California under the table without even working up a belch.

In fact Wisconsin residents are near the top of my list of best drinkers in the Upper Midwest, a region not noted for its temperance. Here's the breakdown from worst to first:

5. Iowa: Iowans aren't good at much really 'cept growing corn and wrasslin'. You would think that the utter lack of anything to do would help develop strong drinkers, but for some reason it just doesn't happen in Iowa.

4. South Dakota: Would be at the bottom of the list were it not for the presence of Iowa. South Dakotans are nice, moderate people. If your car breaks down on the side of the road you want a South Dakotan to stop and help you. If you need a fourth for a game of Mexican you'll not ask the guy from Sioux Falls.

3. North Dakota: It's cold, there is NOTHING to do, pass me a beer. North Dakotans can drink because they have to drink. If you lived there, you'd drink too. The only thing that mires them in third place is that until recently they had some really goofy laws on drinking (yes, even goofier than Minnesota!).

2. Minnesota: Your average Minnesotan can stand up drink for drink against most anyone in the country. But I have to admit that compared to our neighbors to the east we don't stack up. Blame it on the presence of a rich cultural community in Minneapolis/St. Paul or perhaps on the fact that the Vikings play in a dome. Whatever the cause, over the years the state has steadily lost ground to Wisconsin in the field of drinking.

1. Wisconsin: Yes they are near the top. Nearly everything in Wisconsin revolves around beer, the Packers, deer hunting, cheese, and brats, usually combined together in a spectacle of gross overindulgence. And the men are even worse.

But not so fast my cheesy headed friends. You're near the top, but not at it. But who then, you ask are the best drinkers in the Upper Midwest?

The mutants who hail from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan or Yoopers as they're more commonly referred to. The U.P. technically belongs to Michigan but it ain't Michigan. And although it borders Wisconsin it ain't Wisconsin either. It's a strange place, whose culture melds elements of Canada, Wisconsin, Michigan, and pure North Woods looniness. I'd say it's something in the water but I don't think Yoopers drink water. Beer flows from their sinks Their babies are bottle fed beer or else they drink milk from their mother's breasts that might as well be beer given its alcohol content.

Maybe it's the eleven feet of snow the U.P. receives each winter, maybe it's the iron content in the ground, or maybe it's the fact that they're all related, but something up there creates an incomparable breeding ground for drinkers. Hell, even the most hard core Packer-loving, beer guzzling cheesehead will back away from the table when he finds out he's drinking with a Yooper. Sometimes it seems like they're not human. But damn can them Yoopers drink.


Posted by Chad--Link

What If They Gave an Election and Nobody Won?

Was it really two months ago since I last mused on the utility of having retarded people vote and my fetish for Irishly named women? No, actually that was last night (and every night for that matter). But those of you not privy to my personal diary probably last heard of this in September, in a Fraters post about the primary election in St. Paul. This past Tuesday was the general election and you may be glad to hear I didn't encounter any mentally retarded voters or Irish named girls. So, I'm declaring their hex officially broken.

Per usual, the election in my ward was handled efficiently, professionally, and without incident. Yes, there was a minor snafu when an individual precinct allowed a man to vote TWICE! (Somewhere Jesse Jackson's ears just twitched). The man claimed he "accidentally" inserted a blank ballot into the machine the first time, and in a misplaced act of compassion the judges gave him another one. Luckily, none of the races were decided by just one vote, so the integrity of the election wasn't compromised. As such, I let the judging crew off with a savage verbal reprimand and the confiscation of their roll of "I Voted" stickers. I sneeringly informed them I'd be bringing back a new roll, once I got a set printed up saying "I Voted - Twice."

By the way, the state law mandated remedy for this situation is, at the end of the night, to randomly remove a ballot, and adjust the counts accordingly. It seems kind of arbitrary and imprecise, but I can't think of a more fair way to reconcile the counts. Don't like it? Call your state legislator. Or Jesse Jackson.

