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Sunday, February 29, 2004
From The "Clear As Mud" Department
John Kerry: This president always makes decisions late after things have happened that could have been different had the president made a different decision earlier.
The Most Boring Story Ever Told
Could be the subtitle of POTC. Not the story itself, of course, just the way Mel Gibson decided to tell it. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ...
Stations Of The Albatross
I just got back from POTC (here to be referred to at Potsy) and all I can say is that's two hours of my life I'll never get back. Putting aside all the "anti-semitic" horse-hockey for a minute, it's simply a lousy, boring, over-wrought film. I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. At one point I looked at my watch and an hour had passed with basically nothing happening. Sure, there was plenty of flashbacks and music that tried to bash you over the head with it's Majesty, but after that long I wanted them to get to the crucifyin' already. At least an hour could have been taken out of the film and nothing would have been lost. But I guess you can't take something away from nothing, which is what the movie is. And this idea that this is so gory and violent and "pornographic"? It's a lie. It was not even that nasty at all. I never whinced like I did in Saving Private Ryan or looked away for even a minute. I guess I would have had to feel something to make me look away. Gibson is very into slo-mo. There is a slo-mo about every five minutes as he tries to force the viewer to Get It! I actually felt like I was carrying a cross--Mel Gibson's vision of what happened to Christ--and he was the one flogging me the entire time, laying upon me a crown of thorns, bashing me in the forehead so I Got It. Lay off ya heavy handed wank artist! I get it, okay? On the positive side, Mary Magdalene had it goin' on. She is portrayed by the stunning Monica Bellucci. Wow. But did she make it worth the pain I had to endure just to get through this thing? Absolutely not. Summary: awful movie, hot actress.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
The great thing about computers? They make life easier.
I bought an MP3 player a coupla years ago. It only holds thirty to thirty five songs (128mb) but it's small and light and is decent for physical activities and traveling. It interfaces with Real Player through a USB connection and the load time isn't too bad. But you do tire of the same thirty songs pretty quickly and when the IPods started popping up with multi-gigabytes of storage space, I knew it was only a matter of time before I procured one. The tipping point was reached when my wife took an interest in MP3 players. As often happens in marriage, what once was mine (the MP3 player) became "ours", before finally becoming "hers" for all intents and purposes. So in order to ensure domestic tranquility we needed to get a new MP3 player. Which, by the immutable laws of marriage will be hers, while I will get back what I originally had. Essentially I had to buy a new MP3 player in order to be able to use the one I bought more than two years ago. (At this point single people are furrowing their brows in confusion, while the married guys are nodding knowingly.) Last Sunday we bite the bullet and bought a 15gb IPod. The salesman explained that in order to use it with our PC we would need to install a forty dollar Firewire card, which they happened to be stocked out of at the time. A bit of an inconvenience I thought, but a small price to pay for the wonders of the IPod. The next day my wife picked one up during her lunch hour at work. That evening I cracked open the package, rolled up my sleeves, and got to installin'. After disconnecting the umpteen cords, cables, and wires and pulling the PC tower out into the middle of the room, I looked for the manual to guide my operation. I couldn't find it right away, but did come across the 'Quick Set Up' guide which had some directions on taking the machine apart. So I started taking screws out, prying off panels, and sliding out drives until I reached a point in the instructions with a bold warning: To Proceed Further You Must Follow The Instructions In The Owners Manual No problemo. That owner's manual had to be around somewhere. After all I keep EVERYTHING like that. I have owner's manuals for products that I've long ago donated to Goodwill (or given to JB if Goodwill wouldn't take them). I have the owner's manual for my in-line skates. I have the owner's manual for my coffee grinder. I even have the instructions/owner's manual for some wire shelving that I installed over our washer/dryer years ago. I HAD to have my PC owner's manual. But I didn't. A conclusion I reached after an hour spent fruitlessly scouring and rescouring every possible location. Houston I had a problem. Now usually under such circumstances I would have jumped on the internet and located a suitable substitute. But my internet delivery vehicle was sitting in the middle of the room, stripped of its protective shell, with its innards exposed to the world. I now faced a choice. Proceed with the installation without guidance, hoping that providence would see me through and I wouldn't cause irreparable damage to my precious PC. Or cease my efforts for the evening and wait until I had more complete information. Discretion being the better part of valor, plus the fact that I was tired as hell led me to choose the latter. The next day at work I did some research. Some painstakingly, lengthy, and unnecessarily complicated research thanks to the clever folks who designed the HP web site. What I wanted was an online version of my missing owner's manual. What I got was a very user unfriendly series of links and searches that led me through a Byzantine maze of web pages. Finally, after more than an hour of frustrating dead ends and false leads, I managed to gather what I figured was just enough to get by. Back at the home office that evening I resumed the chore. I discovered that it wasn't just the HP web page designers that were rather oblivious to the needs of their customers. Here's a question to the HP engineers who laid out the mechanical design of my PC: could you make it a little bit frickin' harder to access the PCI slots? The way they were positioned made it almost impossible for anyone with hands larger than Verne Troyer to get at em'. I was kneeling over exposed my PC (now on its side), with the sharp glare of a shop light in my eyes (necessary for the intricate operation), beads of perspiration on my forehead, trying to slip the Firewire card into an available slot in a move which required the manual dexterity of Victor Borge, and swearing like JB Doubtless on his way to Mass. After many miserable failures I finally managed to jam (yes, jam not slide) the Firewire card home. I secured it in place and put all the pieces of my PC back together. Then I re-plugged in the plethora of connections, pushed the power button, and muttered a few 'Glory Bes' under my breathe as I prayed the patient would spring back to life. Hallelujah! All was as it had once been. Windows recognized the new card and automatically installed the required drivers. Now we were cooking with gas. By this time my wife was already slumbering and, since it was going to be "her" IPod, I decided to wait another day before setting it up on the PC, so that she could get in on the ground floor and understand how to use it. With Wednesday night came the prospect of finally wrapping things up and joining the IPod universe. One last task and the Promised Land would be reached. I popped the IPod CD into the PC, fired up the installation program, and made ready for the coming bliss. And then... An error message flashed on the screen: IPod is not compatible with this version of Windows. IPod is only compatible with Windows 2000 and XP. (or something to that effect.) WTF? I grabbed the simple yet elegantly designed IPod box, and in small print on the back, read the same disheartening words. Sumofabeetch. For you see my PC's O/S is Windows ME. I know, I know. ME sucks. It's unstable and prone to crash and lock up. But I'm a rather simple man when it comes to computing matters and was willing to put up with these defects rather than upgrade. I had heard horror stories of O/S upgrades and had no desire to entangle myself in one. But now it looked like I had no choice if we wanted to have an IPod. And it would be nice to have a better O/S. I quickly resigned myself to that fate and hit Amazon to find out what the damage would be to upgrade to XP. Not bad price wise. Then I started reading some of the reviews of the XP upgrade. They were pretty evenly split. Upgrading to XP is fairly easy and it has some nice features. I say do it. And I would rather sacrifice my first born to Satan than upgrade to XP again. Seems as if they're a little issue with what they call "backward compatibility" when you upgrade to XP. Seems that in order to use a lot of the software you use with ME, you need to update a bunch of drivers. Seems that some of the software you currently use with ME won't work with XP at all, and that you'll "lose" this software if you upgrade. So this is where I sit. We have an IPod that we can't use. We have an O/S that sucks. But if we upgrade we might not be able to use much of the software we have now. And we're going on vacation next Wednesday and it sure would be nice to have that IPod working for the flight to Miami. Computers. If they make my life any easier I don't know what I'm going to do. Labels: Technology
Friday, February 27, 2004
Putting the Grunt in Disgruntled
St. Paul City Councilman Jay Benanav has been disgruntling the city?s conservatively minded citizens for years. But never like this: Rachel Goligoski, 39, said she was upset about the prospect of seeing Benanav at a precinct caucus next week when she smashed a picture frame and threw a potted plant at him during a confrontation in his third-floor office. "I'm not a disgruntled citizen," Goligoski said, discounting a phrase that a city official used Wednesday to describe the incident. "I'm a disgruntled ex-lover." Ol? Jay has always been known as a bit of a bleeding heart. Looks like we can now add ?heart breaker? to his bio as well. "He said he wanted us to get married," she said. "He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me." Broader lesson learned for Benanav, go ahead and raise all the taxes you like. But stay away from raising your constituents expectations. Sadly, this dust up appears to have resulted in no small degree of violence. She said she became angry and pushed and kicked Benanav. She said Benanav lunged at her during the confrontation but did not strike her. She said, however, she suffered bruises during a brief scuffle and is considering filing an assault complaint. Which makes the basis of their relationship all the more curious: Goligoski said she met Benanav a year ago while organizing an antiwar event. It seems Rachel ?Fists of Fury? Goligoski has been mixing her want for peace with her penchant for violence for years, as a quick Googling of her name shows. She?s a leader of something called Merriam Park Neighbors for Peace (here?s an article with a picture). But then there?s this Doug Grow column (with more priceless photos) on an anti-war invasion and occupation of Senator Norm Coleman?s office, including this nugget: When the phone rang, demonstrator Rachel Goligoski answered courteously: "This is Senator Coleman's office. The senator's staff has gone home for the day. His office has been taken over by peace activists." "I told the man who answered that I was calling from Senator Coleman's office and that it had been taken over by people who want peace," Goligoski said. "He wanted to hang up, but I said, 'Just a minute, some other people want to say something.' I yelled, 'What do we want?' And they [the demonstrators] said, 'Peace!' And I said, 'When do we want it?' 'Now!' " In the end, the demonstrators had to force the issue, pushing up against St. Paul police who asked them if they wanted to be arrested. Twenty-eight said they did. She?s also all over this Star Tribune report from a peace rally last March at Macalester college, including this quote: "I'm really happy," said landscape designer Rachel Goligoski, 38, one of the organizers, as she surveyed the crowd. "But it's hard to feel overjoyed by the huge turnout when our country is committing shock and awe" bombing. The allegedly happy, peaceful vibe of this march was emphasized by the Star Tribune reporter: Thousands of protesters, from students to aging baby boomers and retirees, took to the streets of St. Paul on Saturday in a noisy but peaceful antiwar march that extended about a half-mile. Police Cmdr. Dennis Stensen praised the protesters. "It's a wonderful, orderly group of people," he said. Still, the day was warm and sunny and there was a festive feel to the march. Of course, the true spirit of this march for peace was something a little different than advertised, as your faithful correspondents JB Doubtless and Saint Paul documented last March in this very forum. Here?s more of Ms. Goligoski?s philosophy of peace: "I am a patriot of the global community. I do not value American lives any more than I value the lives of any human beings from any country on earth." You got to feel a little sorry for Benanav getting mixed up with this crazy gal. But what choice did he have? Statements like this to him are the equivalent of a Victoria?s Secret catalog to a normal guy.
I Know You're An Emotional Girl
There was an interesting episode of the great new show The Apprentice on last night. In case you don't know the setup, the show revolves around two teams of young go-getters who are assigned projects by Donald Trump. The teams compete with each other and are assigned one of Trump's lieutenants to keep watch over them. At the end of each episode, the team that wins is given immunity to stay living in the Trump Towers and play the next round. The team that loses must nominate three players to face Trump and his hench-people (one is a gal) in the boardroom for Trump to decide who will be fired. The person who never gets fired at the end of this ordeal will be given a $250k a year job running one of Trump's concerns. So anyway, last night the project was selling "Trump Ice," Donald's very own spring water. A woman led the losing team. At one point she completely lost her composure under pressure and starting yelling at her team members in front of their guardian. He was not impressed and told Trump as much. When it came to the boardroom showdown it was this dame and two dudes who had also not pulled their weight, but had not lost their cool like she had. Tears immediately swelled in her eyes as Trump grilled her to explain why she lost. Which leads me to my point (My God that was a long way to go for this point): I don't know about your workplace, but in mine the crying of female employees is commonplace. Not a week goes by that I don't see if not outright tears, at least the welling of the salty devils and hurried trips to the bathroom. What sends these women into torrents of emotion? Whaddya got? They were criticized. They were asked to speak up in front of people they don't know very well. They are frustrated things aren't going perfectly on their projects. They think people are mean to them. You name it, they cry about it. I've not shed one tear at work for any reason ever. It's about the furthest thing from my mind. I've wanted to throw down a few times and the Lord knows I've done my share of cussin', but crying? I can't even imagine a scenario in which I would cry at work, unless someone were to tell me John Kerry was elected President or something. At the end of the show, Trump ceremoniously canned the woman. The reason he gave? She was too emotional.
Free Rudy!
Fraters Libertas, inspiring you to ?read more about it.? An appropriate tag line if Our Reader Tom (ORT) is any indication. ORT writes in to comment on the account of my charitable activities last week (in the piece entitled ?What Would Rudy Boschwitz Do??). Having just relocated to the Mpls area I didn't know who Rudy Boschwitz was. I Googled his name and found this bio from the self-described nonpartisan organization, Texans for Public Justice (TPJ) ... "Boschwitz heads a big chain of home-improvement stores. Poorly funded populist Paul Wellstone ousted this ex-U.S. Senator in ?90 and whipped Boschwitz again in ?96. Voters were underwhelmed by Boschwitz?s record in the Senate, where he opposed minimum wage increases, abortion and tough environmental rules, while championing weaker corporate liability, unfettered global trade and a flat tax. Voters also were repulsed by a ?90 Boschwitz mailer that told Jews that he was ?more Jewish? than Wellstone. The letter attacked Wellstone for marrying a Christian and for not raising his kids Jewish." For all I know it's true although I don't know how one "ousts" an ex-Senator from his Senate seat. I like the idea that they are non-partisan, but from their description of Boschwitz record in the senate, I would like to have them define partisanship. A good concluding point by ORT. I think their definition might go something like ?Partisanship: an accusation to throw at Republicans whenever they don?t succumb to our every demand.? But I must caution ORT to not believe everything he sees on the Internet. Because that description of Boschwitz is pure partisan bunk. Boschwitz was an honorable, and one could fairly say, moderate Senator. Now he?s reduced to a hatchet job description like that, from a delusional liberal organization claiming no political affiliation. Worse yet, it appears as the second reference on Google. As George Patton (or Daffy Duck) might say- ?despicable.? It?s time to set the record straight. First off, Tom is right. You can?t really oust an ex-US Senator from his Senate seat. Technically, I think that means putting him back in the Senate. But, in 1990 Boschwitz was the sitting Senator, not the ex-Senator. Secondly, Boschwitz wasn?t ?whipped? in 1996. Wellstone only got 50% of the vote then, precisely what he got in 1990. While Boschwitz did decline from 48% of the vote in 1990 to 41% in 1996, this can mostly be attributed to the presence of vanity candidate Dean Barkley of the Independence Party (who got an appalling 7% in 1996). Wellstone never whipped anybody. Throughout his elected tenure, until his death, he remained a divisive, polarizing force, one never supported by more than half of Minnesotans. Regarding TPJ?s description of Wellstone as a ?poorly funded populist?, according to the Almanac of American Politics (2002 edition), here are the 1996 totals for campaign contributions in their Senate race: Wellstone - $7,459,878 Boschwitz - $4,385,982 Regarding their value laden characterization of Boschwitz?s voting record and Minnesotans reaction to it, simply ridiculous. Raving, malignant rhetoric worthy of a Star Tribune editorial. Not even worth dissecting. What is worth pointing out is their emphasis of the ?Jewish? question in the 1990 campaign. Something voters were ?repulsed by? according to TPJ. In truth, this controversy was one of those patented last week of the campaign hit tactics by the Democratic party. And this one the media swallowed and disseminated to an unprecedented degree. The facts of the case surrounded some letter circulated to selected Jewish citizens saying that Jewish Paul Wellstone wasn?t as observant of his faith as Jewish Rudy Boschwitz. A statement of fact. But for most Minnesotans, this is an issue of absolutely no interest or import. At the most, this was an internecine (score!) debate among a cultural group representing less than 1% of the population. A laughably small issue, not even meriting a paragraph on page 8B of the metro section. But during the last week of that campaign, all the news broadcasts led with this story. The newspapers printed one breathless, scandal mongering front page article after another. Boschwitz was characterized as evil incarnate for daring to question the religiosity of Wellstone. All the while Wellstone was characterized as this fuzzy little imp of compassion and love (a facade the media keeps up, even to this day). It was this media campaign which changed the minds of enough of those fine folks on the fence, the type who don?t pay attention to or care about substantive issues. And that?s what tipped the scales of that election towards Wellstone (final tally 50% - 48%). The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but it. Sadly, I don?t think Fraters Libertas is going to ascend past TPJ on the Rudy Boschwitz reference list any time soon. After all they?re #2 overall on the man?s name. This means they?re likely to continue spreading their self styled ?non partisan? view of things to any and all Rudy Boschwitz seekers for years to come. That is, unless YOU are wiling to put a stop to it. With Google it?s all about the links. The more sites linking, the higher on the hierarchy you go. Therefore, if you care about the legacy of Rudy Boschwitz, about historical accuracy, or about a woman?s right to choose (to read the truth about Rudy Boschwitz), you need to help us ascend the staircase of Googling preferences. Link to the truth. Link to this post. Link to Fraters Libertas today! Remember, only you can save Rudy Boschwitz?s legacy. (And don?t underestimate your power to help in this matter. Remember, it was you beautiful people who made us number ONE with a bullet for this.)
In A Kerry Administration Even The Music's Better
From the today's Chris Riemenschneider music column in the Star Tribune: When organizers with the grassroots, youth-oriented political organization Music For America went looking for a place to put on a concert in the Twin Cities, they found great support at First Avenue. On Saturday, the Minneapolis nightclub will host what could be the biggest show yet in MfA's national campaign, with Dillinger Four headlining. 'We knew this would be something that could resonate with people here,' said First Ave promoter Taya Mueller, who cited MfA's opposition to media consolidation as a popular local cause. 'Even kids who aren't really into politics might go out and vote just because the radio stations in this town suck so bad,' Mueller said.
Not That We're Bitter Or Anything...
Just to clarify matters for those in attendance last night at Keegan's weekly trivia contest: Operation Enduring Freedom The military response to the 11 September 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States was assigned the name Operation Enduring Freedom, but was previously planned to have been called Operation Infinite Justice (this name is believed to have been changed following concerns that this might offend the Muslim community as Islam teaches that Allah is the only one who can provide Infinite Justice). Our wounds can be healed quite easily with a little complimentary balm of Guinness.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Technical Difficulties
Fraters Libertas is experiencing a delay in blog post publishing. The creative energies of the staff are currently being directed toward an off-line internecine war regarding the quality of Howard Stern as a broadcaster. As soon as this situatation is resolved, the survivors should resume blogging in short order. Thank you for your continued understanding. We now return you to a bunch of blogs writing about the Presidential election. (Personal aside - I've always hoped to some day use the term "internecine" in a blog post. And now I have. As soon as I can find a way to work in "Sino-Soviet relations" my editorial dream list will be complete).
The Irony Of The Agony
Straight outta Kansas City, reader B.H. weighs in with a thoughtful e-mail on The Passion. Not a bad effort for a Royal's fan: The elite media completely miss the irony. The tacit assumption is that the unsophisticated rubes that see The Passion will be inflamed with hatred for the Jews. This assumption proves just how secularist and out-of-touch the elite media is. One only need examine the blogosphere for a few minutes to see that virtually all anti-Semitism today occurs in one of two contexts: (a) Muslim cultures, and (c) left-wing secularist societies (par example: La France). Methodists in Peoria aren't burning down synagogues; Muslims and left-wingers in Europe are. So I find it extremely condescending when media elites condemn The Passion on the grounds that it will cause the American masses to incite against Jews. In case the NY Times didn't know already, conservative Christians are probably Israel's biggest supporters in this country, and these same unsophisticated rednecks will flock to The Passion. The Boston Globe might be surprised to know that as a Catholic in Kansas City, I have never heard a fellow parishioner express dread at the growing neo-Conservative movement in Washington, led in many instances by Jews! My parish priest has never warned of the supposed human rights crisis presented by Ariel Sharon's racist policies such as building a fence to stop psychopaths from murdering bus passengers and pizza parlor patrons. As far as I know, these ideas usually find expression in liberal academia, The Nation, etc. Here is my bold prediction: in the next month, not one significant anti-Semitic act or writing occurs in the heartland by the target audience of this movie. Will the NY Times make the same prediction about the U.N. or the history departments of the Ivy League?
How Bush Can Make The FMA A Slam Dunk
Play this quote from Rosie O'Donnell with video (you have to have video) in a commercial: "I would like to tell Laura Bush and her husband I find the proposed amendment very, very, very, very shocking and immoral," O'Donnell said. Over and over and over again.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Defamation Of Character
Thanks to Steve Gigl (last name pronounced "Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv"), I became aware of an Australian metal band that is trying to cash in on my good name. I was intrigued. Further exploration led to this song by song review of the band's latest release "The Only Weapon Of Choice": And The Hunt Starts Again- Just when you think the bounds of metal have been reached a band like ATOMIZER comes along and gives you sincere hope. Now isn't that sweet. A song about hope. They must be such nice boys. The Campaign- ...awesome turbo-charged bass lines here intermixed with the otherwise crushing rhythms. As long as they don't crush my hope, I'll give them a listen. The War That Never Ended- Here is where I sense the jabbing, stabbing rhythms of the music, it?s meter and it?s brutal nature. Oh, my. That doesn't sound hopeful at all. So Terrified, Yet So In Control- ... so premeditated and yet so alive. A moment in this song there is a beeping sound which almost always makes me flash to a hospital room or ambulance as if someone?s heart is about to give up while being hooked to the machine. All hope may be lost. When I Die, I Wanna Die Violently - The guitar line is so sarcastic and expressive of lack of remorse or care...This is one of the greatest lures in the ATOMIZER arsenal, for anyone can write lyrics that praise the predator and express loathsome disgust for the meek and mild, but it takes a special something to make lyric content really shine strong. It?s poetic, it?s biting and unique (look at the song titles!) and it?s got a good repetitive flair that allows for the songs to worm their way into your brain, ala pop songs. And there it goes. For the poor unlucky bastard who hears a song from these guys and has it worm its way into his brain, I pray (and expect) that you don't have much up there to begin with. It's less painful that way. For those of you still looking for hope, the release referred to above (officially entitled "The Only Weapon Of Choice: 13 Odes To Power, Decimaton and Conquest") is: ...limited to 666 copies. The first 100 will be on grey vinyl, for mail order customers ONLY. And these are almost gone.
