Friday, October 15, 2004

There's a Parable in Here Somewhere

The Warrior Princess was missing from Wednesday night's debate party at the Hilton. She's submitted her reasons and she'll be glad to hear we're considering it an excused absence.

My friend Kim and I were all set and ready to head downtown and join the Patriot throng for what sounded like a rousing event Wed night. Kim was massively excited about getting a break from being a mom and getting to do something political for a night, so when we got a call from Kim's mother-in-law that her youngest son Kobe (not named after the basketball player) looked like he dislocated his arm we were both disappointed.

Her husband was busy meeting with kids at the church, and I didn't want her to go alone, so I decided to forgo the debate party and join her in the trek to the after hours clinic. Little Kobe is just a year and a half old, and the poor thing couldn't move his arm at all. He didn't appear to be in too much pain, but being that the arm he couldn't move was his thumb sucking arm, it posed some problems.

I had 2 jobs at the clinic. Number one job was providing distraction for Kobe. That meant lots of making faces, turning the pages of children's books, and talking in baby talk. My second job was the coveted position of hold the screaming kid's jacked up arm in the correct position so they can take an x-ray. Being that I was on the verge of tears when Kobe was being really brave and not crying, the emotional restraint required to keep my composure when he was screaming bloody murder and I was the perpetrator moving his arm kept me inches from joining him as a second blubbering child Kim would have to comfort.

Kim and I were making small talk with the X-ray technician when the technician turned and asked me (in a voice like she was delivering a cheesypick up line), "so are you a 'Special Aunt'?"

After I picked my jaw up the floor I had to try to think of an answer that somehow conveyed I was a close family friend, but NOT a lesbian life partner. The best I could come up with was, "No, I'm a friend FROM CHURCH."

Kim either didn't get the reference, or was much cooler about brushing it off than I was. There was so much commotion last night I never got a chance to ask her.

Here's what I want to know. When did it become impossible for two women to so much as walk in a room together without people questioning if they are lesbians? Why wasn't the assumption that I was helping out a friend while her husband was unavailable instead of the wink-wink nod-nod "special aunt"comment?

This isn't the first time I've had someone question me and a friend I happen to be with, either by words or by a visual frisk. And I would be more than happy to chalk it up to some lesbian vibe I throw off if it wasn't for the fact that several of my friends have had similar experiences. Like most of my friends who end up dealing with this more often than we'd like, I'm single, mid-twenties, content, have a number of close female friends, and don't look like a goat. This does not mean I am attracted to women. What ten years ago would be chalked up to a normal female friendship is now assumed by the general public to be a homosexual relationship.

This is a problem. A 12-year-old girl shouldn't wonder whether she is a lesbian because she really likes her best friend. Two widowers should be able to share a house together without having the whole neighborhood assuming they are lesbians. I don't want female friendships to deteriorate to where the majority of men's friendships operate; where to prove to strangers they are heterosexuals all men can talk about is sports, women and beer. I don't want friendship being sexualized for the advancement of the homosexual lobby. Life and love are about a whole lot more than sex. It shouldn't be necessary for real friendship to exist in a vacuum because the general public chooses to impute eros instead of assuming philia.

Kobe is doing fine. His arm is fully functioning with just an ace bandage and he can once again suck his thumb. I'm sad I missed the debate, and the party, but I'm not sorry I chose to be of help to my friend and her son. I just hope next time I can do so without the suggestion that I am participating in a lifestyle I am morally opposed to.

That's our Warrior Princess. She eschews the earthly pleasures of The Patriot Debate Party in order to assist a suffering child and his distressed mother. And for her actions, GETS BRANDED A SODOMITE!

I guess that's the cross she must bear for doing the right thing. And a small price to pay for little Kobe's recovery.

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