Now My Heart Is Beating Like The Saddest Metronome
It's a sad sign of the times that my former bobble-head buddy Ralphie is visiting more of the country than I am these days. Of course, it should be noted that he is being held against his will and has been brainwashed by a fiendish organization of radicals who make the Symbionese Liberation Army look like a bunch of Girl Scouts by comparison. One day Ralphie will be free and he will come home. Until then, keep those maroon and gold ribbons tied.