My Enemies List circa 1997

• Oliver Stone
• Brent Musburger
• Tom Bernard
• Bernard Shaw-Why wasn’t there a bomb smart enough to nail this collaborator?
• General Bernard Montgomery-I know he’s dead but I still hate him for his timid battlefield tactics and his arrogant British manner.
• Parents who make their kids wear bike helmets.
• Anyone who wears a helmet while rollerblading.
• Chris Voelz
• Shaquille O’Neal (It’s called a "free" throw)
• David Stern
• Isiah JR Junior Rider
• All members of the U.S. Olympic "Women’s" Gymnastics team
• All morning DJ’s except Bob Yates(I know this covers Tommy B but he deserves his own special cell in my re-education camp)
• Anyone who thinks the Simpson’s is "just a cartoon"
• Professor Moriarty(An enemy of Holmes is naturally an enemy of mine)
• White kids who degrade their own culture by attempting to act black.
• Bill Keane
• Martin Lawrence
• Garrison Keillor
• Robert Reich
• Al Michaels
• The marketing genius who came up with the glowing puck for Fox
• Ted Danson
• Whoopi Goldberg(She’s a flaming liberal & she’s not funny)
• Tabitha Soren
• The entire cast and crew of all past, present, and future Road Rules
• The organizers of "Rock the Vote"
• Al Franken
• Roger Moe
• Anyone who ever voted for Ross Perot
• Syl Jones
• Deb Price
• Bartenders and bouncers with an attitude
• Michael Irvin-He combines arrogance, stupidity, and greed like few others. Maybe he should have been a bartender.
• Peter Jennings
• Pat Buchanon
• The writers for "Friends"
• Courtney Cox
• People who don’t like "dark" beers
• The creators, writers, directors, producers, and cast(Excluding Jesse of course) of the X-Files-Not every strange phenomena is a huge government conspiracy
• Soccer Moms
• Anyone who voted for Ross Perot in 1996