Wednesday, August 17, 2005

When I'm Pilled You Don't Notice Him

I've been in about a month long funk. Lately, I haven't had the energy to do much of anything and paying attention to the whole blogging thing has been a primary casualty. That all changed yesterday. My incredibly disruptive seasonal allergies finally forced me to skip a day of work and do the unthinkable for a guy who has always preferred self-medication over professional advice when feeling a bit off. This time, I felt I had suffered enough and made the trip to the clinic.

The Doc noticed immediately that I was incredibly dehydrated and, blaming it on the Claritin-D I had been popping over recent days, ordered me off the stuff immediately. Of course, I didn't mention that I had spent the last two days in northern Minnesota under the hot sun drinking nothing but Summit beer and Irish whiskey. It was the Claritin....absolutely. Who am I to argue with a man in a lab coat?

He scribbled out a prescription for some Nasonex and a steroid treatment called methylprednisolone. That's right, steroids...and ever since I have been on the juice, I've been on a creative bender like you wouldn't believe. I've been hammering out essay after essay like Mark McGwire pounding the baseball in the middle of a twenty game hitting streak. I've got so many handwritten notes in front of me that it'll take days just to post them all.

This steroid stuff is simply incred...hold on just a minute...I just noticed on the pharmacist's instructions that methylprednisolone is actually a corticosteroid...okay. Corticostreoids have very little in common with the anabolic steroids used by athletes...uh huh. Use of methylprednisolone can actually result in diminished mental alertness and can even cause depression with drowsiness and coma...oh, crap! Well then. Never mind.

Looks like it's back to Dr. Jimmy for me. If my mental alertness is going to be diminished, I'd rather have it be the result of several very dry martinis than a box full of very dry but very tasteless pills.

See you in three weeks. Now, where did I put those olives....

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