Over at Ricochet, I gave my pre-holiday thoughts on celebrities Tweeting their wishes for my safety over the holiday weekend. In short, I was against it.
Now that July 4 is behind us, and I’ve escaped any karmic consequences of laughing at safety, I’m ready to take off my helmet, unspool from my bubble wrap cocoon, and emerge from my basement crawlspace to engage with society again. And that means going back to the well and analyzing the tweets of the politically powerful.
I don’t believe most politicians do their own Tweeting. They’re either too busy or elderly to understand how to plug in their computer machines. So this analysis is more of a judgment on their paid staff and/or volunteer bootlicks. But since our politicians outsource most of what we elect them to do (reading legislation, writing legislation, understanding current law, etc.) the focus is entirely appropriate. Now onto the judgments.
First of our Congressional delegation, starting in CD 2 with Rep. John Kline:
I join all Americans today celebrating our freedom and thanking our sons and daughters in uniform for their service. http://t.co/tmdI1GvaFt
— John Kline (@repjohnkline) July 4, 2013
Well played, focusing on the universal virtue of freedom and giving a shout out to the military, with a touch of PC sensitivity in name checking both genders. His neglect of the GLBT community, not to mention the burgeoning QQUCITS2SAPHO voting blocs, shouldn’t necessarily hurt him in the greater Faribault metropolitan area.
Next, in CD6, Michele Bachmann:
Happy Independence Day! We are truly blessed to live in the greatest country the world has ever known. http://t.co/wpY1uLEzOd
— Michele Bachmann (@MicheleBachmann) July 4, 2013
Another well-done, constituent-friendly Tweet, with subtle allusions to religion and American exceptionalism. As a bonus, it resulted in triggering scores of Democrat fundraising autobots in sending thousands of automated spam emails asking for donations to finally defeat her in 2014.
From CD3, Erik Paulsen:
Happy 4th of July! READ my piece in today's @EdenPrairieNews on the importance of #IndependenceDay http://t.co/ZzPvDrlK8v #MN03
— Rep. Erik Paulsen (@RepErikPaulsen) July 4, 2013
A classic, predictable, safe, painfully boring beginning for a July 4th Tweet, (Happy 4th of July indeed!), with an abrupt turn to naked self-promotion. A demand really, READ my stuff! Compelling evidence that there’s some frustrated blogger pulling the strings on this one.
Now onto the Democrats. First CD4 fixture Betty McCollum, proving that it is possible to create a more boring Tweet than Erik Paulsen:
Wishing everyone a happy and safe Fourth of July!
— Betty McCollum (@BettyMcCollum04) July 5, 2013
And with that we also get the first wish for our collective safety. Scratch that off your list of potential attack ads for 2014 CD5 Republicans, she did NOT come out officially for mass casualties and suffering.
Next, the newbie from CD1 Rick Nolan. Do we hear a second for safety? We do!
Happy 4th of July! Thanks to the service men & women who make this holiday possible. Have a safe & happy holiday! pic.twitter.com/lG8SxmyIW8
— U.S. Rep. Rick Nolan (@USRepRickNolan) July 4, 2013
Almost an exact copy of the John Kline tweet, except for the safety part. In fact, I suspect this is a product of the Democrat template for How to Speak to Your Conservative Constituency Without Frightening Them.
Speaking of which, from CD1 Tim Walz, his Independence Day tweet:
.@RepMikeQuigley & I intro'd a commonsense bill to cut wasteful spending & end taxpayer subsidies for luxury yachts http://t.co/LDy4cnex2t
— Tim Walz (@RepTimWalz) June 27, 2013
What seems to be an odd, unorthodox Tweet for the occasion is revealed to be pure genius when you realize that “tax subsidies for luxury yachts” is a verbatim quote from the Declaration of Independence about the injuries and usurpations visited upon us by George III!
Actually it’s not. And it sounds more like a direct quote from Theories of Surplus Value by Karl Marx. But fear not, sunshine patriots. That actually is not the Tweet from Tim Walz on July 4. It’s the Tweet from Tim Walz on June 27. Which is the last time he bothered to Tweet anything. July 4, the most sacred date on our national civic calendar, passes and Tim Waltz has better things to do? I guess that’s his choice and the type of freedom of association that our founding fathers fought for. Now excuse me while I research my theory that Tim Walz was spending his holiday on a luxury boat on a lake somewhere in southeastern Minnesota.
Speaking of Democrats in conservative districts and remaining silent on July 4, we have Collin Peterson. Not only did he avoid Tweeting on this most patriotic of days, he’s never Tweeted in his life, for he has no known Twitter account. A hack political pundit could say that not only does he hate America, he hates technology and science and modernity itself! Luckily, no one like that writes for this web site.
Finally, Keith Ellison of CD5:
Happy 4th of July Everyone! Off to the Edina Parade.
— Rep. Keith Ellison (@keithellison) July 4, 2013
Nothing remarkable there. I guess if you’re looking for remarkable commentary you need to keep reading Keith Ellison’s Twitter feed where he followed one tweet on US Independence day with four objecting to Mohamed Morsi being overthrown in Egypt.
Next to the US Senate and our junior member, the distinguished Al Franken:
Franni and I wish everyone in #MN and across America a happy Independence Day! - AF
— Al Franken (@alfranken) July 4, 2013
That’s all right I guess, but I expect more from a professional comedian. Then again, this Tweet did draw as many laughs as Stuart Saves His Family.
Finally, from Minnesota’s senior Senator and landslide winner in 2012, Amy Klobuchar:
Happy 4th of July everyone! Stay cool.
— Amy Klobuchar (@amyklobuchar) July 4, 2013
And that my friends is how you win by 35 percentage points in Minnesota.