A Body More Suited For Three Course Meals Than Triathlons
The Tri-Geek Kahuna reports that the dream of turning Hugh Hewitt into a triathelete (or any kind of athlete for that matter) is officially dead. He even provides photographic evidence of how much of a fool's errand the project really was.
The Tri-Geek Kahuna had promised his best friend, Huge Hugh, that he would train him for an Olympic distance triathlon for the 2006 season. The challenge was daunting. Yes, Hugh resembled a human pear, but that was the least of it.
You see, Huge Hugh has a lot of incredible qualities: intelligence, honesty, loyalty, sense of humor. But the man is without a doubt the most uncoordinated human being on Earth. His hand-eye coordination is roughly that of a man with a .30 blood alcohol content. He managed to escape death two winters ago after he somehow lodged himself and his snow mobile into a tree.
Still, the Kahuna held out hope that he could mold his friend into a triathlete. But then two things happened. First, Hugh tripped (for the millionth time) on an invisible crack in the sidewalk and went down, spraining his wrist. Then the Kahuna drove with him to Palm Springs last weekend, and Hugh could not steer and talk on the cell phone at the same time. Also, a simply lane change flummoxed him. And forget about parallel parking.
This clearly was not a man capable of clicking in and out of his pedals on the bike. In fact, the Kahuna is wondering if Hugh could even ride a bike. The dream, sadly, was over.
The Kahuna spent the weekend golfing with Hugh, who didn't exactly tear up the links:
Hugh, his score soaring, suddenly got "injured" halfway through the round and quit, just like his beloved Cleveland Indians did down the stretch.
Ouch. You really need to read the whole thing.