Taking A Whack At The Coleman Pinata
(Editors note: when you read the title of the post please pronounce pinata as Peggy Hill would. Thank you.) I didn't want to. I knew I shouldn't. I told myself I wouldn't. But God help me I'm only human. And Nick Coleman's latest work is just too tempting to pass on. After receiving an e-mail this morning from T.S. alerting us to Coleman's column, I was more than happy to let Saint Paul have a go at 'er, as is his usual wont. Then I remembered that he gave up Fisking for Lent and realized that I would have to go in myself. The impetus for Coleman's manufactured outrage was Vice President Dick Cheney's visit to the Twin Cities on Monday. Part of Cheney's itinerary included a stop in St Paul's West Side, a neighborhood with a large Hispanic population. This is where Coleman really demonstrates his versatility. Had Cheney elected to visit a school in Woodbury (an affluent suburb east of St. Paul), Coleman would have hammered him for being out of touch with minorities and urban dwellers. But since Cheney came to the city and met with minorities, Coleman had to take a different tack, attacking him for not having the RIGHT kind of meeting. This was a political drive-by, not a community meeting -- a point that caused grumbling on the West Side. That line is straight from the column. In the print version of the paper the sub headline to Coleman's column read 'Political drive-by visit ignored St. Paul's Hispanic community'. Nick Coleman has spent enough time in the barrios and inner city 'hoods of Minneapolis and St. Paul to know full well what a drive-by is. Just ask him. So when he uses the term "political drive-by" it conjures up an image of Cheney's limo cruising through the streets of the West Side, with Cheney giving a quick smile and wave before disappearing over the horizon. But: Dick Cheney visited a Mexican market on the West Side of St. Paul the other day. This was an honor the West Side put up with, but it didn't win many Hispanic hearts or minds. And: The Neighborhood House is right behind El Burrito Mercado, where Cheney stopped to check out the salsa. Finally: So there was much pride at the news that the vice president was coming, and much disappointment when it turned out to be just a photo op and a chance for Cheney to tell a carefully picked audience that the president's tax cuts are good for business. So let me get this straight. Cheney stopped by a market, tried out some salsa, posed for some pictures, and delivered a speech of some sort to an audience? And THIS is a "political drive-by"? Apparently it wasn't where Cheney went, it was where he didn't go: But Cheney ignored the Neighborhood House, maybe because it has a banner hanging on it that includes a word that works on some Republicans like garlic on bats: "Wellstone." I believe it's like garlic on vampires Nick. But if I can get a smirking sneer out of a bat with garlic it might be worth a try. Next Nick introduces what has to be one of the best euphemisms for illegal immigrant that I've yet heard: It's a place where third-generation families recall when their grandparents were punished in school for speaking Spanish and where new Spanish speakers -- many lacking proper paperwork -- work like dogs to make life better for their families. Lacking proper paperwork. WTF? Makes it sound as if it's just some bureaucratic foul up down at the DMV. You got a license for that boat? Yeah, but I'm lacking the proper paperwork. You a citizen of the United States or do you have a visa? No, but I'm just lacking the proper paperwork. The whole issue of illegal immigration is incredibly complicated and nuanced. I'm still not sure where I stand on Bush's plan. Right now I'm reading Victor Davis Hanson's Mexifornia, which is a devastating and frankly depressing look at Mexican immigration in California over the last thirty years. As Hanson makes very clear, there are no easy answers to the problem. But the last thing we need is people like Coleman, who believe that they "care" more than the rest of us, muddying the waters by using terminology like "lacking proper paperwork". No matter how you couch the words the facts are simple. There are people who are here who are not citizens. Some of them have come here legally. Some have not. This has nothing to do with their motivation for coming to the US nor with their worth as a human being. It is purely and simply a legal distinction. To try to pretend otherwise does not bring us any closer to a solution. By the way, my grandfather was punished in school for speaking German. You know what happened to him? He learned English. Thank God we live in more enlightened times now and immigrants aren't forced to learn the language required for them to get anywhere in our society.
Mass Musings
So I'm sitting in the church today waiting for Ash Wednesday mass to begin. My co-worker next to me suddenly leans over and whispers excitedly "We got the Bishop!". Having fasted most of the day (okay, so I had some oatmeal) I was like "Wha?" and then turned around to see the Bishop of the diocese of Winona gliding down the aisle looking resplendid in his Lenten purple. I had not seen the Bishop before, nor knew anything about him, but my co-worker warned me "He's pretty hard core". He began his homily with a flurry of points about what Lent Should Mean. He told people to give up birth control for Lent. To give up watching reality TV (guilty!). He then said that instead of saying the mass he could have been viewing The Passion Of The Christ at that very moment. He went on to strongly urge all Catholics to see the movie and then made a comparison between it and the Stations Of The Cross (he must be reading this blog as I made a similar comparison this past weekend). He then laid down the Pope's pithy take on the movie: "It is as it was." The score of the day for me was that I was able to get my ashes from the Bishop, my communion AND one of those cool little special blessings they throw out at the end as the mass is ending. All three from the Big Guy himself! I wasn't terribly crazy about the cross he made on my forehead. I mean even calling it a cross is a stretch, but I'm not complaining.
And The Winner In The "Who Didn't See This One Coming?" Category Is...
Powerline has an update on Jesse Ventura's teaching experience at fair Harvard. I shudder to think what the parents of these kids at Harvard are paying for something that we citizens of Minnesota were able to get for "free".
Big doings in the next few weeks. Mark your calendars.
We are only ten days away from the debut of the Northern Alliance Radio Show here in Minneapolis-St. Paul on AM-1280 The Patriot. March 6th 12:00pm-3:00pm CST. All your favorite Northern Alliance bloggers (and Atomizer) will be featured at various times on the talk radio program. Tune in, turn on, and call in. And next Tuesday night both political parties will be holding precinct caucuses here in the North Star State. The Dems will have a chance to vote in the presidential primary, while there are really no serious races at stake on the GOP side. But I would strongly encourage the faithful (or even moderately interested) of both parties to show up and get involved. The caucuses are an excellent opportunity to get your foot in the door and become more active in politics. If you wish to have an influence on you party and its direction show up. If you want to get the chance to attend conventions from the local senate and congressional districts up to and including the state show up. If you want to meet, talk with, and get to know your local representatives and even statewide office holders show up. There is an old adage that goes something like "90% of politics is showing up". And nowhere is this more true than the caucuses. So what are you waiting for? Just show up. I'll be helping run a precinct caucus in St. Louis Park (I'll let you guess the party) and if you mention Fraters Libertas I'll let you vote twice. Kidding, only kidding. I'll leave the voting fraud and looking the other way while cute Irish girls stuff the ballot box to my compatriot on the other side of the river. Don't know where to show up? Check out this handy precinct caucus finder. And then show up. Labels: NARN (04-05)
Early Adopter Tells All
Luke Duke isn?t a great movie reviewer (and if you don?t believe me, just ask him). But if you?d like to know what he thought of the Passion, here?s the link. For my money, I?ll take informal yet skilled blogging opining over some high-minded snooty New Yorker review any day. And despite his self-deprecation, Luke delivers the goods with observations like this: For me, the movie wasn't some life changing revelation, but it did help me to understand the humanity and mortality of Jesus Christ. When you hear the stories in Sunday school, you think, "It's Jesus. He can get take a little pain", but when you see what it could have looked like, what kind of pain he was likely put through, it really brings you closer to understanding his sacrifice.
Man from Silver Mountain checks in from an unnamed golf resort in the Deep South:
It is true. Mardi Gras originated in Mobile, Alabama. Enjoyed a round of golf today, then the Fat Tuesday parade. The best parade was Sunday, which is called Joe Cain day down here. Joe Cain was the man who restarted the Mardi Gras tradition in the Mobile area after the Civil War. He dressed up like an Indian chief and drove through the town streets flipping obscene gestures to the Union troops occupying the area. Today he is regarded as a hero. The Mobile Register is everything the Star Tribune is not. They celebrated the Joe Cain parade with a write-up, including awards. The "best throw" went to a guy on a motorcycle who tossed Winston cigarettes to the crowd. It gave a hustle award to two men in their forties who beat two ten year-olds to teddy bears that were thrown from a float for them. I love the South. Imagine a whole geographic region full of people who make JB Doubtless look open minded. Labels: Travel
Not A White Guy From Connecticut...
Today's Minneapolis Star Tribune Variety Section features a puff piece on Chris Lyndon, who is temporarily filling the slot on Minnesota Public Radio's 'Midmorning' program, recently vacated by cacklin' Katherine Lanpher, who left MPR for greener pastures (Al Franken's show will not want for fertilizer). After his 'Midmorning' stint, Lyndon and MPR may or may not be considering a future radio program on concerning politics and blogging. An MPR spokeswoman told the Boston Globe last week that discussions were underway with Lydon for a national show about "blogging" and politics. (Lydon has his own web log.) "I think that was overstated," said Buzenberg (MPR's senior vice president of news) of the report. Lydon wasn't so sure. "It's possible," he said. "We're enthusing and enjoying a moment of exploration here. We really haven't planned ahead." Don't call us Chris. We'll call you. From the little that I've heard of him on the air, Lydon sounds like a talented, professional broadcaster with a nice set of pipes. Although I do have some issues with the homework he did to better understand his Minnesota audience: To hook into the Minnesota mindset, Lydon said, "I started reading F. Scott Fitzgerald again. I read Carol Bly and Robert Bly. I read Garrison Keillor. I just tried to think my way into a Minnesota perspective." A Keilloresque MPR Minnesota perspective of course. Which probably didn't require much thinking on Lydon's part: Although he celebrates a global perspective and the "hybridization of the species," Lydon also mourns the decline of global discourse in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks "and this so-called war on terror. The prevailing impulse in our lives since 9/11 has been to put everybody at a distance. If you're not a white guy from Connecticut, there's a certain suspicion over your head." Celebrating the "hybridization of the species" (whatever the hell that means)? Mourning the decline of "global discourse"? Questioning the validity of the "so-called war on terror"? Creating race based paranoid fantasies about the response to 9/11? Welcome to Minnesota Public Radio Chris. You're going to fit in just fine.
Follow Him. He's The Pied Piper.
Three weeks ago our very own Atomizer expressed his fondness for the Quiznos Sub ads and their singing rats (or spongmonkeys). Now a slew of followers and hangers on are picking up (finally) on this meme, including the Professor of the Vines, Seth Stevenson at Slate, and even Best of the Web. Atomizer: setting the agenda on fast food advertising. Remember folks when it comes to coverage of rocking rodents selling sandwiches, you read it here first.
The Hype of the Christ?
The advance word on Mel Gibson?s new movie ?The Passion of the Christ? has convinced me it?s worth seeing. An accurate portrayal of history, a spiritually inspiring movie, an artistic masterpiece of technical and acting accomplishment. Each a reason in itself to attend. And if it embodies all three, well this might be the best movie I?ve seen this year (an honor currently held by Errol Morris?s terrific documentary on Robert McNamara ?The Fog of War? now showing at the Lagoon). Here are some of the criticisms leveled at the film so far: The New Yorker magazine's David Denby said the violence overwhelmed the film. "One of the cruelest movies in the history of cinema," he wrote, calling "Passion" "a sickening death trip." The New York Daily News called it an anti-Semitic work with violence that was "grotesque, savage and often fetishized" in slow motion. ?We were troubled ... that it portrayed the Jews, the Jewish community, in a manner that we have experienced historically," said Anti-Defamation League Executive Director Abraham Foxman. "Seeing passion plays [dramatizations of Jesus' last days] used to incite not only a passion of love in terms of Christianity, but at the same time, to instill and incite a hatred of the Jews because of deicide." Then the defense from Mel himself: Gibson said he wanted "to create a lasting work of art and engender serious thought among audiences of diverse faith backgrounds (or none) who have varying familiarity with this story." I?m sure all of these criticisms and responses are earnestly expressed and there are no subversive marketing ambitions behind them. But that doesn?t mean the comments aren?t serving as an effective marketing campaign. The whole situation reminds me of the marketing strategies used by B-movie producers in the early days of shock/horror cinema. Below is from a Joe Bob Briggs interview about a 1963 movie called ?Blood Feast?. It?s not a perfect analogy with Gibson?s movie, but the similarities in media manipulation (and manipulation by the media) are striking: Lewis and Friedman dragged Blood Feast around the drive-in circuit for years, writing phony letters to editors in the next town on the map, posing as a minister complaining about the film's severity. Protests only sold more tickets. It worked, always, like a charm in Tampa. Things were different in Sarasota. Friedman couldn't make anyone mad enough there to turn a profit. Then, an idea: He rented a motel room in Sarasota for a local address, then filed an injunction to keep Blood Feast out of "his" town. He got the publicity he wanted, and something he didn't expect. The judge granted the injunction. Blood Feast could never be shown in Sarasota. Friedman hired an attorney to convince the judge that the plaintiff had seen the movie and had been wrong. This was, indeed, an educational film that should be seen. The injunction was overturned and Blood Feast made another killing.
The Real Deal
Scott Boone, an actual "NASCAR Dad", weighs in on Ellen Goodman's ignorance on the subject.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Forgetting The Dead In Election Pitch
For some reason Ellen Goodman decided to write a column on two subjects that she knows little of. Politics and NASCAR. What spurred her interest in these topics was the President's recent visit to the Daytona 500, and the role that "NASCAR Dads" will play in the coming election. After starting off with a thoroughly humorless effort (what is it with liberal dames who write and their inability to tickle the funny bone?) to compare Bush's Daytona 500 trip with the aircraft carrier landing, she proves that she's quite clueless about what the label NASCAR Dad means: ...by and large, NASCAR Dad has become a shorthand for socially conservative and economically struggling white men. Gee, do you think that Ellen's New England bias is coming through a bit here? I am not a Dad and not a NASCAR fan. But I do know that to describe NASCAR Dads as "economically struggling" is grossly ignorant. Have you ever checked out the ticket prices to a NASCAR race or the jackets that these guys wear? While they may been struggling in the style department they ain't hurting in the wallet. Now I'm not saying that all NASCAR Dads are hauling down the big ching, but most are middle to upper-middle class guys who aren't living paycheck to paycheck. I don't know much about stock car racing, but every time some politician waves the checkered flag at this man, I want to put on the brakes. I think they're forgetting the dad in the NASCAR Dad. At this point Goodman has established that she doesn't understand what a NASCAR Dad is or know anything about the sport that gives this group their moniker. So naturally she proceeds to tell us how these guys think: The NASCAR Dad may like risk-taking as a spectator sport, but these days he's the guy buckling the kids in the child seats. In the same vein, he believes in national defense but doesn't want anybody conning his sons and daughters into combat over missing weapons of mass destruction. As for the home front? The economy, education, the environment? The administration's policies can be summed up in the revised lyrics: Let's stop thinking about tomorrow. But when you become a dad, the future stretches out farther than the next lap. The analysts may not think of NASCAR Dads as green, but a well-oiled administration that revoked approval of the Kyoto protocols, made a scam of fuel emission standards and barely uttered a post-9/11 peep about renewable energy is offering the next generation a future as dark as the track. As Dan Becker of the Sierra Club says, the White House environmental policy "begins and ends with `Gentleman, start your engines.'" Yeah, I can just picture a couple of NASCAR Dads getting together for a barbeque and beers: "So, how's Gordon gonna do down at Talladega next week?" "I'm not thinking about that right now. What with greenhouse gases warming the planet, and Bush refusing to sign on to Kyoto, it's all I can do just to keep hope alive." Again I am not a NASCAR Dad and don't pretend to speak for them, but Ellen c'mon, do you really think that these guys are staying awake at night worrying about global warming? How about fuel emission standards? You may find Dan Becker's line about Bush's environmental policy funny (once again proving your utter lack of a sense of humor) but do you honestly believe that NASCAR Dads are going to listen to the Sierra Club? I'm not suggesting the D in Daytona stands for Democrat. In 1992, Bill Clinton got booed at a NASCAR event. Southern white males voted for Bush over Gore, 70-20. And John Kerry rides a motorcycle, not a stock car. But this is not your father's NASCAR Dad. A father's role in the family is changing. He presents a more complicated, protective, and caring image than the Republican pitch of tax cuts and orange alerts. If this voter is going to swing, it better be to the party that offers his kids more than a trip around and around and around the same old track. Hmmm...Is it just me or is their almost an implied threat in that last line? "..it better be.." But Ellen does make a good point (finally). NASCAR Dads are, like all fathers, protective of their children. For example they would rather not have their sons and daughters immolated by burning jet fuel in their offices. Or have them jump out of skyscrapers rather than be burnt alive. Or be crushed by tons of concrete and steel as they work to rescue others. NASCAR Dads do care about their children's future. They want that future to be happy, free, prosperous, and safe from events like 9/11. That's why, by and large, they are going to vote for Bush in November. Gentlemen, pull your levers.
My Dream - Broadway Bound (and Gagged)
Last Sunday?s New York Times included a preview, written by Ben Brantley, of the upcoming Broadway season. Below are the highlights. As you?ll see, I think it?s safe to say most of the folks involved in these productions will be voting for John Kerry. It also appears that for NYC, or at least Broadway, the legacy of 9/11 is officially over, if it ever existed at all. Before the United States invaded Iraq, even before the planes had hit the twin towers, the eerily prescient Tony Kushner ("Angels in America," "Caroline, or Change") had written a play called "Homebody/Kabul" ... it opens at the Brooklyn Academy of Music on May 11... in the liberal tradition of E. M. Forster, it continues to probe the West's failure to connect with cultures different from its own. Note the characterization of the US intervention in and rebuilding of Iraq as an ?invasion? while the 9/11 act of 19 Arab Islamo-fascist terrorists blowing up buildings and killing thousands is characterized passively as ?when the planes hit the twin towers.? Now THAT?S accommodating a culture different from our own. Regarding Brantley?s assertion that the West has a continuing failure to connect with other cultures, the definitive response is found in the listing of the national origins of those killed on 9/11. Seems to be a bit of an American connection- with every culture different from our own. Assassins .... a mordant, insightful musical from 1990 about men and women throughout American history whose greatest aspiration was to kill a president. Originally scheduled to open in the fall of 2001 (and postponed for obvious reasons) ... the show offers an alternative vision of American dreamers ? or, as one song title puts it, "Another National Anthem" ? in this time of furious flag-waving. Immediately after 9/11 it was thought untoward to present presidential assassins as just an alternative vision of the American dreamer. Now it?s OK. Actually its more than OK, it?s needed ?in this time of furious flag waving.? Not sure what that means, but it feels a little like they?re questioning my patriotism. As if there?s something wrong with waving your country's flag (during a time of war). Or is it just the ?furious? part they?re concerned about? Perhaps a little limp wristed intermittent flourish would be acceptable? The filmmaker and dramatist Neil LaBute has never shrunk from poking at the American underbelly .... His latest exploration of red, white and blue amorality is "The Distance From Here," which implicitly compares the life of one suburban family to that of the monkey house in a zoo. The lives of suburban Americans compared to monkeys in a zoo in an exploration of American amorality. I have just one question for Detroit, Michigan native Neil Labute and supporters of this production. Is it OK for me to question your patriotism?
JB's Social Calendar For August Is Now Full
Again from yesterday's Strib sports section: There is something called Hockey Gladiators coming up in August at Target Center, for those of you who think hockey has too much shooting and passing in between the fights. The tournament format apparently calls for 32 thugs to be paired up. Then they skate to center ice and, after a signal, try to pummel each other silly for two minutes in matches to eventually determine the ultimate goon. Now that is what you call entertainment.
Paging Frank Pastore
From yesterday's Strib sports section: "He's a big man. He's not going to go out with a body like Ramon Ortiz's and compete. It's more a player who knows his body than imposing a weight on him." - Angels manager Mike Sciosca on why he's not upset with onion-shaped starter Bartolo Colon's current weight of 260 pounds I think Bartolo Colon dropping twenty would definitely help the Angels.
The Stribs hipster-in-residence Chris Riemenschneider attended rapper Twista's show this weekend. If the Strib is like most papers, they set diversity goals for their writers at the beginning of the year to basically make them attend shows like rapper Twista's, which is about the only way I would get within six miles of a rap show at the Quest.
Thankfully, the Elder has not assigned us any diversity goals for the year. So how was it, Chris? Well if you ignore the following, it went fine: - Fans had to wait for two hours OUTSIDE just to get in - Fans then waited a further THREE hours for the artist to take the stage - He performed for 45 minutes (which Riemy chalked up as a positive since it was "Twice as long as 50 cent performed") - Chris was initially turned away at the door for wearing "colors" but changed to a Staind t-shirt from his Jetta and gained re-entry (okay, that one I made up) Yes, I can see why he gave this performance a semi-positive review. I mean, what's five hours of your life to see 45 minutes of rap bliss, or as we'll see in a minute music that "Sufficed"? Our open-minded writer ends the piece with the following: Wearing a backward cap and basketball jersey, the star didn't show a lot of charisma or personality. But the music sufficed. He ended with several songs off his new "Kamikaze" album, including a loose, fun version of the hit "Slow Jamz" and -- even better -- the sleazy romp "Like a 24" Music that merely sufficed, long, ridiculous waits, a performer that lacked charisma or personality--sounds like most entertainment I've seen in Minneapolis. But at least there was a sleazy romp. I'd hate to attend a "Hip hop" show and not hear a sleazy romp. Labels: That's Entertainment
Monday, February 23, 2004
The Misericordia Orphanage is located on the outskirts of Chihuahua, not far from the airport. Once you leave the highway you need to carefully navigate your way down a dusty, rock strewn, washed out "road" to reach it. The grounds are surprisingly small, with a series of humble single story buildings clustered around a courtyard with a makeshift basketball court and playground equipment.
One of the buildings houses a modest library and study area with teaching materials. Next to this is a "dormitory". The children are divided up according to age and sex with the young boys, young girls, and older girls in adjoining rooms in this building. The sleeping quarters are reminiscent of military barracks with bunk beds and small lockers with little space between. What the rooms lack in space, they make up for in color and neatness. We were very impressed with the orderliness and cleanliness that was readily apparent throughout the facility (with the not unexpected exception of the older boys sleeping area). The kids share clothes and the orphanage has its own laundry room, where a few of the older girls are kept busy washing, and then neatly folding and storing the many shirts and pants. There was also a study area for the older girls, which included a few recently donated sewing machines for them to use. On the other side of the courtyard sits the kitchen. It too is a small structure and the children must eat in shifts. The woman who manages the kitchen runs a very tight ship, and it is tidy and well kept. She is a creative cook and tries to provide as much variety as possible on the menu, within the limits of a diet whose staples are rice and beans. Recently she was fortunate enough to receive a donated microwave which helps speed up some of the food preparation. But much of the work is time consuming. All tortillas for example, are made daily by hand. Some of the older girls also help out in the kitchen, which gives them a sense of responsibility as well as helping them learn to cook. Beyond the kitchen is the older boys dormitory. They have been segregated from the younger boys because of their propensity to fight. They have been segregated from the older girls because of their propensity to...well, let's just say that the last thing the orphanage needs is another mouth to feed. At the time of our visit there were eighty five children living at the orphanage. At times they have housed over a hundred. Presently the youngest child is four, the oldest seventeen. The experience of visiting was both heartening and heart breaking. Heartening because the impact of our efforts was obvious. Heart breaking because the needs of the children remain so great. While the kids do have a roof over their heads, the facilities are not much more than that. The buildings are obviously not weather proofed, neither to withstand the torrid summer days heat nor the chilly winter nights (temps in Chihuahua often dip below freezing in the winter). The current septic system is overworked and waste seeps out of the ground. The basic needs, at times, seem overwhelming: -clothes -books -food -clean supplies -backpacks -quilts/bed spreads -personal hygiene supplies -plastic cups/plates -toys/games But just as clearly our aid, limited as it was, will make a difference. As I mentioned earlier, we spent the afternoon of Thursday February 12th picking up supplies with a volunteer who works at the orphanage. We started at the Sam's Club pharmacy where we loaded up on medical supplies. Antibiotics, band-aids, Calamine lotion, decongestants, ear medicine, fungus powder, gauze pads...you name it, we bought it. After filling the lengthy list of medical needs we still had funds remaining and elected to use them at Wal-Mart. We picked up trash cans, garbage bags, shampoo, soap, Pine sol, etc. And, because every child deserves to have a little fun in their lives, we scored a couple of soccer and basketballs as well as an inflation pump. We also decided that our welcome might be a bit warmer if we showed up with items more enticing to kids than a bottle of aspirin, so we grabbed candy, chips, and soda. The volunteer suggested that we might want to pick up dinner for the children. So we arranged to snag some Dominoes pizzas on the way out to the orphanage. Was it the most practical way to use our funds? Perhaps not. But for these children, every day in their meager lives is a Spartan exercise in forced practicality. We decided that for one day, they would live a little. (If you consider "living" having a piece a pizza, some chips, and a glass of soda.) Upon our arrival we were greeted by both the staff and the children. The kids helped us unload the supplies and food from the truck, fighting for the chance to carry something, anything inside. In short order they were playing with the various balls that we had brought, and the pizza, chips, candy, and soda were being carefully distributed by the kitchen staff. The kids were very well behaved and, considering how rare a treat pizza is for them, very patient as they waited for their food. After we toured the facility we hung out with them while they played and/or ate. My Spanish is pretty much limited to "hello, goodbye" and "another beer please", and most of the children did not speak English. Yet we still found ways to communicate, especially after I showed them the wonders of digital photography. Soon they were clamoring for group shots, upon whose completion I would be immediately surrounded by tiny faces checking their look in my camera's tiny display. From there the cry became "Mi solo! Mi solo!", as the kids started vogueing(yes, that is a puppy) in individual poses. A few of the more adventurous ninos even volunteered to use the camera themselves, a notion that, after some initial hesitation, I agreed to. Any of the pictures that include me were taken by one of the kids. After about an hour and a half, and with darkness approaching it was time to bid our farewell. We had delivered the medical supplies, a little food, a little fun, and perhaps some hope. Most importantly we were able to meet the staff and the children and gain a better understanding of their situation and needs. Which will definitely help us focus our future assistance. Thanks again to all those who generously donated to help make this effort possible. If you are interested in receiving more information about the Misericordia Orphanage please send me an e-mail at rightwinger23@hotmail.com. My next trip to Chihuahua is planned for late May and I will try arrange my schedule so that I can visit the orphanage again. Click here for all the pictures. (In case you missed it the title of this post comes from this mural at the orphanage.) Labels: Chihuahua Orphanage
What Would Rudy Boschwitz Do?
