Monday, June 21, 2010

Hatin' On The Club

My health insurance provider recently increased the number of health club visits required to receive a monthly discount. As a result, I'm at my local club nearly every other day. Visiting the club means spending time in the locker room, an activity that I resolutely abhor. Why, you may ask? Because men are filthy pigs.

Reason number one...lockers are provided for a reason so please make use of this service instead of spreading your stinky gym clothes and your disgusting shoes and all of your toiletries and everything else you own all over the floor in front of MY locker and on the bench that most civilized humans tend to use for sitting. You are a filthy pig.

Reason number two...just because you use your shower at home as a toilet and a place where you can empty the contents of your nose doesn't mean it is acceptable in a shower that other people have to use. You are a filthy pig.

Reason number three...while you may be very comfortable with your body this does not mean that you must subject everyone in the room to your disgusting nakedness as you brush your teeth and blow dry your hair and stand on the scale and slather on deodorant and do whatever else you like to do with your junk hanging out. Knock it off!!! Get out of the shower put a towel around yourself and spare us all from the freaking peep show. You are a filthy pig.

I could go on but I feel the blood vessels in my head pulsing very irregularly. Perhaps I ought to notify my health insurance provider of the downside that comes with requiring 12 visits a month. The less time spent with filthy pigs the better.