Friday, December 03, 2010

Beer of the Week, Special Edition

Chad the Elder is out on assignment this week, traveling in the Orient. His exact location is classified. Let's just say if you read any news reports about an Imelda Marcos press conference being interrupted with an ironic shoe launch, you might be very familiar with the perpetrator.

As you no doubt have noticed, Chad has not posted a "Beer of the Week" for this week. Therefore, I'm assuming he's either without an Internet connection or incapacitated after sampling untold gallons of the local brews for next week's entry.

According to the bylaws of the Beer of the Week line of succession, as of now, I am in control here, at Fraters Libertas headquarters, pending the return of Chad and in close touch with him. If something came up, I would check with him, of course. Probably.

I go into this assignment unprepared, so I'll have to review whatever brew I happened to have been sucking back when I logged in. Reminder, this Chad-free Beer of the Week is NOT brought to you by the hospitable folks at Glen Lake Wine & Spirits. If it had been, I'm sure I'd be reviewing something really good. But, as Donald Rumsfeld once said, you go to war with the beer you have, which I happened to have purchased at Beer Belly's Price Club located in Bayport.

You never know what you're going to get at Beer Belly's but you know it will be cheap. And that's the story in spades for this exciting new offering from Beer Brewery, located in parts unknown. Their new offering is called "BEER" and boy is it ever.

White can. Black lettering. Informative label detailing the number of fluid ounces of beer included in the can.

Alcohol by Volume: Unknown, but not strong enough.

COLOR (0-2): Piss yellow. 1

AROMA (0-2): Thankfully, doesn't smell like piss. Smells more like water. 1

HEAD (0-2): Not exactly sure what this means. 2

TASTE (0-5): Sublime, exquisite lacing. 9

AFTERTASTE (0-2): Absolutely none, perfect. 2

OVERALL (0-6): Liquid, wet, thirst quenching. Goes down really easy. Good for people looking for some alcohol with their water. Plus, if I drink enough of it, I start to slur my speech and stumble around the room. "BEER" may be the perfect beer to drink when you're having more than a couple of cases. 4

TOTAL SCORE (0-19): 19

Bad luck for Chad. He's out for one week in the 12 year history of Beer of the Week and that's the first time EVER a beer has earned a perfect score. That'll teach him to leave the house for important business or fun vacation or whatever he's doing instead of staying home and drinking beer every night. No shame dude, upon your return the "BEER" is on me.

The Elder Belches Back: I step out for a moment on a humanitarian mission to save endangered baby sea turtles and this is the thanks I get? Saint Paul going all Al Haig on me and staging a coup de biere?

All kidding aside, while I admire his efforts at filling the Beer of the Week gap and find his review quite good for a rookie, I should remind Saint Paul that the first rule of beer reviewing is to write the review sometime after the first, but before the twelfth beer of the evening. Consider this a lesson learned for all parties involved. Next time, Atomizer is in charge.