Thursday, June 02, 2011

What's In a Name?

Rep. Anthony Weiner commenting to Rachel Maddow on the motivation of whomever used his Twitter account to send photos of an as yet unidentified crotch to a college girl in Seattle:

The simple fact here is that what this appears to be is probably what it is: Someone making fun of my name, someone trying to cause trouble for me, maybe poke fun at me ... When your name is Wiener and someone posts a picture like that, the most obvious conclusion is that someone was pranking me or punking me, and I get that."

So far, the identity of the perpetrator has confounded authorities. As such he remains a risk to the cyber security of our nation and it's likely he will strike again. If Rep. Weiner's analysis is correct, and he was targeted because his name is a crude euphemism for male genitalia, the following government officials need to take the appropriate steps to secure their accounts and/or personal cache of digital crotch shots.

Threat Level Red, immediate danger:

Rep. Jo Bonner (AL-1)
Rep. John Boehner (OH-8)
Sen. Thad Cochran (MI)
Rep. Norm Dicks (WA-6)
Rep. Bill Johnson (OH-6)
Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (TX-30)
Rep. Hank Johnson (GA-4)
Rep. Sam Johnson (TX-3)
Rep. Tim Johnson (IL-15)
Sen. Ron Johnson (WI)
Sen. Tim Johnson (SD)

Threat Level Yellow, guarded conditions:

Rep. John Dingell (MI-15)
Rep. David Loebsack (IA-2)

In addition, as a precaution, all co-eds in the Seattle area are advised to NOT click on any links sent to them via the Twitter accounts of the government officials listed above.

Furthermore, co-eds in Seattle, beware Tweets from the following individuals:

Sen. Seymour Butz
Rep. Mike Rotch
Gov. Hugh Jass
Sen. Maya Normasbutt

According to authorities, these names are not actually government officials, but fictional characters used in prank calls to Moe's Tavern on The Simpsons.