Tuesday, September 08, 2009

That's An Affirmative Good Buddy

One of the least talked about regulatory changes that has been implemented by the Obama Administration was the creation of the Equal Blogging Opportunity Commission. The EBOC is tasked with expanding opportunity and diversity within the greater blogging community. The appointment of the former head of a Maoist vegetarian commune as EBOC "czar" did raise a few eyebrows, but in general the commission's work has flown under the public radar.

Last month, the EBOC conducted a diversity audit of this fine blog. The results were most disturbing. 100% of the contributors to the blog were classified as married, white men in their late-thirties to early-forties who were raised Roman Catholic in the upper Midwest and liked sports. Not exactly the quilted patchwork of diversity the EBOC is looking for.

After the EBOC issued an official finding and recommendation for action, the management here at Fraters Libertas decided to live up to the motto that "diversity is our strength" by committing to an aggressive plan to diversify the blog. In accordance with that plan, Sisyphus and the Nihilist in Golf Pants were brought on board a few weeks ago.

However, a more thorough background vetting then revealed that both of the new contributors were also white men in their late-thirties to early-forties who were raised Roman Catholic in the upper Midwest and liked sports. The fact that Sisyphus is single (for now--It's interesting to note that every current Fraters contributor who was single when they started blogging here has since gone on to get married--and blog less thereafter.) did help us score a few more diversity points, but still left us woefully short of the high bar set by the EBOC.

After an effort to petition the EBOC to grant Atomizer special class status under the ADA (American Drunkard Act) was rejected, we decided that we had to expand the scope of our diversity search. And so last week, we finalized an agreement to have the Crazy Uke join the team.

Talk about the demographic jackpot. First off, he's Ukrainian. We understand that even though it sounds like it's made up, Ukraine is actually a country and not just a territory in Risk (now, if we could just get a Yakutskian). One of those that used to be part of the USSR that doesn't have a name ending in -stan. So he's got that going for him.

Plus he's also Eastern Orthodox, which provides us with a unique opportunity for reasoned theological discussion and debate in an effort to bring the Churches together and help bridge the East--West Schism (ask Favre what that means Sisyphus). Or maybe we just get him really drunk one night and perform a forced baptism into the One True Church of Jesus Christ most fully and rightly ordered through time. Either way it should be fun.

Throw in his age (fifty sixty-something?) and the fact that he is certifiable (he showed us his hand with the "INSANE" stamp) and the Crazy Uke really sets off all the key diversity bells and whistles. We warmly welcome him to the team and look forward to him having a long and productivity tenure here. We ask that our readers do the same and that they treat him no differently just because he isn't like the rest of us. Don't go easy on him just because you think he's an affirmative action addition either. He's overcome many challenges and faced much adversity to earn his place here and you can rest assured that he deserves it.

Finally, we wish to thank the many married, white men in their late-thirties to early-forties who were raised Roman Catholic in the upper Midwest and like sports who applied for the position. We appreciate your interest and encourage you to pursue other opportunites at Fraters Libertas as they arise in the future.

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