Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Got Your Back, Eh?

It appears that our esteemed Northern Alliance comrade in arms, Captain Ed has run afoul of the Canadian government for his refusal to submit to their heavy handed "publication ban" on the Gomery Inquiry, which is looking into a brewing political scandal now being referred to as "Adscam." While Ed has not yet invoked Article Five of the Northern Alliance Charter (an attack on one is an attack on all), we are mobilizing our forces in preparation of coming to Ed's defense if the need arises.

Despite our proximity to the border, It seems unlikely that the Canadians would attempt a "rendition" snatch and grab to spirit Ed off to face "justice" in the Great White North. Rather, the real threat is from Canadian sleeper cells which have infiltrated into our state over the years. Members of these cells can blend into society and lay low for years waiting for activation by their masters in Toronto Ottawa.

In order to protect Ed from these conniving, clandestine Canucks, we are planning a multi-faceted effort. The first prong is surveillance. Saint Paul will be keeping an eye out for any suspicious activity during bonspiels at the St. Paul Curling Club. Meanwhile, I will be spending a lot of time at a place that draws Canadians like flies to honey.

Then there is security. Atomizer has been assigned to shadow Ed as he moves about town (or spends sixteen hours a day on his laptop) and to act as his guardian angel. He's even vowed to test all of Ed's drinks to make sure that nobody tries to slip him a Mickey.

JB Doubtless will serve as our strategic reserve. It's reported that he's got a board with a nail in it and is hankering to whup up on any Canadian foolish enough to tempt fate.

God keep his blog glorious and free! Oh Captain Ed, we stand on guard for thee.

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