Friday, July 01, 2011

Sing a New Song

This week Tom Petty was in the news objecting to Michele Bachmann using his song "American Girl" during a campaign appearance in Iowa. This kind of thing has become a perennial problem for Republican candidates. Modern campaign rally stagecraft demands the candidate enters and exits to the sound of a hit song. One that exemplifies exactly who they are and what they stand for. And ideally one that mentions the name of the country. Yet everyone who writes hit songs is a whining pinko communist.

What are Republicans supposed to do!?

I have a three four word solution: The Oak Ridge Boys.

Sure, they're not exactly contemporary. And they're not everybody's cup of tea (though I haven't met a soul yet who doesn't bob their head to Elvira). But they have hits. They mention America. And most importantly, based on their prior performances for Reagan and both Bushes, they are highly unlikely to go to the press and try to embarrass any Republicans for using their songs.

I'm in the process of scouring the Oaks catalog, but haven't yet found the perfect song for the Bachmann campaign. Thought I found a winner, but upon further review this is the one song Michele Bachmann needs to avoid like an Anthony Weiner direct message. The title sounds perfect. But in context with the opening lyrics and Donald Trump's recent investigation into genealogy, if used it would probably lead to hate crime or treason charges being brought and the heads of the entire roster of MSNBC hosts to explode.

Seems everything I buy these days
Has got a foreign name
From the kind of car I drive
To my video game
I got a NIKKON camera
A Sony color Tee Vee
But the one that I love is from the U.S.A.
And standing next to me.

I repeat, Michele Bachmann's campaign, do NOT use this song.

And in case you're tempted to reach back for some Reagan era nostalgia, using "Born in the USA" smells like trouble as well.