Last night I was in my kitchen preparing my sumptuous evening repast when a commotion from the back window caught my eye. A closer look revealed elderly neighbors in the alley making doddering laps around their automobile, sprinkling salt in front of all four tires. Further review showed their vehicle's back end planted in a snow bank up to its wheel wells. Immediately it became clear that their attempts to use salt to gain their freedom were fated to be as successful as gaining peace in our time by handing away our strategic advantage in offensive weaponry via a one-sided, non-verifiable treaty with a bunch of lying, cheating communists. (Blogger winces at simile, notes time limitations and extreme difficulty of identifying further applicable salt references, goes boldly forward). Thanks to the standard five minute wait-for-a-miracle-to-transpire delay on direct action, I was able to finish my beer and then gallantly head on down to help them out. Nice, sweet old people. Both very happy to see me. The old man, a retired doctor no less, even insisted on helping me push, despite his wife's repeated counsel of: "Harold no! You're 82-years-old with a heart condition!" I hope when I'm 82 years old with a heart condition I'll still have the lucidity and will to ignore my wife's nagging mollycoddling. And Harold, God bless him, would not be dissuaded from the task at hand. He was beside me the whole time with his shoulder to the rear bumper as we moved that stuck Subaru sedan, through sheer brute force alone, right out of that snow bank. Truth be told, I didn't need Harold's help to do the job. I could have pushed it out on my own. But respecting his needs as man to not be shown as helpless in the eyes of his woman, I didn't call him off. In fact, I even eased back on my efforts, allowing Harold to do most of the heavy lifting himself. Only upon hearing him painfully groan and say "my heart feels like its being pulled through my ribs!" did I resume my pushing in earnest. Call me a great humanitarian if you will, but that's just the kind of guy I am. So the car was freed, Harold and Prudence beamed, we all shook hands. Then, just as I was turning to leave, still warm from the glow of neighborly goodness, I glanced at their rear bumper. And I was confronted by a little rectangular forrest green tormentor. A "Wellstone!" bumper sticker. I paused. Furled my brow. And began an internal debate over the merits of marching round to the front of their Subaru and with a shove depositing it back into the snow bank's frigid embrace. I won't lie to you, the debate was a close one. Believe me, under these circumstances there are some compelling and perfectly logical, moral arguments for stranding two elderly people in the snow on a cold winter's night. But in the end I couldn't do it. I simply wished them a pleasant evening and strolled away. That, my friends, is the definition of a compassionate conservative. Epilogue: I don't have a digital camera, so proper photographic documentation of this event is lost to history. And with it I fear my nomination as one of Eleven Who KARE. But, as an aid the more unimaginative among you, Harold and Prudence look something like this.
There You Yo! Again
More from When Character Was King by Peggy Noonan. This excerpt regarding Reagan's daughter Patti Davis. Noonan interviewed her for the book: "Remember the book Black Like Me? When I was twelve I would have given my right arm to find that stuff and turn myself and my entire family black. I wanted to show solidarity with people I thought were oppressed and who in fact oppressed, and some still are. But I felt so guilty about being white and priviledged. I felt very guilty about it. I always felt...not deserving. Poor people too--I wanted to be one of them by showing my solidarity. "I had this fantasy--I remember sitting out there in Arizona at the golf course, at my grandparents', sitting out there in the sun reading Black Like Me. I thought things would have been so much better if I could turn myself black and turn my whole family black."
Controlling the Past
"Day by day and almost minute by minute the past was brought up to date. In this way every prediction made by the Party could be shown by documentary evidence to have been correct; nor was any item of news, or any expression of opinion, which conflicted with the needs of the moment, ever allowed to remain on record. All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary." - George Orwell, 1984 Speaking of 1984, does anyone remember the Presidential campaign that year? Ronald Reagan in a bit of a route over home boy Walter Mondale? Here?s a visual reminder documenting the extent of the victory. I didn?t think there was a continuing debate about who?s policies the American people gave the mandate to in that election. Looks like I may be wrong about that. From yesterday?s New York Times, in an article about the personalities of John Kerry vs. John Edwards, this insight into what really happened in 1984: ?A majority of Americans disagreed with Ronald Reagan's policies in 1984, but he won because they liked him personally," said [pollster Frank] Luntz, who has advised Republican candidates. Somewhere Fritz Mondale is sitting alone, gravely nodding to himself, and saying ?where?s the beef? Yes, I was the beef. I AM the beef.?
Sunday, February 22, 2004
A Dash Of This And That
Random musings: * The Fraters Library has been updated thanks to some insights from reader JP. If you have a suggestion for the shelves, drop me an e-mail. * Tonight the final episode of Sex And The City airs. I've never watched the show and frankly don't give a damn. Much of the media has been babbling about this finale for the last two days, and to me it is yet another sign of how out of touch many elements of the media are with "mainstream America". First off the show was only on for six years so it is hardly an institution. Secondly it was on HBO so many people never even had a chance to see it. Thirdly the television market is now so segmented with so many niches, that there no longer is such a thing as the program that everyone talks about around the water cooler. The closest that we have these days is probably Friends, but with the decline of network television ratings, even that is only watched by a small percentage of overall viewers. The days of everyone discussing the last episode of M*A*S*H, Cheers, or even Seinfeld are over and they ain't coming back. Finally consider whether Sex In The City would be getting so much attention if it didn't have a titillating title? * First in war. First in peace. First in the whiskey glasses of his countryman? Interesting piece on efforts to restore a distillery built by Washington, that was once one of the largest in America. We raise our cups to you tonight George. * Over the last few months we've run a series of posts with the title 'The Sky Is Falling'. The purpose of these efforts was to expose the doom and gloom mongering in the wake of last year's decision not to raise taxes to solve Minnesota's budget deficit. If you were to believe many in the local media, the state was going to hell in a handbasket because Governor Pawlenty and the House Republicans had the temerity to exercise a little fiscal restraint. The Strib has been a leader in this area, and today's paper featured yet another editorial bemoaning the greedy, short sighted attitudes of those who oppose raising taxes. After laying out its usual laundry list of depredations that the people of Minnesota have suffered in the last year because the nanny state wasn't there to lend assistance, the Strib editorialistas claim: These are not Chicken Little predictions. Chicken Little eh? Isn't the that fellow we usually link with panicky "the sky is falling" hysterics? Hmmm... * Now we know who's really behind the right wing shock jocks. * Speaking of Hugh Hewittt, I can't wait to see how he uses this one tomorrow: True story: While I was covering a Wizard of Oz festival in Grand Rapids, Minn., several years ago, an 80-year-old Munchkin hit on me. Geez James, why don't you just pour gas all over yourself and hand Hugh a lighter? You're making it way too easy for him.
Methinks He Doth Protest Too Much
The Warrior Monk over at Spitbull has taken me to task over a post of mine regarding gay marriage. Fair enough. My comments were, admittedly, a tad bit underthought and very much a visceral reaction to a news segment I was watching at the time. That sometimes happens when I watch the news while at the computer. Nevertheless, I stand by my statements and will recant nothing. That being said, a reliable source has informed me that the Monk spent this past weekend with five men at a very gay hotel in Atlanta and had a delightful meal at an equally gay restaurant. Criminal? Hardly. Curious? Quite. Never go against the family, Fredo.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
There?s A Whole Lotta Consumin? Goin? On Out There
People are spending money. I?m not going to bore you with a long list of statistics to back this up, mainly because I don?t have those statistics and I?m too lazy to look them up. All I have is my personal observations on the matter and what I saw tonight puts paid to the myth that we?re living in an economic wasteland. The lovely Atomizerette and I, along with her parents, took her son out to the behemoth called Mall of America (definite article optional) tonight for his second 14th birthday dinner this week. In my day, we only got one celebratory birthday meal and we ate sand. That?s right...sand. But I digress. Our arrival at Mall was greeted with the usual parking nightmare. Too many cars driven by too many ignorant people all trying to find a spot three feet from the entrance make the simple exercise of parking one?s car a Dante-like carnival ride through hell. It was a painful experience, but nothing out of the ordinary at Mall. The original plan for the evening was to strap on the feedbags at the Rainforest Café, a rainforest themed restaurant that features a 5,500 gallon fish tank, waterfalls, a simulated thunderstorm as well as some miscellaneous overpriced food items. We took one look at the immense horde of humans congregated around the front desk (actually, a large purple elephant) and began to have second thoughts. The man atop the elephant told us that our wait would be over 90 minutes. We all said nertz to that and settled on an alternative with only a 30 minute wait. During this little respite, I had the opportunity to do a little people watching. I saw some little people, yes, but I also saw a lot of big people too. People with bags. Lots and lots of people with lots and lots of bags full of lots and lots of merchandise. The scene in this place was incredible. Here we are not even two months after Christmas on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and Mall was as crowded as I?ve ever seen it. I?m talking elbow to elbow here folks. Some would have you believe that we?re not in the middle of an economic recovery. They tell us that even if there is, possibly, just a slight bit of, maybe, a little inkling of, perhaps, a small iota of the tiniest beginning of a minor recovery occurring, that it?s a ?jobless? one. They also tell us that the middle class has been left out in the cold. I don?t know what you people are seeing but today, I saw a lot of those middle class folks out there with their families eating at restaurants and buying merchandise at stores and riding indoor roller coasters and driving their cars and, generally, getting in my way. The bottom line is that they were spending their money; money that they presumably earned at?yeah, you got it, jobs. There?s a whole lotta consumin? goin? on out there, but let that be our little secret. Who knows what would happen if word got out.
Phrase Of The Day
"...please approach the back of the purple elephant." (The front desk of The Rainforest Cafe at the Mall of America looks like a big, purple elephant. The waitstaff informs awaiting parties that their table is ready by saying "Johnson, safari of five, please approach the back of the purple elephant. Your adventure is about to begin." I'm not joking.)
And You Thought His Editorials Were Asinine
Syl Jones writes occasional editorials for the Star Tribune. Believe it or not, his perspective is left of center. Extreme left of center, which to be fair does make him a moderate by Star Tribune editorial standards. His specialties include racial bomb throwing, such as calling white people ?ice people? and comments like this on affirmative action: Every single African-American who survived the terrorist onslaught perpetrated by the majority of white society deserves compensation for his or her losses, direct and indirect. And I'll make a deal with you: Give me just one-tenth of the hundreds of millions of dollars stolen from us in free labor, confiscated homes and land, in human flesh and blood, and in psychological agony, and I'll gladly donate a large part of my share to your education. Because most of you desperately need it. He also excels at misidentifying conservative intellectuals with consumer affairs reporters. He once tried to demean Front Page Magazine?s David Horowitz by saying he was also the guy who used to host that ?Fight Back!? show - and amazingly the Star Tribune editors didn?t know the difference either and they printed it. And he has a talent for extreme, irresponsible rhetoric on the topics of the day. Like just this past week in the Strib with this characterization of the Vietnam war ...: Vietnam was at best a miscalculation, at worst a nefarious lie told by pimps from the military industrial complex who profited from the free flow of blood on both sides of the conflict. And until that entire generation of manipulative old men lays down and dies we, as a nation, will carry the burden of their horrible mistakes like a port wine stain on our foreheads. Syl?s role in the community is kind of a mystery. He?s not a regular columnist with the Star Tribune. He only gets an editorial out every couple of months or so. Therefore, he must do something else to make a living. And a good living at that, since his editorial biography line lists him as living in tony Minnetonka. That bio line, used in every editorial, is: Syl Jones, of Minnetonka, is a playwright, journalist and corporate consultant. Maybe it?s the play writing gig paying those Minnetonka property taxes? Up until now, I always dismissed this part of his resume, since the standards for calling yourself a ?writer? in this town consist of taking a course at the Loft, calling yourself a writer to your friends, then not really writing anything - ever. But at least on that last account, Syl doesn?t qualify. Not only has he been writing plays, he?s getting one of them produced. From the Pioneer Press, a review of a play opening soon at the Mixed Blood Theater in Minneapolis: Syl Jones' "Sacrament" is staged in a car parked outside the theater, and patrons will throw on football-player foul-weather capes to stand outside and watch. The Annual Fraters Night at the Theater Committee has been looking for the right event, and I think this could be it. We?ll keep you posted. As a special bonus, we?ll see if Syl will agree to let all white people managing to watch the whole thing (while wearing capes) officially off the hook for that whole reparations thing.
The Billionaire Boys Club
Breaking news from MPR. Trust fund tycoon Sen. Mark Dayton (heir to the Dayton Hudson retailing fortune) has just endorsed the Presidential bid of trust fund tycoon Sen. John Kerry (first mate of the widow to the heir of the Heinz condiment fortune). This move no doubt will move the polling numbers among occupants of mansions all over Kenwood, Crocus Hill, and Summit Avenue. Except for those mansions owned by wealthy ambulance-chasing lawyers. As quoted below, Dayton believes that people of this lower station in life are beneath consideration for holding office: Dayton says Kerry's breadth of political experience and expertise on the economy and foreign relations makes him a better candidate Edwards. "I like John Edwards. I've served with him over the last three years as well, but I don't think that a high priced legal advocate is any substitute for dedicated public service," he said. Translation - if in your life you have ever had to spend your time actually earning a living, you?ve got no place in government. At least not when a trust fund millionaire dilettante is also in the race. I also like Dayton?s choice of words for describing Edwards: ?a high priced legal advocate?. That?s Dayton saying, 'guys like Kerry and me hire guys like Edwards. So don?t waste your vote on the hired help, when you can get the lord of the manor himself.'
"Where's That Deli?"
The Jewish anti-defamation league is embarassing itself (shocking, yes) with its objections to Mel Gibson's new movie. "We are not into boycotts, but it's important to sensitize people to the concerns we have," said Joel Levy, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League. "The movie is a modern-day passion play, and passion plays historically have been the occasion for lots of anti-Semitic activity." Thank you for sensitizing us Joel, but I have a question for you. Since "passion plays" have historically been the occasion for anti-semitic activity, what do you think about the Catholic tradition of the stations of the cross? In this ritual, Catholics go from depiction to depiction graphically illustrating the crucifixion of Christ, praying and meditating on what each station means. It always used to scare me to go through this as a child because you had to look up at this big likeness of Jesus getting the crown of thorns applied, or falling for the first time with the cross or when the Romans callously cast lots for his clothes. I remember it being a powerful experience and one that gave true insight into what Jesus did for Our Sins. What I don't remember is driving to St. Louis Park looking for Jewish delis to burn. The stations of the cross could easily be compared to a passion play. I wonder if Joel thinks it's okay to continue this tradition.
Ay! Chihuahua
The name Chihuahua is derived from the Tarahumara Indian language and means "sandy and dry" (or "place where sacks are made"-I like the former better myself). I can't imagine a more appropriate moniker for the state in northern Mexico, and its capital city which bears the same name. Winters in Minnesota are almost soggy compared with the arid atmosphere in Chihuahua. The city of close to a million souls is And oh how do they graze. Beef or carne is the food of choice in Chihuahua, and it dominates the local restaurant menus. Many, many varieties of top notch steak can be had at reasonable prices (or unreasonable prices-I was dining on the company's dime so I didn't really notice). While this may sound delectable, especially to the Atkins obsessed, eating steak and beef day after day does get quite old. By the end of my eight days spent in Chihuahua, I was craving anything and everything else. Chicken, pork, ostrich, etc. And pasta, especially pasta. Soccer is THE sport in Chihuahua, although basketball is also popular. As I mentioned earlier, I watched the US and Mexico under-23 national teams vie for a spot in the Athens Olympics in a bar in Chihuahua. The Mexican fans were nervous before the match began, still a bit shell shocked from their 2002 World Cup loss to the American squad. But they need not have feared, for the contest turned out to be quite similar to the 2001 NFC Championship game between the Vikings and Giants. The home team got off to a fast start and never was seriously challenged. And a 4-0 score in soccer is roughly equivalent to a 41-0 drubbing in football. I was also able to catch some live local soccer action (oxymoron?). Remember what I said about it being dry? Check out the "field" where the match took place. All dirt baby. Makes you think twice before going for that slide tackle. Since hockey is not real big in Chihuahua, the Commissioner naturally gravitated towards the soccer pitch. The meddling metropolitan planners of the world (Ted Mondale for example), would be aghast at the sprawling nature of the city. As the population has swelled in recent years, it has sprouted offshoots in all directions, particularly to the west, which has become THE place to live, eat, and shop. For some reason the people of Chihuahua cling to the antiquated notion that growth is good. The ultra cool urban hipsters of the world (anyone who works at the City Pages for example) would be appalled at the presence of American mainstays such as Wendy's, Burger King, Wal-Mart, McDonalds, and yes, most egregious of all, Applebee's (which is incredibly popular with the locals). Sadly, the corporate behemoth Starbucks has yet to stomp its boot heeled footprint into the sandy soil of the city, but I confidently expect that it will only be a matter of time before Chihuahuans are enjoying venti double lattes with the rest of us. The one category of business chains that you won't see in Chihuahua (or anywhere else in Mexico for that matter) is gas stations. The only game in town is PEMEX or Petroleos Mexicanos, the government owned monopoly that controls the country's oil and gas resources. Mexico is an exporter of oil. It is also a country desperately trying to prime its economy to help alleviate the widespread poverty of its people. So one might assume that the government would seek to keep gas prices low to help ease the burden the consumer, and make businesses more competitive. Of course, in this case, one would be wrong. A little conversion work with exchange rates and metric measurements shows that the average Jose six pack in Chihuahua lays out around three bucks a gallon to keep his vehicle on the road (that and a lot of duct tape and Bondo). Remind me again why government control of resources is good for the people? Not that higher gas prices keep folks off the roads (paging the Metropolitan Council). Chihuahuans like to drive and drive like Banshees they do. Traffic is not so much congested and clogged as it is crazy and chaotic. There are traffic laws, but much like the local zoning regulations, their existence does not guarantee their enforcement. Speed bumps are employed in many places, but all they do is cause drivers to slam on their brakes at the last possible moment as they race from bump to bump, as if they are trying to qualify for time trials and are worried about their split times. Traffic signs and signals do not indicate hard and fast commands that must be obeyed, rather they are viewed as merely suggestions. A red alto sign means stop. Unless you're in a hurry. Or there's no one around. Or maybe you just don't feel like stopping. Traffic lanes? Mere guidelines for possible avenues to direct your vehicle. If they don't work for you feel free to flow wherever the road takes you. Turn signals? A nice option if you an afford 'em but don't use 'em too often, else they might wear out. And don't get so hung up on this right signal means that I'm turning right stuff either. Hey isn't it enough that I'm telling you that I'm going to do SOMETHING? You Americans and your need for specifics. The city is also home to more than its fair share of monuments and statues. Some of them are understandably related to the city's history, while the background and purpose of others is a bit murky (this angel for example). Then there are the three monuments to men some might consider "oppressors" rather than heroes. Henry Ford, Christopher Columbus, and Cortez all get their place in the Chihuahua sun. In the industrial complex, not far from where our plant is located you can even find a larger than life, artistic version of the Man of La Mancha. I've probably been to Chihuahua nine or ten times over the last six years, and every time I discover something novel and unique about the city. But there's one thing that I've never seen there in all my visits. A Chihuahua dog. Say it ain't so Taco Bell. Monday: Orphanage visit
The Secret Lives of Timberwolves
From yesterday?s Pioneer Press, a nugget of information on the Minnesota Timberwolves? oft injured point guard Troy Hudson: Guard Troy Hudson has authored a rap song about his Timberwolves teammates and coach Flip Saunders that Fox Sports Net will air throughout the rest of the season. I didn?t know that Troy Hudson had any musical abilities, but I?ll publicly call him the next Flava Flav if he finds a way to maintain a flow while having to bust a rhyme on top of the words ?Wally Szczerbiak? and ?Ndudi Ebi?. My curiosity piqued, I Googled Hudson?s rapping aspirations and came up with but single corroborating source. This from the June 11, 2003 edition of the Southern Illinois University at Carbondale student newspaper, the Egyptian: When he is not on the court working on his game, [Hudson] can be found in the studio in pursuit of his second dream - rap music. Inspired by the late Tupac Shakur, Hudson has his own label, Nuttyboyz Entertainment, and has recorded more than 100 songs in his studio. Nutty Boys? Is this guy inspired by Tupac Shakur or Jerry Lewis? Despite his low profile in the music biz, T-Hud has already got 100 songs in the can. If nothing else, no one can accuse him of dreaming small dreams. Further evidence: With much of his time spent on the basketball court, Hudson's debut album has been on the shelf now for more than a year. Just don't ask him what the title of the album is. "He's changed it about four or five times," [his girlfriend Monique] Moy said. "I don't know what he's going to go with. He went from a single to a triple and now it's a double CD. He's got so much music he can't make up his mind." Lest you thought Hudson didn?t have any humility, notice he?s agreed to scale back his debut album from a triple down to a double CD. Even so, I must say that?s a lot of music devoted to running the pick and roll play in practice with Fred Hoiberg. To be fair, it seems Hudson?s perspective reaches beyond the basketball court: Whatever the title, expect about 25 cuts filled with insight from his life growing up in Carbondale and his time spent in the league, along with raps covering themes ranging from violence to politics to romance. A hip hop double CD filled with insights about growing up in Carbondale, IL. Suddenly songs about Fred Hoiberg's ability to set a pick don?t seem so bad.
