Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Der Ver Zwei Peanuts, Valking Down Der Strasse, And Von Vas... Assaulted!...Peanut

A single line in this story (via Drudge) was so amusing that it caused Man From Silver Mountain to actually laugh himself to death. Before he expired, M.F.S.M. managed to point out to me the precise point in the article at which his fatal amusement attack occurred and I have reproduced it below, so read on if you dare. I must warn you, however, to be very, very careful with the last sentence. It has already claimed one life today.

A Nebraska man who once weighed more than half a ton has lost 321 pounds in a Sioux Falls hospital, with a goal of losing another 450 pounds.

Patrick Deuel, 42, of Valentine, weighed 1,072 pounds when he was admitted to Avera McKennan Hospital eight weeks ago. Deuel, who is just under 6 feet tall, is on a 1,200 calorie-a-day diet.

He wants to lose at least another 450 pounds or more in the next year and a half to two years. He is being supervised by a team of eight doctors.

Deuel said he knew he had to act. The former restaurant manager has been bedridden since last fall and hadn't been out of his Nebraska home for social reasons in seven years.

A group known as the League of Human Dignity helped arrange for Deuel to be driven to a local livestock scale, where he could be weighed.

The intent of the previous post was NOT to make light of Mr. Deuel's condition. I am merely pointing out the absolute absurdity of a group calling itself The League of Human Dignity nobly carting an incredibly obese man to be weighed on a scale used primarily for cattle. Please don't e-mail me to tell me that I'm insensitive. I'm already well aware of that fact.

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