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After a troubling period, the newspaper newlyweds are at it again.
I have spent a lot of time chronicling the ups and downs of Nick and
Laura's relationship. The low point occurred in March when after a
turbulent period Laura had to be rushed to the hospital twice (see her
articles from March 11 and March 28 detailing these medical
emergencies). Maybe some day the truth will come out about those
episodes. Anyhow, after serious troubles, she is back together
with her version of J. Howard Marshall. How are these limousine
liberals celebrating their reunion? With a spending spree.
From her latest
column of April 27, entitled "No such thing as a free gift but
a woman can always hope":
My husband and I bought a new car recently, and as we drove off the
lot, I started looking through the glove compartment for our free gift.
Does a new luxury auto make our pampered little princess smile? Apparently
not. Why could she possibly be unhappy? Answer:
"Because we just spent way more than we had to on this model,
and they're supposed to make us feel good about it by giving us a little
something for free," I explained.
At this point, I want to reiterate the fact that the big spender just
happens to be one of the leading class warriors in the state. But
not being a class warrior myself, I'm not going to tell Nick Coleman or
his avaricious wife where they can spend his enormous fortune.
I wonder what model car they bought. A clue comes from her next
complaint, a pout regarding how she wanted to receive the car in
the romantic manner of those Lexus commercials, where the car with the
huge bow of ribbon on top awaits the unsuspecting spouse.
"It has to be wrapped nicely.''
If expensive purchases leave you feeling equally unloved, blame Esteé
Lauder, the cosmetics queen who passed away last weekend at the age of
97.
Unloved! A shiny new Lexus and she complains of being unloved.
I'm now beginning to understand what may have precipitated her trips to
the hospital. She goes on to tell of her materialistic,
spendthrift ways:
I would not care to estimate the amount of money I have spent at
department store cosmetics counters during "special purchase"
events over the years simply to secure a goodie bag full of powders and
creams I don't actually need. Though I know paying $30 for a moisturizer
means there's nothing "free" about my gift, I still leave the
cash register with the bloom on my cheeks that comes from feeling not
only that I've indulged myself, but that I got a bargain, too.
No wonder Nick despises his fellow rich so much. If they act like
this, I'd despise them too.
While the free gift is now an expected feature of the cosmetics world
(and has a puzzling offshoot in the "free steaks with your new
windshield" phenomena), it has yet to make its way into the rest of
the retail world.
But what a beautiful world it would be if it did.
Imagine if the next time you bought an overpriced bottle of wine, the
clerk tossed in a cute little box of crackers and some nice goat cheese.
Wouldn't that make you feel good about the French again? And what if
that new washing machine came with a wicker gift basket full of fabric
softener? Wouldn't that be worth a few extra bucks?
So let's see, a new Lexus, a mountain of expensive cosmetics, a bottle
of Chateau Lafitte Rothschild and a Whirlpool on this spending spree and
this spoiled little gold digger still wants more!
Maybe Nick Coleman could get a column out of that.
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