Friday, February 20, 2004
Speaking Of Whole Lotta Love
Looking for something to do tonight, I picked up "Entertaining U--North Florida's Most Reliable Source For Movies, Arts and Live Entertainment." Okay, if it says so it must be true. Let's see what we have here...bands, okay...movies, uh huh...some art nonsense, fine...wait a minute--hold the phone, what have we here? I see a pic of a large woman grabbing her posterior while conga-ing with several other large women and the title "Club Galore: A Size Positive Place. Whoa. Go here for the site. I will now liberally quote from the short article on this new bar. I'm not making this up (other than my comments): There is now a big plus to plus-size. Jacksonville's Club Galore now caters to larger women and their friends. I would urge caution when using the word "cater" with this target audience. The primary staff at Galore are BBWs (Big Beautiful Women), so they know what people of size, especially the women, want and need to build confidence, self esteem and to make the ladies feel beautiful and safe. Hiding the mirrors is a good start. "We are very fortunate to be able to have Club Galore for our Friday night parties," said Maggie Barrington, founder of Club Galore. "This is a beautifully appointed nightclub with upholstered seating, sofas, tumbled marble-topped coffee tables and toilets the size of love seats. Specially selected music is played by the Galore resident DJ Aine. The music format will be a little different from what is played at other nightclubs, featuring slower yet upbeat selections...Apparently, the idea of setting up their own cardiac triage was too expensive to play normal dance music. So if you need to reach me tonight, look no further than 1401 Atlantic Blvd. in Neptune, Florida.
When The Going Gets Tough...
The tough win trivia matches. After taking a two week hiatus from play, Team Fraters had suffered rare back to back setbacks in the Thursday night trivia competitions at Keegan's Irish Pub. And heading into last night's action, the prospects of halting the skid didn't look promising, with two of the regular foursome out of the lineup. But Saint Paul and I pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps, looked defeat in the mirror, and told it to sod off. We were helped in our efforts by a forked tongue marketing consultant, who also advised us on potential spin offs and promotional efforts to expand the Fraters brand. I'm not sure about the McDonald's Happy Meal Fraters toy tie in, but I did like the idea of a Saturday morning cartoon show (apparently Andy Dick has already signed on to voice Atomizer). And our victory probably would not have been possible if not for the aid of a goateed, chapeau wearing stranger (I think he was one of the guys from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy) seated next to Saint Paul at the bar. Unfortunately, the kinship with said stranger did not last long after our triumph, as he was a bit put off by our boisterous political discussion with Keegan's publican. Terry is a Vietnam vet and let's just say that he doesn't exactly hold John Kerry in high regard. I think he's more of Dennis Kucinich kind of guy.
The Sky Is Falling Update
Deborah Locke at the St. Paul Pioneer Press is the latest to join the chorus of "concerned" voices lamenting the ruinous conditions in Minnesota that have resulted from last year's budget accord. After laying out a laundry list of organizations and individuals that have been irreparably harmed by the cruel Republicans and their refusal to raise taxes, she launches into a high orbit of hyperbole: It's certainly a new day in Minnesota. I haven't yet touched on food-shelf use, youth services, education and health care. A statewide food-shelf provider said that whether the happy-talk politicians want to admit it or not, many former middle-class Minnesotans are in the throes of Depression-era living. More on that next Thursday. I can hardly wait until next Thursday to read more from Deborah. Let's look at her words more closely. Many? To me this indicates a significant number of people. What are the odds that Deb's piece next Thursday includes hard statistics and figures rather than just a few, possibly apocryphal, stories? Formerly middle-class Minnesotans? Will Deb back this up with evidence or will we just have to take her word that the people in the anecdotes she relates are/were what she says they are/were? Throes of Depression-era living? Personally I haven't seen too many folks selling apples by the side of the road, waiting by the thousands in line for soup, or packing up the family with all their belongings in the Ford pickup to head off to California in search of work. Maybe I'm just not hanging out in the same places as Deborah. Or maybe all those "happy-talk politicians" have gotten to me. (Thanks to Acme for the tip)
Why We Love This Game
Last night the Minnesota Wild dispatched the hated Canucks with extreme prejudice, slapping their rivals around in a 6-2 pounding. The game featured some of the brutish nastiness that true hockey fans adore: The dirty work came to a head at 6:40 of the third when Cooke speared Johnson in the midsection. That intensified the jawboning between benches, with Lemaire and assistant Mario Tremblay trading unprintables with Vancouver coach Marc Crawford. Coaches trading unprintables? It really doesn't get much better as further evidenced by Sergei Zholtok's post-game comments: 'It was a fun game to watch, huh?' said Sergei Zholtok, who had an assist and has nine points in eight games. 'It had everything. Goals. Fighting. Cross-checks. Spears. Penalties.' Memo to Gary Bettman: "everything" includes fighting. It always has and it always should.
The Home Of Rock N Roll
Having failed to find sufficient outsourced blogging talent (NPR reporters logging in are guffawing) in Mexico, the Elder has dispatched me to Florida to see what the talent pool looks like down here. There's plenty link-to-the-reason mag-article-add-your-two-cents-link-to-the-national review online-article-add-your-two-cents-link-to-other-bloggers-add-your-two-cents-type of news-cycle bloggers. In fact, of the 18 I interviewed yesterday for the one opening we have on staff, only one was not a news-cycler and it turns out HE just wanted free links to his adult sites. So after a long day of interviews, I was ready for some pizza and hockey on the tele. Bruins agane-st (Barry Melrose pronunciation) Flyers. Classic. Or should I say Classic Rock, as Flyers goaltender Sean Burke was sporting a mask depicting the debauched likenesses of Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton. What the hell is wrong with Sean Burke and why is he promoting moldy classic rock on his hockey mask? A quick google produced nothing, so any info Fraters Fans have would be appreciated. I imagine Burke is just another closet guitarist whose taste never quite matured past Whole Lotta Love or Lay Down Sally. I know, I know, rock pioneers and all that, but please man, you have one mask on which to display your personality to the world and you chose two drugged-out English weirdos as your icons? Why Sean, why? (BTW, if your performance on the ice as of late continues, you'll have plenty of time to practice your blues-based Stratocaster noodling at home.)
This Is The Big One!
More from When Character Was King by the WILF (Wonk I'd Like To be on Fraters) Peggy Noonan regarding the games Reagan would often play with the media: One time CBS News brought in a lens that was used to look at the moon, then used it to shoot videotape of the Reagans at their leisure. The cameras were so good with the lens they could see right into the house. They often took shots of Reagan riding the trails , which they used on the news. Reagan didn't like this, thought it was a bridge too far in terms of the privacy he'd had to give up. So one day, knowing they were up there with the lens, the president went out the front door, walked onto the patio, grabbed his chest and fell to the ground pretending to have a heart attack. He lay there for a few seconds as far away producers shouted and cameramen tried to load their film. They were grabbing their phones to the networks when Reagan got up, waved to them in a jolly way and clicked his heels. What a great man.
MPR, Selective Labeling, and Bias
Two days ago I commented on the the selective labeling of "conservative" advocacy group Education Watch in the Minnesota Public Radio report about the new social studies standards. I felt the example was egregious enough to merit further inquiry with MPR. So I emailed them the link to my Fraters post and asked them for a response to these two questions: First, why was the complete name of "Parents United for Public Education" not used in the article, (instead only "Parents United" was used). Secondly, why was Education Watch labeled as "conservative" and while Parents United for Public Education had no qualifier whatsoever? To their credit, both of my contacts at MPR were responsive and respectful - which is exactly the disposition I want in government employees. Below is the response from the MPR correspondent (via an intermediary) and then my response to him: ------------------------ The chairwoman of the House Education Policy Committee, Rep. Barb Sykora, R-Excelsior, introduced Mary Cecconi as a representative of Parents United. Mary Cecconi introduced herself as a board member of Parents United. I was not previously aware of this group and had no reason to believe its own representative would misidentify the name. This is simply a case of my reporting imprecision, nothing else. I was inclined to identify EdWatch/Maple River Coalition as a conservative group because of my preceding sentence: "The latest complaints are coming from across the political spectrum." I felt some obligation at that point to identify where their complaint fell on that spectrum. I had no idea where the previous group fell. That's about as much thought as I put into it. This script was edited and approved. I have reported often on the activities of EdWatch/Maple River Coalition and interviewed their representatives. They are conservative. I also have the utmost respect for them and their viewpoints. To suggest otherwise is just wrong. Mr. Ward should be commended for his vigilance. I welcome the criticism of my writing and reporting any time. However, he has made many assumptions about MPR news and me that are not based in fact. Mr. Ward does not know me and should not infer that I have some sort of reporting agenda. I take particular offense to him calling me a partisan political hack. Please pass this note and my phone number along to Mr. Ward. I would be pleased to discuss these issues further if he wishes. ------------------------------------------------ Hi - Brian Ward here, your indirect correspondent on matters of bias the past 24 hours. I'd like to thank you for your thoughtful response. It's not a courtesy I'm used to in dealing with other media organs, therefore it is much appreciated. I now realize I should have been corresponding with you directly, instead of through the main MPR email address, so my apologies to others for bringing them into this. First things first, I never referred to you as a partisan political hack. That term, as used in the Fraters Libertas piece, was a sarcastic reference to Education Watch. The intent was to hyperbolically characterize the MPR tone towards this organization, based on your selective use of labels for it. So please, take no offense. I think your excuses for the selective labeling of Education Watch and the misreporting the name of Parents United for Public Education are plausible and I believe you. But "reporting imprecision" and failing to properly do research doesn't mean the piece isn't an example of biased reporting. At least not in its effect. You politicized one group with a value laden term ("conservative" - which many on the Left would consider a negative value), while draping the other in universally positive term with no political context ("united" and "parents"). These provide subtle cues for the listener/reader to judge the content of what someone is saying. It allows prejudices to color what is supposed to be a news report. Understand, I'm not necessarily against the use of labels. A sophisticated news consumer can use these to help put information in the proper context. The problem is the selectivity of it. You can't do it for one if you're not going to do it for the other. The rule should be everyone gets labeled or no one does. If I may offer you some unsolicited advice, next time you decide to call a group "conservative" based on your preconceptions, take a look at your story and see if there are any other groups referenced. If so, how should they be politically characterized? If you've never heard of them before and don't know, do a quick Internet search. It took approximately 1 minute on Google to find everything on Parents United for Public Education. Furthermore, if you're in the business of reporting education news, I would think it would be important to know a little something about the types of groups that are testifying before an education committee. Especially ones you choose to quote as having something important to say on the matter. Instead, it seems you consciously realized you didn't know anything about them, so you just took them at face value. Is that the standard you apply to all your sources? Finally, you don't seem to be aware that selective labeling of organizations (or individuals) is a HUGE issue among Conservatives. Something that has been pointed to for years by nationally prominent commentors as conclusive evidence of media bias. (Do some Google searching on the topic, you'll be amazed what you find). After your research, if you find that you personally don't believe selective labeling regularly takes place or that people like you could possibly inject bias into reporting (or non reporting), why not clean up the copy anyway, just as a gesture to the concerns of a large segment of your audience? ----------------------------- In the interest of fairness, I won't use this bully pulpit do a more complete yet one-sided rending of the MPR comments (even though they're ripe for it). They were good enough to engage the conversation, so I'll let the exchange stand on its own without piling on after the fact. But if any of you dear readers would like to comment further, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
I Only Give You My Funny Papers
Now this is a comic strip. You get braggadocio, evilness and despair plus a smartass remark from a stuffed tiger wearing a scarf all crammed into four small frames. Brilliant.
Your Barreiro Firing Leader
We bring you now continuing coverage of the departure of Dan Barreiro from the Star Tribune (cue solemn orchestral score composed last night specifically for this story). Reader Salsa and Eggs does the solo lambada on Barreiro?s journalistic grave with this account of the man?s performance as a sports commentator. You can?t make stuff like this up: Dan Barriero is my flashback when listening to the radio in the car, just because I need a half cup of negativity per day for this diet. Last spring I was fortunate enough to catch an episode where he couldn't remember how the Twins finished 2002. Maybe his boss at the Trib added something like "Follow local professional teams" on his Individual Development Plan, and with no effort made it was hatchet time. Or maybe it is a right-wing conspiracy? Amen Brother!! Coming from a guy named "Salsa and Eggs" I think you have to trust the veracity of the report. And with a name like "Salsa and Eggs" it's hard to believe this guy's not a blogger. If he ever does jump into the ring, I'll guarantee a link if he adopts the following tag line: "Whipping the news into a delicate froth, then adding the zip!"
When Is The Last Time You Met Someone Named Lana?
I picked up Peggy Damn-Hot-For-An-Old-Broad Noonan's book When Character Was King at Barnes And Noble for five bucks the other day and it is a fine read. I loved this line: "His future aide Marty Anderson once explained to me Reagan's high degree of confidence by reminding me, "Peggy--Ronald Reagan had nothing to prove to anyone. Ronald Reagan dated Lana Turner." 
The Cat Has Claws
Jonathan at Mangled Cat, part of the Rocky Mountain Alliance (and other organizations that prefer to remain unnamed), has added (finally) permalinks and comments to his fine blog.
They Fire Columnists, Don?t They?
Years ago I formulated a question which I?ve posed to many and to which I have never received an affirmative piece of evidence: Do newspaper columnists ever get fired for being lousy at their jobs? I know they occasionally get fired for making up quotes and facts out of thin air, for starting sexual relationships with interview subjects who also happen to be teen age girls, and for ripping off George Carlin jokes without attribution. But does performance EVER count in a decision of whether or not to extend the employment of paid opinionizers? Over the years there have been thousands of these folks out there, being paid exhorbanant salaries to do noting more than tell us what they think on any and all subjects. Yet no one can come up with a single example of one being fired merely for stinking out the joint. Why? I can think of four possibilities: 1) They?re all doing a great job and always have and no one deserves to get the ax 2) Management is handcuffed in personnel moves because editorial writers have some sort of union seniority protection or because they?re like tenured academics and short of a mass murder conviction, they can?t get fired 3) Newspaper management is too out of touch/arrogant to realize/admit when one of their hires isn?t getting the job done 4) In the rare instances when they do get fired for performance, it?s charitably and plausibly positioned by management as the columnist?s choice or as a mutual decision. The first option is absurd on it?s face, Layabouts, slackers, dead asses, and free riders exist in every profession (except blogging). The second option sounds possible, but since I?ve never heard of such an arrangement in journalism, I think it?s unlikely. The third option is very plausible, given my observations of the arrogance of a typical newspaper executive. The fourth option is even more plausible, since such events would pass beneath the radar of most average readers and thus wouldn?t be recalled when I posed my question above. Perhaps it is option 4 that illuminates this article about Dan Barreiro. He?s a Star Tribune sports columnist whose been on staff, and stinking out the joint, for an appalling 17 years. Now he?s leaving, for reasons unclear. The paper says this: "Dan [Barreiro] has been a great contributor to the Star Tribune for many years, and we wish him the best," said Anders Gyllenhaal, editor of the newspaper. Barreiro gives us this cryptic line of BS: ... the time has come for a change. Part of this has to do with philosophical differences with newspaper management. Much of it has to do with the desire to build on outstanding opportunities KFAN has given me." Interesting for this self righteous hard hitting seeker of the truth to suddenly become the Mona Lisa?s smile when it?s the shambles of his own life he?s forced to comment on. KFAN is the radio station Barreiro works for. He has the featured slot as the afternoon drive host. Hard to figure what other ?outstanding opportunities? he?s being offered beyond that. But maybe it?s not a coincidence that KFAN has also just began this new venture and probably has all kinds of outstanding opportunities during the lunch rush. When I originally formulated the question of whether columnists ever get fired for performance, it was Barreiro and Pioneer Press columnist Bob Sansevere I had in mind. Each are sports writers, neither of them write very well and neither of them know very much about sports. Yet there they are, three times a week each, taking up valuable space in the only sports sections in town. One could have read every Barreiro column over the past 17 years and never have gained a single insight into the world of which he writes. Barreiro, like many modern sports writers, would rather concentrate on the personalities involved than the games themselves. He fancies himself a moral conscience and considers mere sports beneath him. So instead of trying to understand and communicate the hidden complexity, ennobling aspects, and occasional grandeur of the games we love to watch, he chooses to devote himself to moralizing about social issues and ferreting out the perceived hypocrisies and contradictions given out by various wide receivers and point guards. Fired or an independent choice to pursue ?outstanding opportunities? as a men?s room attendant at a sports bar in Roseville. As long he?s gone, I guess it really doesn?t matter.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Who Are You Calling Angry?
This article really got my blood boiling. Who does Dr. Steven Potkin think he is, anyway? I'm fixin' to fly to California right now and nail his pointy little egghead to a coffee table...right after I finish this smoke.
Your Tax Dollars at Work
From the publicly subsidized journalism professionals at Minnesota Public Radio, a lesson in media bias via the selective use of labels. The context is the continuing debate over social studies standards for high school students proposed by Governor Pawlenty and opposed by Democrats and the education establshiment. First, the MPR neutral reference to an advocacy group whose mission is the continuation of the status quo in public schooling, but at greatly increased funding levels: Mary Cecconi of the group Parents United says teachers are still expected to cover too many topics. She also objects to what she sees as standards that advocate a certain doctrine or type of behavior. ?For example, a benchmark requires students to define what it means to be a citizen in terms of loyalty.? Loyalty to the USA as antithetical to the concept of citizenship .... in the USA. See any "doctrine" or ideological agenda there? Well, MPR doesn?t, because Parents United for Public Education (which is the real name of the organization, MPR conveniently left out the ?for Public Education? part) is apparently just a group of united parents. However, it seems there are groups out there with some sort of agenda for education. Here?s the MPR reference in the very same article to an advocacy group whose mission is to reform the public school system: Julie Quist of the conservative group Education Watch/Maple River Coalition says the latest revisions go too far. She claims changes were made that weaken the teaching of the Declaration of Independence. An emphasis on teaching the Declaration of Independence to high school students?! Those partisan political hacks! Speaking of which, here?s the end result of an education system supported by the likes of Parents United for Public Education: Rep. Mindy Greiling, DFL-Roseville, tried unsuccessfully to replace the word "statesmen" with a more gender-neutral term. "We have sexist language in our documents here. This is not a quote, this is a statement: 'students will become familiar with the character traits of statesmen such as...' It needs to be statesperson, plain and simple," Greiling said. Statesperson? What?s the plural of that - statespeople? Statespersons? Try to shove that into a sentence and see how plain and simple it is (let alone how accurate). In a sane political environment, Rep. Greiling would have been laughed out of the room and a recall effort would be immediately organized by her constituents. But remember, we are talking about Roseville here. UPDATE: King at SCSU Scholars has details on the strangely controversial Declaration of Independence aspects of the current standards debate. UPDATE: Via King, more good stuff at Minnesota Education Reform News, including further examples of the selective use of labels at our other major media outlets.
That's The Guy Who Took The Bread Out Of JB's Mouth
The ebullient Eloise from Spitbull has uncovered, with a nod to Jeff Jarvis, a perfidious plot being hatched by the folks at Minnesota Public Radio to launch a talk radio show about politics and blogging. Hmmm...I wonder, if you will, where I've heard that idea before? Fear not faithful readers (and soon to be faithful listeners), for yea though we walk through the valley of the shadow of government subsidized competition, we fear no MPR: for King art with us; the Captain and Power Line comfort us. Mitch preparest the booth before us in the presence of our listeners: Hugh anointest the air with plugs; our cup runneth over (or at least it will when we adjourn to the nearest watering hole for our post-show analysis). Even more importantly, if you will, we will hit the airwaves first. We might not be radio professionals but we do have a show. March 6th, noon until three on AM-1280 The Patriot. I will make no Namath-like guarantees about the success of the show, but I can promise one thing. It won't be MPR.
Didja Know He Was In Vietnam?
JD sends an e-mail asking for specifics on Kerry's combat record in Vietnam. Airborne Combat Engineer has a lengthy and detailed post on how Kerry earned his medals and what he did with them later. Lots of links including one to Kerry's campaign web site that includes an excerpt from Tour of Duty, the recently released book which chronicles Kerry's service in Vietnam.
Fraudulent Coalition Suffers Real Casualties (again)
MSNBC - Attack on coalition base kills at least 11 Iraqis: Two suicide bombers tried to drive explosives-laden trucks into a Polish-run base south of Baghdad, but coalition forces opened fire, triggering blasts that killed at least 11 Iraqi civilians and wounded dozens, including more than 30 coalition soldiers, officials said. More than 64 people were injured in the blasts, including at least 31 Iraqis, 12 Filipinos, 10 Poles, 10 Hungarians and an American, officials said. Polish Gen. Mieczyslaw Bieniek, commander of the 9,500-strong Polish military contingent, called it a "well-coordinated terrorist attack." Maybe things would be better in Iraq if only we weren't "going it alone".
Me And You And A Sled Named After Hugh?
Pete e-mails to suggest that given Hugh Hewitt's fondness for worthless titles, he might enjoy this site which allows you to name anything after anyone or anything. Best of all they do it for FREE. Be sure to page down and see how a Mr. Scott E. Pine has chosen to honor Hugh.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Hmmm...
If you listen to the Democratic presidential wanabees for more then two minutes (thirty second in the case of John Edwards), you'll be sure to hear lamentations, wailing, and gnashing of the teeth about the dire economic straits that President Bush's policies have gotten us into. Today I received a quarterly statement from the company that I toil for on my profit sharing retirement plan. Rate of return on my investments (50% of which are in the S&P 500) in 2003? 26.71% If I'm not mistaken, I do believe that over half of all Americans are now invested in the stock market in some form or another. It is the economy isn't it stupid?
Now THAT'S How You Energize Your Base
Hugh Hewitt just finished playing the audio of John Kerry's 1971 "Winter Soldier Investigation" testimony before the Senate. To read the excerpts is one thing. To hear the words slither from Kerry's lips is quite another. Say what you will about the relevance of statements made more than thirty years ago, but I find his comments shocking, disturbing, and offensive. If anybody thinks that veterans are going to rally around Kerry come November, they need to put the crack pipe down. His testimony, filled with lies and distortions, slanders his "band of brothers" to no end, and no doubt helped establish the erroneous impression of Vietnam veterans as psychotic, bloodthirsty killers. I'd like to ask my uncle, who spent six years as a POW in Vietnam, what he thinks of Kerry, but I'm afraid that standards of decency wouldn't allow me to post any of his comments. Hearing Kerry's testimony has also gotten my political blood boiling. This SOB I've been exchanging e-mails with a Mr. Phillips from Folsom, CA while listening and here are some of his comments: ...what's with Kerry's VERY upper-crust Bostonian accent? Where has that been for the last few years? My view of Kerry has been that his lies about the so-called "Winter Soldier Investigation" and his portrayal of Vietnam Vets has had a longer lasting effect than most people realize. One of the long-time staples of Hollywood has been the disgruntled, drug-addicted, alcoholic, criminal, psychotic Vietnam Veteran. Of course they were all Baby Killers and genocidal murderers. And of course they all came back mentally deranged. And Hollywood has portrayed them as such for 30 years. (I am having a hard time typing because every time I type a sentence, Kerry tells another horrible malicious lie. Racism, torture of prisoners, etc.. He is a goddamn liar. Frankly, a traitor as well.) Consider us energized.
Detrás En Negro
The Elder, once again, has the helm. I must say that I was quite impressed with both the quantity and quality of material churned out by the unsupervised Fraters staff in my absence (although the trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets left in my office by JB was not the welcome home I quite expected). It's amazing how effectively a simple rumor of sending work to a low cost country served to motivate the troops. (Note to self: plan that summer trip to Bombay soon.) It is very good to be back. Traveling to a foreign land on occasion helps one appreciate all that we have here in the good ol' U S of A. Personally, I will never again take high speed internet access for granted. It's easy to forget sometimes that there are less fortunate people in the world who must rely on dial up to surf the web. Last week I felt the pain of my slow page loading amigos first hand, and it's an experience that will likely stay with me for some time.
