Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Smoking Ban Can

After reading of the glorious world that we are about to enter into as a result of the smoking ban that will take effect at midnight tonight in Hennepin County (which includes Minneapolis and many surrounding suburbs), the staff here at Fraters Libertas decided that the best way to welcome the dawning of this gilded age was with song. And so, without further adieu, we give you the extended-play dance version of "The Smoking Ban" (to be sung to the tune of "Candy Man").

[Lyrics by JB Doubtless, Saint Paul, Chad the Elder, and the Nihilist In Golf Pants. Accompanied by Atomizer pulling on a Camel Light.]


What can cure lung cancer?
emphysema too?
reduce heart attacks and a venereal disease or two
the smoking ban can
the smoking ban can
the smoking ban can 'cause
it's legislating love and makes your clothes smell good

Is it based on science?
or wishful thinking junk?
it really doesn't matter, when the DFL's in charge, punk
the smoking ban can
the smoking ban can
the smoking ban can 'cause
your habits are obscene and ruin our good mood

The smoking ban makes
every business quake
their property is the government's possession
talk about your left wing lesson
you can even call it an obsession
(or naked aggression!)

Smoking Ban, Hey it's the Smoking Ban
Everybody put out them smokes, cuz
It's the Smoking Ban....

What can take your freedom?
with regulations new?
Cover it with bs throw in a power grab or two
The smoking ban,
oh the smoking ban can
The smoking ban can 'cause
the gubmint has the power to make us all do good

What can take science?
tell people they will die?
From second hands blowing while they're eating Shepard's pie
The smoking ban,
the smoking ban can
The smoking ban can 'cause
the gubmint has the power to make us all do good

The smoking ban makes
health study toting fakes
Reek worse than a Camel pack
Talk about your fascist hacks
Next they'll likely ban Big Macs

Oh what can take jobs,
make them vanish like a blip
To help those poor waiters finally finish their movie scripts
The smoking ban,
oh the smoking ban can
The smoking ban can 'cause
the gubmint has the power to make us all do good

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