Saturday, June 16, 2012


One of the greatest scenes in the history of "Seinfeld" takes place at a party during the New York Marathon. Jerry and George argue with each other over who can claim the title of the biggest idiot. Some background:

Elaine wants to move into Jerry's building, but doesn't have enough money. Jerry doesn't want her to move in but is cajoled by Kramer into offering her the money to make the move. Meanwhile, George begins wearing a wedding ring to see if it will help him score with the ladies. At the party he meets a woman with a great job at Madison Square Garden.

(Scene cuts to George)

JANICE: I've never been able to be with just one person. I can, however, carry on strictly physical relationships which can last for years and years. It's a shame you're married.

GEORGE: (Frantically tries to take the ring off) I'm not. It's just a sociological experiment!

JANICE: Please.. (Walks away)

(Jerry walks over to George)

JERRY: You have no idea what an idiot is. Elaine just gave me a chance to get out and I didn't take it. (Points to himself) This is an idiot.

GEORGE: Is that right? (Showing him up) I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza. Lord of the Idiots!

ROXANNE: (Yelling out the window as marathoners run by) You're all winners!

GEORGE: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged..

(Scene ends)

This morning, I ran Grandma's Marathon. I recorded a personal best time of 3 hours 46 minutes and 56 seconds. I was brimming with pride as I collected my medal and I studied it carefully. On the back side it read: "Everyone's A Champion." I have to admit, that this spoiled some of my pride.

I am not a marathon champion. I finished 1,397th out of 5,784 finishers. That's respectable, and I'm proud that my hard work led to what I consider a successful result. But, again, I don't claim a championship, and suggesting that I do is not something that makes me comfortable.

I love Grandma's Marathon and consider it a world class sporting event. However, I'd strongly prefer that the champion phrase be replaced with something along the lines of: "Proud Finisher".