The fall out from my inbox continues regarding my endorsement yesterday of the Fox program "The Littlest Groom." I suppose I can understand the reaction of most people at the premise of the show. A 4'5" bachelor gets his pick over dozens of pint sized paramours. All of whom are willing to do anything to be the special pick, and all for the amusement of us regularly sized folks. It's shock/garbage TV! Lowering our country to another level of mass consumer depravity! THIS is why they hate us!
It was my visceral reaction too (except that last part). But I chose to sample the program anyway. Why? Because I'm an open minded person. More to the point, I'm a person with a TV in my office positioned too far away to reach from my chair and the remote control is busted and this show was on right after Seinfeld, so on it played. It did seem sick and wrong at first. But on a superficial level, watching a group of midgets in cowboy hats line dance and then play golf all in order to get laid is Must See TV. At one point Fox even made them all ascend a spiral stair case and a few of the REALLY short ones couldn't lift their legs up high enough to make it up a single step without jumping. I wonder if the Emmy committee was watching that part? On another, more serious level (BELCH!), it must be said that seeing really short people is a curiosity and on some elemental level, you're not sure if they are the same as regular people. But this show humanized these people far beyond their typical portrayal in the media (when they?re portrayed at all). Yes it was embarrassing for the midgets to be seen dehumanizing themselves in a dating contest show. But all dating contest shows are dehumanizing to some degree. As a viewer you're embarrassed for the regular sized people that appear on them too. In fact, that's the only reason to watch a dating contest show--to laugh at the ineptitude of others. So why can?t midgets be subjected to this equal treatment. Is watching them make fools of themselves to get a date any more humiliating then reading things like this. Don't they have all the same needs, desires, and dreams as the rest of us? Of course they do, and that's the conclusion I was left with after watching the show. "The Littlest Groom" reminded me of the much reviled by the cultural elite Howard Stern Show. He regularly brings on a menagerie of midgets, drunks, and midget-drunks (among others) ostensibly for the purpose of ridicule. And that is what they initially get. But over time, as these unfortunate characters get more and more exposure, inevitably their humanity shines through. Through the magnifying glass of egalitarian humor, you learn more about them, their conditions, and their lives. Thus true understanding is achieved and compassion results. It happens all the time, for Stern himself and for his listeners. Compare this approach to the condescending and agenda-driven method employed by the mainstream media. For example, Nick Coleman, who's an extremely wealthy newspaper writer in town. A guy born to privilege, which he's enjoyed his whole life. And his editorial mission is to find unfortunates in the community, drape them in the veil of unqualified nobility, frame them as helpless victims of middle America, and tell the rest of us how awful we are because we don't care as much as Nick Coleman. His column today is about a homeless guy who died after setting himself on fire while camped under a highway downtown. And guess what--it's your fault: Sam was 38 and had three strikes against him before you even consider that he was born with developmental problems: American Indian, alcoholic and gay. A triple burden in a society where it's not easy for someone with any one of those identities to fit in. That sentence has the triple crown of calling the readers racists, homophobes, and uncaring for developmentally disabled alcoholics. That's what Nick Coleman's America looks like. But that's not the only thing that caused this poor man's death. The key reason: Only one difference between the homeless and the rest of us is important, Nilsson said. The homeless don't have homes. "Labeling them makes the homeless seem like they are from a strange planet," she said. "But they are like everyone else. Whatever you find in 'homed' people, you will find in homeless people. The homeless are everything the 'homed' people are. Except rich." But YOU?RE rich Nick Coleman. And you care more than us and this guy still died. How does that happen? I think a clue is unintentionally revealed earlier in his column, while he's still establishing the nobility angle of the deceased: ...he often talked about going back to the rez and living with a sister. But that he had emotional bonds among the ranks of the homeless and that he couldn't leave his street family. From that it sounds to me like he did have an option other than living on the public streets. He could have lived with a family member in a house (which is what most people would decide to do). But instead he CHOSE to live with his "street family" instead. And now he's dead because of it. I feel sorry for him and everything, but tell me again why this is my fault? Alienating the readers through guilt-ridden finger pointing, selfishly inflating his own ego as a compassionate liberal, while at the same time not offering any constructive solutions to anything. Compared to reading the Star Tribune, all things considered, we'd all be better off watching competitive midget dating. Labels: Media-Local (02-04)
Monday, February 16, 2004
In the Future There Will Be No Such Thing As Opportunity Cost
Separated at Birth - Lonesome loser ?Quiz Kid Donnie Smith? (portrayed by William H. Macy) in the 1999 masterpiece Magnolia and Advertising ?sponsor? of Blog of the Moderate Left, local realtor Richard Sletten I was thinking the above might establish the lower limit of observations qualified for broadcast to the Internet world. Then I realized I was watching a show on Fox about competitive midget dating. And I think I like it.
"And I'm Supposed To Be Impressed Because, Because She Has A Backpack?"
I first saw Shrek a few years back in the theatre. Meh--it was okay. Tonight it was on NBC and another SAB hit me like a ton of lead: So, here we go... Shrek and... Jon Favreau?
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Equal Rights
To all you gay marriage supporters out there who think you are being denied your rights...knock it off. You have equal rights. I, as a straight male, can marry a female. You, as a gay male, can also marry a female. Should you choose not to marry a female, that's fine for you. If you choose to "marry" a male...I'm sorry, but, you can't. And neither can I!!! That sounds quite equal to me. To take it a step further, the gay union thing just doesn't qualify as marriage. Marriage has a definition and that is (according to Merriam-Webster): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law Now, you can call your relationship a same-sex union. You can call it a civil partnership. You can even call it a qdfsretjdk, for all I care. Just don't call it marriage. We already have a meaning for that word. Do your own thing, but leave our flippin' language alone.
Tin Cans & String
The dial up connection here at the hotel is unbearably slow, so the details on my visit to the orphanage will have to wait until I return home. In the meantime I will have to content myself with soaking up some sun and reading Terry Teachout´s excellent tome The Skeptic: A Life Of H.L. Mencken.
Idolize This!
Okay, I'll admit it. I've watched American Idol a few times. I have a good excuse, however. For the past few weeks it has been on right before the only show on network television that I will devote an hour a week to, the riveting Fox drama series 24, and sometimes I happen to catch the final minutes of the show. This was the case a few weeks ago when a guy named William Hung (insert joke here) appeared on A.I. singing a wildly funny but technically incompetent version of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs". Now, despite his complete lack of talent, it appears that William is a star. He was featured on Countdown with Keith Olbermann last Friday, he will be appearing on The Ellen Degeneres Show on Tuesday and he has been the subject of countless newspaper articles and web posts (to which we can add this highly influential site). Now, I've been known to tickle the boundaries of hyperbole on occasion so I'll understand if some of you out there don't believe me when I say this guy is 100% talent free. For those of you who need proof, my evidence to back up this claim is located here (just click on the audition video link). Will is no Spongmonkey, but he certainly does make me laugh.
Jeremy Roenick somehow managed to break that boulder-like piece of bone at the end of his face known as his chin.
Seeing him on ESPN yesterday, I thought he looked like someone from the picture shows. A little googling later and voila, a new SAB is born. For your consideration... Jeremy Roenick And... Eric Stolz in Mask Labels: Separated At Birth
Saturday, February 14, 2004
From the Twin Cities Pulse, Keith Pille promotes rising young St. Paul music sensation Lucky Jeremy:
Here's somebody who serves up punk the way it was meant to be: bitter, surly, and bitingly funny. There's a lot of stupidity in the world, and he's both conscious of it and more than willing to tell you what he thinks of it. Bitter, surly, AND willing to tell us all how stupid we are. Does the Howard Dean campaign need a house band? And angry, impudent, teen-aged know-it-all arrogance isn't all Lucky Jeremy offers the listener: The album itself is full of thundering drums, walls of guitar and howling vocals, with an overall effect that sounds a bit like the guy from Violent Femmes singing along with mid-period Hüsker Dü. Nobody?s chirping about how bright tomorrow is around here. Thundering, howling despondency too? If it turns out this guy is a gender bending former employee of Cheapo Records prone to setting his guitar on fire, he could be the next great Twin Cities critics' darling. Yes, I'm predicting we might just have the next Big Ditch Road on our hands. And I don't think even they can write songs like this: ...even the song titles are incendiary, with names like "Harlem Burned for Your Shuffle," "Your Schtick Is Inspiring (Asshole)," and "Nihilism Country Tune." Hell, even the album's thank-you note takes time to throw some mud at "all the vacuums that suck the life out of people and all the assholes who vote Republican." Lucky Jeremy has been hailed as a man willing to tell us what he thinks of all the stupidity in the world. It's good to see he's writing about a topic he appears to know a lot about. UPDATE: Looks like the Twin Cities Pulse has fallen behind the curve of hipness (no wonder they're the alternative alternative weekly). The king maker of local surly and bitter musicians, the City Pages, was on the bandwagon of Lucky Jeremy months ago. They named his album one of the 10 Best of 2003. If based on the Pulse's description alone you were concerned that it wasn't bitter, surly, and cacophonous enough for your tastes, the City Pages puts away all doubt: Jeremy yelps out anthems about being in the dumps with the mumps and adolescent pumps. His acid lyrics eat away the scenery over a hardcore boogie of dark metal chords, glam rock sneer, even the occasional Turf Club twang. With stories about smoky bars and "drowning in 10,000 lakes," he captures the glory and the grime that comes with drinking your way through a dark winter. Labels: That's Entertainment
Listen. Do You Hear That? It's The Sound Of No One Giving A...
I had to borrow the line that Triumph used against those goofy French-Canadian separatists when I read this absolutely ridiculous comment made by Gopher Gal Hoopster Coach Pam Horton on Lindsay Whalen's recent injury that will end her basketball career: ?I think this is devastating for everyone involved in the program, from the fans to the [basketball] community to the state of Minnesota,?? Borton said. ?I think it?s a big blow for them.?? Setting aside for a moment the delicious irony of her choice of words and the fact that I don't know what the hell The Basketball Community is, she thinks it is a big blow to the whole mother-loving state that this dame isn't going to be playing basketball anymore? WTF? Pam, babe, darling, sweetheart, most people in the state never knew you were playing in the first damn place! Imagine a scene in Northern Minnesota where two working-class guys are in an ice house, downing beers, trying to forget about their wives at home and enjoying catching a few Northern Pike: Guy One (sipping Schmidt Big Mouth): Yup Guy Two: Yup Guy One: D'ja see that Gopher basketball sensation Lindsay Whalen broke her hand and will be out for the season? Guy Two: NO! NO! NO! Yer crappin' me! Guy One: I'm crappin' you negative, her career is over Guy Two: It can't be! My God what will we do now! Guy One: I don't know this is a big blow for us Guy Two: Indeed
"NPR Is More Slanted Than..."
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was interviewed by Fraters Fave Terry Gross a few months back. It is a priceless piece of entertainment and can be listened to here. (btw, if you are offended by somewhat vulgar humor and thought that Dumb And Dumber was "stupid" you probably don't want to listen to Triumph). The great thing about the interview is that Terry tries to play along and pretend that Triumph is only doing "bits" when he is actually dissing her and NPR in general: Terry: So you are saying that NPR may not be the target audience for your new CD? Triumph: Oh, yes, yes, Terry. My target audience is six 50-year-old hippies who listen to this crap! Terry was doing her usual obseqious laughter during the interview, but her enthusiasm waned considerably after Triumph delivered this zinger after she had been asking about him being "sexist": Triumph: Oh here we go, here we go now. I can't believe the government is paying for this interview when my money could be going to Pekinese hookers instead of public radio. NPR is more slanted than my (bleep) after I schtupped a Saint Bernard!" Listen to the whole thing. It's even better than her infamous interview with Gene Simmons.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Was It As Good For You As It Was For Me?
This tidbit from the Minneapolis Star Tribune is just too amusing to ignore. It reads, in part: CLIMAX, Minn. -- It may be the town's slogan, but it doesn't meet the approval of the superintendent who has placed a school ban on the centennial T-shirts that read: "Climax -- more than just a feeling.'' About a dozen students wore the Climax T-shirts to school this week in protest, and one girl was sent home Wednesday for refusing to turn her shirt inside out. Climax, a town of roughly 270 near the North Dakota border, adopted the "More than a feeling" slogan in 1996 for its centennial. The slogan was used in advertising and promotions, and the T-shirts have been around for years. As part of its centennial celebration, a contest was held to pick a town slogan. Some of the other entries included: "No End to Climax", "Cling to the Culmination: Climax Forever" and "Bring a Friend to Climax." I'm not going to write a joke here. You're all clever enough to come up with one yourselves. However, this does remind me of an age old story around these parts. We here in Minnesota are blessed not only with a town named Climax, but one named Fertile as well. As the story goes, a woman from Fertile was killed in a car accident while driving through the town of Climax. The headline in the local paper the next day read "Fertile Woman Dies In Climax". Urban legend? Maybe. Funny? Well, not really. Worthy of a Fraters post? Hell yes!
Talk About The Passion
Luke Duke at Puzzle Stud is cooking up a little contest: Believing that the upcoming film "The Passion of the Christ" will far out perform industry expectations, I have started a pool on how much money it will make in it's opening weekend. I would greatly appreciate your participation. The prize for the closest guess will be a cassette copy of Hugh Hewitt's February 17th show. I don't have any blank cassettes, so I will be recording over an old Peter Wolff tape. If you would rather have the Peter Wolf tape let me know before the 17th. Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.
(Editor's note: This post was composed Wednesday evening)
Why is being alone such an undervalued privilege in our society today? To many, the notion that being by one's self is preferable to being with others is completely foreign. To me, it is a deeply ingrained part of my persona. Tonight I sit in my hotel room, solo save for a couple of bottles of Bohemia lager, a good book, and the promise of room service on the way. And I could not be happier. (The jaded business traveler will likely find this silly, but I still take a almost child-like delight in ordering room service. "Yeah, I want a club sandwedge, and French fries, and and...and a strawberry milkshake." And I'm gonna eat it on the bed while watching movies on TV. When you were eight years old it really didn't get any better, and I find simple joy in it even now. Another nice feature of room service? When you're done you just chuck it out in the hall and someone comes by and cleans it up for you. Almost like Mom used to. ) Sure I could have partaken in another evening of dining and drinking with my co-workers at a fine local establishment here in Chihuahua. I could have enjoyed an enormous cut of premo beef with cheese smothered potatoes, and a smooth Creme Tequila for apres dinner. I could have joined in the frivolity and booze infused good cheer of the group. And these are not boors by any stretch of the imagination. They are intelligent, humorous people whose company I generally appreciate. But not tonight. Tonight I HAD to be alone. Part of this stems from my naturally reclusive personality, but an equal measure is a result of my schedule this week. Here is a typical "day in the life" of my life of late: 6:03am Awake to the polka-like beat of Mexican folk music on the clock radio 6:05am Commence to brewing coffee in the bathroom 6:08am Drink coffee while watching CNN International 6:25am Shower 6:35am-6:55am Get presentable while watching 'Starsky & Hutch' reruns 7:00am Grab bottle of juice and coffee from hotel's continental breakfast buffet and walk to plant 7:05am Arrive at plant and begin day filled with meetings, video conferences, phone calls, e-mails, one on one discussions, and about twenty seven cups of coffee 8:30am Eat breakfast at plant with co-workers 1:00pm Eat lunch at plant with co-workers 5:00pm Walk back to hotel 5:05pm Chill out in room and catch a little tele 5:30pm-6:15pm Work out in hotel exercise room 6:20pm Shower & get prettied up again 6:30pm Hit hotel bar for free (yes free!) happy hour with co-workers 7:30pm Head out to dinner with co-workers 10:00-10:30pm Return to hotel 10:30pm-??? Read and eventually fall asleep Next day. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Time spent alone? Maybe three hours. Time spent with others? Upwards of fourteen hours. A night spent all by my lonesome? Priceless. That's what I am. Labels: Travel
I begin with one obvious statement and one shocking statement: I wouldn't want to be married to Laura Billings. And I feel compassion for Nick Coleman.
The Battling Bickersons of Twin Cities editorial pages, the Newspaper Newlyweds themselves, have kept up the war between the lines in their respective columns. But for weeks it's been a mostly one sided affair. It began when Laura publicly accused her husband Nick of being an insensitive slob. Nick retaliated that Laura is a gold digger, only marrying him for access to his vast estate. Laura, not a woman to be trifled with, responded with a nuclear scale assault, implying at his inability to perform sexually. In nearly two weeks since the impotence revelations to the newspaper reading world, Nick has not mentioned his home life in any of his columns. However, he has devoted extensive column space to the homeless and their habitat. This from his latest column: A snow shovel lay against the fence -- good for shoveling out your home when the snow falls in your living room. And a plastic jug of frozen urine... Could it be that Laura has given him the boot from their stately Crocus Hill mansion? In her latest column, entitled "Let Real Couples - Even Same Sex Ones - Marry," she confirms that their marriage may have been a sham from the beginning: . . . couples will invest an average of $25,000 on the wedding day, and almost no emotional capital considering what life will look like all the days after. No emotional capital invested? But 25 large in expenditures? For a second marriage among bleeding heart advocates for the downtrodden? Sad, shocking, explosive revelations. Given all of this, I'm not sure how Nick can show his face at the homeless shelters around town any longer. But, at least he still has his snow shovel and his plastic jug. (Critical editorial assistance for this piece provided by Man from Silver Mountain and Steve Gigl. Regarding the latter, there has been much controversy in the blogosphere on the pronunciation of his last name. Some say "Giggle" (like laugh), others say "jhilly" (like the Affleck movie). According to Steve, it's pronounced "shar-day". Please update your records accordingly.) Labels: Newspaper Newlyweds
Revenge of the Red Dragon
This is my fifth full day here in Chihuahua. I've been drinking the water, eating almost exclusively Mexican food (lots of beef and beans), and indulging in my fair share of cervezas. And I've been feelin' perfectly fine, just as I have on all my previous visits. Not so this morning. Without delving into Rambling Rhodes-esque details (you're welcome), let's just say that I'm having a few gastro-intestinal "issues" today. The culprit? Likely my dinner last night. Which was? Chinese food. Alanis Morisette might call this ironic. I just call it painfully uncomfortable. Next time you're in Mexico heed my advice: Don't eat the mo chu pork.
As Overheard From A Co-Worker's Cube
"Any time you take a person's gall bladder out, there is a risk of hurting that person."
Green Jello With Carrots
We had a potluck today at the office. People brought meatballs, spaghetti, desserts of all varities. I brought an oldie but a goodie: green jello with carrots. This delicious item falls under the category "Funeral Food" because there was a time from about 1938 until 1990 that you could not attend a funeral lunch without seeing at minimum one and often many more jellos with vegetables inside. Many of my co-workers laughed at my creation, but others helped themselves to generous portions and told stories of eating it growing up. Thankfully, I didn't indulge the old-school style of adding not only carrots but also cabbage, celery, olives and a reservoir of mayonnaise in the middle of the jello. I'm told this creation was called Perfection Salad. At least they weren't shy about the name.
Bias and Straw Men
For a fiery dissection of the bias inherent to the Star Tribune, check out this article from Fraters correspondent Gary Larson (?correspondent? meaning he corresponds with us occasionally, not that he?s on the payroll and manning our Linden Hills Bureau). In a strange twist, he also appears to be railing against the bias inherent in the supporting cast of the 1939 movie The Wizard of Oz. Excerpts from Mr. Larson: Set up a straw man. Kick it. Rip it. Set it ablaze. Naturally, straw men have no place in editorials or anywhere else. Period. They?re pernicious, doing harm to human dignity. .... dumbing-down not only deviancy, as Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan (D-NY) famously said, but also of America itself. That?s where Gary and I part ways in opinion (see - conservatives don?t have to agree on everything). Personally, I thought Ray Bolger?s performance was very good. His rendition of ?If I Only Had a Heart? had real pathos and is of particular poignancy to this compassionate conservative on this Valentine?s Eve. Gary?s article appeared in an Internet publication called The Intellectual Conservative. I?ve never heard of them before, but looks like we can all forget about reading National Review Online, Opinion Journal.com, Power Line, and Fraters Libertas from now on. Here?s their masthead tag line: We are the only site on the web devoted exclusively to intellectual conservatism. We find the most intriguing information and bring it together on one page for you. Is that marketing gone wild or do the publishers just not get out very often?
The Strib's Chris Remenschneider writes today about what a great new record Mason Jennings has released. And after reading this description how could anyone not agree?
A relatively shy guy -- one acquaintance recently said, "I forgot how quiet he can be" -- it's amazing how open and uninhibited Jennings can sound on record. He bares all in depressed new songs like "The Light (Part II)" and "Drinking as Religion," based on an old breakup... "Depressed new songs" well, that does sound entertaining, but is there perhaps something else to entice the purchase? The album is called "Use Your Voice," but it's not about activism or politicking or any other call to arms that Pete Seeger might make -- not even in its eulogy for the Wellstones, where he sings 'I'm gonna do all the things I can to live my life more like you.' " Bingo! Cheapo here I come! Labels: That's Entertainment
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Donor Fatigue
I've spent most of this afternoon running around Chihuahua with a woman who works with the orphanage, picking up medical supplies and other essentials. She is a very nice person and her heart is defintely in the right place, but like many in that line of work, she's not exactly a paragon of organization or efficiency. The fact that I detest shopping probably did not help either. More than once I was forced to remind myself of the worthiness of the cause, and not let my frustration with the process get the best of me. In a few hours we will meet up with her again and deliver the supplies to the orphanage. More later.
The Fightin' Side Of JB
Regarding John Kerry's distinctly un-American actions after 'Nam I have to say that hell yes it matters. How could it not? And for how many years are we going to allow someone a pass to act like a foolish jackass--if Kerry was 25 when he said hateful things about his fellow servicemen that was okay, but 28? What about 30? Is that still considered young? I ask this not rhetorically, for I would like those who want to give Kerry a pass like our esteemed colleague Lileks or the Atomizer to explain how irresponsible and hateful adult actions should be discounted simply because they happened 30 years ago. Does this logic work for a loan you took out at 25? "Yeah, umm, about that loan I took 30 years ago...like I know I was an adult and everything, but can I like just not pay it back cuz it was like a long time ago and stuff and I shouldn't be held accountable." What if you knocked up a woman at 25, should you be forgiven the modern democrat's responsiblity of paying for half the abortion because you are "young?" I've heard some of those on our side saying that we don't need to dredge up Vietnam and try to refight it. Vietnam is why we have the left we do. Or I should say lies about Vietnam and the revisionist historians who have achieved virtual unanimity that It Was Wrong is why we have the left we do. As conservatives, ducking Kerry's outrageous behavior and giving him a pass makes us look weak and more importantly, guilty. We fought the good fight there and our only guilt should be that we fought with one hand tied behind our backs. Have you ever seen a bombing map of Hanoi circa 1967? There was about an eighth of a square mile that was cleared for bombing: you can bomb here, but not here, and not here and definitely not there, that little tiny place is okay, but not here, here or here or over here either. The whole "Carpet bombing" thing was nonsense. The wounds can't heal until the battle is over and 'Nam aint over when an anti-war activist is seeking the White House. I implore all my conservative brethren to sack up and win this rhetorical battle once and for all.
