Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Boorish Manners of a Yalie

News that a big dog has entered the Fraters Group in the College Hockey Pickem Challenge is swirling around the water cooler here at Fraters Libertas World Headquarters.

And we can now confirm the rumors that nationally syndicated shock jock Hugh "Ralphie" Hewitt has officially entered the contest and submitted his picks for the NCAA college hockey tournament. While Hugh's past record in the field of sports prognostication is a bit spotty...er...shaky...okay it's downright terrible, you should keep in mind that Hugh was the Hockey Commissioner of Minnesota for some time. He was officially appointed to the post by Governor Tim Pawlenty and while Hugh’s tenure in the position ended with Pawlenty’s term of office, we can only assume that he learned at least a little bit about the sport while serving (yes Hugh, it is played on ice). By the way, just the other day current Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton announced his new appointment to fill Hugh’s loafers as the next Hockey Commissioner of Minnesota.

One of the reasons for Hugh’s miserable failures at predicting the outcome of sporting events is his unusual attachment to teams that hail from Ohio. Whether it’s picking the Buckeyes to win national championships in football or basketball, the Cavs to win the NBA championship, the Indians to win the World Series, or the Browns to win the Super Bowl (insert spit take), Hugh can’t seem to prevent his emotional connections to Ohio teams from overcoming his logic and wisdom. Surveying this year’s NCAA tourney field, it’s easy to spot the looming iceberg that will doubt eventually sink the good ship SS Hewitt. The number one seed in the Northeast Regional is Miami. And not the “taking my talents to South Beach” one either. It would be Miami of OHIO. There is simply no chance that Hugh will be able to resist picking the Red Hawks to win it all. And once he does, there is absolutely no chance that Miami will win it all given Hugh’s track record with Ohio teams.

So if you want to have a chance to give the former Minnesota Commissioner of Hockey a virtual face rub, this is the perfect opportunity to do so. Go to College Hockey Pickem Challenge, register, fill out your bracket, and then join the Fraters group. We’ve kept things simple for the St. Cloud State fans by making the password the same as the group: Fraters. The games start on Friday so don’t wait for the last minute to sign up. This may be one your last chances to get a crack at Hugh before he moves on to bigger and better things. Consider what the possibilities for honorary titles would be if Governor Pawlenty someday becomes President Pawlenty...