Other observations from general election 2003:

1) Two women of known liberal sympathies independently confided to me that if they're not familiar with the names on the ballot, they vote for the woman. Failing that, they'll vote for the most exotic sounding name, to aid the cause of diversity. (And rest assured, the ballots in St. Paul are never lacking for women or exotic names).

My further observations tell me this behavior is common and, in part, caused by the liberal mindset of assuming another's political beliefs based on their gender and race. (In short, if you're a women or Hmong, you must be a good liberal). It's also in part due to the fact they live in a one party (DFL) city. Therefore, they're comfortable with the belief that it doesn't matter who they vote for, taxes will remain high, the teacher's union will continue to dictate policy for the school board, and everyone will mouth politically correct words about compassion and class warfare while they compete for who can spend the most money on their favorite social causes.

But whatever the reason, I'm sure this is how many people in St. Paul vote. Which is why if I ever run for office in this town, I'm changing my name to Axward Buttkeuch.

2) Sign waving street demonstrations for candidates on election day is a growing phenomenon and I predict it's going to get out of control in the near future. The first time I saw this was during the ill-fated Mondale campaign, just last year. (As opposed to the ill-fated Mondale campaigns in 1980 and 1984. If ol' Fritz drops another one, I think I can stop saying "ill fated." "Mondale campaign" alone should be enough to communicate that particular adjective.) On election day 2002, there were frenzied partisans waving "Mondale" signs on every highway overpass and street intersection in the city.

I thought this was a special circumstance, since the Democratic base was highly motivated to win that election for their fallen hero Wellstone, and they were going to pull out all the stops. But the sign wavers were out this year too, in what is probably the lowest profile election we're likely to see for years. The first guy I saw was a crazed loner down on West 7th, waving a "Dave Thune" sign. Since I figured that probably was Dave Thune, I didn't get too worried about it.

But then later in the evening I cruised by Lexington and University and was confronted with a couple dozen wild demonstrators. The roiling mob was evenly matched between those holding Debbie Montgomery signs (and they were all black teen agers) and those waving Bao Vang signs (all Hmong teenagers). At the very least this was a traffic hazard, with kids running around, jumping into the street, laughing and shoving each other. I didn't hear of any accidents this year, but if similar behavior is evident in the future, it's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt.

And remember, this activity was occurring for a race between two liberal Democrats running for a City Council seat in a dead end section of town. What's going to happen when the race is as emotional as George W. Bush vs. Howard Dean? Hell, what's going to happen when it's Khazoua Thao-Kong vs. Axward Buttkeuch?

3) As evidenced by the sign waving incident, some people REALLY care who wins City Council seats in St. Paul. Most people don't, as the turnout rate was barely higher than that for the primary. (Sub 40% I'd estimate). But some people do. More frightening yet, some of these people are the candidates themselves. They're willing to do almost anything to win. I heard all kinds of stories out of Ward 1 (and to a lesser extent Ward 5) about the antics of various candidates and campaigns. Granted it was nothing like what happened in Philadelphia, but there was aggressive campaigning going on during election day at the polling places (at times in violation of the law that they must be 100 feet away from the building), heated arguments between the various factions outside the polls, allegations of voter interference and undue influence by translators, voter helpers, and poll workers with familial ties to candidates.

In terms of fraud, nothing substantive has come of this, but the point is there are people who desperately want to be on the City Council. And that's not healthy for a democracy. If people want it that bad, it's too powerful of a position. For the good of us all, the office needs to be denuded. My proposal is for an independent commission to observe the behavior of campaigns and candidates, and if any desperate grabs for power are seen, the budget authority for that office is cut in half for the following year. And we keep cutting, year after year, until we get candidates who don't care if they win or lose. Only then can we be sure our freedoms are safe. And only then could I feel comfortable voting for the person with the most exotic sounding name. Or the woman. With the Irish name.


Posted by Saint Paul--Link