Being Wrong First, So You Don?t Have To
Soon to be seen everywhere in the blogosphere, Drudge is reporting some problems for JF Kerry and his relationship with an intern. My millisecond after the fact analysis tells me it?s no big deal. The Clinton ordeal rendered infidelity among Democratic politicians a moot point. Clinton was searching for his legacy - and that?s it. This scandal will be limited particularly given the context of Kerry and Mrs. Heinz, who are engaged in an obvious marriage of mutual power convenience. He?ll get a few weeks of velvet hammer press abuse (length depending on how long it takes him to come clean, probably in a tearful admission of his wrong doing on Oprah), and it?ll recede, overcome by the tide of irrational hatred of GW Bush by the Democratic activist electorate. I think it?s also clear why Howard Dean has stuck around so long, despite his third place or worse finishes across the country. He knew. Someone in his campaign had the dirt, and he?s been sitting on it for months. So, I think the next scandal will be: what did Howard Dean know and when did he know it?
No, this isn't a report of the fledgling Northern Alliance Radio Network.
Instead it's the account of my efforts to survive the likely outsoucring of my position at this Internet forum. As the Elder's return from South of the Border nears, we fear so does the zero hour for the downsizing of your humble correspondents' positions. I can't be sure how things are going to go next week, but the recent arrival of a new name plate for the Elder's office--saying "El Patron" doesn't give us much hope. Hoping to latch on with another crew, I've proactively released a few blogging samples into the marketplace. I don't think Mark Steyn necessarily needs a collaborator, but it never hurts to ask. And I believe the chemistry evident in this exchange portends good things. From the Mark's Mail Box section of Steyn OnLine: WRAPPING HIMSELF IN WHAT? I was reading, with some amusement, articles on the furor over Don Cherry's intemperate (though not falsified) comments on the visor wearing habits of French guys and Europeans. One of the articles characterized Cherry as a person who "wraps himself in the Canadian flag." To an American, that sneering phrase sounds kind of funny applied to anything besides the Stars and Stripes. Wrapping yourself in the Canadian flag sounds more like a way to keep warm after returning from a late night Moosehead-fuled outhouse run and finding yourself locked out of the cabin without your toque. If that's not what it means, please give this benignly curious outsider some insight. Thanks much. Saint Paul St Paul, Minnesota MARK REPLIES: Steady on, man. Persons of many nations like to wrap themselves in their flags, whether actual (English and Italian soccer fans) or metaphorical (pompous French politicians). As it happens, I dislike the (post-1965) Canadian flag, which is more like a corporate logo - or, in this case, a Liberal Party logo. The people who wrap themselves in that flag are the lame-o CanCon boosters at the CBC and similar agencies. The flag Cherry is wrapping himself in is slightly different - the flag of the ROC, of pre-Trudeau English Canada that doesn't see why, just because Quebec speaks French, you have to pretend Kamloops is bilingual. It's precisely because he refuses to wrap himself in the Trudeaupian Maple Leaf that he's so "controversial". Hard to argue with that logic. In fact, that mirrors my own feelings on the pre-1965 Canadian flag exactly. I believe this is what they call this synergy. Although I will have to look up "Kamploops" in my English-Canadian dictionary. I think it has something to do with cereal. Either way wish me luck. Labels: Canada
I Swear I?ll Stop This Car If You Kids Don?t Knock It Off!
The Commissioner has asked for our opinions on John Kerry?s statements of 30 years ago. Here?s my take. I don?t give a damn what the man said 30 years ago. I also don?t give a damn what President Bush did or said 30 years ago. I care about what he is doing now. This non-stop back and forth business of ?He did this? answered by ?Oh yeah? Well HE said THIS? is freaking beginning to wear me down. Let?s get this straight. What matters most now is electing a President who is willing to do whatever it takes to protect this country. I?m pretty certain I know where President Bush stands on this issue. What I?d like to know is exactly where John Kerry stands?TODAY, not 30 years ago. I just hope sometime in the next nine months, he'll let us all know. If we can just get past this nonstop BS, on both sides, we may be able to have ourselves a decent damn election rather than a name calling bitch session.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
There Goes the Neighborhood
Some apparent good news about my extended neighborhood. Someone bought one of the historic old mansions on Summit Ave. (one originally owned by a son of empire builder James J. Hill) and fixed it up: At 25,000 square feet, with 10 fireplaces, a 90-foot center hall , an indoor pool and a 3,000-square-foot ballroom, this house is massive. The Nicholsons paid $1.7 million for the house, and spent "more than that" to renovate it, Nancy said. "Dick decided not to do a partial job, but to preserve everything for the next 100 years. He said, 'Let's do it correctly.' " Nancy Nicholson had her own "epiphany" while standing in the ballroom, she said. They would buy the house, restore it and share it with the city by hosting fundraisers and events. "It was a perfect opportunity to give something back," she said. It does sound perfect. Some rich folks get a beautiful house and the city gets a landmark restored by the benevolence of said rich folks. And they?re not even demanding government subsidies for it. Everybody wins. Looks like the renovated house has even started to attract the attention of celebrity bloggers, based on this JB Doubtless sighting: ... just last month, she noticed a car parked in the portico drive, a few feet outside her front door. She looked inside and was startled to see a couple eating fast food, peering into the house. I was prepared to whole-heartedly welcome the Nicholsons into the neighborhood as ideal citizens. Then I read this: ..they decided to give the house a name: Dove Hill. Hill for the family and the location, Dove for Dick and Nancy's affectionate habit of "cooing" at each other. I?ll give them until the end of the month to vacate the property, then I start picketing. We can't have people like this running down the property values.
The College of Carnal Knowledge
The escalation of the college debauchery arms race continues. Reader Pat Dean (eeeeaaaaahhh!) passes along this article from the Rocky Mountain News: BOULDER - Broomfield police are investigating allegations that someone in the University of Colorado athletics department hired prostitutes for football recruits. "I received an allegation from a single source who alleged that a member of the (CU) athletics department had hired her to provide prostitution services to football recruits," Boulder County Sheriff Joe Pelle said. First the University of Minnesota was accused of taking its recruits to strip clubs. Then St. John?s (NY) University basketball players were found procuring prostitutes from strip clubs. And now the University of Colorado appears to be skipping the middleman and directly procuring prostitutes for its players. Now that?s what I call a full ride. Here?s the statement released on behalf of the University administration. It reads like they?ve hired Seinfeld?s Jackie Chiles to represent them: "If true, this is an extremely egregious allegation with potentially serious ramifications for the University of Colorado's athletic program," their statement said. Give the Chiles representation, in court I predict their defense will go something like this (from the espisode ?The Caddy?): Jackie: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman? Kramer: Oh, yeah. Jackie: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions! Kramer: She was flouting. Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous! (Editor?s note: This is the second straight day Fraters Libertas has used a direct Seinfeld script reference as a punch line, after never doing it previously. Strange. And we swear it?s not intentional. The facts of each article inescapably pulled us toward Seinfeld-based conclusions. We simply had no choice in the matter. If you?re bored/disturbed by it, the blame needs to be cast at the New York Times and the Rocky Mountain News. Please write their reader representatives and let them know they?re destroying the cutting edge commentary of Fraters Libertas. Thank you.)
The Cruel Cruel Hand Of Genes
I work in healthcare. One of the things I've come to realize is that behavior, while important in one's own health, can't hold a stethoscope to the one thing there's not a dang thing you can do anything about--genes. Take heart disease. Yeah, it doesn't help if you eat crap and smoke and don't exercise, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be laid out before your time, it just means your risk goes up somewhat and that relative risk is completely dependent on the most important factor in your health, your genes. If you were lucky enough to get some good ones, you won't have heart disease. You won't get cancer. You won't have a debilitating stroke. With the golden genes, all is good in your world. Naturally, being a modern person who buys into the Cult Of Self, you will think your good health is due to your careful diet and structured exercise program and how you always get your rest. It aint. Why am I bringing up the incredible importance of genes? Because I just got done watching American Idol and I'm convinced that there is a direct correlation (with women anyway) between being attractive and the ability to sing exceptionally. I often read cultural critics who claim that certain stars are only stars because they are hot, not because they can communicate effectively and convincingly to an audience, often beautifully. These critics are convinced that were it not for the woman's beauty that she would not be a star. I counter that were it not for her beauty, she would not be a convincing singer and able to resonate with so many people since her beauty is physical evidence that she also has a beautiful set of pipes too. Could it be that the ability to sing well--the way the vocal cords are laid out in a gal's throat--could it be that it is really no different than the layout of a gorgeous face: the high cheekbones, the big, deep-set eyes, the thick eye lashes, the bee-stung lips? If you have one, you have a very good chance of having the other. Granted, there is anecdotal evidence of ugly dames who can sing well (the beautifully-toned, yet thirteen-year-old-boy looking KD Lang comes to mind). And it doesn't mean that every single hot chick is a great singer, but for the most part, it is unusual for an ugly mug to produce a gorgeous voice and if you hear a gorgeous voice there is a very good chance it will be attached to a pretty face. The first several rounds of American Idol have shown us this first hand. If someone really sucked, chances are she was not physically exceptional. And for the other side of the coin, all you had to do was listen for a good singer while you were doing something else. Then when you looked to the tube, you saw a beauty. I think somewhere the cultural critics know that the beautiful women are also the best singers. They just find it maddingly unfair that genes should control the pleasing quality of one's voice, especially for people who already go through life with the uncalculable advantage of being really hot. Click here and here and oh yeah, here and here for just a few examples that prove my point. 
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
No Sunshine Patriot Here
Tonight I will venture off to a local watering hole to cheer on the United States under-23 national soccer squad as they attempt to qualify for the Athens Olympics. In order to do so they will have to beat the Mexican team before 60,000 screaming fans in Guadalajara. In the United States I expect that 99.9999996% of the population has no idea that this match is even taking place. But in Mexico it's big doings and much of the talk around the agua cooler today has centered on it. I likely will be one of the few patrons at the bar rooting for the Stars and Stripes. If the Mexicans emerge triumphant, I expect nothing worse than some gentle ribbing from the victorious natives. But if Team USA should once again end Mexico's soccer dreams, as they did in the last World Cup, it could get ugly. Especially after I stand on the bar chanting USA USA USA!!! and trash talking that the US was once again making Mexico its beeotch just like Polk did back in '48 (1848). Yes indeed, there's nothing like international sport to bring people together.
Who Cares Who Done It
I just saw the cover of Newsweek. It said "Who Killed Jesus?" As a semi-regular catholic, I have to ask "Who Cares?" Where I come from, Jesus HAD to be sacrificed to make up for original sin and to give us sinners a chance. Had he not made this sacrifice, we would have no hope of ever getting to heaven. So with that in mind, it doesn't matter who offed him, be it the jews, the Romans, the Roman jews or whomever. It was part of the Big Man's plan, so who actually carried out the act means nothing to believers.
From this past Sunday?s New York Times, an article entitled "France Has a State Religion: Secularism":
In those days, good revolutionary citizens were forced to wear emblems of the republic. Revolutionaries donned the "cockade," a round red, white and blue ribbon signifying a citizen's liberty; one could be imprisoned for refusing to wear it. From the Seinfeld episode entitled ?The Sponge? - originally aired December 7, 1995: New scene - Kramer in the AIDS walk. WALKER #1: Hey, where's your ribbon? KRAMER: Oh, I don't wear the ribbon. WALKER #2: Oh, you don't wear the ribbon? Aren't you against AIDS? KRAMER: Yeah, I'm against AIDS. I mean, I'm walking, aren't I? I just don't wear the ribbon. WALKER #3: Who do you think you are? WALKER #1: Put the ribbon on! WALKER #2: Hey, Cedric! Bob! This guy won't wear a ribbon! BOB: So! What's it going to be? Are you going to wear the ribbon? KRAMER (nervously): No! Never. BOB: But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon!? KRAMER: This is America! I don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear! CEDRIC: What are we gonna do with him? BOB: I guess we are just going to have to teach him to wear the ribbon! Labels: Life Resembles Seinfeld
Weekend With Atomizer
While The Elder was enjoying the (relative) warmth of Mexico, I spent the past weekend in harsher climes, specifically the cold northwoods of Minnesota. I stayed in a poorly insulated log cabin with no running water, five friends, two dogs, two kegs of Summit Pale Ale, assorted bottles of liquor and a deck of cards. The weekend went like this: pile into car, pile out and back into car at countless seedy bars, arrive at cabin, dig car out of unplowed driveway, drink beer, fall asleep, awaken, drink beer, lose money playing poker, drink beer, fall asleep, awaken, drink beer, clean cabin, drink beer, pile into car, pile out and back into car at countless seedy bars, lose money at Indian casino, watch helplessly from backseat as friend drives car into ditch, dig car out of ditch, arrive at home, collapse into cold bed, call in sick to work. I read no newspapers, I was miles away from the nearest internet access, I helped no orphans, I am tired and my soul hurts.
Causally Connectible
In yesterday's WSJ, there was a section about business trends for the next year. It listed stocks to watch, technologies to invest in, etc. It also said that blogs would start to become profitable. Blogs. Profitable. The piece mentioned Andrew "P-Town" Sullivan and how he raised $80k last year. It also referenced last year's winner of Fraters' Most Pretentious Name contest Joshua Micah Marshall--or as NPR listeners like refer to him "Josh Marshall"--and how he raised five grand in a few days and actually had to ask people to STOP contributing. I was reminded of Lileks' fund raising last year when his wife was laid off and two of Jasperwood's solariums were in danger of closing to save on heating oil. Luckily, his readers came through and saved the family the shame of falling from the list of the country's top 1% of earners and thus kept all 43 rooms of Jasperwood warm and cozy. So how will regular working-class bloggers like the motley crew here at Fraters profit from this trend? Well, we probably won't. Any Tip Jar money is going to orphans in Chihuahua and the idea of a company wanting it's products associated with the heavy-drinking, rodent-worshipping likes of the Atomizer is patently absurd. So sorry, WSJ, this is one trend that won't be coming to pass any time soon here at Fraterslibertas.
Definitely Free. Fair Is Another Matter...
Yes, the rumors are true. I have arrived and established a southern outpost in the far flung Fraters empire. The weather here is mild and pleasant. Highs in the mid-sixties with mostly sunny days. I give my regards to the ice people in Minnesota. We have been in contact with the orphanage and it looks like we'll be going out there on Thursday. I will have a complete report when I have a chance. I haven't had much of an opportunity to keep up with goings-on in the blogosphere. Just a few minutes here and there to check out the latest offerings from the Northern Alliance. But I am not able to read either the SCSU Scholars or Spitbull because whatever exotic font they use is not recognized here. Either that or the Mexican government has decided that they are subversive influences and is employing some sort of scrambling software to block their powerful message of freedom. Saint Paul's suspicions on ulterior motives for my trip are well founded. In the hyper competitive world we live in you can't afford to let costs get the best of you and so the Fraters board is exploring options for a move to a lower cost country. I have been trolling the bars and brothels looking for three hard drinking, opinionated Mexicans with an eye for the subtleties of a well done Separated at Birth. Suggesting Vicente Fox and Saddam Hussein is an automatic disqualifier. My current Fraters brethren need not fear for their futures though. The grounds of the sprawling Fraters compound require a fair number of janitors and gardeners to keep them up. And my company car ain't getting clean by itself either.
Bloggers Without Borders
Folks suffering from Elder withdrawal symptoms should take some comfort in knowing he has reported in from Mexico and he?s alive and reasonably well. (No one stuck in Chihuahua can ever be described in an unqualified manner as ?well?. ) It appears that he remains ever vigilant on the blogging beat, with a submission coming in last night. Not sure what it?s about, but as soon as our translators get through with it, I?m sure you?ll be in for a treat. It?s entitled: ?Usted Es Incorrecto Usted Bastardo Loco: El Fisko Grande de Doug Grow? Strangely, the Elder doesn?t speak Spanish, so we?re not exactly sure what?s going on here. Truth be told, there have been some weird vibes among the salaried staff ever since the Elder announced his trip to Mexico, which he referred to in some intercepted internal memos as a ?scouting trip for low cost talent.? His charitable patronage of the Chihuahua orphanage is entirely legitimate. But there are rumors of a second agenda, based on someone overhearing him in his office doing a rote recitation of the Spanish words for ?Do any of you orphans know who Mark Dayton or Brian Lambert is?? and ?Is anyone familiar with the term ?indentured servitude contract??? Ominously, a Fraters Libertas meeting has been hurriedly scheduled upon the Elder?s return next week. I don?t know what?s going to happen, but I put the odds at 50% your correspondents one week from today will be Santo Paul, Atomizador, and JB Sin Una Duda. If so, Fraters Libertas will join Mitch Berg?s Shot in the Dark as the second Northern Alliance blog composed entirely by third world child laborers. (I also think Mitch?s crew are all political prisoners, but I?m not sure about that.) And if in some crazy way my unemployment helps the economy and George W. Bush?s reelection campaign, then who am I to complain?
Monday, February 09, 2004
A Class Act
I admire Aussie Tim Blair for a lot of reasons. His masterful blogging, his advanced imbibing skills, his creation of the term ?joke pinching she-beast? in regard to Molly Ivins. And now we can throw in the global reach of his correspondents. Today he?s got a report all the way from New York City. (Whereas we?re lucky if we get reports on the news in Maple Grove). It?s a beauty too, a first hand account of Rosie O?Donnell at a fundraiser for the Human Rights Campaign. Excerpt: Rosie came to the podium to present an award to an esteemed magazine editor. This appearance was most definitely NOT about Rosie, yet she managed to transform it into an embarrassing, invective-laden diatribe. Rosie: ?How do I follow THAT? I know; I'll take out my right tit. Everyone take out their right tit.? What?? Some embarrassed laughter, some audience rustling. China Scholar said, ?What is she doing?? This time, it was Joe who was apoplectic. ?I knew this would be a mistake,? he said, sotto voce.? A huge mistake!? he repeated, less sotto this time. George said: ?She's drunk.? Then Rosie thrust both arms overhead, fists clenched Rocky-style, and said, ?My f*ckin' lawsuit's over!? To avoid embarrassing herself at future public appearances, I refer Rosie to the esteemed Dean of Faber College, Vernon Wormer, and his advice to a young student on how not to lead one?s life.
Kast Of Millions
When did the Grammys turn into the Teen Choice Awards? Outkast? Beyonce? Justin? Is there one adult in the country that listens to such music? I'm trying to imagine someone, say in their thirties at a record store walking past the Outkast album that was voted "Album Of The Year" last night and saying to themselves "Outkast, yes, that will be a good choice for my entertainment dollars." But, as happened with Bonnie Raitt and Nora Jones over the past few years (and before that Christopher Cross) once someone wins a grammy their record sales soar as people flock to stores to hear what all the fuss is about. Somehow I doubt Outkast will get the same volume as Nora out of this win, but there will still be a certain percentage of those who will buy this CD as a badge of their open mindedness and musical sophistication. Hipsters like the Strib's John Remenschneider have to know that Outkast is a joke, but I doubt he will make much of a stink out of their win.
The Benefits of Higher Education
The University of Minnesota recently had a mini-scandal involving some its athletic recruits visiting strip joints on their recruiting trips. Looks like the U may be on the forefront of some kind of collegiate athletic trend. From the New York Times, the account of some wayward St. John?s (NY) scholar-basketball players: ...an episode early Thursday in which several players went to a suburban Pittsburgh strip club after a game and later had sex at the team's hotel with a woman they had met at the club. She told the police that she had been raped by several players, accusations the police eventually discounted after one player produced video recordings from his cellphone of consensual sexual intercourse and threats by the woman. The woman was later charged with making fictitious reports to law enforcement, prostitution and criminal theft by extortion. A cautionary tale about the dangers of going to a strip joint and bringing home a prostitute with whom you engage in group sex, along with 5 of your teammates. The valuable lesson for all the kids out there - whatever you do, don?t forget to video tape it. This message brought to you by Bloggers For A More Responsible Future.
Free Speech, Canadian Style
Regarding the Don Cherry scandal I referenced on Sunday, seems a government investigation has begun into the crime of Cherry?s speculating that it?s ?French guys and Europeans? predominantly wearing visors in the NHL. The great Mark Steyn has more: We really do have a country where ?hurtfulness? is policed. Or in the words of Jean Augustine, the junior Multiculturalism Minister (we need more than one, apparently), in her own official reaction to the Cherry outrage: "The government will not tolerate statements that create dissonance in our society and disrespect for others." I'm grateful to Glen Parent of Alberta for bringing those words to my attention. If I were writing a satirical novel and wished to craft a sentence for a government spokesperson that summed up the ugly, bullying intolerance of the cult of "tolerance", I'd have rejected that sentence as too crude and obvious. But it never occurred to Ms. Augustine that this might not be an appropriate formulation for a Minister of the Crown in what's supposed to be a free society. Sometimes it seems like the good old USA has already arrived in a state of politically correct madness. But reading what?s going on in our neighbor to the North makes me feel a wee bit better. I hereby vow to not be officially despondent until we're forced get our own junior Mulitculturalism Minister.
The Blogger Man
The mind works in mysterious ways. Which might help explain why I started singing the Billy Joel song Piano Man in the shower on Friday morning (even though I probably haven't heard it in years), and then quickly transposed my own lyrics appropriate for the Northern Alliance of Blogs. The following is the product of five hours of sleep and is pure silliness. No offense should be taken by those included or excluded from it. It's nine o'clock on a Wednesday The regular bloggers log in There's Mitch Berg at Shot In The Dark Not really sure where to begin He says, "Saint Paul, can I borrow your material? Everything that I've got really blows Make it topical and neat 'cause I know I can't compete With your wit and sharp stylin' clothes" La la la, de de da La la, de de da da da Chorus: Blog us a post, you're the blogger man Blog us a post tonight Well, we're all in the mood for a butchery And man you're Fiskin's so tight Now Hugh on the air is a friend of mine He gets me my plugs for free And he's quick with a query or to light up your theory But there's someplace that he'd rather be He says, "Elder, I believe this is killing me." As the Botox drained out of his face "Well I'm sure that I could be a Salsa dancin' star If I could get out of this place" Oh, la la la, de de da La la, de de da da da Now Atomizer is a tongue tied architect Who finally found himself a wife And he's bloggin' with Elder who's still in his Ma's cellar And probably will be for life And the Captain is practicing politics As the law talking guys set the tone Yes, they're sharing a blog they call Power Line But it's better than bloggin' alone Chorus It's a pretty good Bleat for a Wednesday And the King throws him a link 'Cause he knows that's the Screed they've been comin' to read To see how the better men think And the Gnat, she sounds like a carnival And a door knock causes Jasper to fear As Lileks raises the bar, they put bread in his tip jar And say, "James, what are you doin' here?" Oh, la la la, de de da La la, de de da da da Chorus
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Double Helix In The Sky Tonight
I had a phone chat with the elder last night as brothers are wont to do. We began discussing talk radio and the multitude of lame topics that seem to be generated: "What does everybody think of the space program? Give us a call and let me know!" Ughh. Elder made the point that the topic should NEVER be generated by callers half-assed opines--the host should establish a strong, thought-provoking point and then, if he has to, take calls from the rabble who should try to dispell said point. Rush, perhaps the best ever, has only ever been hurt by his callers. For years I've listened to only the first twenty minutes of his great show and then had to turn to a local Todays Hot New Country station or NPR because the callers sent me into epileptic fits. The question I have is who is the marketing genius insisting that callers are necessary anyway? Who needs the bastards? For the most part, they do nothing more than suck the energy from a show with their cliched points and golly gee-aint-the-host-smart ass kissing. Enough already! Dave Thompson is in sore need of some marketing help, so Dave, my man, feel free to take this idea. In fact, I insist. Schedule a meeting right now with KSTP management and let them know that the Catbert equivalent of the blogosphere, JB Doubtless, has consulted for your show and is suggesting the bum's rush of all callers. Now granted it will be more work for you, but if you have proven anything over these last few tumultous months it has been your willingness to do damn near anything to have a show. This is your ticket to success. Or at least the coveted midnight to 3 slot.
Needless to say, prejudice and ethnic strife are plagues on humanity. But when it comes from Canadians, it somehow seems quaint. This report from CNN/SI, on CBC hockey broadcaster Don Cherry getting a 7-second delay on his broadcasts based on his habit of spewing controversial rhetoric:
The move was prompted by remarks made two weeks ago during a discussion on visors. Cherry implied that players who wore them lacked courage -- he said that they might be viewed as "sucks" -- and noted that it was mostly European players and "French guys" who had donned shields. These are two of Cherry's favorite hobby horses: Europeans and French-speaking players. He has been relentlessly critical of both over the years. On a Coaches Corner segment a few weeks earlier, he said drug use in junior hockey was confined to the Quebec leagues. While continually wrapping himself in the Canadian flag, he once dismissed Nagano Olympic flag bearer Jean-Luc Brassard, a mogul skiing champion in 1994, as "that French guy." His Canada apparently does not include Quebec. I've never heard of anyone "wrapping themselves in the Canadian flag" before. It sounds funny. Like a way to keep warm after returning from a late night Moosehead-fueled outhouse run and finding yourself locked out of the cabin without your toque. Believe it or not, I'm not a sophisticated viewer of hockey so I can't honestly appraise Cherry's characterization of European and French speaking players as cowardly "sucks." My planned viewing of the NHL All-Star Game this afternoon on ABC (broadcast live from the Saintly City) just took on some additional gravitas. Labels: Hockey (02-05)
You?ll Get Nothing and Like It
Here?s another account of the perils associated with readers attempting to criticize the editorialists from the local newspapers in the Twin Cities. After reading this, I guess I should be happy Brian Lambert and his editors simply ignore my letters. I am discovering this firsthand. Editors replying to my e-mail criticism figuratively flip me the bird. Their replies range from facile off-puts to character assaults. Politeness does not disturb their hubris. It gets ugly sometimes. One local editorial page writer calls me "friggen Nazi" for what? Criticizing her earnest left-liberal notions. I kid you not; sadly, it?s all too true. Combined Sunday circulation of the Star Tribune and Pioneer Press, over half a million. Sunday readership of Fraters Libertas - approximately 800 hearty souls. Conclusion - we?re being too nice to our email correspondents.
Minnesota Web Site of the Day Using Genocide As a Punch Line
The Game Interesting for this guy to mix in dilution of Nazi atrocities for comic effect in a post about his enduring love for Paul Wellstone. Given his religious affiliation, I don?t think that?s what Wellstone would do. Fence sitting independent voters, know this: If Bush does lose in November, the guy that runs The Game will be happy. Is that what you really want?
Saturday, February 07, 2004
The Mind Was Unwilling AND The Flesh Was Weak
For about the last six mornings I've awoken and announced to myself "Today I will begin that Atkins thing." You see, unlike Lileks, I actually have to drop a couple of pounds. I'm actually worried the poor little guy will dip below even our Atomizer's fighting weight of 140 without any carbs to stick to his bones. So I say to myself that I'm going to do it, then find myself eating a bowl of Multi-Grain Cheerios and a piece of toast exactly twenty minutes later. Then I say "Tomorrow, then." I've probably done this at least a dozen times in the past month. Today however was different. I woke up and ate nothing because I had to get to a haircut appointment and there was scant time to even choke down a cup of coffee. So when I got back, I realized that THIS may be the day that the diet begins. Feeling good and seeing that it was a relatively nice day, I set about for a walk. About ten minutes into the walk I started getting those intense hunger pangs that the poor (say as Rush does) must often get. I began imagining what I would consume upon my return: corn beef...and cheese...and a chicken breast, perhaps a turkey burger sans the bread. It was going to be good, and it was going to be carbless. Right about this time I saw my neighbor returning from his job as a snack chip delivery driver. He was piloting this gigantic truck with an even more gigantic picture of an open bag of Doritos on the side. The chips themselves must have been four feet high and the detail was alarmingly crisp--you could even see those little bumps they put on to hold the salty goodness in. 
I tried to look away, but the site of the giant Cool Ranch delights had me transfixed. As he pulled into the driveway, he got stuck as he had yet to shovel from the last snow. Now I was faced with a dilemma: help the guy out and put temptation right in my face, or be a good guy and give him a hand, knowing that seeing the object of my desire so close would cause me to scurry to the nearest store for at minimum one bag, thus blowing my carbless day. Against my better judgement, I decided to help. I positioned myself along the side of the regular-flavor Doritos and not the other side starring my friends the Cool Ranch in a vain hope that the temptation would not be as strong. So there I was nose-to-nose with a four foot Dorito that looked even more appealing given the fact that he must have JUST washed the truck. As I pushed, the grumblings began getting louder--clearly my stomache had made the Doritos and was quite insistent on my consuming several dozen handfuls. The guy got unstuck rather easily, but now my walk was ruined. I marched directly back to my house and jumped into my car for the inevitable trip to the Super America. As I pulled away from the store, my hand digging into the bag, I said to myself "Guess I'll start that diet tomorrow."
A Great Day For Hockey
Brilliant blue skies and nearly twenty when the opening puck was dropped this morning in the Willmar versus World All Star Classic. And even though my squad ended up on the wrong end of a 10-9 score, and had to look on as the victors drank Pabst Blue Ribbon from the coveted milk can (these guys are from Willmar after all), I had a great time. It really doesn't get any better in the state of hockey.
An Imperfect Commission Chairman
I have real hopes for the bipartisan commission President Bush just named to probe potential intelligence failures with regard to Iraqi WMD programs. Not for any ?gotcha? revelations, which I doubt exist. But rather for the insights gained into the complex nature of intelligence gathering operations and the inherent uncertainty in trying to reach conclusions with the absence of sufficient human assets. But my hopes are dimmed somewhat when I read who was chosen to lead the commission: The chairmen will be former U.S. senator and Virginia governor Charles S. Robb, a Democrat who served on the Senate intelligence committee until his defeat in 2000, and Laurence H. Silberman, a federal appeals court judge and Republican who was deputy attorney general under presidents Richard M. Nixon and Gerald Ford. It?s the selection of Robb that is of particular concern. Not because his independent assessment may be compromised because he?s a stooge of the administration, as some critics suggest. Instead, because it?s very possible Robb is simply a stooge, in the Moe, Larry, Curly tradition. To be fair, my impressions of Robb are based on one source, the compelling political documentary ?A Perfect Candidate.? It?s about the 1994 US Senate race in Virginia between Robb and Republican candidate Oliver North. The film makers' intent was to do a hatchet job on North. And they partially succeed at this, since North?s campaign was vulnerable to such a portrayal. As shown in the film, it was subject to all of the most cynically effective influences of the modern political age. But the film?s portrayal of Robb is more damning yet, an unintended consequence of closely following this race, no doubt. To the directors' credit, they chose to run with it, making "A Perfect Candiate" more of an indictment of the political process in general, rather than just a hit piece on Ollie North. Robb is portrayed as a stumbling, fumbling empty suit of a candidate. His only qualifications being his record of military service, his telegenic qualities and his famous wife (LBJ?s daughter). Roger Ebert?s review describes two of the Robb scenes that are laugh out loud funny: Charles Robb, in contrast, hardly seems to be present at all. He wanders forlornly through a supermarket, seeking a voter, and when he finds one his approach is so inept the voter seems unsure why this stranger is talking to him. One dawn Robb campaigns outside a factory gate and is asked by a reporter for his position on workers hired to replace strikers. "My position hasn't changed,'' he says. "Well,'' says the reporter, ``are you for it?'' "I have not changed my position.'' "Are you against it?'' "I have the same position I have always had.'' The reporter turns to a Robb handler and asks, "Can we have a simultaneous translation here?'' Movies, especially agenda driven documentaries, can of course distort reality. So I grant that Sen. Robb may have been unfairly characterized by his own performance, through some artful editing. A scan of Robb?s record shows he has a strong background in military and foreign affairs. This is from a Harvard description of his qualifications to teach a course there on defense issues: Charles S. Robb's career has focused on military service, law, and politics. Elected lieutenant governor of Virginia in 1977 and governor in 1981, he chaired the Democratic Governors Association and co-founded and chaired the Democratic Leadership Council. He was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1988 and re-elected in 1994 over Ollie North in the most closely watched race in the nation. In the Senate he became the only senator ever to serve simultaneously on all three national security committees. It?s also true that Robb may be been suffering from temporary stresses in 1994 that made his behavior uncharacteristically buffoonish. Best guess for said stresses would be the allegations surrounding his relationship with Playboy model Tai Collins that broke during this campaign. When presented with some irrefutable evidence on an assignation in a hotel room, Robb was reduced to the defense: ?Yes, we were both in the hotel room, but it was only a nude massage!? Here?s a picture of Ms. Collins that may make us all a little more sympathetic towards Robb?s predicament. Don?t worry it?s safe for public viewing. And it wasn't easy to find. Testifying to Ms. Collins charms, it's nearly impossible to find an Internet picture of her where she?s not topless. Last week on Fox News, Bill Kristol suggested Joe Lieberman as the Democrat-affiilated chairman of the Intelligence commission. Seemed like a good idea then. Pending any revelations about him and Carmen Electra in a hotel room, it seems like a superior choice now.
Friday, February 06, 2004
Off Sunday for eight days in lovely Chihuahua, Mexico. Before you start getting jealous that I'm escaping winter for warmer climes, keep in mind that we're not talking Cancun or Mazatlan here. The highs in Chihuahua this time of year are usually in the low sixties (today the high was forty six) and in the evening it dips into the thirties. Of course we're coming off a week of subzero temps followed by over a foot of snow here in the Twin Cities, so by comparison forty six will feel downright balmy.
While we're there, we will be making a trek out to the orphanage to make arrangements for the purchase and delivery of medical supplies. Thanks again to all those who donated to the Northern Alliance Fundraiser. Combined with the money we raised at my workplace, we now have a decent chunk of change (over $1200). The other gents will have to hold down the Fraters fort in my stead and I trust that they will not let me down (the liquor cabinet is locked and for the last time NO you can't have any friends over). Look for big things from Atomizer. God knows he's due. Tonight I'll be attending an invitation only NHL All Star gala for the media in Minneapolis. I'm not exactly sure how or why I was invited, but when the note says free beer you don't ask questions. Tomorrow I'm participating in the fifth annual Willmar vs. the World all star hockey game in South Minneapolis. I'm not from Willmar myself, and to be honest, I'm not even sure where it is, but when the note says come play hockey you don't ask questions. Last but certainly not least, Brad Jones of Infinite Monkeys fame (infamy?) teaches at Providence Classical School. The school is non-denominational and is devoted to teaching a classical/Christian education. It's only been around for a couple of years and could really use your support. Drop by the site and, if you're able, drop a couple of bucks into the Pay Pal basket. Labels: Chihuahua Orphanage
Thursday, February 05, 2004
That's...Ummm...Rather Good
Okay...final post on this topic. I promise. It appears that the Quiznos rodents really were created by Joel Veitch at rathergood.com. The creatures are called Spongmonkeys, they have been around since at least January of 2003 and they appeared in this hilarious piece in which they express their fondness for the moon. Visit Joel's site. Be amused by his work. And forgive me for being a bit behind the curve on this one. I spend most of my non-blogging hours looking at pregnant, conjoined, amputee, midget porn sites. I don't have time for frivolity.
This Christmas while celebrating with family, the Elderette's gracious father offered the thirsty brother of a son-in-law a delightful new gin. "I can't give that stuff away" he commented, referring to his troubles selling such a curious creation to cynical bar owners and liquour stores. Being as the booze in question was free and given the undeniable fact that the gathering of family members is not without its stresses, I imbibed in a healthy glass of the delicious substance and it was a revelation.
The gin? Hendricks. The bottle announces "Welcome to a most iconoclastic experience" and "A gin made oddly" as well as "Preferred by 1 in 1000 gin drinkers". The key to the unusual taste is an uncanny infusion of coriander, citrus peel, rose pedal, juniper and...cucumber. I had almost forgotten the joy I had taken in this elixir until last night when I was in the liquour store. After filling my cart with this week's selections and thinking I would just grab a quick fifth of the Atomizer's fave Bombay Saffire, I happend upon the short stock bottle and was immediately taken back to that night in the basement. I heartily recommend picking up a bottle, if you are up to it. Everybody likes to be an iconoclast and this is your chance to be the first iconoclastic gin drinker in your social coterie. Labels: Drinking
We Feed The Rats To The Cats And The Cats To The Rats
And Get The Cat Skins For Nothing Apparently, I am the only man on the planet who hasn't seen Joel Veitch's work at rathergood.com. My post about the musical Quiznos rodents has produced a number of e-mails alerting me to the similarities between his dancing cats and the sub chain's amusing vermin. While I agree that the Quiznos ads appear to be quite derivative of the cats I must say that I find the rats much more amusing. Cats are cute. I hate cute. The little Quiznos guys are just bizarre...and somewhat creepy. With all due repect to Mr. Veitch's feline creations, I'll stick with creepy. Judge for youself here, here, here and here (my personal favorite). (Thanks to readers Harvard F., Timothy H., Shawn S. and Brad from Infinite Monkeys for the heads up.)
When Did You Stop Killing Babies?
Fraters reader C.W. channels the spirit of Terry McAuliffe, and ponders what it would be like to turn the tables and ask John Kerry to prove a negative as McAuliffe and others on the left are asking Bush to do: If McAuliffe and Kerry can take a page from the Republican playbook and insist that Bush needs to prove that he wasn't AWOL during the Vietnam war (his early 70's National Guard service -ed.), then Bush should use the Democrat playbook and declare that Kerry has to prove he wasn't committing Lt. Calley-like atrocities during his term as a baby-killin' soldier. I mean, was it guilt over his own crimes that so upset Kerry that he felt obliged to throw someone else's medals over the fence? Since we have no record of Kerry - while he was a soldier - trying to stop any of the rapes and murders and village razings and animal mutilations that he claims were committed every day under the full awareness of all levels of military command, he was obviously a participant in said activities. Baby Killer Kerry is what I believe he was called. It must be his inherent inhumanity instead of the botox that prevents his smile from reaching his eyes. And etc. Hey - this thinking like a DNC Chairman is pretty easy, but it sure makes a man want to take a shower.
State O' The State O' Hockey
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty just finished his second state of the state address a few moments ago. Here's the complete text of the address. I was able to listen to it while at lunch and found it fairly impressive. The writing was a bit hokey at times (if we want to have Minnesota Nice, we need to get Minnesota Tough on criminals-groan), but overall it set out a confident, forward looking vision of the future for the state. And how can you not like a speech that jokes about fossilized sportswriter Sid Hartman and pays tribute to Herb Brooks? This was my favorite section: When the budget forecast comes out later this month, I expect it to say we've made about 4 billion dollars worth of progress towards balance, and that we've built 600 million in reserves. And we did it without raising taxes! We're not out of the woods yet. We still have some deficit yet to fix now and in the future. But we've made tremendous progress. The budget was not all we did this past year. We finally repealed the convoluted Profile of Learning! And, we're replacing it with rigorous, high-quality learning standards. Even with a mammoth deficit, we maintained per-pupil funding for core K-12 classroom functions. With a record number of Minnesotans overseas defending that flag and what it represents, we reinstituted the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools. It's high time we did. We established Job Opportunity Building Zones to bring jobs and growth back to rural Minnesota. We put the visa expiration dates of foreign visitors right on their Minnesota driver's licenses to help law enforcement fight terrorism. We positioned Minnesota to become a world leader in the coming bioscience revolution. We jump-started road and bridge construction with the largest infusion of funding in our history. We once again made work the focus of welfare reform. We promoted justice and fairness by enacting lawsuit reform. We enhanced the environmental protection of our land, air and water, including reaching a one billion dollar agreement to clean up old coal plants. The agreement will yield the most significant reduction in emissions since the federal Clean Air Act. And remember, we did all this without raising taxes! He's no Ahnold and his speech will likely attract little attention outside the state. But right here, right now, they're no other governor I'd like to have. (Sorry, some of the speech writing must have rubbed off on me)
Understanding Kerry
Many on the left would claim William F. Buckley is a reactionary, looking to the past for his inspiration and models of behavior. But an article appearing in yesterday?s NRO proves he is simply a man ahead of his time. Approximately 33 years ahead of his time. Entitled ?John Kerry?s America, What He Said About Us,? it?s the transcription of the commencement address Buckley made at West Point in 1971. Buckley?s address was devoted to refuting the irresponsible antiwar rhetoric made in front of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations by the then young cynical/idealist John Kerry. Buckley?s eloquence was typically remarkable and spot on in accuracy. Amazingly it holds up over three decades and his specific points are every bit as applicable to the irresponsible antiwar rhetoric Kerry spouts now as a member of that same Senate Foreign Relations Committee he testified before so long ago. Maybe the amazing aspect isn?t that Buckley?s words are still relevant, but that Kerry?s rhetoric hasn?t changed since 1971. This excerpt begins with Buckley?s quoting from Kerry?s Senate testimony (the original of which is located here): "To attempt to justify the loss of one American life in Vietnam, Cambodia, or Laos by linking such loss to the preservation of freedom . . . is . . . the height of criminal hypocrisy, and it is that kind of hypocrisy which we feel has torn this country apart." It is then, we reason retrospectively, not alone an act of hypocrisy that caused the joint chiefs of staff and the heads of the civilian departments engaged in strategic calculations to make the recommendations they made over the past ten years, to three Presidents of the United States: it was not merely hypocrisy, but criminal hypocrisy. The nature of that hypocrisy? "All," Mr. Kerry sums up, "that we were told about the mystical war against Communism." The indictment is complete. It is the indictment of an ignorant young man who is willing to condemn in words that would have been appropriately used in Nuremberg the governing class of America: the legislators, the generals, the statesmen. And, reaching beyond them, the people, who named the governors to their positions of responsibility and ratified their decisions in several elections. The point I want to raise is this: If America is everything that John Kerry says it is, what is it appropriate for us to do? The wells of regeneration are infinitely deep, but the stain described by John Kerry goes too deep to be bleached out by conventional remorse or resolution: better the destruction of America, if, to see ourselves truly, we need to look into the mirror John Kerry holds up for us. If we are a nation of sadists, of kid-killers and torturers, of hypocrites and criminals, let us be done with it, and pray that a great flood or fire will destroy us, leaving John Kerry and maybe Mrs. Benjamin Spock to take the place of Lot, in reseeding a new order. Then Buckley addresses the Vietnam-bound cadets directly, with words that could be directed at the troops in Iraq right now, keeping in mind the Left?s perpetual rhetoric of ?miserable failure? and ?Bush Lied?. Gentleman, how many times, in the days ahead, you will need to ask yourselves the most searching question of all, the counterpart of the priest's most agonizing doubt: Is there a God? Yours will be: Is America worth it? John Kerry's assault on this country did not rise fullblown in his mind, like Venus from the Cypriot Sea. It is the crystallization of an assault upon America which has been fostered over the years by an intellectual class given over to self-doubt and self-hatred, driven by a cultural disgust with the uses to which so many people put their freedom. The assault on the military, the many and subtle vibrations of which you feel as keenly as James Baldwin knows the inflections of racism, is an assault on the proposition that what we have, in America, is truly worth defending. The military is to be loved or despised according as it defends that which is beloved or perpetuates that which is despised. The root question has not risen to such a level of respectability as to work itself into the platform of a national political party, but it lurks in the rhetoric of the John Kerrys, such that a blind man, running his fingers over the features of the public rhetoric, can discern the meaning of it: Is America worth it? Buckley concludes, not with the paint-by-numbers pedantry of modern political oratory, but by expressing his trust that the officer corps of the US military will make the right decision: So during those moments when doubt will assail you, moments that will come as surely as the temptations of the flesh, I hope you will pause. I know, I know, at the most hectic moments of one's life it isn't easy ? indeed, the argument can be made that neither is it seemly ? to withdraw from the front line in order to consider the general situation philosophically. But what I hope you will consider, during these moments of doubt, is the essential professional point: Without organized force, and the threat of the use of it under certain circumstances, there is no freedom, anywhere. Without freedom, there is no true humanity. If America is the monster of John Kerry, burn your commissions tomorrow morning and take others, which will not bind you in the depraved conspiracy you have heard described. If it is otherwise, remember: the freedom John Kerry enjoys, and the freedom I enjoy, are, quite simply, the result of your dedication. Do you wonder that I accepted the opportunity to salute you? Buckley?s speech is an important historical document in coming to understand the nature of the presumptive Democratic nominee. Despite the length of the excerpts above, they don?t capture the full extent Kerry?s troubling rhetoric or the breadth of Buckley?s brilliant, soaring remarks against. As such, I encourage you to read it all.
Phrase Of The Day
Today's phrase has been generously provided by James Lileks. Enjoy. "...basement-dwelling pasty-skinned blobbo uberdork..."
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Mmmm?Grotesquely Misshapen Rodent Heads
The new Quiznos television ads amuse me. Greatly. They feature what looks like two rodents, both of whom have grotesquely misshapen facial features. One of the little guys sports a black derby and the other (the one maniacally strumming a guitar) wears a pirate hat. As they bounce happily around the screen they sing the praises of Quiznos? toasted subs. I?m not sure why, but I break into uncontrollable fits of laughter each and every time I see one of these. It could be that I am deranged. Atomizerette is, in fact, convinced that this is true (it?s too late, sweetheart, you already said yes and I?m holding you to it). It could be that I have an affinity to musically challenged rats wearing hats. Doubtful, as I believe that my exposure to such creatures is limited to these thirty second spots. I think what I like about these ads is that they are clever, which is refreshing. Nobody gets hit in the groin. There are no farting horses. And, best of all, they don?t resort to co-opting a tiresome oldie tune out of sheer laziness. Seriously, how many Cadillac owners out there are tooling down the road listening to the dulcet tones of Robert Plant screeching out the lyrics to ?Rock and Roll?? Perhaps this ad appeals only to deranged, white males in their upper 30?s who spend their free time watching bad reality TV programming, drinking gin and publishing their every thought (no matter how inane) on the web for the entire world to read. So be it, but every time I see a rat playing a guitar, I?ll be thinking of Quiznos.
Mouth Writing Check Progressive Activists Can?t Cash (or Catch)
Our man on the Pundits Gone Wild beat emails in with some breaking news about the recent Robert ?The Beast? Novak bout up in New Hampshire. Novak admits to the assault, but only in a retaliatory sense. And he apologizes, but only in a Clintonian sense. From the Washington Post: Novak was unrepentant yesterday when he offered his version: "He was calling me a traitor and a scumbag. He had been harassing me during the whole program. Somebody pushed me after yelling at me, and I just pushed back at the guy that was pushing me, and it was him." "No apology is forthcoming." Novak said. "He doesn't deserve an apology." Then he softened: "I'm sorry it happened -- if that's an apology." The Post also provides this insight into the reason why you don?t want a self-described progressive activist watching your back when you start a street brawl: [Brad] Carr , a stocky fellow, slipped on the ice [after getting pushed by Novak] into the arms of self-described progressive activist Mike Stinson, who told us, "I have a back problem -- I don't need to be catching big men."
Keystone Cops - Whatcha Gonna Do When They Run Over You?
Both papers are running the story today of Jennifer Lee Schneider, a 26-year-old Minnesota State Trooper, accused of the following: A state trooper intent on getting an off-duty colleague to a hockey game allegedly used her squad car's lights and siren and reached speeds of up to 126 mph before crashing into a civilian car in Eagan in December. The trooper then told investigators she had been pursuing a violator when the accident took place, and told an Explorer Scout riding with her to lie about what happened, according to a criminal complaint filed Tuesday. Luckily no one was injured in the collision. This story reminds me of something my dad told me about his neighborhood last week. About 8:00 PM he noticed a flashing ambulance in the driveway of a neighbor. Given his training in emergency services (no jokes about my high school days please), he ran over to see if they needed his help. They didn?t, the paramedics had everything well in hand (it was a bathroom slip and fall accident, which the elderly victim should fully recover from). Just as they were carrying the poor guy out on a stretcher, the assembled gathering of concerned family, neighbors, and ambulance crew heard another siren. They all turned around to see a squad car from the local PD screaming down the street. At a great rate of speed, it made a skidding turn into the long drive way. As it approached the garage, the driver hit the breaks, lost control, and proceeded to slide on the ice covered pavement another 40 feet (just missing the garage), onto the snow covered lawn until sticking like a dart into an oversized drift. Without a hint of contrition, the young officer inside jumped out, assessed the emergency situation as not needing her assistance, and then she asked 4 of the men standing about to help push her out of the snow. So it turns out, they did need my dad?s help after all.
What Could Be Colder Than Trivializing The Death of a Soldier?
When your country has troops fighting and dying almost daily in places such as Iraq and Afghanistan, and many families of these troops live in your city and state, you might want to think twice about the first line in one of your daily clues for the St. Paul Winter Carnival Medallion Treasure Hunt: What could be bolder than killing a soldier? A crime both evil and grim. Accused of the deed, but soon after freed So we name a park after him! Yes, I know. The clue refers to an episode in St. Paul's history and is no way intended to refer to the dangers faced by U.S. troops today. But still, it's easy to see how families with loved ones fighting overseas are a little sensitive to these things. (Thanks to Acme for the tip off. By the way is there a hold up in my order for the rocket powered roller skates?)
That's Advertising
After reading JB's post about the latest in pizza innovation last night I was left with one overriding feeling. Hunger. Now I wasn't actually hungry having eaten a fine dinner just a few hours earlier, but seeing that gorgeous pic of pie got me to to drooling (and I don't even like Pizza Hut). And thinking. Thinking that the most effective category for internet advertising may just be food. Fast food. Think about it. You're cruising around the 'net, either at work or at home. You click over to Fraters and are delighted to find Atomizer's most recent Separated At Birth or Saint Paul's dish on the latest Coleman-Billings marital spat. While you're reading, you can't help but notice that on the left side of the page there's a mouth watering shot of a succulent Wendy's bacon double cheeseburger, or a chulupa from Taco Bell, or the aforementioned pizza from the Hut. Unlike TV, the image doesn't flash in front of you and then disappear after thirty seconds. It's there for as long as you are, tempting you, calling you with its siren song of greasy goodness. If you're at work and getting ready to head for lunch, you now know where you're going. If you're at home, the local Pizza Hut is only a phone call away (or in some cases an order form on a web site). In the past we've shied away from getting into advertising on our site, believing that the unseemly appearance of web ads weren't worth the very few shekels that would result from hosting them. But if we're talking food, we're talking a whole new ballgame. Throw a few 'zas our way and we'd sell our very souls (or at least Atomizer's-I think I've still got that receipt around here somewhere). So Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Wendy's, KFC, and any other fast food chain that's out there; we're ready to talk. We've got the space and, if our most recent market research surveys are to be believed, we've got the right audience for what you're pushing. Fraters and fast food. Talk about synergy.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
The Star Tribune's Chris Riemenschneider offers a concert recommendation, from his Local Music column:
Have no fear if you see former Morticia drummer Matt Bachelor setting fire to his drum kit at next Wednesday's Rock Star concert at First Avenue, a glam/punk drag show headlined by gender-bender Melissa Birch. On stage arson-related vandalism by death obsessed musicians during a glam/punk drag show headlined by a self-proclaimed gender bender? Well that's one way to spend a Wednesday night. But since you're not allowed to be afraid, if you run into Chris at the show, ask him if it's OK if you just go ahead and claw your eyes out of your head instead. Labels: That's Entertainment
This Is The Age Of The Expanding Man
You've got to hand it to Pizza Hut. Just when you think it's all been done with the pizza pie (one of my truest companions over these last few tumultous years)...wait, I'm feeling that great line from Dumb and Dumber after Jim Carey explains to Jeff Daniels that he has traded their van for a mini-bike while they are trying to travel across the country and Daniels retorts "Just when I didn't think you could be any more stupid, you go...AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!" Ahem, back to the post at hand. Pizza Hut. They have come out with a new pizza scheme called 4 For All. Now it kind of sounds like a bizarre amalg of an SUV and a Boy Band, but the concept is four small square pizzas slid into one large pizza box.  The idea seems to be that now everyone can have exactly the kind of pizza they want! No more picking off offending pepperonis and flinging them at your brother. No more plucking unwanted black olives with a butter knife and discarding them like minature used tires. Much like how each family member retires to their own rooms with their own TV's and DVD players for the evening's entertainment, now everyone can have exactly what they want on their pie. The idea intrigues. How could it not? I imagine scenarios where I eat two or three of the four and take one or two to work the next day for lunch. And the key will be that the pie has kept it's structural integrity--unlike those sad, unconsumed pieces left from a whole round pie; they've always kind of felt like yesterday's news. No, this isn't an ad. More of a public service than anything. As a strong believer in the free market pizza system, I want to alert our Fellow Travelers when I discover the cutting edge of pizza technology. Enjoy.
The Music's No Good Without You
The final update has been made to the Hugh as rock/pop star list. Thanks to all those who submitted entries.
A Woman Scorned?
Previously on the Newspaper Newlyweds, Nick made a cold hearted accusation in the Star Tribune that Laura only married him for his extreme wealth and privilege. And this didn?t sit well with the missus. Today she responds from her own bully pulpit in the Pioneer Press. And it?s a doozy - upping the ante on embarrassing revelations on what might be going on behind closed doors at the house of Coleman-Billings. She deviously slips it into a column about tasteless Super Bowl advertisements: So instead, we were treated to a near-constant barrage of all-American ads featuring farting horses, horny chimps, nagging wives, potty-mouthed children, two old people risking hip replacement surgery for a bag of chips and a whole lot of guys who need a pill to get it ? um ? to achieve tumescence. Here's a tip, guys: Go for a walk while the ads are on. Fighting impotence is all about improving circulation. Yowza! This is the atom bomb of spousal accusations (and I think grounds for annulment in some Orthodox sects). As Nick is rapidly learning, Laura is not a woman to be trifled with in print. How will he respond in his column? With a mutually assured destruction revelation of his own, or by suing for peace on any terms possible? My guess is the latter, assuming a humiliated resignation isn?t offered first.
If I Could Turn Back Time
The Hugh Hewitt as rock/pop star post has been updated with a few interesting additions.
Earth To Boring Guy
Over at Power Line, that nattering naybobs of negativity have once again gotten to Hindrocket, and he's now back to predicting that Bush will lose the election. The three reasons he cites for his prognostication are quite valid, although I don't believe that the "no WMDs" issue will matter as much as he does. Meanwhile, his compatriot, The Big Trunk, has more faith in the American people's abilities to see Kerry for what he he really is: a New England liberal. Trying to predict the outcome of an election nine months in advance is a bit of a fool's game. Unforeseen events can easily and dramatically change the outlook. Remember that Howard Dean seemed like a sure thing as little as three weeks ago. But even given the uncertainty of future circumstances, I still can't imagine how John Kerry will be elected President. And it has nothing to do with his liberal voting record, his wishy-washiness on the war with Iraq, or with activities with the Vietnam Veterans Against The War. Plain and simple the guy is just too damn boring to win. Think about the modern (post WWII) presidents. How many would you call boring? Truman? He was a fighter with a feisty side. Ike? He liked people to think he was laid back and a little bland, but he was not boring. People liked Ike. JFK? No need to explain this one. LBJ? A bastard sure, but not a boring bastard. Nixon? Not a great speaker, nor a great personality but definitely not boring. Ford? He's probably pretty close. But he wasn't elected either. Carter? He's borderline but he had that big toothy grin, Southern charm, and earnestness that negated his boringness. Reagan? Again, no need to go there. Elder Bush? Very close to being described as boring. A competent speaker who people believed meant well but was out of touch. He was fortunate enough to run against an even more boring guy, Michael Dukakis, in 1988. But his boringness no doubt was a factor in his '92 loss to Clinton. Clinton? No matter what you think of the man you have to admit that he oozes charm and personality. Fantastic speaker as well. Younger Bush? In the 2000 campaign he didn't exactly set the world on fire, but again had the benefit of going up against Al Gore, one of the boringest men on the planet. But since 9/11 Bush has been anything but boring and even the most die hard Bush-hating lefty would concede that. (Lest you question my bona fides for judging candidates propensities to induce stuporous boredom, keep in mind that I'm from Minnesota, the state that spawned Walter Mondale, probably the most boring man to ever seek the presidency.) So that leads us to John Kerry. I've tried to listen to a few of Kerry's speeches so far but they are so tortured, so drawn out, so poorly paced that it's impossible to pay attention. And I think that's one of his strategies. I was listening to an interview that Tom Brokaw had with him last week and, after Brokaw asked him to explain his conflicting votes on the war with Iraq, Kerry launched into a four minute exercise in droning and talking in circles that never even came close to answering the question. By the time he finally finished, I was begging for him to stop and had actually forgotten what the original question even was. Even Brokaw sounded like he had nodded off and needed to slap himself in the face to regain his senses. He didn't ask a follow up for fear that Kerry would open his mouth again, and instead moved on to another question, probably checking his watch and wondering how he could get the interview wrapped up as quickly as possible. His success so far has not been based on who and what he is, rather who and what he isn't. Namely not Howard Dean and not insane. People aren't excited about John Kerry. They're settling for him because they're tried the alternatives and found them sorely wanting. Which is fine when you're talking about winning primaries but will be a tougher sell in the general election. But what of this burgeoning hatred of Bush that will so inspire the Democratic base that they will work tirelessly for anyone? Mitch Berg nailed it today when he said: Unfortunately for Kerry, it's a truism of politics - you rarely win running against something - As Mitch also pointed out, this is exactly what the Republicans were trying to do in 1996. Run against Clinton. The problem was they nominated Bob Dole, a nice but boring guy who ran a nice but boring campaign. Republicans did not like Clinton but they couldn't get excited about Dole. Kerry will have the same problem. Howard Dean might be way too over the top to ever become president, but he has a couple of attributes that Kerry lacks. He's passionate and he's real. And people pick up on those traits and admire them. They want to work for Howard Dean. They want to see him become president and are willing to sacrifice to see it happen. No one is going to sacrifice for a boring guy. And you can't fake passion and integrity. Kerry's trying to right now but he just comes off sounding like a putz. The crowds of Democratic faithful respond when he trots out the "Bring it on" line, but you get the sense that they do so because they feel they have to, not that they're actually inspired by him or it. His clunky delivery of such catch phrases will not play well when the real campaign gets underway. Not only is Kerry boring but, from some of the reports from the campaign trail, he's not a very well liked guy either. And even many Americans who disagree with Bush's policies seem to like him as a person. He is passionate. He is real. And he's not mind numbingly dull. Advantage Bush. It's not the war. It's not the economy. It's not health care or the deficit. The deciding factor in the 2004 Presidential Election? It's the personalities stupid.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Still Time To Give
We have already received an impressive number of donations for the Northern Alliance Fundraising drive to buy medical supplies for an orphanage in Chihuahua, Mexico. The plans are set and I will be traveling to Chihuahua on Sunday, and we will be visiting the orphanage on the 14th or 15th to deliver supplies. If you wish to contribute you still have an opportunity. Click on the Pay Pal button or drop me an e-mail if you'd like to send a check. Thanks once again for your generosity.
Fairness, When It's Due
Over the years we've taken our fair share of whacks at Star Tribune columnist Doug Grow as well as fellow writer Nick Coleman, who recently joined Grow at the paper. In fact Saint Paul has his own specially engraved Coleman whacking stick. The two gentlemen are promoted by the paper as general interest columnists, but usually their interests involve guilt inducing tales of victimization heavily infused with leftist political overtones. Neither man has ever met a homeless person they didn't like or couldn't write extensively about. That's why it was such a breathe of fresh air to pick up Sunday's paper and discover that each of the scribes had written stories that were actually interesting, with no political drum beating. Coleman's piece was on pick-up hockey games at The Lake of The Isles , while Grow wrote on a couple of local men who have "adopted" a platoon of US soldiers in Iraq. Good, solid writing that didn't make me want to hurl my java mug against the wall. Was that so hard guys?
Not Bad For A Novice
The first entry in the Hugh as rock/pop star contest comes from some guy named James Phillips. Judging by his e-mail (he used all capital letters), I'm guessing James is a newbie to this whole internet game and probably just figured out how to log in to his AOL account, which he signed up for after seeing those sweet Super Bowl ads. Welcome aboard James! His first choice is a borderline rock/pop star but we'll give him a break since he's a rookie: Andy Warhol He warms up from there with this pretty solid call: Howard Jones Yet by far his most interesting submittal is: the chick from the Thompson Twins UPDATE: P.H. weighs in with Ed Begley Jr. It's a bit of a stretch to call him a rock/pop star, but let's not forget that he did play drummer John "Stumpy" Pepys in This Is Spinal Tap. UPDATE II: J.S. thinks that life's been good to Hugh so far:  Joe Walsh on the right in case you're wondering. UPDATE III: DC of Brainstorming reknown has the rather frightening suggestion of singer/songwriter: Paul Williams UPDATE IV: L.F. thinks it's Thomas Dolby (without the rhythm). While D.L. might be on to something with Jefferson Airplane bassist Jack Casady. Finally L.T. does think he's sexy when she suggests Rod Stewart on a bad hair day. Make that a very very bad hair day. UPDATE V: T.G. checks in with David Bowie as he appeared in Dark Crystal:Labyrinth. C.W. offers up two. The first may not actually be a rock star but the look is right. He also has the reclusive Andy Partridge from XTC and by extension Carlos the Jackal. Hmmm... And the winner is... J.S. who suggested Joe Walsh. Even Hugh sees that one. Drop me an e-mail J.S. and we'll get a 'Deserve Victory' bumper sticker out to you toute suite.
Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves
We didn't start this war, but we will be the ones to finish it. We know who Hugh thinks we look like. Now it's time to ask our readers to let us know which rock/pop star Hugh Hewitt resembles. And no, Ralphie from A Christmas Story does not count. Neither does Phil Donahue. Drop me an e-mail at rightwinger23@hotmail.com with your entry. The best one will receive an increasingly hard to find 'Deserve Victory' bumper sticker.
This Place Can Be A Little Rough
Post script on the meeting of the Northern Alliance on Saturday. Turns out we could have used Lileks?s presence after all, since I?m guilty of spreading disinformation on one of his alleged specialties - Star Wars minutiae. When Hugh Hewitt referenced a certain denizen of the cantina scene in the first Star Wars movie (why? I don?t remember, it had something to do with politics), I confidently offered ?Smeedo? as the creature?s name. Given the authoritative tone of my presentation and the absence of any counter claims, everyone seemed to accept this as fact. However, upon further review, the slimy gentleman?s name was ?Greedo? not ?Smeedo?. In retrospect, it?s clear I was mixing Star Wars and LOTR universes and got my Smeagol?s and Greedo?s confused. For this, I apologize to all present. And I blame it all on the Atomizer for insisting I join him for a fourth Rusty Nail with lunch. His logic that it would be rude not to drink at least half as much as our table mate Eloise (of Spit Bull fame) seemed convincing at the time. I see Hugh Hewitt has attempted characterizing Northern Alliance members as rock stars. This was a valid attempt at caricature, and he was remarkably perceptive in some of his observations (Elder/Cher). In the spirit of Hugh?s efforts, and to make amends for my Greedo-related gaffe, I present to you: if the Northern Alliance were Mos Eisley canteen regulars (all names and personality traits confirmed by two independent sources): Hugh Hewitt: Jabba the Hutt Generalissimo Duane: Mosep (Jabba the Hut?s henchman) The Elder: Greedo Atomizer: Reegesk (aka Rat Face) Mitch Berg: Ponda Babba (aka Walrus Man) JB Doubtless: Dr. Evazan King Banaian: The Ithorian Hammerhead, Momaw Nadoon (based on their shared vegetarianism alone.) The Guys from Powerline: The Modal Nodes (aka The Cantina Band) Captain Ed: Djas Puhr Eloise: Swilla Corey Warrior Monk: Labria And finally, the most obvious of the comparisons ... Saint Paul: Han Solo
Beer, Boobs, and Botox
You know there's only one place where you're going to see a post covering those three topics. Yes, the gents over at Power Line are once again living uo to their reputation as the National Enquirer of the blogosphere.
Was It Over When The Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?
I have a hunch that this isn't really going to hurt Jimmy Spencer's stock with the NASCAR faithful: NASCAR will not penalize driver Jimmy Spencer for a remark about the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor or his hope that Toyota's venture into truck racing will be a failure. They "bombed Pearl Harbor, don't forget," the San Antonio Express-News quoted the 46-year-old driver as saying during media day at Texas Motor Speedway. "As long as it's good for the economy, I guess it's OK," said Spencer, who added that he was rooting for Ford, Chevrolet and Dodge to humiliate Toyota.
Channeling Larry King...
...when the Saint Paul Winter Carnival ice palace was closed last Friday due to cold weather, perhaps the homeless should have been allowed in for free thereby fulfilling their God given right to be surrounded by sculpted ice AND soothing Nick Coleman's aching heart... ...while yesterday's skin show at halftime of the Super Bowl was a new cultural low, at least we didn't have to see Britney Spears tearing Miss Jackson's top off (although we just might see that on the upcoming Grammy awards telecast)... ...if John Kerry is a Republican, as Howard Dean has declared, then I am the spitting image of Clay Aiken...d'oh!!
Sunday, February 01, 2004
This Thing Will Pay for Itself
In today?s paper, Star Tribune editorial page employee Dave Hage takes pains to summarize the results of Governor Pawlenty?s efforts to deal with a $4.2 billion state budget deficit by not raising taxes. Or should I say he gives pains, since his funeral tone and dismal predictions of catastrophy have literally given me a headache. Non-rhetorical question, do even lefty, government employee types who demand double digit increases in government spending in order to facilitate their purchase of lake homes enjoy reading this type of thing? The black midnight of despair bleeding out of every Star Tribune editorial, do the good liberal people of Minneapolis really want to read this? If so, let me know. I?d like to understand your mindset better (and get you in contact with some depression counselors). If you don?t, please let the Star Tribune know - fast. Since Hage is warning of more, much more, to come: Minnesota will pay for these decisions [to not raise taxes] -- in sicker people, weaker schools, a less competitive workforce. Indeed, the state already is paying a price, as our editorial page will document in a periodic series of editorials starting today. It almost sounds if he?s threatening us. Saying Minnesota is going to pay for Pawlenty?s decision to not raise taxes by having to read a Star Tribune series of editorials devoted to this issue. I think they may have finally found the pressure point to get me to demand a tax increase. But just when he stumbles upon the right combination of words to inspire action, Hage loses me again with this: But the cuts of 2003 went far beyond pruning. They broke faith with a long and successful Minnesota tradition of investing for the long run. The question is not whether Minnesota could afford that tradition, but whether it can afford to abandon it. His response to those who claim we can?t afford a $4.2 billion tax increase is ?how can we afford not to?? If this whole editorial writer thing doesn?t work out for Hage, he?s got a bright future in door-to-door encyclopedia sales.
Yes, the rumors are true. The vaunted Northern Alliance of Blogs did indeed gather yesterday for a luncheon pow-wow with our charismatic Commissioner, Hugh Hewitt. The setting was Billy's Lighthouse in Long Lake, Minnesota, west of Minneapolis.
And the turnout was unprecedented, with all the Here's a shot of the whole gang. Well, almost the whole gang. Eloise from Spitbull was a little camera shy and elected not to participate. But let it be noted that she was on hand, and that this was not some sort of right wing sausage party (said party will be hosted by Mitch sometime this summer). To help clarify matters, and to make damn sure that no one mistakes me for one of these other slack jawed yokels, each attendee has been numbered:  1. The Lord High Chamberlain himself 2. Generalissimo Duane 3. Fraters own Saint Paul 4. The soft spoken JB Doubtless, also of Fraters fame 5. King from the SCSU Scholars 6. Scott Johnson (The Big Trunk) from Power Line 7. Ed from Captain's Quarters 8. All the women want him, all the men want to be like him: Atomizer 9. Mitch Berg from Shot In The Dark 10. The Warrior Monk from Spitbull 11. Your humble servant 12. John Hinderacker (Hindrocket) from Power Line The man much maligned by Hugh (very unfairly I must add), Jay Larson from AM1280 The Patriot was also at the luncheon, and was kind enough to take the group shot for us. And, as your probably already noticed, no meet up with Hugh could be complete without an appearance by the Hockey Commissioner Hugh action figure. We had a wide-ranging free-wheeling discussion of many issues, usually steered by Hugh. Of course we did have to correct a few misconceptions that Hugh has picked up about Minnesota (unfortunately it would require weeks to clear up ALL of Hugh's misconceptions about the state), such as his on-air statement that there are "a lot of trailer homes here". As JB Doubtless so succinctly asked, "What, did you see a bunch of trailer homes out on Lake Minnetonka?" Hugh asked each of us to make predictions for the 2004 Presidential election, and gave us all of ten minutes to decide which way each state would go as well as the net pick up of Senate seats for the GOP. Since Hugh collected all the tallies and is not exactly known for his fair and balanced reporting, let me state for the record that I gave Bush 340 electoral votes, Kerry (or any other Dem) 195, and the GOP a net gain of three Senate seats. I also had the opportunity to talk with Generalissimo Duane at length, and he had some quite interesting things to say. He was very impressed with the manner in which we ran the 'Hugh's Best Guest' competition, even going so far as to say that he himself could not have done a better job. I believe his exact words were "flawlessly executed". Duane also confided that this most recent trip to Minnesota has been a revelation to him. He had thought that living in Southern California was paradise, but has come to realize instead, that the North Star State is really his land of milk and honey. This is supposed to be on the QT so don't tell you know Hugh, but Duane is planning on relocating as soon as is feasibly possibly. He even discretely slipped me a couple of his resumes to distribute to local stations. It was a entertaining and enlightening afternoon, whose only negative aspect was that it had to end all too soon. Hugh was gracious as always, and even went so far as to pry open his cobweb covered, George Costanza-ish ("This...is an organizer, a secretary, and a friend.") wallet and pick up the tab. Now that's what you call leadership. If you're wondering about the title of the post, my advice is don't ask. I'm still trying to repress images of Hugh on a sled and King in front of his computer that epitomize the term "bad naked". Labels: NARN (04-05)
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TALK O' THE TOWN 
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